Two Coins
by just-an-artist-pl
Summary: Soulmate/Age Gap AU - prostitute!Blaine/Famous!Kurt: Kurt heard about those people who were soulmates. How happy they were and how lucky they felt. Soulmates had a very deep connection some were so deep that people were able to feel the emotions and physical pain from their soulmate. He never understood why it was luck until he meets his soulmate and is not happy about it.
1. Pain

Thanks to Mino for being my beta and to Oksana for creating a plot.

* * *

Chapter 1. Pain

It had always been his dream, becoming an actor no matter what. Broadway, movies, tv shows, whatever. He just wanted to perform, to do things he usually wouldn't do in his own life and experience life through the eyes of others. But Kurt Hummel was also a man who couldn't just hang out with anyone. Being famous meant giving up his private life at one point and it was hard to figure out how to hide things and how to talk to the press. His friend Rachel warned him about that, because she had things to hide but Kurt? He didn't. From day one he had promised himself to be honest. No lies, but silence. No fake words, but paraphrasing. It was easy for him, because he had nothing to hide. He never took drugs, never broke laws. He was just a normal person, loving the same sex and living his dream.

Former model Kurt Hummel got his first leading role in a movie drama. After high school he went to NYADA, graduated and became a model for three years while playing some smaller roles in tv shows or other movies. Of course this wasn't how he had imagined his life to be, but he told himself he needed to take small steps, make experiences and work hard, always work hard, so that one day his dream would come true. Finally his time had come.

"To my friend Kurt Hummel, who will soon shine like a star on every screen in New York!" Elliot, one of his friends he got to know when he moved to New York cheered through the bar, standing on a chair and raising his glass. His black hair was wild and his eyes were shining down at the people around him. All the familiar faces cheered with him, raising their glasses and Kurt laughed at the sight, while Mercedes wrapped her arm around his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

"You all should ask him for autographs before he forgets us!" Elliot jumped down, sitting next to Kurt and smirking at him.

"Just because I'll be in a movie doesn't mean I'll forget my friends," Kurt waved him off, slowly sipping his cocktail.

"You say that now, but soon you'll be rich, men and women will throw themselves at you and all the producers and writers will call for you," Elliot said in awe, moving his hand as if he'd be showing him a picture, which made Kurt laugh and smack his arm playfully.

"Shut up. I will not become one of those people."

"Don't forget all the paparazzi following you around and the rumors people will spread about you," Rachel said, wearing her diva face.

Mercedes rolled her eyes and Kurt tried to ignore her statement.

"Be happy for your friend, Princess. He doesn't have anything to hide or to be blamed for like you do," Santana said and smiled like she just won something, because Rachel glared at her.

"First, it isn't my fault when people are just too stupid to work with me and, second, it's not my fault when people think I'm better than all other actress."

Now it was Santana who rolled her eyes. They all knew this wasn't true, but no one said a word just to avoid any more bitch fights. After all, this evening was about Kurt and luckily Mercedes kept this in mind.

"I'm so proud of you, Boo. When will you start to film?"

"Well, I've read the script, or rather the first version of it and they are re-writing it right now. They said it will take at least a month and then we'll meet for the first time. So I guess I'll give it two months or maybe three before we'll start filming."

"Then let's make the best of it before you get swallowed down by Hollywood," Mercedes said and raised her glass.

"Are you quitting modeling for the next three months?" Jesse asked, one of his co-workers he didn't really consider a friend. He was one of those models who literally bitched around whenever they could, smoked more than they ate and only did things for their own benefit. He could be fun to hang around, but Kurt usually avoided him whenever he could.

"Yes. I want to have some free time before it get's too crazy. Who knows when will be the next time I can do what I want without being recognized and asked for autographs."

"Aha! So you do think this will be your big chance! I'm proud of you, Hummel," Elliot exclaimed and pointed his finger at Kurt.

"I didn't say that, but it's possible. I'm just being realistic."

"You can be so humble."

"I am humble, Elliot, thank you very much."

"And you should find a nice boyfriend before you become famous," Mercedes said.

"Otherwise he will take advantage of you because you'll be rich and know people," nodded Elliot.

Kurt rolled his eyes over his friends talking about his love life and took another sip when he heard Santana complaining about Chandler, his boyfriend back in high school.

"He was nice, don't say that. He was emotional, yes, but he was nice," Mercedes nodded to herself.

"Please. If Kurt would still be with him he wouldn't be here. Chandler was a little bitch, crying over nothing and always wanting all the attention. He was like Rachel, just with a dick."

Elliot snorted into his drink and Rachel began to have a heated discussion with Santana, while the others tried not to laugh.

"How's Martin? Too bad he couldn't be with us tonight," asked Kurt Elliot after a while.

"He is fine but work is eating his time. He has this big new case, which I don't even know what it is about. Whoever thought that my soulmate is a lawyer got bumped on his head."

"Having trouble?"

"What? Nah, we are more than fine. He is perfect for me, though whenever when we talk about work I feel like a fish out of the water. Well, he is the same when I talk about music and theater. Still, he is my soulmate and not many people have a soulmate. Believe me, never, not in a thousand years did I imagine to be one of those people and whenever I think, nope, it's not working it suddenly does like... it's natural, you know?"

No, Kurt didn't know, but he nodded anyway. He had heard about people with soulmates and read articles about them, because he was simply curious and maybe, one day, he would have to play such a role. He read about their incredible connection, how a soulmates were able to feel it when their soulmate was physcially hurt – he even heard that the person who wasn't actually hurt could get a wound too – or when their soulmate was very happy, angry, sad they could also feel it. But how you knew that you had a soulmate or who it was wasn't that easy to find out. Luck played a very important part in it or even fate. Kurt was 25 years old now, and he met a bunch of people and not one of them moved him in a strange way. Not that he wanted to have a soulmate, he knew it was a rare thing so he didn't even hope.

"I can cook for the three of us next weekend," Kurt suggested, sipping his cocktail.

"I wouldn't miss that. You'll stop cooking for yourself soon enough."

Some more drinks were emptied, more laughs shared and soon it was 2 in the morning and they decided to go home because it was still a workday.

He hugged his friends good bye and left together with Elliot, because they had to walk the same way back home. A bit tipsy they sang some songs together, or pieces of songs and laughed when one got the lyrics wrong.

When their ways parted they hugged and Kurt tied his scarf a bit tighter around his neck. With quick steps he walked to the building where his loft was, still a new place for him and he wasn't used to live alone, especially not with so much space for himself. Two months ago he was still living with Elliot and Mercedes, having the time of his life with them. Fights, laughs, movie nights with tears and screaming. Sometimes one of them brought someone home, people they liked and people they didn't like. One-night-stands, old friends, new friends, but all in all it was a very good time he would never forget.

Now he was living alone, because Elliot met his soulmate and Mercedes hers. Two people in his life were one of those special people. Still he wondered what was so amazing about having a soulmate. Why would it be so amazing to feel what their soulmate felt and even get injured, too? Maybe there was something else about this whole soulmate thing which no book, no article wrote about. Despite the fact that Elliot and Martin or Mercedes and Sam were different like night and day, they were perfect for each other. Elliot, the Rockstar and Martin the lawyer. Mercedes the singer and Sam the high school coach. Two different worlds working together perfectly. But he also remembered how it all began, the troubles, the fights, the nights filled with tears, because it was so hard and then, somehow it stopped.

He shook his head when he reached his building, walking inside and taking the elevator to the top floor. He opened the door and sighed deeply, walking into the huge space only for himself. He walked right into the living room leaving his jacket and scarf on the gray couch and walking to the right side of the loft where his kitchen was. The floor wooden and dark, the furniture mainly golden brown – like the ceiling – and opened his refrigerator to get some water for the next morning. Then he took the spiral stairs to his bedroom. Exhausted and a bit lonely he wrapped the blanket tight around his body and wrapped his arms around his pillow. He was sure that soon he would get used to living alone.

* * *

His last day at work and he wasn't even working. He said good bye to his boss and the people he used to see everyday. He walked from room to room, office to office, making small talk here and there and after that went to his room where all his stuff was. The room was small, one side a pure white wall, the other made of glass. It was fun when one of his model friends was in the other room and they made funny faces and gestures through the glass to kill some time. Sometimes, though, it was a huge disadvantage. Sometimes things happened not meant for his eyes, like Jesse fighting with someone or throwing stuff around. Not that he heard anything anyway, but seeing his angry face was usually enough. Luckily he wouldn't see this ever again.

He turned away from the glass and opened his small closet, taking his clothes out and folding them neatly in his small suitcase. Done that he grabbed the box and put it down on his desk and began to put all the small things on his desk inside. He smiled at the picture of him, Mercedes and Elliot, taken two years ago.

"Are you fucking crazy!?" Jesse yelled through the corridor and Kurt could hear it because the glass door was open. Turning around he saw Jesse storming into his room. Well, so much about not seeing this again. Kurt was just about to turn away and go back to what he was doing before when he saw someone following Jesse who wasn't familiar to him. A small figure, curly dark hair and wearing casual clothes. No, this was no model – he was too small – and – wow – when Kurt could see the stranger's face he noticed how young this boy was. Maybe seventeen, but not more.

"Close the fucking door!" Jesse yelled and shut them both out for the world to hear. Kurt waited, watching the boy say something and his mouth was small but his body tense, eyebrows moving dangerously together. Jesse yelled again, throwing his hands in the air and standing behind his desk, probably too keep some safe distance. Though it would be surprising why, because the boy didn't look like he was dangerous.

First Kurt considered that this boy was maybe Jesse's brother but they didn't look alike, not even a bit. Maybe it was some crazy fan stalking Jesse like he always talked about, but Kurt never saw it happen or believed in it. He raised an eyebrow when he saw the other boy counting something down on his fingers, slowly becoming angry himself and Jesse ran a hand down his face, breathing fast and heavy.

No matter how much he disliked Jesse he really thought about going there and asking if he was fine. Though who knew in what kind of trouble Kurt would drag himself in and Jesse being part of it? No, thank you very much. Also whatever they were fighting about Kurt was sure it was Jesse's fault. Like it had always been.

He watched Jesse pull his wallet out, fumble with it furiously and then throw some coins and dollars over the head of the boy and opened the door, yelling: "If I ever see you here again, you'll regret it!" And then he stormed down the corridor.

Kurt stood still, eyebrows raised and watched the boy kneeling down and picking up the money. This was weird, really weird and he had no idea what just happened. But he felt sorry for the boy who obviously came here, because Jesse owed him money for whatever reason. Just the way he did it, how he let the money fall down over the boys head and yelled at him was humiliating and exactly this was written all over the boys face when he stood again. A sigh fell from those pink lips while he counted the money and shoved it into the pockets of his jacket ready to go but then their eyes met and Kurt's mind screamed to look away, pretend like he hadn't seen anything. He couldn't. His body wasn't listening and for probably five second they both were just staring at each other.

Golden eyes met blue and he opened his mouth, but nothing but hot breath came out. He felt anger, deep anger mixed with sadness? What? He had no idea where this came from but it was strange. Really strange to feel all that and not knowing why. But this anger, so dark and thick he could almost see it and cut it into pieces. And then the boy was gone. The feeling however was not.

* * *

He easily forgot about the scene he saw between Jesse and the boy, because his new script came way sooner than he expected. He was worried about the things he felt after their fight. Worried that he suddenly cared about Jesse, because this was something he really didn't want to do. So he called Elliot, someone who would distract him and help him. Because Elliot was not only a good friend, his wisdom was something Kurt needed far too often. Together with Elliot, sitting in his living room they were reading the script together, laughing at the funny parts but also gasping at the tense parts of the drama.

"I can totally see your angry face when you meet the guy who killed your sister. You are so good at that," Elliot said, sipping his tea.

"I'm a bit worried about the scene with his girlfriend though. I've never been in love and he wants to marry her," Kurt said, sinking deeper into the cushions.

"Maybe you should read a bunch of romantic novels. Like those really cheesy ones," Elliot suggested with a grin.  
"I've read a bunch of books about love, but I seriously want to feel it and show it."

"Well," his friend sighed and stood up walking to the kitchen after he finished the script. Kurt moved his head, watching Elliot walking through his kitchen.

"Telling you to find someone and fall in love in what? Three months? That's unrealistic. So I guess you have to stick to the things you hear from other people. Or read about."

Kurt huffed and pouted into the pillow he was holding.

"I know you are pouting like a little boy, don't hide it," Elliot smirked at him as he opened the refrigerator to get another coke.

"I'm just afraid I won't be convincing, you know? I want all of this to be perfect and realistic."

"Don't get worked up, Kurt. You are talented and you, of all the people I know, are the one who can be convincing. Remember the one time when you convinced us all that you wanted to stop being an actor? You fooled us for weeks, and though we knew it's your dream we slowly began to believe you. And then you laughed when you told us the truth. I'll never forgive you that like everyone else did. We were all shocked."

He smiled and looked like he was impressed with himself and remembered that time.

"You were able to fool the people who know you best," he spoke on and sat back down: "So I think there is no need to be worried to 'fool' people who don't know you."

"But it doesn't change the fact that I have no idea what it feels like."

"And it's not like you never had a boyfriend or that you are a virgin."

"Sex and liking someone are not the same as loving someone."

"True, but, don't work yourself up. Your dream is right here," Elliot said, his fingers tapping on the script on the coffee table: "And you should just focus on that."

For a while he just stared at Elliot earning a quizzical look from his friend who was busy drinking his coke and then he narrowed his eyes, lips pursed: "That sounded like something Martin would have said to me."

The musician snorted into his drink and cleaned his face while Kurt bit his lip to stop the smirk on his face.

"You can't say stuff like that while I drink."

"It's the truth. I totally heard the lawyer voice coming out from of mouth."

Elliot eyed him for a while, playfully not amused but then there came this lovely smile back, the one he wore since he fell in love with his soulmate. Kurt always liked to see this smile on his face, because then his friend looked the happiest.

"Okay Hummel, it's Friday night and we should go out and dance and sing for some hours. Or what do you think?"

"Who is with us?" Kurt asked standing up and taking the script to his workspace in the left corner of the loft.

"Mercedes, Sam, Martin will be there later and Santana with Brittany. Rachel's out of town anyway. "

"Okay, I'll just take a quick shower."

* * *

They entered the club, music and voices filling the huge room and both dancing like silly boys into the direction of their friends when they saw them. Mercedes laughed about Kurt's and Elliot's silly faces and hugged them, Sam did the same. Santana started dancing as well when she saw them, but stopped when they hugged her and Brittany. Elliot ordered them two drinks and smiled at their friends.

"Congrats, Kurt! Mercedes told me about the movie," said Sam and Kurt thanked him with a smirk.

"We should enjoy the night before he slips out of our hands."

"Not gonna happen!" Kurt said over the music and took the drink from Elliot: "I won't forget my friends just because I might become famous."

"Not might, you will. The golden gay star of America," Santana grinned and sucked on her straw while Brittany stole the cherry from the glass.

"I'm not only gay, you know."

"Of course not. You are also a little bitch if you want to be."

Kurt shoot her a deadpan look and got the reaction from her he hoped to get. Insecurity.

"Don't use your acting skills on me, Hummel. You know I always fall for that and I don't want you to be mad at me."

Kurt gave her that look a while longer while Elliot pretended he wasn't aware of what Kurt did and Mercedes hid her smile. Sam looked like he wanted to run away. But then Kurt smirked and pulled her out of her misery and she groaned, pulling him to her side.

"Don't ever do that again."

"I can't promise that," he smiled as she kissed his cheek and they cheered on their friendship and took a long sip.

They talked about their week, mainly about work and Santana groaned over the dancers she was teaching together with Brittany. More over the parents from the children they were teaching.

"They expect too much from their children. Like, raise your children so they become good people, but don't expect some miracle from us. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for the kids who have those parents. Crazy people pushing their kids under some pressure which is completely unnecessary."

"I know what you mean. At least once a week someone from my football team comes to me and tells me about his parents and how they want him to change his position or get extra hours of training so he'll become better. Like High School isn't hard enough already," said Sam.

"Exactly," Santana nodded and both began to talk about parenting while Kurt turned around to Elliot and Mercedes who both gave him the same look which said 'not this again'.

"We should join Brittany and dance. That's what we are here for, right?"

They nodded at Elliot's words and joined Brittany on the dance floor. Kurt enjoyed this a lot, just dancing with his friends and it didn't matter how they danced they were just friends, close friends having a good time. He danced with Elliot,silly dances they invented together when they were roommates. He never had a gay best friend in High School, but he had him now and he was more than happy about that. They could talk about all the things only gay guys knew and understood, though he of course also talked to his other friends. His awesome friends he would never ever forget or leave if his dream came true. He promised himself over and over again that he wouldn't become one of those obnoxious famous people forgetting their roots and friends.

He felt someone patting his shoulder and when he turned his head around he was greeted by Martins charming smile.

"Hey!"

"Hey Kurt! Congratulations!" the brown haired man said and hugged him tight. Martin's hugs were his favorite aside from the ones from his father.

"Thank you," Kurt said, giving a quick look at Martin's outfit which was simple compared to Elliot's rocker look.

"Baby!" he heard Elliot shrieking like a girl and Martin rolled his eyes. Yes, this were Elliot and Martin and Kurt flashed them a smile turning back to Mercedes who said she needed a break. They probably were dancing for an hour by now and he nodded, giving her an understanding smile. Soon it was just Kurt dancing around all the people. He was sweating, but didn't care. It felt way too good to just let go and dance with anyone who was close. Just dancing and nothing else. The beat crawled into his ear, into his body and he almost felt like he was floating.

But the good feeling changed into something else, something cold and then he suddenly winced, pressing his hand against his shoulder. There was a burning pain, crawling from his shoulder through his arm and he needed to leave the dance floor. Maybe he danced a bit too hard, he thought to himself, but the pain wouldn't go away. One deep breath, another and then slowly it stopped. Leaning against the wall he waited, swallowed and breathed again until the pain was completely gone.

He moved his arm, nothing, he opened his shirt and checked his shoulder, nothing. Okay, this was strange because Kurt never got injured while dancing. NYADA taught him how to stretch and make sure something like this never happened and he practiced at least three times a week. And he was only 25 so, no, this had nothing to do with his age. But maybe it was just happening because of the pressure he was under. Yes, this was it and he pushed himself off the wall and walked back to his friends.

* * *

Kurt left early to the surprise of his friends. He said he was tired and needed to go on set tomorrow to a pre-meeting because of the script. He didn't want to lie, but he also didn't want to worry his friends over nothing. Kurt wanted to say nothing about the shooting pain which ran through his whole body. Wincing and hissing, he literally crawled into his bed, taking two painkillers and clutching his hand over his chest. This was not normal, this was bad and he couldn't even think straight because of the pain. Sweating, silently screaming into his pillow he was only able to fall asleep when the pain stopped.


	2. Found

Chapter 2. Found

When Kurt woke up the next morning all the pain was gone. He felt nothing, no, he felt normal, but when he slowly sat up and looked around his bedroom he found his pillows on the floor, together with his lamp and blanket. Kurt sighed and pulled his damp shirt off, climbed off the bed and walked to his mirror, staring at his reflection. His hair was a mess, but his chest looked just fine. No bruise, no cut and even when he touched it there was no pain or anything feeling wrong.

Instead of relief flooding his body Kurt was even more confused and worried. This was the first time he ever had had felt so much pain that he almost passed out. How his heart was shooting pain through his muscles with each pound, how it came out of nowhere. The last time he had visited a doctor was only a month ago and everything was just fine. Kurt usually didn't freak out when something hurt him, but this had been tense and scary. Maybe he almost had a heart attack? Or maybe he really pulled a muscle?

"Stop," he whispered to himself. It was gone now, he looked fine and felt normal so maybe he just drank something with who knows what was inside his drink. It's not like this could never happen, some people were assholes and could have put something in his drink. No, not his friends but they weren't there alone.

Sighing he began to pick up his pillows and blanket and made his bed and went down the stairs. First thing on his mind was to take a long hot shower, eat breakfast and just spend a day alone with his TV and food.

Two weeks later Kurt was much calmer. The pain inside his chest never came back, but his friends always asked him if he was okay because of his pale face and how often he was in his own mind and not with them. The script was always a good excuse and his meetings with his co-workers were also a perfect distraction. All in all they were nice people and he looked forward to workimg with them. Especially with Linda who would be his girlfriend in the movie. She was a lovely young woman experiencing her first role in a movie and though she seemed a bit insecure she was working hard and made Kurt laugh with her charm, blue eyes and blond hair. Yes she looked innocent, naïve someone might say, but she was a smart woman. And she could cook, it was amazing. She brought some biscuit and pasta to work the other day and Kurt groaned loudly over how good everything tasted. He invited her over, for the sake of not being alone and to get to know her a bit better. Cooking together and learning something from her seemed to be a good idea.

"Where did you learn to cook like that?" Kurt asked when they were standing in his kitchen, preparing the vegetables for a casserole.

"My fiancé is a cook. Before we met I couldn't even go into the kitchen without turning it into a battlefield."

"Fiancé, huh? I imagine it's hard to be in a relationship and have such a job. Not to mention what happens when you become famous, which you will become because you are amazing."

Linda laughed and shook her head: "It's not a problem, not at all. He is my soulmate so we are meant to be. I mean, the first time we met I wasn't so sure about this whole soulmate stuff because I hated him. Because of my not existing cooking skills I went to a cooking course and he was the teacher. So, whenever he could he made fun of me and I got pretty angry. But after some time we noticed how, whenever I cut my finger or almost burned my hand he felt my pain too. First I thought I was imagining stuff," she spoke while she rinsed the carrots: "Some weeks later he asked me if I was mad at him, because he could feel it whenever he was around me. So we went to the Soulmate Department and made a few tests and found out that we were indeed soulmates."

'All these soulmates popped out of nowhere' was Kurt's first thought when he peeled the potatoes.

"Two of my friends are also soulmates. It's crazy how two completely different people can be so perfect for each other."

"It is. But I couldn't be happier. It was crazy being there and getting tested whether we are soulmates or not. It's not a thing you can find out by giving some blood and make some tests. They test your soul, physical pain. Like, when Ronald hit his head with a book, which was pretty funny and he looked silly by the way, I felt it too. Then I was watching Lion King, which makes me cry like a baby when Mufasa dies and he cried with me though he didn't want to. Only because I was crying, he cried too."

"You feel anything he feels?"

Linda shook her head taking the tomatos: "No. Only things that move him deeply. In the beginning it's really confusing to feel what someone else feels, so I'm glad I only feel all this deep stuff. Ronald laughs a lot and it would be a huge disadvantage for me to start laughing when I play a sad role."

Kurt snorted imagining that because they had a scene together when he got hurt by his sister's killer and Linda thought he was about to die.

"But they've told us we can break those connections when we need to. It's still new and they still delve deeply about this whole soulmate stuff. But it's possible to break the connection when needed, but only when you created the last bond."

They gathered all the vegetables together in a glass bowl and Linda began to prepare the sauce.

"Last bond?"

"It's creating the connection soulmates ache for after they've met their soulmate. But it's... a bit creepy for people who aren't soulmates."

Kurt raised an eyebrow trying to remember if Elliot ever talked about it but no, there was nothing in his memories.

"I... I would like to tell you about it but Ronald and I decided to not do that."

"Oh, don't worry," Kurt said waving it off: "I'm not a soulmate so it's fine. I don't need to know that."

She smiled gratefully and both went back to their cooking, chatting about their co-workers and the annoying cameraman they got to know yesterday.

* * *

In January, two months before they wanted to start filming, the pain came back. He was sitting in a coffee shop, sipping some coffee and watching the busy life. People running from one point to the other, cars honking, while the snow was still falling. And then, out of nowhere his arm began to hurt. Not the numbing kind of pain but like someone was grabbing him and pulling him somewhere he didn't want to go. Of course he tried to ignore it, but it was impossible. Rolling up his sleeves he made sure to check for any bruises or cuts, but again, nothing. So he waited an hour and then the pain was gone and left was cold sweat under his clothes and on his forehead.

Kurt decided it was better to go home just in case the pain came back. He grabbed his stuff and left the coffee shop not even thinking about taking a cab because his loft wasn't that far away. With fast steps he walked through the mass of people, hoping it wouldn't happen again. Honestly, he didn't want to fall on his knees in the middle of the city and clutch his chest or tremble in pain and maybe even scream. But what was he thinking, of course the pain came back and this time it came right from his belly, like someone was punching him. Kurt gasped, tried to breathe and pressed his hand against his belly, taking a hold of a streetlamp so he wouldn't fall. He waited and waited, breathed in and out and after a while the pain faded.

Wiping the sweat away he noticed the odd looks from people around him, said 'thank you I'm fine' to an old lady who came to help him and walked on, straight home. This time though it didn't stop. Each morning when he woke up he could feel a sting in his hand, or arm, chest and even in his foot. He seriously considered if he was sick. Maybe he had something bad, because this couldn't be about his age or that he pulled his muscles. No way this was possible.

A week later Elliot visited him, together with Mercedes, clearly worried because he'd been avoiding them and he couldn't blame his friends when they saw his exhausted and pale face. He seriously looked like a mess with his hair, not styled at all but completey mussed up and the dark rings under his eyes.

"I have a flu," he said, the first explanation he came up with when they asked him what was wrong. Mercedes basically ran to his kitchen, which was also a mess and Elliot forced him to lay on the couch and wrapped a blanket around his body to keep him warm. Kurt only mumbled under his breath something like he wasn't a child.

"You could have called me, Kurt. Living alone and having a flu is not smart," she said from the kitchen.

"I'm fine. I just can't sleep."

"And properly eat. You don't look good," Elliot huffed and stared at Kurt since he sat down next to him.

"I just need some rest before we start filming."

This timing totally sucked. But he was just too scared and stubborn to visit the doctor and find out what he had. What if this was the end of his career before it even began? And also this stinging feeling came once and went and it would do that again. This time it took just a bit longer he told himself over and over again. And it was true, it was not like he was in pain 24/7, usually it happened at night when he just wanted to sleep and during the day it was always around 2pm or something.

"Here," Mercedes said and handed him a cup filled with chicken soup: "And drink it. All of it."

"Thanks," sighing he took the cup holding it carefully and blew some air on the surface to cool it down.

"Did you see a doctor?"

Kurt only nodded not wanting to worry them but he could feel Elliot's eyes on him like he wasn't believing it. Sometimes he just couldn't fool his friends and right now he didn't have the strength to do that. But they nodded.

"We'll prepare you some food so you have something to eat and aren't just living off fast food. You always do that when you are sick and it won't help."

Kurt nodded to her words.

"And maybe we should stay over. Just in case," Elliot suggested.

"I'm not a child. I just have the flu and I won't die from it."

But they stayed anyway and this night, when Mercedes fell asleep on the other side of the couch and Elliot in the armchair, he didn't feel any pain.

Maybe he really had the flu or something else, he didn't know, but the pain stopped and after two days of sleeping without waking up and food made by Linda and Mercedes he looked almost like he used to. It took another three days and Kurt Hummel was back, ready to practice with his co-workers. The day started just fine. They met up in the NYADA theater sitting together on the stage in a circle and going through the script, giving each other advices and trying facial expressions and scenes together. He was just practicing with Robert, he played the murderer, a fighting scene and then it came back, right from his chest. Kurt gasped and took two steps back, Robert staring at Kurt in shock.

"Did I hit you?" he asked though he knew he didn't.

"No I'm o-"

He groaned and fell to his knees, pressing his hand against his chest and gasping for air. He clutched his shirt, falling on his side and saw Linda and the other rushing over to him.

"Kurt!" Robert was above him not sure where to put his hands while Kurt tried to swallow, anything so the shooting pain, the feeling like a cold knife was cutting over his chest, deeper and deeper to reach his heart.

"Call an ambulance!" Linda shrieked after Kurt screamed and groaned again and again. There were steps, fast steps, voices and then everything was silent.

* * *

It was dark and a strange smell filled the air. A smell Kurt knew mixed with something else. It smelled like iron, tasted like iron. But this wasn't iron. It was too warm, liquid. It was right in his mouth and when he pressed his fingers against his lips he saw the red color. Blood. He expected to panic, to scream but nothing like that happened. He blinked and the blood was gone from his fingers, also the taste but something else came and then her heard a noise which made him alerted. First it sounded like someone was breathing, then like someone was crying followed by a groan. But he couldn't see anything. It was too dark and he had no idea where he was. Was he dead? Hearing the last sounds he'd made before he died?

Because the last thing he remembered was screaming, screaming like someone ripped his heart out of his chest.

_Kurt._

Huh? He tried to open his eyes? But his eyes were open.

_Kurt!_

He knew this voice. This was his friends voice.

"Kurt!"

His eyes were heavy, so heavy he wasn't sure if he even wanted to open them because it took too much strength. If it weren't for the annoying beep sounds around him and the familiar and upsetting smell of a hospital he would have slept some more. He never liked hospitals.

"He is waking up," he heard Santana speaking and when he opened his eyes everything was just blurry. Two faces were over him and there were voices whispering. Elliot and Mercedes.

"Hey," he said when he could see and they sighed in relief with smiles on their faces.

"Still having the flu?" Santana snapped, only a sign that she was worried.

"I guess not."

God, his mouth was dry and he ached for something too drink. Moving his head he made sure to not be connected to any tubes or something.

"Hey, don't move," Elliot gently pushed him back down when Kurt tried to sit up.

"I'm fine. Really." And he was. Nothing hurt, really nothing. He was just tired, but nothing hurt.

"Landing in a hospital is not a sign of you being fine," Elliot said and gave him a warning look while Mercedes filled a plastic cup with water and helped Kurt to drink it. Yes, this was good.

"What happened?" he asked after swallowing.

"Linda told us that you started screaming like someone was trying to kill you, clutching your chest and then you passed out," Elliot explained.

There were memories flooding his brain, memories of the theater of Robert and Linda and then he slowly remembered. This killing pain came back with full force and by total surprise. This time he couldn't even stand on his own feet, couldn't ignore or hide it and now everyone knew. What if his manager found out? The producers? What if this would ruin everything?

"Hey, calm down," Mercedes said and only then he heard the fast beeping sound signaling how fast his heart was beating. She was right, he needed to calm down and ask the doctor what had happened. What was happening with him.

"Can you go for the doctor?"

"I'll do it," Santana said and left the room while Kurt slowly sat up, this time his friends letting him and noticed that his hand was wrapped up in bandages.

"What is this? I don't remember hurting myself."

"They said you have a wound there like someone tried to shove a knife through your hand."

"What?!" Kurt exclaimed and unwrapped his hand hearing his friends yelling not to but he did it anyway. And there it was on the back of his hand a wound looking like from a knife. He turned his hand but the inside was unharmed.

"I don't understand..."

His friends shrugged and at that moment Santana came back, the doctor right after her. He didn't look worried or anything that made Kurt worried but he asked his friends to leave the room. They did it with some hesitation and when it was just Kurt and the doctor, an old but nice looking man, he saw the small smile on his face.

"Feeling good? I guess you do since you've been sleeping for almost a day."

A day? Kurt's eyes grew wide, but then he just nodded like telling himself he needed this rest.

"Actually, yes. But I don't understand what happened and I don't understand this?" he showed him his hand. The doctor stepped closer, pulling a chair next to the bed and still smiled. Now Kurt was getting nervous. Why was he smiling when he obviously had a big wound on his hand, really looking like someone tried to shove a knife through it and then this constant pain he felt.

"I can tell you that you are completely fine. Your heart is fine and blood results are completely normal ."

Kurt nodded, feeling a bit better knowing that he had nothing serious, but still. He was worried sick that those attacks could cause him to lose his role and he didn't want that. He was too close to making his dream come true and nothing would stop him. Not after years of working, practicing and hoping.

"Your friends told me you were screaming like you were in pain."

"I was and... not for the first time. It's been like this for over a month now. It happened one day, then nothing and then it came back for days and stopped."

"And yesterday it was stronger than before?"

"It... it felt like someone was trying to cut my heart out."

The old man nodded slowly, eying the floor and then looking back up again, still this small smile on his face.

"Have you met knew people in the past months? People who made you feel different?"

Kurt blinked in confusion but shook his head. Seriously, he was way too focused on why the doctor was smiling to consider if he'd met someone new.

"Maybe. I don't know. I'm just worried about what is happening to me."

"Like I said, you are fine. Really fine, and because of that I think it's not actually you who is in pain but someone else."

"Someone else?" Realization was crawling through his mind but not reaching any sense. Not now, only when the doctor said the words.

"I think you've met your soulmate and you two have a pretty deep connection. Which is not unusual, but you have a pretty deep one."

"So... soulmate? But... I..." But it made sense, so much sense why he was in pain. Though, his hand? He stared down on his hand, watching the wound which was closed by now but still looking pretty awful. Small, there will be no problem with the healing progress but still.

"There isn't much I can do but tell you to meet the people you've met in the last weeks and see if you have any special connection. Then you two should go to the soulmate department and get yourself tested, just to be sure."

Kurt only nodded still eying his hand and wondering what his soulmate had to go through that something like this happened. Who was he? What was he doing and who did something like that to a person? He may not know his soulmate at that moment, no face, no voice, but he was worried. Worried about this unknown person, but also about himself, because this pain stuff was a bad thing and not good for his work.

"That's all? I can leave now?"

"That's all I can do. You are fine, there is seriously nothing to be worried about."

* * *

For some reason Kurt didn't tell his friends that he had a soulmate. A soulmate who got hurt so bad that he could feel it and he wondered if this pain he felt was exactly the same his soulmate felt. Of course this would happen to him. If Kurt Hummel had a soulmate he wouldn't have a normal connection. Because usually when you met your soulmate, you could feel small things, little waves of emotions or pain and only with time the connection grew stronger and deeper. But Kurt? No, he of course had such a deep connection that he passed out and woke up in a hospital. Unsure if this was a good or bad thing the first thing he did was going back home and trying to remember who he had met. There was Robert, but Robert was with him when it happened, like all the other male co-workers. So no, they were out of his list. Then he thought about the models he'd met before he left. There was this one guy he couldn't even remember his name and if Kurt Hummel didn't even remember a name this person couldn't be his soulmate. He thought and thought, ignoring the calls and texts from his friends.

But there was nothing, no face, no voice, absoultely nothing. How on earth should he find his soulmate when he had no hint? In a city like New York? The world was kidding him and someone thought it was super funny to let him go through this. He really didn't need that and didn't want that. He had a role, a leading role and was so close to finally living his dream, but no, he needed to be one of those soulmates and have a very deep connection and a soulmate who either got hurt or whatever. All the positive aspects people told him, all the benefits he knew didn't even cross his mind, because all he could think of was the endless pain he felt for days.

* * *

A week later Kurt still was without a clue and without a soulmate. He figured it was pointless to get worked up, because if this was his soulmate then he would find him anyway, right? This was the only thing keeping him sane. Not that he wanted to have a soulmate, or needed to, but it would be better if he was able to make sure he was fine. The thought that he now had someone who was perfect for him, someone to love and live with, was so absurd to him that it made him upset.

Elliot was happy, Mercedes was happy and Linda too. They all were happy and swooning when they talked about their soulmates and told him that it was the best thing that had ever happened to them.

And Kurt was just annoyed and exhausted. Fuck it, he thought, fuck it that I might have a partner, future husband, whatever.

He didn't even know who it was and he wasn't sure if he wanted it to know. But he had to to make the pain stop, for his own sake and maybe even to save someone. Despite all the dark thoughts he was still worried about what was happening to his soulmate. So much pain was not normal. Maybe he got beaten up? Maybe he was a bad guy? Who the hell went through so much pain?

Groaning he closed his laptop and left his apartment, jacket, scarf and out into the rush of the city to clear his head. All these romantic stories, the people talking about their soulmates like they were some sort of saints, all of this was part of his dreams too. He had liked to dream about having a soulmate about two years ago and how awesome it would be to have such a deep connection and love with someone. How without words your soulmate could feel what you felt. How awesome it would be to have someone who knew you so much better. Those romantic dreams turned into nightmares of sleepless nights in pain and silent screams. Without a doubt, finding his soulmate meant trouble. What kind of trouble he wasn't sure, but it was trouble nevertheless.

Kurt stopped at a coffee shop, staring at his right hand with the wound on the back of it and waited for his coffee. He wondered how many people would have the same wound and who of them was someone he knew or at least someone he could remember. Maybe it would be a good idea to visit his old workplace. Maybe he'd met someone there and just forgot it. Paying his coffee he took the cup and walked to a bench wanting to sit down when he saw someone already sitting there. A small figure looking exhausted and beaten up while rubbing his right hand.

Raising both eyebrows his eyes moved up to the face. A face he saw so many weeks ago. A boy with golden eyes looking like he went through hell. Curls sticking out, dark rings under his eyes and cuts over his upper lip and on his hands and a wound. One that looked like his.

And when their eyes met he knew it. It was obvious, clear in his mind like his own name. This was his soulmate. A young boy, maybe a bad boy, maybe even homeless by the way he looked.

Great.


	3. Two Worlds

Chapter 3. Two worlds

A soulmate was the perfect person for you. A soulmate was someone who understood you without words. A soulmate was someone who loved your flaws, who loved you without conditions, who let you be who you are and knew how to treat you so you always felt loved and at home. A soulmate was so much, words could never describe the whole meaning, the whole world which opened up for you when you found him or her.

Those were things Kurt once read, things running through his had. But when he and the young boy made eye contact he couldn't believe in it for one second. Not only was this boy younger than him he was also not part of the world Kurt was living in. He looked like he could be one of those troublesome kids, one of those kids who ran away from home.

Whenever he thought about his soulmate he thought about someone older, already working, anything but this boy. Still he couldn't deny that he felt something building, some kind of connection perhaps. And when the boy spoke his voice reached places of his soul, his body no one before did.

"What? Do you want something?"

Kurt only blinked, remembering something he almost forgot. This was the boy Jesse had yelled at. The boy who looked so humiliated, who was so angry and sad and Kurt understood now that what he had felt back then were not his emotions. Those were the things the boy felt and this scared him somehow. He always controlled his feelings, he needed to because of experience. In certain situations it was a high disadvantage to show that you were sad or angry. And while he was able to control all of his feelings the boy was more like a hurricane, not even considering to hide how he felt. Even now he could feel the bubble of insecurity which grew bigger and bigger inside the boy's soul.

"Hello?" the boy said when Kurt still didn't give an answer.

"I... I don't want anything from you. Calm down," he said risking a look at the hand with the wound and then looking at his own. Yes, definitely the same wound but it would heal just fine without leaving a mark. Okay, and now? How to tell someone that he was, maybe, your soulmate? He never really thought about that. Perhaps the best thing was just to say it.

"I'm Kurt and I think that we are soulmates."

"Nice try," the boy huffed with a mocking smile: "You are, let me think, the ninth person who tries to convince me we are soulmates."

He watched the boy for a while, his tense shoulders, hands finding their way into the pockets of his jacket and the insecurity he felt changed into discomfort. This was exhausting and Kurt felt his head beginning to ache.

"Look, I wouldn't tell you this just to make fun of you, okay? You see this?" he said and showed the boy his hand: "You have the same wound, don't you?"

The golden eyes were eyeing his hand, moving back up to meet Kurt's and then the discomfort changed into something else Kurt couldn't really describe.

"Blaine Anderson."

"What?"

"My name. My name is Blaine Anderson."

"Kurt Hummel."

"So I guess you are gay and not just one of those homophobic guys finding out they are gay because their soulmate is a man?"

Kurt almost laughed but whenever he looked at Blaine, how exhausted, small and beaten up he didn't do it.

"Yes, I'm gay and I guess you are too?"

Blaine only nodded.

"Okay, good. Then, I don't know, we should exchange numbers and maybe meet tomorrow and talk about this?"

"Sure," Blaine said and pulled his phone out handing it to Kurt who typed his number in: "I'll call you later." And with those words Blaine put his phone back in his pocket, stood up and left.

* * *

Back home Kurt took a deep breath he didn't know he needed. It was a good decision to exchange numbers and meet tomorrow. Yes, because he was not a rational person right now and it would be unfair to act like an idiot just because Blaine wasn't who he imagined his soulmate to be. He went straight to his laptop, taking off his jacket and shoes along the way. All he knew about soulmates was about their connection, but he had no clue whether it meant they had to be together. Linda told him about being able to break the connection for a while and he really needed this.

Blaine might be cute and adorable – seriously those eyes were unreal – but the way he spoke and looked like spoke volumes. So while waiting for his laptop to start he took pen paper and began to draw a pro and con list, being pretty sure he had an option as to be with Blaine or not. Frankly, who said that soulmates had to be together?

Kurt began with the cons which were obvious. Blaine was younger than him, a lot younger, maybe even illegal? He groaned about that and wrote 17 years old down just to make himself feel a bit better and not like a pedophile. Bad boy, troublesome kid were written down, immature, ran away from home, homeless? No, Kurt was sure Blaine was not homeless because which homeless kid had a phone? No. He probably had a job and maybe he was even 18? Too many emotions, rude, big mouth... the cons were so many he wasn't sure if he wanted to think of more points.

Placing the pen under pro it was way harder to think of pros which weren't 'beautiful eyes' or ' adorable' also he had no idea who Blaine really was. The pros were facts and the cons only assumptions, nothing legit. However he took the list and placed it into the drawer under the table – he would need it later anyway - and pulled his laptop closer. He opened google and typed 'soulmates' clicking on the first link which was the main website about soulmates. This was not unfamiliar, he already visited this website, but never too deep. He just read some general information. Clicking in the search bar he typed 'disconnecting' in hoping to get some results and he got one. Only one.

_It's possible to break the connection when needed, but it's impossible to break it completely._

Only this, one sentence and Kurt thought; _I'm doomed._ That was it? He was forever connected to this boy who obviously was not a part of or even familiar with his world? Would he turn into a babysitter? A parent, so that when Blaine was in trouble he had to pick him up and make sure this never happened again? Of course this was only his mind going crazy and maybe Blaine was nothing of that, but just one of the gay kids getting beaten up for being gay? Like, New York was pretty open to homosexuals, but idiots were everywhere.

Then he thought about his friends who were also soulmates and how their partners were completely different from them. Still Kurt couldn't imagine Elliot and Martin or Mercedes and Sam not to be together. They made each other happy, knew the other better than themselves and sometimes they did those scary things like finishing each other's sentence or say the right thing, making the right look and touch so the other literally melted down. These were only things Kurt saw, but what would it feel like to be like Elliot, who sometimes couldn't stop talking about Martin with so much love, being so proud as if he had found the perfect human being.

But his friends and their soulmates were all around 25 years old, adults, working and understood things a young person just couldn't.

"Stop," he groaned again knowing he was anything but sane right now. If he was honest to himself there were only two things bothering him. Not being free to decide if he even wanted to have a soulmate or anyone close to him and that this connection had a huge impact on his work. He didn't need the pain or emotions from Blaine, in fact, they were ruining everything and he anxiously waited for his manager to call him and tell him it was over, his role was taken away from him.

That's why Kurt made a list: calling his manager – who was a woman thank god - and tell her what happened, meeting Blaine and going to the soulmate department, and after finding out the truth in the department he would decide whether he wanted to know Blaine or not.

* * *

"I'm fine, Linda. I talked to Nina, my manager, and she said there is no need to be worried. I still have the role. Uh... no, really you don't have to come over," he smiled over her worried voice while he fixed some coffee in his kitchen, phone between his ear and shoulder.

"I'm busy today but I'll be back next week. You know, take some rest like the doctor said," he was such a good liar he should get an Oscar: "And we all know the script and our characters. I think we are fine." He laughed when she said that he was always right.

"Okay. I call you next week. Say hi to Ronald."

He ended the call, shoved his phone back into the pocket of his jeans and went to his living room with his cup. Blaine didn't call, he only texted asking when and where they wanted to meet. Of course Kurt thought about taking Blaine to his place but he wasn't sure if this was a smart idea. He couldn't be sure Blaine wouldn't bring trouble with him as soon as he knew where Kurt was living. Actually, he didn't want anyone to know where he was living except the people he trusted and Blaine was not a person he trusted. If this whole movie thing worked out he wanted to keep his life as private as possible. But this was him thinking way too far into the future.

Emptying his coffee he left his loft and took a cab to the place where he wanted to meet Blaine. A part of New York he knew wasn't as crowded as other parts. A part he never visited. As he arrived there it was really empty, people walking down the street in casual clothes. He almost felt like he had left New York. Looking around he found the small Diner Blaine texted him about called Lucy's and Blaine was waiting in front of it. He looked better, clean and put together in his jeans, black beanie and shoes and a dark red winter jacket. Kurt sighed and walked towards Blaine forcing a smile when they made eye contact.

"Hey."

"Yeah, let's get over with this" Blaine said and walked inside and Kurt hesitated. Well, he already thought this wouldn't be easy and it seemed like Blaine thought the same. Maybe he was just as thrilled as Kurt was about that, not at all. Following him he heard the woman behind the bar greeting Blaine. She looked like one of those Diner woman he saw in movies, the crazy ones being a mother for everyone. Her hair was tied into a knot on her head, dirty blond and she was big, not fat, but just big. Lovely big someone might say.

"The usual sweetie?" she asked leaning over the bar, while the old guy next to her chewed on his sandwich.

"Just coffee, two, I guess," said Blaine and looked over his shoulder while Kurt only nodded and caught her green eyes. Her eyes ran over him, from head to toe not even trying to hide it and nodded slowly.

Blaine pointed to a table and sat down so Kurt could sit across him. The seats were red, like this whole Diner was a cliché, but he liked it for some reason. Taking off his jacket and scarf he took a closer look at Blaine. He still had the bruises, of course he did, they wouldn't heal within a day and his hand was wrapped up in a bandage, keeping it safe from dirt. But he looked better, much better. His eyes weren't as tired and dark as they were yesterday and his skin had the usual tan color he remembered.

"I want to be clear about something," Blaine began and Kurt blinked then nodded slowly.

"I only agreed on this because this seems to be real. Not that I'm happy about it, because a soulmate is the last thing I wanted, but I can't ignore the fact that I feel something. Your moods are pretty exhausting, you know."

"My- my moods?"

"You are annoyed several times a day and it's not really helping when I have to work."

"Well, it's not helping me when you get yourself into fights," Kurt almost snapped and gained a warning look from Blaine. Well, this wasn't going well, so he decided to be the mature one.

"Let's not start this with fighting, okay? We are both not happy about this, so let's figure out how we can, I don't know, stop this."

"What is there to stop? We are bound until the day we die. Once you've found your soulmate you can't just break the connection."

"We can't break it completely, no. But we can disconnect if we need to. Like for work I guess."

"You guess?"

"Hey, look. I don't know much about this whole soulmate stuff and, to be honest, it scares me how deep this connection is. I have friends who are soulmates and not even they have such a deep connection like getting hurt when their soulmate gets hurt," Kurt explained, clearly annoyed that he had to be the one having the answer for everything and showed Blaine his hand with the healing wound, which now just looked like simple cut. Perhaps his hand was healing faster because it wasn't him who got hurt.

"It's not my fault. I didn't decide to be your soulmate."

"That's, God, that's not what I've been saying."

Blaine crossed his arms like stubborn child and pressed his lips together trying to hide whatever he was feeling and Kurt felt it. It was like one half of his soul were his emotions and the other half were Blaine's and it was super exhausting.

The woman, Lucy came with the coffee, smiling like there was nothing to worry and kissed Blaine's temple: "Don't make this face, sweetie. And you," she glared at Kurt: "Be nice to him."

his mouth hung open while she walked away and then he looked back at Blaine who only shrugged.

"She knows."

"Is she your mother?" Kurt asked, wanting to finally start with what they actually wanted to do. Get to know each other. He took one cup, added some cream just to make himself busy.

"Not really."

"Not really?"

"I live alone," Blaine said clearly not wanting to spill any details, but Kurt needed to know. Okay, maybe not now but later.

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen, you?"

"Twenty five."

Blaine snorted and a small smirk stretched over his lips: "You are lucky I'm legal, old man."

"And you are lucky I don't hate kids."

"I'm not a kid. I'm almost eighteen and experienced."

"Are you, huh?"

Not for one second Kurt thought about this, being physically close to his soulmate. Not to mention with someone who was younger than him, exactly seven years younger. He was just a kid, experienced or not – though Kurt had his doubts – and imagening he would... no. Never. It felt wrong and it was wrong, for him.

"What's your job?" asked Blaine and sipped his coffee.

"I'm an actor. I was a model, but I got a leading role in a movie."

"So you are rich? Probably living in a pretty expensive apartment? Maybe even a loft?"

His eyes were shining like a magpie and Kurt wasn't sure why. He couldn't even guess what Blaine was feeling, but he didn't like that.

"Money is the last thing I'm worried about," was all he said about that and quickly changed the topic: "What is your job?"

"I work here. And before you ask why I look like a bad boy let me tell you that not everyone likes gay people and this part of the city is not actually safe."

"Yeah, well, we either do something against that or we learn to break our connection when necessary."

"Fine by me," Blaine said, emptied his coffee and leaned back: "Is there anything else you want to know? Otherwise I would say we should go to the soulmate department and get tested though I have no doubt we are soulmates."

Kurt nodded still trying to figure out what this look meant, but this was something he could think about later. Now he really wanted to visit the soulmate department, know their options and find a way to handle all of this in a way so they both can go on with their usual life.

* * *

"What!?" Kurt blurted out when he and Blaine were sitting in an office with an older lady in a suit, huge glasses resting on her nose and her eyes staring back at him. They signed in for getting tested and it took only 30 minutes and they went to a huge room which looked like a living room. They showed the guy the wound they both had and he squeezed Blaine's hand when they told him it was Blaine who got hurt. Kurt winced just like Blaine and no more tests about that were needed. Than Kurt had to choose a movie which made him cry and he said Moulin Rouge, to Blaine's protest. But at the end of the movie they both were sobbing and Blaine complaining. Now they were sitting in an office and while Kurt was still fighting against the realization that Blaine was his soulmate, Blaine only smiled satisfied.

"What does that mean I'm responsible for him?" Kurt asked, leaning closer to the desk and staring at the woman who apparently was the chef of the soulmate department. The one who knew everything, who talked to each soulmate and was leading woman in research about soulmates.

"Mister Anderson doesn't have any parents or other relatives we know about. And he is still seventeen which means he needs someone who takes care of him until he is eighteen. It's written down in the laws of soulmates."

"We have laws?"

"Yes you have to keep him safe," she said pulling a little book out of her drawer and handing it to Kurt and he read _'The rights of Soulmates'_: "If a soulmate is under eighteen years old and doesn't have anyone who takes care of him or her, like parents, older siblings and so on, his soulmate needs to take care of him or her. In your case, Mister Hummel, you live in a good environment, have a good job and can easily take care of the two of you."

"But he has been on his own for... what?"

Kurt gave Blaine a warning look but his soulmate – god his soulmate – only smiled back.

"Six months. But I had no idea I was a soulmate before yesterday."

The woman nodded slowly and Kurt scoffed, this wasn't happening.

"I don't understand why I have to take care of him. Of someone I don't even know. He could be anyone as far as I know."

"I understand your concern, Mister Hummel but it's the best for him to be with you. Usually it's enough to live with the family but Mister Anderson has no one and it's dangerous for him to live with this connection without having someone blood related or his soulmate around him. It's not that we are worried he can't take care of himself it's only about the connection. Tests have shown that a soulmate who is younger than eighteen can get seriously injured or even killed without someone around him to keep him grounded and help him with this connection. I'm talking about controlling your emotions and not getting hurt. And in your case, with this deep connection it can be dangerous for the both of you."

Oh, great, now he seriously became a babysitter? Awesome, really.

"Is there any way we can just... not be soulmates? I mean he is seven years younger than I am and I seriously can't see how we are... perfect for each other."

He looked at Blaine for a second, seeing how his smile was gone and a serious expression was all he gave. The woman only shook her head.

"There is none. You can break the connection for a while if necessary but that's all. Even when you break your connection for a while you have to keep in mind that, each time you do this it will make you feel empty and it can be pretty heavy and painful. Especially in your situation. Before you try to break it you need to build it and learn about and from each other."

Kurt seriously didn't want to die or be in pain so he probably had no choice but to accept this and work it out. They were soulmates and soulmates were perfect for each other, right? So maybe they were. But also, maybe they weren't and they would be the first soulmates not meant to be? But Kurt doubted that and Blaine, judging by his smile, was totally fine with the situation. Of course he was, Kurt had to take care of him.

"I know at first it may not seem like you two belong together. You two are not the first soulmates thinking that. But judging by the results of your tests and by how deep your connection is you are special soulmates."

Her smile was so lovely, warm almost dreamy and for one second, just for really one second Kurt believed that.

"I want you two to come back for further tests when Blaine turns eighteen. And because it's law that you have to take care of Blaine, one of our workers will visit you two just to be sure. So, that's all for now. If you have any questions or problems you can call me any time."

Kurt hid all his disagreement, everything and forced a smile, shook the woman's hand like Blaine and left the office together. He could feel Blaine's happiness all the way out of the building. What was his life? It was so perfect, everything was there. His leading role, his friends, the loft, his dream. And now he became a babysitter, a fucking soulmate with someone who had no parents, got into trouble and probably enjoyed the prospect to live in a loft, get everything he needed and wanted without working for it. Someone who couldn't control himself and Kurt hated to lose control.

"We should go for your stuff and go to my place. There are still things we need to talk about."

"We actually don't need to talk about anything. I'll just stay at your place until I turn eighteen and leave you anyway."

"Perfect."

Kurt said nothing, didn't even look at Blaine waiting for the moment when the two of them were alone to make some boundaries. They took a cab back to the Diner and Blaine asked him to wait inside the cab. Kurt watched him talking to Lucy who smiled, really smiled and saw her wiping her eyes because she was so happy which was... odd to be honest. Blaine though made a strange face and disappeared. 30 Minutes later he came back with two bags and they drove to Kurt's place.

* * *

" .God!" Blaine breathed and both bags slid off his shoulders to the floor: "This is amazing. And you live here? Alone?"

Kurt nodded as he locked the door and watched Blaine gently touching the couch, walking through the living room and eying the stairs, the door to the bathroom and he rushed to the kitchen opening the refrigerator.

"Yeah, make yourself home," Kurt muttered under his breath and took his jacket and shoes off, leaving them on the left side of the door where his other Jackets and coats were hanging. His shoes were placed next to his others, some expensive, some not.

"I'm so hungry! Woah, hey!? Why aren't there any cheeseburgers or pizza?"

"Because I have to take care of myself," Kurt sighed and joined Blaine in the kitchen who closed the refrigerator with a pout.

"We can order something if you want to," Oh, yes, there he was already throwing his money out for someone he knew for what? 12 hours? Pretty awesome.

"Can we order some pizza?" Blaine gave him a hopeful look and if his eyes weren't so adorable Kurt would snap right back because he was so annoyed. But he couldn't. This boy may be trouble, but he was still cute.

"Sure. I'll order something and you can take a shower if you want to. After dinner I want to talk about some boundaries. This is still my home and I won't let you do whatever you want to do."

"I have to go to work later," said Blaine and looked suddenly pretty small with his hands in his pockets and his head ducked to his chest. Work? He didn't have to work. Kurt was responsible for him now so... but no. Of course he had to work. He could safe the money and when he moved out he at least had something to work with.

"And until what time?"

"Depends on how many customers come. Could be five in the morning, maybe six."

Which seventeen year old boy was working in a Diner all night long? Lucy didn't seem to be a woman letting him work in those late hours, in this part of the city which was anything but safe. It was almost rundown, at least for Kurt. Also what if Blaine got into trouble again? Kurt wasn't up to another night in pain.

"I think you should stay here for tonight."

"I can't. I have to work otherwise I won't have any money when I move out."

Well, this point was also Kurt's reason why he didn't want to stop Blaine.

"Fine. Then we'll talk tomorrow."


	4. Fights

Chapter 4. Fights

When Kurt woke up and walked down the stairs he was at first surprised before he remembered why a young, slightly homeless-looking boy with a mop of brown curls was sleeping on his couch. The young boy, Blaine Anderson, was his soulmate. His soulmate who was still such a secret to him. Luckily he had apparently stayed out of trouble, because Kurt hadn't even woken up once during the night.

Silently, he went to his kitchen, started the coffee machine and decided to take quick shower. Clean and feeling much better he went back to his kitchen, pouring coffee into his mug and opening the drawer to take the list with the pros and cons out.

He added that Blaine had a job and that he would be eighteen in three months. That was all he could come up with. List back in the drawer, he sat down and started his laptop, checking his mails and then went to the living room to watch Blaine sleeping. When he ignored the cuts and bruises he could tell that this boy was incredibly beautiful, especially when he was sleeping – and looked so much younger. Also, he was still wearing his clothes from yesterday and his bags were where he left them. Sighing he put his mug down on the coffee table and made his way to pick up the two bags placing them by the window so they wouldn't stay in the way.

Deciding it was too early for Blaine to wake up, he finished his coffee and checked his refrigerator. What on earth did a seventeen year old boy eat? He remembered how Blaine asked for hamburgers and pizza, but if he was living here Kurt thought it'd be better to give him some healthy food. Oh no, he was not one of those crazy people only focused on that, even he couldn't say no to some ice cream. So he made a list of things Blaine told him and another with some fresh food so maybe they could... cook together today. Cooking and eating was always a good opportunity to talk and he needed to talk to Blaine.

And to his friends. God, he really didn't want his friends to know about that, but then again it was impossible to keep them away from him or to keep Blaine a secret. Not for three whole months, and in less than two months he would be busy with filming. Grocery list ready and shoes and jacket on he took one last look at Blaine who mumbled something and grabbed the pillow. Okay, he would sleep for at least two more hours and Kurt would be back in that time. Even if Blaine stole something or did something silly, Kurt knew it could only be him.

Outside he climbed into his car and drove to the supermarket he usually visited, hoping to meet no one he knew, because he wasn't ready to lie again. Making sure to be quick he was back in his car after 45 minutes, climbing inside after he put the bags on the backseat and drove back home, needing much more time because of the horrible traffic.

Back home he unlocked the door and the first thing he made sure was Blaine still sleeping on his couch. Luckily he was and Kurt quietly made his way into the kitchen, bags on the table and began to sort the shopping out. That been done, he started to read the little book the woman from the Soulemate Department gave him to know his and Blaine's laws.

The first page was general information about what a soulmate was and what it meant to have a connection, bla bla, Kurt already knew this. He turned three pages and finally read the laws. Each law was summed up in a sentence and than explained in a small paragraph. The first one was about how a soulmate under eighteen needed to have an adult who took care of him. His family, or his own soulmate (must be older) or the soulmates family. If both were without a family they needed to live in a Soulmate Department in their city.

There was more about the underage soulmates. They were allowed to go wherever their older soulmate went, which also meant they could go into bars or clubs before they turned 21.

Well, Kurt wasn't sure if he wanted that, because it could still mean trouble.

Soulmates need to go to their soulmate when he is in pain. It's dangerous to keep them apart when they need each other. Mental aberration or death could happen.

Soulmates need a day off to maintain their connection. It is important for their own well being.

That was all. Only five laws followed by another five page long chapter about their connection and then he found what was really interesting. The 'Last Bond' Linda was talking about. It was the last thing they needed to do to complete their connection and they needed to do it after two years of knowing each other. But what he had to do almost scared Kurt. Blaine had to hurt him or vice versa so that they both would have a scar together. Soulmates can not hurt each other physically only once to create the 'Last Bond'. After this their connection is complete and they can break it when needed. Before that it's not possible. The 'Last Bond' is needed to prevent further damage psychologically, because the soul aches for this bond, otherwise mental aberration or death can happen.

Kurt didn't even groan after reading all of this. There was no point, because he couldn't change it and it was better to accept all of this and find a way to... live with it. Still, he didn't really want to. There was so much he needed and wanted to do and Blaine was just no part of it.

After a second mug of coffee at around noon, a groggy Blaine woke up and blinked the sleep out of his eyes.

"Oh... hello," Blaine yawned and Kurt couldn't stop the smile on his face. His soulmate looked really adorable with his curls sticking out everywhere and his soft, still sleepy face.

"Hey. Want some coffee?"

"That would be great."

While Blaine stood up and scratched his head Kurt poured him some coffee into a mug and placed the cream he had next to it. He sat back down, watching from the corner of his eye how he fixed some breakfast for himself – egg and bacon – and after he finished it he sat down, across from Kurt, clutching his mug and looking much more awake than before.

"Do you have to work each night? I mean, are you even done with school?"

"I am. I'm super smart you know? I graduated a year earlier than I should have. And no I don't work each night. I have at least two days free a week."

Smart, huh? The only question Kurt had was if Blaine was really so smart, why didn't he visit a college? Okay, maybe he didn't want to and without parents it must be a pretty hard life.

"Can I ask you what happened to your parents?"

"They are dead. Car accident," it came out of Blaine's mouth like it meant nothing, like this was just some story he went through. No sadness, nothing. Kurt couldn't even feel anything coming from him. Was this normal? Kurt didn't think so but he said nothing.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Let's talk about your boundaries."

"Yeah, right." He counted to three to sort his thoughts and then he spoke.

"First I'll give you a key to my loft so I don't have to wake up when you are coming back from work. But, I don't want your friends here or anyone I don't know. Then you'll clean up after yourself, we'll take turns going grocery shopping. My bedroom belongs to me, but if you want I'll buy a bed-"

"The couch is fine."

"Okay. Then if you need anything ask me or make a list and I'll give you the money. I have enough so don't worry about that." God he could actually hear it. New clothes, video games and stuff like that. He knew how 17 year old people could be.

"I also want to know where you are and staying away from trouble when you can. I'm an actor and I'll be soon filming so I don't need that."

Blaine nodded slowly, sipping silently his coffee.

"And since we are together forever," Kurt groaned and handed Blaine the small book: "I want you to read this and know what you are allowed to do and what not. Now."

Blaine took the book into his hands and read it while Kurt waited and after 20 minutes he was done, both eyebrows raised.

"Last Bond? You want to do that?"

"Not now, though. But we need to do this. I need to be disconnected from you when I'm at work and I guess for you it would be also good to just feel yourself."

"It would be less confusing, that's true. What about the day off to maintain our connection?"

Kurt honestly had no idea what that meant. Maintain their connection, like cuddling? Like being a couple? Ugh, he slowly realized that he needed to talk to his friends and ask because this was something he wouldn't want to read on forums. He was sure he would feel like a creep stalking other peoples private life.

"I'll ask my friends about that. I guess you have to meet them anyway, otherwise they'll go crazy if I break down again and they find me in a hospital."

"You've been in a hospital? Because of our connection?"

Kurt nodded: "That's where this comes from." He showed Blaine his hand and saw him biting his lower lip. But he ignored it and spoke on: "I also want us to be honest and call each other anytime when needed. Our connection is deep, we both know that and I don't want to die anytime soon."

"Same here."

"Good."

* * *

Kurt waited before he decided to call his friends and tell them that he had, and was, a soulmate. He waited a little bit longer until he was fine with it and had at some point accepted what his life had become since he met Blaine. He went out with Blaine, bought him some clothes and shoes he wanted, a pillow and blanket and thought that was it. But Blaine was seventeen, a teenager, so he ended up buying him a Playstation, so he could play when Kurt was busy with something else. He only left his loft when he had to work. Which was always at night.

Didn't he have some friends to visit? Wasn't it exhausting to only work at night in such a place and being a young boy? Kurt was sure Lucy had an eye on Blaine, but he couldn't deny the fact that he was worried sometimes. Kurt wasn't heartless and he didn't know Blaine much, but a young boy shouldn't work all night long for five days a week. Though he didn't need to open the door anymore he still woke up, feeling how exhausted Blaine was. And something else he couldn't describe. It made him feel strange, almost sick, like he was doing something he didn't want to do. This being connected thing was really confusing, though he read that it helped to understand your soulmate. He read it and saw it around his friends but they knew their partners and Blaine was still a stranger to him, sometimes even a burden.

He may have accepted that he was a soulmate, but not that his soulmate was seven years younger than him and stubborn, rude at times and a little brat.

"I need some money, Kurt."

He looked up from his laptop and turned his head so he was looking at Blaine, curls still damp from the shower and looking pretty exhausted. They were living together for two weeks now and everyday was the same. Blaine needed money and Kurt gave it to him. But not today.

"The amount of money you need is unreal. Blaine, seriously. I bought you clothes and stuff you need. The refrigerator is not empty, it's almost exploding. So, tell me, where does all the money go?"

"For stuff."

"What stuff?"

"God, it's none of your business, okay? You are responsible for me and my well being or not?"

"Actually it is my business, Blaine. It's my money and I would like to know what you are doing with it."

Of course Blaine said nothing, only acted like the stubborn teenager he still was. Teenagers, ugh. During his time with Blaine he wondered if he had been so stubborn too. If yes, he considered to call his dad and apologize.

"Tell me, Blaine. What is it you need so much money for? Because I can tell that you are doing something that has nothing to do with the Diner."

"And what is that?" he glared at Kurt and crossed his arms before his chest.

"You should tell me because I can't read your mind, only feel what you feel, because you aren't able to fucking control your feelings!"

Oh great, now he was yelling. Now they were fighting.

"Oh, is that so? Maybe you should think before you speak and blame me for shit I don't fucking do! What is it, huh? Do you think I do drugs?"

Kurt stood up, walking through the living room and running a hand down his face: "I didn't say that!"

", why do you care, Kurt? I'll leave you in less than three months and you can live your fucking, glorious life like you used to. And after we've made the Last Bond we only need to break our connection when needed and spent a day together to keep it stable. You can live your life and I can live mine."

"You think it will be this easy? Really Blaine?"

"You don't want me here and you never will."

That was not true, not really. He cared, because he knew what it felt like to be gay, young and deal with haters. Also the fact that Blaine had no one made him sad, so if he could, he would help him to have a better life. He was not heartless, he was just trying to deal with this.

"No," Blaine breathed and Kurt snapped out of his thoughts, turning around to face Blaine.

"You are doing this, because you feel sorry for me? You know what, keep your pity to yourself I don't need that!"

Blaine grabbed his jacket, beanie and shoes and left the loft. That was their first fight and he was ready to feel the burning rage from Blaine. There was none. Only deep sadness and hurt. The kind of hurt you felt when you felt sad and hopeless, alone, together with your own feelings. And Kurt felt sorry that he made Blaine feel this way.

* * *

Kurt waited and waited. Waited for Blaine to come back, but he didn't for hours. He lost the connection to him, not feeling anything but empty and maybe Blaine found out how to control his feelings or just felt as empty as Kurt.

Why was it so hard? Why couldn't they just get along? Blaine was his soulmate and he should be the perfect partner for him, but it just didn't fucking feel like that. His last free months were imagined as peaceful and fun and now he was literally helpless and hopeless. So he began to question if he was even able to love or be loveable. Maybe he and Blaine were perfect for each other not as partners, but as something else. Yeah, they were special soulmates so maybe this special didn't mean falling in love, but something else. Friends, enemies, who knew. But then again he knew this was not what being and having a soulmate was about. Kurt decided to not be stubborn or whatever was keeping him from calling his friends and took his phone.

While he waited for Elliot to pick up – it was almost 9pm so he was probably at home already- Kurt tried to ignore the guilt. He had been ignoring his friends for a while now but he needed this time alone, this time alone with Blaine – not to mention that it didn't help.

"_Kurt! You're alive!"_

"Ha ha. I'm sorry though," he sighed but felt much better after hearing Elliot's cheering voice which always made him feel a bit better.

"_Don't worry about it. Feeling better?"_

"Not really. I need to talk to you. Are you free?"

"_Not really, we have a movie night, Martin and I that is. But tell me what happened."_

"I... I'm a soulmate."  
_"You... WHAT!? OH MY GOD! MARTIN KURT'S A SOULMATE!"_

He held the phone away from his ear and only when Elliot stopped yelling he pressed it back, hearing his friend laugh and his boyfriend giggling. They probably had a smug smile on their faces and soon would ask Kurt all these obnoxious things.

"_Oh, wow! So that's why you've been ignoring us. I get it."_

"It's not like that. Really. We... we do not get along. Most of the time we just fight and... Elliot, he is seventeen. Seventeen, Elliot!"

There was silence coming from the other end – He heard Elliot repeating what he said so Martin knew it - and Kurt wanted to say something but then Elliot spoke.

"_Okay, that's young. But you are allowed to be with him. They can't do anything against it."_

"I know that. I know. But I don't know how to... this is all so confusing and exhausting. How did you make it?"

Elliot laughed, not mocking, not mean but just about the fact that he knew how hard it was for him.

"I'm serious. He is such a kid sometimes and he needs money like, I'm not poor, but still. And he is stubborn and eating so much and did I mention he can be rude?"

"_He is a teenager, Kurt,"_ Elliot still laughed: _"Give him some time. He's probably just overextended. I mean, come on, he is seventeen, he is young and didn't dream to be a soulmate. He probably thought he could fool around for a while and then settle down. But now he has you."_

"He still can fool around though."

Elliot laughed again: _"Martin, haha, please talk to him I can't."_

Kurt huffed and heard Elliot's laugh in the background while Marting greeted him:_ "What did you tell him? He is basically crying because of laughter."_

Kurt sighed: "That my soulmate could fool around if he wanted to."

Martin, the sane and mature person he usually was hummed slowly and Elliot laughed again.

_"This won't work out. I mean he can try to do that but it won't really work. Your connection wouldn't allow it."_

"And what should I do now? All we do is fighting and he is basically using me. Asking for money each damn day and I have no idea what for. And he is seven years younger."

"_I understand you, Kurt. We both do. Remember how it was when Elliot and I met? We couldn't be more different, but we also couldn't do anything against it."_

Oh Kurt remembered those months of drama and fights and gossip and how both tried to avoid each other or at least were rude to each other in a pretty smooth way. But then they stopped, and the tables turned that suddenly both couldn't be without each other. When or how it happened he had no idea. All he knew was it was a soulmate thing, because there were things you didn't share with anyone other than your soulmate.

"_Since Elliot died from laughter, because he is laying on the floor and not moving – oh wait he laughs again – I'll give you my advice."_

"Please," Kurt groaned.

"_Let it happen. Don't think too much just let it happen. If you two are soulmates, it will work out and make sense sooner or later. Believe me. Is he with you now?"_

"No he is... oh, he is coming back. Thanks and I'll call you tomorrow," Kurt said in a rush and hung up while he turned around to face the living room where Blaine was standing. He looked tired, cold and so small that everything in Kurt screamed to go over there and warm him up. With a hug, with a blanket, anything. Kurt, though, was basically frozen on the spot in the kitchen, busy with sorting his emotions out. Relief was the first thing he noticed, because Blaine had been gone for hours and Kurt couldn't feel anything from Blaine. Then he was angry about Blaine's stupid behavior. But this was nothing compared to the small sparkle of happiness he felt when he saw Blaine.

"You were right," Blaine said and Kurt felt how sorry he was: "This isn't easy. But I still want to leave this place as soon as I turn eighteen."

He nodded slowly, but reminded himself that this was still something they couldn't say for sure.

"You were hiding your emotions, Blaine."

"I wasn't sure if it worked."

"Well it did. Which is kind of okay, you know? For me and for you. And... I'm sorry, too. It's not like I can't give you money. I can. I guess I was just... worried."

Blaine huffed out a laugh, no honest one, no happy one. It was just an action he needed to do so he could have some more seconds to think.

"You don't need to be worried about me, Kurt. I'm a big boy and have been alone for six months now. I'll just make sure to stay out of trouble so we both are fine."

Kurt nodded slowly, watching Blaine carefully as he took his jacket off, followed by shoes and beanie and made his way to the kitchen. Like always Blaine wanted to make his own dinner, like a boy in his age should. But also, this seemed a bit wrong. Martin's words were echoing in his head. Let it happen, just go with it. Maybe this was the key, to go with it and at least become friends or something. Soulmates could be just friends too, right? And Blaine, despite all the mistery around him he likes to make, was well mannered and if he changed his wardrobe – Kurt could literally see it – he would not just be adorable but also handsome.

"We could... cook something together? It's your day off, right?" he asked, leaning against the kitchen table. The young boy turned around, eyes confused and wide like he wasn't sure if he heard him correctly.

"You mean, together? Not afraid that I might ruin something?"

"If you don't want to just say it."

"That's... that's not what I've been saying. Do whatever you want as long as it's pizza."

Kurt groaned, because he was sure when Blaine moved out he wouldn't want to eat or even see any pizza for a year.

* * *

A week later, he figured out that he and Blaine at least stopped fighting over nothing. Blaine was still rude and still a bit messy as always, but he tried, just like Kurt. So they agreed on cooking together at least every second day and watching something together. No need to talk or feel obliged to do anything. Just them, being who they were as individuals, sharing a room together. Sometimes Kurt asked stuff like, where Blaine used to live and he answered Westerville, Ohio and that he had been a student at Dalton Academy. He also found out that Blaine's favorite color was purple, judging by the way his eyes were shining when he folded his shirt's – and many of them were purple.

Basically, they were two roommates, only that Kurt had to pay for everything. Still it was good, better than living alone and when he ignored Blaine's rude attitude at times or when Kurt stopped one of his moods they were doing fine. Well, as fine as two silent people could.

But things changed when February came.

Blaine got sick and like, it was no flu, or cold or fever. It was something else and Kurt just called it sick. The young man was just sitting on the couch, for hours, not eating nor talking, doing nothing like he was somewhere else with his head. Even when Kurt talked to him all Blaine did was wince and then shrug, like he had no idea either. He didn't call a doctor – which was a secret for him – but Elliot. Maybe this was a soulmate thing or something. So he explained what was wrong with Blaine and Elliot asked: _"How long do you know each other?"_

"Um... two weeks now."

"_And you take care of each other?"_

"What do you mean? I cook for him and buy stuff for him-"

"_Oh my God, no. I mean... Kurt, seriously? He is your soulmate."_

"Well," he snapped and looked at Blaine who was clutching the pillow and pressed it against his chest. This didn't feel good, Kurt could feel that something was not right and it affected him too.

"_Listen, you have to keep some physical contact. I mean not always but at least once a week. You've read the laws, don't ya?"_

"Of course but I had no idea that... this?"

"_Well, if you want to be okay and Blaine to be okay you should at least, cuddle?"_

"What!?" Blaine whimpered and Kurt almost did the same. Okay, this was... weird. He could basically feel their connection getting colder and colder and slowly it began to hurt, like really bad.

But cuddle? He was seventeen!

"Kurt, just do it, okay? You know about the mental aberration? Want that?"

"Oh my God, fine!"

He didn't want that. Both, the mental aberration and cuddling with Blaine.


	5. Human

Hey guys! Thank u all so much for the reviews! It makes me very happy that I can entertain u guys and I hope I'll do this in the following chapters also. Reviews mean really a lot to me - and basically each writer- because they keep us motivtaed but also can be an amazing source for inspiration. So, keep up the good work and tell me what u think, wish etc. Also, I wanted to ask/mention that I want to write from Blaine's POV and it would start in the next chapter. I think it would be great to look at both sides but tell me what u think! Thank u guys once again, and thanks to Mino and Oksana! Also this is not the beta version, I'll upload the beta version tomorrow (needed to post it now)

* * *

Chapter 5. Human

Kurt just stood there for several minutes and stared at Blaine. Blaine who was still hugging the pillow and looking sick, eyes unfocused and like he wasn't even here with his mind. Was it really because of the connection? Because they didn't do what they... should? On one side Kurt wanted him to help and also himself because he could feel it how even he began to feel sick, empty. But then again his mind was fighting with the fact that Blaine was seventeen. A boy, just about to turn 18 while Kurt was 25. How on earth should it be right, even feel right to cuddle with him? Okay, maybe if he tried to imagine Blaine was... his younger brother or something – god that was creepy because he was his soulmate – it would be easier?

Ruffing his hair he walked up and down the living room not really knowing why because Elliot was right, even the woman in the Soulmate Department said it. Blaine needed someone to keep him grounded, safe and loved – but he didn't love Blaine, he wasn't even sure if he liked him yet – and Kurt was the one who needed to be this person. He needed to be the adult here.

Turning around he kept on telling himself that this was not wrong, that he was not creepy, that his soulmate was still legal and soon turning 18. He told himself that this was important for them, for their well being and their connection. Moreover he needed to be okay and keep Blaine safe so he wouldn't fuck up at work.

Slowly walking towards Blaine, watching how the boy didn't move only holding the pillow close to his chest Kurt sat down next to him on the couch. Yeah, okay, now what? Not like this was the first time he would touch someone but this was his soulmate so, yeah, it was something else.

"Blaine?"

No answer, no movement. He said his name again, waited and waited but nothing came back. Be an adult, he told himself and slowly rested his hand on Blaine's shoulder and pulled it back with a gasp. The moment he touched him something weird was happening inside of him. First he thought it was a electric shock, but then he noticed it was something else. It felt like warm, hot liquid running through his body, no, his soul. It was so warm that it hurt but at the same time this cold feeling grew less. Almost like the warm feeling was melting the ice inside him.

And perhaps the same happened to Blaine because he was looking at Kurt, eyes clearly more alive than seconds before.

"I guess, this helps our connection," Kurt said not even sure if Blaine was listening but he saw the boys hand moving to his own and resting it on the back of his hand. The feeling came back, flowing slowly like water through him. He breathed in trying to get used to this and he stopped staring at their hands but needed to see Blaine. If he was okay, if this was really what they needed. And yes, when he saw his face, eyes becoming the gold they used to be and his body clearly more relaxed Kurt relaxed to. This seemed to be more work than he thought and he really didn't like that. Like he had no chance as to do this so he was fine. Just like Blaine.

"Feeling better?"

"Mhm," Blaine hummed eyes still looking at their hands: "This connection thing is kind of fragile, huh?"

"I guess it has something to do with you still being seventeen," Kurt shrugged: "I'm not sure if this is normal." Like, Kurt had no idea what was normal and not or what was needed to be done and what not. All he could do was remembering what his friends told him about but he never heard them saying something like that. Elliot never told him that his and Martin's connection needed something like this and they weren't even together. After four months they finally decided to become a couple. Mercedes and Sam know each other for years so Kurt probably never noticed if something like this happened.

Now it was Kurt, too, who looked down, seeing how Blaine's hand rested on his and how good it looked there. He may be a boy but his hand was not the one of a boy anymore. Also, since Blaine was living here and wearing different clothes – not that his weren't okay but for Kurt they looked old and made him think Blaine was homeless – he looked a bit older than seventeen.

Also when he smoothed his hair down with some gel.

He truly wondered what Blaine was doing with all the money, his money and the money Blaine was working for. Even without his money Blaine must had enough money to buy himself some clothes, right? The part of New York – so Kurt assumed – Blaine was living in wasn't that expensive. But he didn't ask. For some reason he didn't ask. Maybe because Blaine was still somewhere in his mind, sucking in the warmth through their touch.

An hour later Blaine looked like Blaine again and moved his hand away from Kurt's. They both rubbed their own wrist and Kurt slowly stood up but not before he made sure to take one last look at Blaine's face.

"I guess we should do this when needed and at least once a week."

Blaine only hummed his answer, Kurt not anything coming from Blaine. Maybe he really figured out how to control his feelings or how to work with this connection although they didn't know each other that long and didn't even make the Last Bond.

"When is your free day?"

"This weekend I'm all free," Blaine said while he rummaged around his bag.

"Good," Kurt said opening the refrigerator to get something to drink: "Because I needed to call my friend because you were, well, sick and I told him that we are soulmates. So I guess they'll want to meet you."

He turned around and found Blaine staring at him. Again he couldn't tell what he felt and maybe it was not because Blaine tried to hide it, maybe it was because the other boy didn't know himself.

"I doubt this is necessary. It's not like we want to be together, right? And I'll move out anyway."

"We both already figured out it's not that easy. We are connected until the day we die and I doubt it will be that easy," Kurt explained tried to be reasonable though he still had trouble to accept this as reality.

"You don't want that Kurt. You don't want an us so I think... no. You know what, nevermind. Invite them if you want to."

And then Blaine stood up getting dressed, bag on his back: "I'm out to work."

"Blaine, wait-"

But he shut the door and Kurt pressed his lips together.

Saying he didn't want Blaine here sounded rude and also... not true. Having Blaine here with him was actually good but only the part were he wasn't alone. He wasn't used to live alone and have no one around him. Mercedes and Elliot were living with their soulmates and wouldn't come back. The time they had together wouldn't happen again. Rachel was too annoying with her 'I'm a superstar' attitude and Santana was living with Brittany. He loved them both but he really preferred to live alone as listening to two lesbians doing what they did. Their stories were enough for him so he really didn't want to see the real thing.

And Blaine, thought he was messy and rude and not the talking guy, was a good roommate. Eager to learn cooking and trying to not be such a burden.

But actually being together like a couple? Because they were soulmates? Kurt didn't see that happen. But he also know he could be very wrong because he never had heard about soulmates not being together or ending up together. Seriously, he couldn't tell much about Blaine after what? Three weeks? Okay he could say some things but that was not what he needed to know. He needed to know the person Blaine and not the Blaine who wasn't talking about himself.

Groaning and telling himself he had no time for this because first, it was creepy to be together with a seventeen year old and second, if this movie turned out to be something amazing he could become famous. What would the media do? He and a 17 year old together? Well, by the time Blaine would be 18 but... oh, yes and when they knew they were soulmates no one would give a fuck.

Shaking his head he texted Elliot that he would come over to the music shop – Elliot was there anyway – and left the loft.

* * *

"My friend! The Soulmate!" Elliot smirked with arms wide open and Kurt rolled his eyes as his friend hugged him tightly. At least one of them was happy about that. They went to the backroom a cosy room they used to spent time together, Kurt, Elliot and Mercedes. They sat down on the huge leather couch and Elliot couldn't stop smiling and Kurt wondered if his face already hurt.

"Jesus, Kurt! Be happy! It's amazing to have a soulmate."

"I haven't figured out what is so amazing about that yet."

Elliot groaned and leaned back, giving Kurt this look whenever he knew that he was right. There was no doubt in Kurt's head that Elliot was not right, but he just couldn't see it right now.

"What is it? Is it because he is seventeen? Or because he is still a kid?"

"And he is rude, leaves chaos and we basically fight all the time or say nothing."

His friend hummed only to show Kurt he was listening while his blue eyes were focused somewhere else, like always when he was thinking. Kurt though, he wanted to crawl into his bed and forget everything. Like he would if he weren't an adult or at least he thought he was behaving mature.

"He is a teenager and we all were messy little brats."  
"I was not."

"You, Kurt, are an exception about everything, seriously."

Kurt smiled, pleased with himself but only to try to ease his mind. It worked just a little bit.

"Anyway. What's his name?"

"Blaine."

"Oooh, what a beautiful name," Elliot grinned while Kurt knew he tried everything so Kurt would change his thoughts about this and stop seeing everything so dark. Well, yes, Blaine was a beautiful name but he only connected rude Blaine with this name.

"He is a teenager, so give him a break. And this is also new for him. I honestly can't remember how it was without Martin because I'm so used to have a soulmate. It's really amazing and you know how much we hated each other. But it worked out. So, tell me, does it really bother you that he is seventeen?"

Kurt sighed: "It's... I don't know, kind of creepy? I almost feel like a pedophile."

"Kurt, he is seventeen! Not thirteen."

"And I am twenty five, Elliot. I'm almost eight years ahead and I just... I have this role, my job and if it works out I'll be busy as fuck. I doubt he'll understand."

"Well, you don't know that Kurt. I mean, what do you know about him? You said you both don't talk?"

"He is from Ohio, smart, said he graduated a year earlier than any other. He likes pizza and works at a Diner. And his parents are dead." This parents stuff hurt Kurt a lot. He knew what it felt like to be without a mother. But losing his dad was something he never wanted to happen. So he felt sympathy for Blaine and yes, maybe even pity but... when he ignored all these annoying things Blaine did he could see this boy. Alone, in a big city and working in a Diner to have some money for himself. This broke his heart.

Oh, he thought, that wasn't much and Elliot's huff told him that he thought the same.

"I guess you are on your 'I need to help him he is all alone' mood, huh?"

"It's not only that. I.. this is all confusing. This connection, all these feelings. He learned how to control them or hide them," which was the evidence for Kurt that Blaine's story about how smart he is was no lie: "but sometimes I feel like my soul is about to explode."

"You two have a pretty deep connection."

Kurt turned his head staring at his friend: "What makes you think that?"

"Well, I felt basically small things from Martin, nothing like you describe. I've heard about those connections. Each connection is different and the deeper it is, the stronger it is you can be pretty sure that this is something special."

Like a kid he only pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. Great.

"Look, Kurt. You need to talk, like seriously, talk about anything and don't be stubborn. I know you can be stubborn. But, I'm speaking from the perspective of a soulmate here, it will make sense, it will work out. This soulmate thing is not just happening to ruin your life. Have you touched him yet?"

"He is seventeen, Elliot. He is probably still a virgin from what I know."

His friend groaned, trying not to laugh after that and shook his head: "I'm not talking about that, Kurt. I mean, when he was sick did you touch him?"

"Oh, uhm, yeah we held hands."

"And what did you feel?"

Kurt sighed, remembering the feeling which first scared him but then, somehow felt good and made even sense in some way he couldn't understand.

"It was like... warm water? I don't know but it was not bad."

"Good. This is important, Kurt. I mean you've read the laws and he is not eighteen so he needs. And like Marting said I'll tell you the same now, let it happen. You'll only hurt yourself and him if you don't do it."

"I know that. I understand all of that but I just feel like... my job and his age and this is not what I wanted, Elliot. This is not the plan I had."

Elliot only laughed and squeezed Kurt's shoulder.

"I didn't plan that either. But, does his age really bother you that much?"

Honestly? He may have dreamed about someone around his age or older but actually? It didn't really matter when the feelings were right. Blaine would turn eighteen soon and in some years it wouldn't matter how hold he was or Blaine. And because they were soulmates no one could say something against it or do something against. Yes, if he became famous the media would still talk but in the end it was not their decision. Something, someone else made them soulmates.

"I take your silence as a no."

Kurt mumbled something inaudible and Elliot smirked.

"Look. Take your time but don't avoid him. Talk, try to cuddle or something because of your deep connection and you'll see, soon, things will make sense. Also, imagine falling in love, Kurt."

Kurt stood up, holding his hands up like he tried to block those words out: "Wow, that is a bit too fast."

"I wanted to say, imagine this happening and playing your role. Then you'll find out what it really feels like."

Kurt remembered their conversation and how worried he was to not be able to portray those feelings on camera. Yet, this was not the solution he was looking for. And he definitely didn't see Blaine as his boyfriend or something close to that. God, they weren't even friends only... using each other.

"I hate you sometimes, you know that?"

"Because I'm such a positive guys?"

"Stop that smirking already. God, my friends are all crazy. I guess you told Mercedes?"

Elliot's smirk only grew wider and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Since you two are so happy for me and Blaine is part of my life like, for forever I want you two at my place, with your soulmates. I... We'll make dinner."

* * *

Kurt was nervous for some reason and he usually never got nervous when his friends were visiting him. He was so nervous that Blaine made the pizza almost alone. He made the dough while Kurt prepared the meat and vegetables but soon Blaine took the things away from Kurt giving him a questioning look.

"You are nervous, I can feel it."

"I am, but I don't know why. They are my friends."

"I'll behave. Don't worry."

Now it was Kurt who gave Blaine a look like he wondered if this boy was serious. But he was, he could even feel something like, he was sorry? Maybe he was aware of the mess he made and how rude he was at times despite being so young and still confused by hormones? Smart, Blaine was smart, Kurt thought, and smart could be good but also dangerous.

"I'm not worried about that. It's just... they are all soulmates and they will talk about what it feels like to be a soulmate, how awesome it is and shit."

Blaine was still busy with cutting the meat and shrugged while doing this: "We aren't them though. We are we and just because we are soulmates doesn't mean anything. Our minds don't want what we should be or do."

For the first time Kurt wondered if Blaine was really not believing in this soulmate thing or just against the idea of being together with him. Because this, his voice, his words sounded more like he truly questioned all this soulmate stuff while being very well aware of what it did to, to the both of them, when they touched. And Kurt believed in this but still trying to figure out how to deal with it and accept that it was Blaine. Blaine Anderson, smart but still a total stranger.

They prepared everything in silence until Kurt's friends came. He cleaned his hands and went to the door seeing for stupid grinning faces – seriously, they looked like kids on Christmas – and he rolled his eyes letting them inside. First Mercedes, Sam, Elliot and Martin was the only one giving him an apologizing smile in which Kurt answered with a shake of his head.

But before they could run over Blaine like some crazy hyenas he made sure to be in the kitchen before them. This was probably more nerve-racking and scary for Blaine than for anyone in his loft. Walking up to Blaine and catching his pleading look he couldn't help himself but smile reassuringly. Despite the troubles they have Kurt would never leave him alone here with his crazy fans. Not when he could feel how scared Blaine was. The reason though, he couldn't tell why but it didn't matter right now.

His hand on Blaine's shoulder he could feel their connection again, the warm flowing feeling and how it calmed Blaine down.

He told them Blaine's name and one after the other shook Blaine's hand gently and sitting down at the table for six people. They talked about work and ate pizza laughing about Elliot's and Mercedes spontaneously singing some lyrics and they all had to guess what song it was. Martin chuckled but Kurt could see how he also rolled his eyes in a loving way at Elliot. God, he really missed this. All of this. The singing, silly faces and dirty mouths or full mouths because they couldn't eat properly and never would. But he didn't mind. Still he made sure to check on Blaine who was sitting next to him, watching them in silence and eating.

At some point Elliot leaned closer to Martin, giving him some big eyes and sang _'I belong to you, you belong to me you are my-'_

"No! Stop it!" Mercedes and Kurt groaned in unison and Elliot glared at them.

"What? I love this song."

Kurt wiped his mouth clean while Mercedes raised her eyebrows and said in a playful annoyed voice: "Yeah, we know. You've been singing this song for weeks when you two got together."  
"It was awful and annoying," Kurt said, trying to hide his laugh: "He just wouldn't shut up. Then he tried to hum it and thought we wouldn't recognize it."

"I hate you both," Elliot pouted and Martin patted his shoulder. Mercedes began to explain why he didn't and Kurt turned his head back to Blaine, his smile gone when he noticed how Blaine was staring at him like he wasn't sure if this was real what he saw. Or maybe it was something else? He couldn't really tell because he couldn't feel what the younger boy was feeling. So, without even thinking about it he placed his hand on Blaine's, under the table for no one to see and asked: "Everything's okay?"

Blaine nodded, not moving but looking finally back to the people sitting with them. When Kurt thought he could take his hand back now he felt Blaine grabbing for it and holding it tight. Okay, maybe something was not okay.

"Are you singing too, Blaine?" Elliot asked, holding his glass with beer against his lips.

"Um, I used to. But not anymore. I even play guitar but I don't have one anymore."

"You should totally come to the music shop I'm working at. Well, not really just part time. But I have a band and if you like to Kurt will show you where we are," Elliot said clearly excited that Blaine was interested in music. Then he gave Kurt a look like, _see it's easy_, and Kurt almost stuck his tongue out but was able to stop himself.

"Thank you," said Blaine with a small smile.

This was new but also interesting for Kurt to see Blaine this nervous and polite. Like, he wondered if he tried to impress his friends or if he was just shy? Which didn't make much sense considering that he was working in a Diner at night.

"Kurt said you graduated a year earlier?" asked Mercedes.

"I did. I'm... pretty smart. Well that's what people tell me and it was actually good so I was able to leave Ohio earlier and start a new life."

"I'm sorry about your loss," she said, trying not to give him this pity look because Kurt told her Blaine was freaking out when he felt what Kurt felt about that.

"It's okay. I have to focus on my future and not on my past. And I have a job and now I have this for a while."

"For a while?" asked Sam and gave Kurt a confused look like anybody else did. Oh crap.

"What does that mean for a while, Kurt?"

"Blaine will move out as soon as he turns eighteen. In two months," Kurt answered but he wasn't so sure about that anymore, not while feeling how hard Blaine held his hand. Was it the connection again or why was he holding his hand like his life depended on it?

"You are kidding, right? This won't work even if you try," said Mercedes and gave them both a worried look: "You met each other and you are here together now. Being away from each other will hurt you both and you'll be looking for each other anyway."

Kurt blinked, not remembering that he read something about that and he also wasn't sure if this was good or bad. He understood that their connection needed some physical contact to work and not hurt them and that was all. Well, no one could blame that he wasn't able to think much further in the current state their 'relationship' was.

"What do you mean? I'm only responsible for Blaine until he is eighteen."

Blaine nodded.

"This connection between soulmates is fragile and keeping you two apart won't help you, it will hurt you. It's your soul that is connected and it's normal to struggle at the beginning when you don't know each other, but it will work out in the end. But keeping you two apart is like trying to stretch your soul and it can only go so far until it breaks," Martin explained.

"Believe me, it will hurt you badly," Sam said and nodded to himself with wide eyes while taking a sip of his beer.

"How do you know that though? You are always together," Kurt said, trying not to sound annoyed.

"Kurt, sweetie," Mercedes laughed and then gave him a warm look: "Just because you are a soulmate doesn't mean you are some superhero. You are still human having the pleasure to share a beautiful connection with someone. One not many people will enjoy."

"The sex is amazing," Elliot said in a whisper but everyone could hear it and Martin smacked his arm playfully while Kurt almost jumped and Blaine was squeezing his hand again and shaking a little bit.

"You have no filter, seriously," Kurt warned him but Elliot acted like he was innocent.

"It's not only that. It's everything. But, how do we know that it will hurt you when you two are not together? Sam and I had this big fight about, what was it?"

"About the stinky clothes from my football kids," he said.

"And we've been fighting over this because he left in the middle of the living room. I know it sounds silly, but you know just because we are soulmates doesn't mean we can't use our mind or aren't ourselves anymore. So we were fighting and I threw him out of the apartment. He was at Santana's place for two days and it hurt so bad that he wasn't around me though we were used to this. It's always like this when we fight and one of us goes away."

"Wait so, you fight?"

"Of course. Elliot always needs to play on his guitar when I'm working and sometimes he is so loud I can't hear my own voice," Martin said and Elliot pouted.

"We are still humans, Kurt. Just because we have a soulmate doesn't mean we accept everything. We have a relationship like anybody else but with this beautiful connection. It's hard to describe because it's individual but you'll know what I mean when you two get there."

Kurt only nodded suddenly feeling a bit better knowing that he won't be just some, yeah, some working human being to make another person happy and accept everything Blaine does. Yes, this was good, he could live with that, still being who he was.

Taking a look at Blaine he couldn't read his face but he was looking down like, he wasn't sure what to think about that. Maybe he was too young to understand that, or too inexperienced because Kurt had been in relationships and knew about the ups and downs.

"I would really think about that. If you two don't stay together after living together it's like you'll be living with just on half of your soul and that, I promise you, hurts."

* * *

After they left Kurt and Blaine cleaned everything up and went to the couch while Kurt turned the TV on, seeing that Jumanji was on. Wow, that was some old movie he thought while Blaine sat next to him looking at the TV but not watching. Like, Blaine was a bit off during the last hour with his friends and Kurt couldn't really tell why but he was worried if this was maybe too much for him. A room full with adults, with his friends and he in the middle of it.

"You okay?"

Blaine almost jumped, snapping out of his thoughts and his honey eyes found Kurt's – the first time they were really looking at him. And god they were beautiful and probably betraying other people about how old Blaine was. Because this gold, though it was shining and clear it was also a bit old.

"Yeah. Your friends are nice. I just, all this stuff about moving out and what it means."

"Don't worry about it now. We'll see what will happen when the time comes, okay?"

Seriously, no one could really tell what would happen in the next two months and it was just a waste of energy to think about it now.

"You are right," said Blaine and adjusted the pillows and blanket, crawling under it.

"You want to watch this? Because I'm tired and I need some sleep."

"Yeah, I would like to."

Kurt gave him the remote and went to the bathroom, brushing his teeth, changing into his pajamas and walking up the spiral stairs but stood still to take a last look at Blaine, laying there and watching the movie.

"Good night."

"Good night."

Kurt woke up in the middle of the night feeling sad, so sad he had no idea why. He listened, trying to hear some noise coming from Blaine, but he wasn't sure because he tried to muffle his own sobs into his pillow. This came out of nowhere, confusing him while he tried to stop crying and figuring out if it was him feeling like this or Blaine. But he really couldn't tell.


	6. Mess

**Hey there! I used a song in this chapter just because it felt right. It's from Alexander Rybak - Oah. Also, I hope I could answer some questions and thanks for questions/reviews because they really help me to make this story - hopfully - better. And this chapter is from Blaine's POV. I guess I don't need to put a warning in here only that prostitution is mentioned. Hope you enjoy this chapter! The next follows soon!**

* * *

Chapter 6. Mess

"Long night, sweetie?" Lucy asked while Blaine was sitting at the table in her Diner and his head leaning against the window, trying to not fall asleep.

Blaine moved in the seat to sit straight and hummed sleepily but gave Lucy a smile as she handed him two mugs with coffee.

"It was okay. But it's getting harder since I know I'm a soulmate and have this connection with Kurt."

She sat down, across from him and took his hand into hers, warm and soft like the one from a mother though Lucy had no children. The sky was still not blue, more orange, dark blue and the sun slowly raising. Whenever Blaine saw the sun rising he wished he could wake up to it everyday instead of falling asleep to it almost every night. If he could he would do that but he had to work and couldn't just stop.

"Of course it's harder with the connection. Your soul doesn't want you to do that."

Blaine nodded slowly and took his mug after he squeezed her hands and gave her a small smile.

"I'll look if Charlie is done so I can go back to Kurt's."

Lucy nodded, while Blaine left the Diner and walked into the building right next to it, dark red and old but the place he used to work. With a sigh he saw the car was still standing there. The one in which Charlie and his customer arrived. He opened the door and walked through the clean, dark brown floor, taking the stairs to his and Charlies apartment. They were living here since Blaine came to New York and though it didn't look pretty from the outside they made it cosy inside.

Which was a huge change for him. In Ohio he was living in a beautiful house had room for himself and always warm water. But this was okay, he got used to living here.

Anything was better then living with his mother.

Reaching the first floor he walked to their door, opening it and heard the noises from his roommate. Nothing new, nothing he hadn't heard for the first time. While Charlie moaned – something he was proud of or pretended to be proud of – the other guy groaned in pleasure and Blaine made his way to the small kitchen, sitting down on the chair next to the window.

The door to Charlie's room opened, some words were exchanged Blaine didn't understand and then the front door was opened, closed and locked.

"Fucking hell," Charlie groaned from the corridor and Blaine heard shuffling, knowing his roommate put his clothes on and soon after that he joined him in the kitchen. His golden hair was a mess, his skin damp from sweat and brown eyes exhausted.

"Hey handsome," but Charlie never not smiled. He gave Blaine this huge smile, smoothing his black sweatshirt down with a v-neck.

"Hey slut," said Blaine and couldn't stop the smirk on his face.

"Ha ha, don't think that's funny," he groaned and took the second mug from Blaine, sitting down on the chair next to his friends: "Some kinky bastards tonight. Like, I don't have anything against kinks but I wished they were more talented with their words. Oh, fuck."

Charlie hissed and Blaine tried not to laugh while his friend rubbed his ass.

"I need a break. Seriously. Or at least no fucking for some days."

Blaine nodded slowly, humming because Lucy's coffee was still the best and looked out, seeing the sky becoming brighter.

"I need to go soon. Just wanted to make sure you are okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I gave Paul the money and he won't bother us again until March."

"I'm sorry, you know that?" Blaine said remembering the days when those three guys came, out of nowhere and began to threaten them. Guys who worked for Paul, the guy Blaine once trusted and soon figured out how naïve he had been.

"I know that, Blaine. Don't worry. It's not your fault that you are a soulmate and you can't... do what you usually do, though if you ask me I think it's pretty amazing. You can go out of this shithole."

"He is my soulmate, Charlie, and he is only responsible for me until I turn eighteen, which will happen in two months."

But he didn't want to talk about it with Charlie. Not about their job, not about Kurt. He wanted to go back to Kurt and sleep.

"Here," he said and pulled several dollars out of his pocket. It was always like that. They met at night, went to work on the streets and took their customers to their apartment and then Charlie kept the money, his and Blaine's and at the end of the month they hoped to have enough to give it to Paul.

"Blaine, you should tell him about your job. You two are soulmates and it's supposed to work out anyway," Charlie sighed and shoved the money into the pockets of his jeans.

But the younger boy said nothing. He didn't believe in this soulmate thing and found no reason to change his mind. He was a prostitute and Kurt was an actor, probably becoming famous soon and who on earth would wanted a prostitute? Even though they were soulmates it didn't mean that Kurt would accept that or even want people to know what he did.

"I have to go. See you later, buddy."

"Sure."

* * *

Back in Kurt's loft Blaine took a long hot shower, like every morning. He made sure to clean each part, to get rid off the smell of other men and brushed his teeth longer than necessary to make the taste of cocks and semen go away. It wasn't like he hated his job. He got used to his job after five months and found a way to deal with it in his mind. Probably the thought, _it won't be like this forever,_ repeating it like mantra was the main reason he didn't freak out and ran away. He had Lucy and Charlie who helped him and comforted him when things were tough. Now he had Kurt who gave him a small taste of what his life could become one day and Blaine enjoyed it as long as he could. Things were okay and he slowly figured this weird and powerful connection out.

When he left Ohio and came to New York he dreamed about how awesome his life would be from now on. He dreamed about a nice job, nice apartment and slowly working himself up to a better life. There was some money his father had left for him and it was enough to pay for the ticket to New York and live in a hotel for at least two weeks. Yes, things were awesome and he was so positive about everything. Then he met Paul and if someone had told him who Paul was, warned him about the cruel guys he could be, Blaine had had never said yes to him and his offer.

He sighed, shaking his head and rummaged in his bag. He shoved the several condoms to the corner of the bag and pulled three cockrings out, all of them black and began to clean them, mind dead not wanting to think about what they were used for. Then he washed the leather cuffs, blindfold and put everything back in a new plastic bag and back into his bag.

After that Blaine pulled his clothes out. Two back t-shirts, a pair of jeans and some underwear throwing it into the washing machine and waited the 15 minutes, sitting on the surface of the toilette and waiting. Kurt really had everything and he was happy about that. Here he was able to lock the door and clean everything with hot water. In his and Charlie`s apartment they had no washing machine and he really didn't like to go to the public places and wash his clothes and the other stuff he carried with him. No one needed to know what he was doing or smell the scent of sex.

Clothes washed he put them into the dryer and started it while checking his phone. There was a message from Charlie about that they didn't need to be worried for this month because they had enough money for the rent and for Paul already.

Thank god, Blaine breathed and looked down on himself. All the bruises and cuts were finally gone, even those on his face which was important. His customers didn't want to be with one who looked like a homeless guy. And since Kurt gave him money he made sure to have enough new clothes until he could buy some with his money. Now he needed to save it for a while.

Clothes dry he folded them and left the bathroom bag and clothes with him. On the couch he took his other bag, pulling the clean clothes inside and a new pair out. Black underwear, a dark read sweatshirt and dark jeans, next to the sex toys and condoms. Both bags closed, so Kurt didn't get the chance to peek inside he placed them next to the couch and immediately fell asleep. Yes, this couch was much better then his used bed.

* * *

Like everyday when he slept until midday and woke up he pretended to sleep, listening to Kurt walking through the apartment, doing something in the kitchen or working at his laptop. Sometimes he talked with his friends or manager over the phone and Blaine just lay there, listening and remembering the day he met Kurt.

He didn't know his name then but he felt something, not only this connection but more. So much more when he met those blue eyes for the first time. They weren't even close, a room apart but he could tell they were breath taking. Not only his eyes were taking Blaine's breath away, it was everything. His long legs, his soft hair so perfectly styled, the cheekbones, lips just everything and slowly he knew, felt it that this was something special. Something he didn't label as a soulmate then. Only because he remembered what happened, how Jesse humiliated him in front of Kurt he left quickly. As if Kurt would remember him or like him or even want to know him, Blaine thought back then when he left the building.

It was love at first sight for him. It hit him so hard, right there where his heart was.

Even then, months ago he knew Kurt was probably older, a model or something – something that was not as bad like being a prostitute – and maybe even had someone already. Thinking this and searching for excuses didn't mean he forgot Kurt. He couldn't and until they met again he could feel the change inside him.

When he met him again, not even knowing him he still believed it was love at first sight. At least for him.

So when it was official that they were soulmates he felt happy, really happy but knew he couldn't show this feeling. He learned to hide his happiness and show something else or nothing slowly and Kurt never asked so he probably succeeded doing this.

Kurt's phone was buzzing and Blaine listened to his voice – not caring what he said but only the sound- , hiding his face in the pillows and feeling what this voice did to him. It was not like any other voice, not deep not too high. It was a melody in his ears and reaching parts of his soul he hoped it was not only because of the connection. He never felt like this before, how could he even? No guys made him feel the way Kurt did with just his voice. Eyes closed he let the voice inside his whole being, waiting until Kurt stopped his call and then rolled over staring at the ceiling and pretending that he just woke up. Reminding himself to sort out his feelings and act the way he did for the last days. Silent, unhappy and distant though it became harder and harder to pretend with each passing day.

"Morning," he mumbled and stood up seeing how Kurt stopped with his mumbled morning but gave him a smile and a different good morning. It changed after the older man invited his friends over. They didn't talk about it after they left and they didn't talk about it the next day. Monday Kurt was out meeting his co-workers and Blaine was already gone when Kurt came back.

"Hey, Elliot called me asking when you'll visit him," Kurt rolled his eyes and Blaine tried not to smile about that.

"He is super excited about the fact that you like music."

"Maybe tomorrow," Blaine said and went to the counter, taking the mug Kurt left for him every morning and pouring some coffee in it.

"Are you okay, Blaine? I know I probably annoy you with asking this but, since my friends were here you've been acting strange."

Oh, was he? He took some cream and while he was busy with his hands he sorted his feelings out, hiding the insecurity, the sadness from Kurt. It was like, finding a part of his soul that Kurt couldn't reach so he could hide things until they stopped. But it was so much to hide that Blaine got easily exhausted and felt how their connection suffered because of this. He figured this out when he met Elliot and the other. While trying to hide his feelings he couldn't focus on what had been said and only when Kurt touched his hand Blaine could hide it from his soulmate.

"Did you feel anything strange coming from me?" he asked.

Actually he thought that through Kurt touching him he would feel it, everything but something else happened. All the calmness the older man felt flooded right into his soul and hid everything else. Which was perfect and not as exhausting as hiding his feelings.

"No, but I also know that we can hide things from each other. I just try to work this out Blaine."

"You've been holding my hand," Blaine said and turned around, looking at this beautiful face: "I bet you would have felt something, right?"

Kurt only looked at him, eyebrows moving together: "I don't know, Blaine. Because this whole connection stuff is still a mess for me."

"Then, just believe me when I say things are fine. I was just nervous because I didn't know your friends and we are bound for life, okay? Whatever happens to us it has impact on the other. So forgive me to be a bit nervous if those people will treat me right."

Friends Blaine wanted to impress and make them to like him but also knew they wouldn't. Their lives were far from his, far better, brighter and not as dark and wrong as his was. Fuck the fact that they were soulmates. It wouldn't change the other fact that Blaine was a prostitute, sucking cock to earn money.

He wanted them to like him, but more over he wanted Kurt to like him. Beautiful, talented Kurt who was everything Blaine wanted but perhaps never could have in the way he wished it would be. Honest, from his heart and not because of some stupid connection. So he ended up crying the night after Kurt's friends left. This connection, this soulmate stuff, Blaine didn't believe in it, at least he didn't believe that those were real feelings. Maybe between Elliot and Martin or Mercedes and Sam. But it would never be like that between him and Kurt.

Sure, Kurt had no idea what he was doing and maybe he never would, but Blaine also knew that he could meet those guys again. They only needed to go to a restaurant or do grocery and each damn guy could have been his customer. A model, like Jesse, a closeted man with a wife and kids, a lawyer, anyone. They only needed to see them and say something and Kurt would know.

Of course it wasn't like this ever happened to Blaine – honestly New York was far too big to meet someone again but Kurt – yet he couldn't ignore that possibility.

"They like you, don't worry."

If they did, fine. But Blaine wanted Kurt to like him, wanted him because even if he didn't believe in this connection stuff to be something real, he was still grateful and felt very lucky to be allowed to spent this time with Kurt. And he wished, he wished so badly that Kurt would look at him, even if he found it out one day, the way he looked at Kurt. The beautiful, talented man who made him feel so many things with just his voice, with just one look.

He knew, this was not pretty woman and that in reality prostitutes were treated bad, some people even felt disgust so why would Kurt not be one of them? He feared that day.

"When will you start filming?" Blaine asked sitting down while Kurt read his e-mails.

"From March until the end of May. You are interested in movies?"

"Kind of? I actually wanted to study music but I had no money for college."

Oh, shit, he didn't want to say that.

"Is that the reason why you want money from me? Beause I don't see any stuff here from you."

"No. I keep the stuff in my apartment because I'll move out anyway, right?"

The older only nodded and Blaine could feel how conflicted Kurt was over this. What? Did he change his mind now? Because of the stuff Mercedes said? Biting his lip he didn't like that idea. He didn't like it when he heard it because this meant he had to lie for a longer time than planned.

"Look, I know I use you, okay? But I don't earn that much money in the Diner so don't blame me to take care of myself and use a chance when I get it."

"I didn't say anything, Blaine. Do whatever you want. Though I think you should really go to a college. I mean, I can pay for it since we are responsible for each other any way. Or there is also the possibility to take out a loan?"

"Nope. Not gonna happen. I don't want any debts," he tried not to laugh about that because he knew he already had some. Fucking Paul, he thought.

"And I'm not sure if I'm fine with you working over there," Kurt said, clearly annoyed, no, worried and Blaine felt his own heart breaking but didn't show it. He didn't deserve this from Kurt because it was his choice being a prostitute. So, like days before he played the other card, the annoyed and hurt part that Kurt would feel pity for him.

"Whenever you go to work I can feel how uncomfortable you are. Or I think you feel that way, I don't really know but it's exhausting and, believe it or not, I'm worried."

"It's not my fault that I have no problem with people knowing I'm gay. They call me names and sometimes they go further but nothing happened since the last time, right?"

Laptop closed Kurt turned around, facing Blaine.

"I know that. But I'm worried here, about you and about me. You have to understand that this role is really important for me and I want to do my best. I can't do that when I get no sleep. Either you change your work schedule or you stop working there."

Stop working there sounded like heaven. No more disgusting men who tried to convince him they were his soulmate, who tried to do things with Blaine he didn't want to do. Yes, this was heaven imagining doing this no more. But it was not reality.

"You don't control my life, Kurt. If I want to work there I'll stay there. You aren't the only one here who needs to take care of himself," Blaine said with a calm, cold voice and sipped his coffee, while Kurt looked like he was about to freak out.

"I don't get you. I give you the chance to stay here and pay for your college. This is your dream, right? Studying music and work with that?"

Blaine only shrugged like the seventeen year old he wished he could be, and here he could.

"Talk to me, Blaine. We need to work this out, together."

"Together," Blaine sneered: "There is no real together, Kurt. All we have is this connection and that's it. Our mind nor our hearts are accepting the other."

"You really think that?"

"Tell me what should I think. Whenever you look at me I can see how you don't want me to be here because I'm young? Because I'm not who you want? Sorry but I can't change my age or my inexperience."

No, he wasn't stupid he knew all Kurt's insecurities and how worked up he was over the fact that Blaine was so young and even thought he was too young to understand things. It would be so easy to convince him that he was wrong because of what Blaine had been through but this meant to tell Kurt the truth and ruin everything.

"Blaine, I'm sorry. I really am." And he really was, Blaine could feel it coming from Kurt and he didn't get to feel much from Kurt but his moods and annoyance. This was different and while the older looked him deep in the eyes they both knew they felt the honesty behind Kurt's words.

"Our start was rough and, yes, I didn't imagine this and yes I was also mean. But don't think I don't like you or don't care. Because that's not true."

He looked at Kurt's hand while his heart began to beat faster and faster and hope was filling his body. So he reached out, needed Kurt's maturity and calmness to hide his own feelings. Hopefully this would always work and was not just a thing because he wasn't eighteen yet. Maybe even when he turned eighteen he could use Kurt's touch to hide how he was feeling as long as needed.

"Okay. I believe you."

And Kurt smiled and Blaine wanted to lean over and kiss this smile because it was so beautiful it couldn't be real. He didn't though but Kurt responded to his hand, holding it gently.

"Look. I try to stay out of trouble and maybe take a break until I turn eighteen and we can make the Last Bond, okay? Then whenever we are working we can break the connection."

"But you know that... you have to stay here? You know we need to touch to keep the connection safe, right?"

He wanted to make those kicky feet children did when they were happy, but he didn't. There were still things he needed to talk about now before he could be happy about that.

"I live with a friend of mine together, so I can't pay two rents."

"You don't have to pay for living here. I told you, I have enough money but I won't spoil you as soon as you turn eighteen. I only have one condition."

"And that is?"

"The boundaries still stand, obviously. But I also want you to think about college, okay? I mean it when I say I'll pay for you."

Why Kurt would do that or when he changed his mind Blaine hadn't figured out yet but he still thought it was suspicious.

"Are you doing this because you feel responsible or because you want to?"

"Because I want to," the answer came without any hesitation and Blaine looked down to their joined hands. Did Kurt actually begin to like him or was he just imagining stuff? And should he be happy about it or run away – though he couldn't run away even if he wanted to. He was sure this happened only because of the connection and not because Kurt wanted to like him.

Blaine nodded slowly without being aware that he was doing it.

"Good," Kurt said and stood up, taking his hand away and Blaine sorted his feelings out, hiding them from Kurt.

"I'm going to meet Linda, my co-worker. I'll be back before you'll be gone."

"Okay."

* * *

With his bag hanging down on his shoulder he walked inside the building he used to live in, wishing he didn't have to work because it was cold, there was still snow on the streets and it was dark. He used to like winter but he didn't like walking around the streets and look for customers. For willing men he could give some pleasure. Seriously, winter sucked when you were a prostitute.

He jumped up the stairs, unlocked the door and heard Charlie singing from the kitchen.

_Singing oah  
I love you Moa  
You're way too young for me  
But I don't mind _

"Charlie? What the fuck?" Blaine yelled over the super happy song and watched his friend dance in front of the stove, while heating some milk. His friend smirked at him and sang louder.

_So tell me what I want to hear  
No wait - let's just leave it there  
You know I'm not good for you  
God - I don't know what to do!_

"Oh my God! You are impossible!" Blaine couldn't help himself but laugh and left his bag on the floor while Charlie took his hands and pushed him down on a chair still singing dramatically.

_I liked you from the start  
You melt my icy heart  
And now it's burning out _

Finally his friend turned the music down, coming from the speakers plugged into his laptop and grinned at Blaine while taking two mugs and filling them with the hot milk.

"Don't say you didn't like my little show, Blainers. I sang it only for you and your future boyfriend."

"Charlie, you know it won't work out. No one wants a prostitute and especially not Kurt."

Charlie only licked his lips, staring at the two mugs with hot chocolate and then rolled his eyes at Blaine, sitting down.

"It will work out. You maybe don't believe in this soulmate stuff but I do."

He scrunched his nose and took the mug into his hands, enjoying the warmth coming from it and slowly feeling his fingers coming back to life, while crinkling his nose as Charlie spoke on.

"You are cute and you are smart. And you are in love with him and he'll be soon, too."

"You know what people say about us."

"People talk a lot and most of the stuff they say is bullshit. Also, it's not like you are fucking around. I fuck around, Blaine. You don't. You can't even because you are a soulmate."

"Like someone would believe me when I say this."

Charlie blew over the surface of his steaming drink, taking a testing sip and then another when he was sure it wasn't that hot anymore.

"Blainers, change your attitude, that's not you being all whiny about how he won't like you. You are smart, strong and handsome. _And_, you are almost out of here."

"Well, I have to say I'll probably will be living with him longer than planned."

"Mmmhm, tell me more," his friend smirked over his mug, eyes shining with curiosity. Seriously, how did Charlie do this? Being all positive and happy while he was in the same situation like Blaine? He really wished he had a bit of his friend attitude inside him.

"It's our connection. We will create the Last Bond when I turn eighteen so we can break our connection when he is working, you know because he is an actor. But we need to take care of it, like touching hands so it won't hurt us or make us mentally ill. And I probably will stop working for a while. I mean, only when I have enough money to take a break, that is."

"Well, that's good? I mean it will be hard to pay the rent alone-"

"I'll still pay half of the rent. He doesn't want money from me. Honestly, I think he doesn't even want to be alone because he shines like the sun around his friends. So he wants me to stay, because of this I guess but also because of the connection."

Charlie squeaked like a little girl and made those kicky feet Blaine wanted to do earlier this day.

"Someone likes you, huh?"

"I don't know. Even if, he will stop liking me when-"

"No, don't start with this again. Just, be honest as soon as you feel like and figure it out. You will because-"

"We are soulmates, yes I know. But I don't believe. I mean, I want him, yes, he is amazing but I want him not because of this connection. He says I can live with him, he even wanted to pay for college for me, because he wants to and not because of the connection, which I believe is true. But like, it won't change the fact that I have to pay Paul."

Charlie almost chocked on his chocolate and stared at Blaine: "He wanted what?"

"I didn't say yes, though. I want to get out of my debts and maybe then. You understand? I need to get out of here and then I can, maybe, consider this."

"I understand, but, wow Blaine. That's generous. Seriously. Maybe he would even pay for your debts?"

Blaine shook his head violently, clutching his mug: "No, nope. Not gonna happen. It's my burden and my business and I'll figure it out. Also, as soon as I'm done with it I can stop being a prostitute and he'll never find out."

"Blaine, he'll find out anyway. Something like this can't be hidden forever. And you don't fuck around. If you explain to him why you do this he will be angry, yes, maybe even feel disgust but you'll work it out."

"It doesn't matter if I fuck around or not. I still do things I shouldn't do with anyone and get money for it."

Charlie sighed: "Let's just drop it before we fight over nothing."

Both knew it was senseless to talk about that. Charlie knew it because Blaine didn't believe in this soulmate thing and Blaine knew it because Charlie would always come with the argument _'but you are soulmates'_. He really didn't need an endless conversation about that, again.

"What about you?"

"What about me?" Charlie asked and sipped his hot chocolate, checking the time on his phone.

"What will you do when we are out of here."

Charlie only hummed, thinking and then shrugged: "You know, I don't mind this job. But I won't do it forever. Maybe I'll stay here and work for Lucy and when she becomes old and gray I'll become the new owner of her Diner."

Blaine chuckled but this was not what he meant to ask: "I mean, don't you have a dream?"

"Oh, I did. I wanted to become a Kindergartener. Imagine that, a prostitute becoming a kindergartener. Creepy."

Blaine wanted to laugh but he didn't. He knew very well, just like Charlie that they could try to hide it but it would never be like it didn't happen. This was a part of their life and all they could do was being quiet and hoping no one would figure it out. Their customers for sure wouldn't talk about it, they were far too ashamed. Seriously? They were two young boys servicing older men, many in the closet so they were at least a bit safe on this side.

"But I guess the Diner or a tattoo shop is also good. You know I love to draw and I like tattoos."

Oh yes, he did. Charlie had several on his arms.

"Anyway handsome. Time for work before they steal the customers from us."

* * *

Blaine hated it. Standing on the pavement watching the cars driving pass them and hoping one would stop and want them. It was cold, it was late and he already missed Kurt's couch. But this was his job and he got used to it. Especially with Charlie at his side he knew he was safe. They never let the other alone for too long during their work. Which was good, otherwise Blaine wasn't sure if he would be alive still. Sometimes, on a very bad day he met the wrong guy because he couldn't give him what he wanted and it ended up bad for him, if it weren't for Charlie being right next door.

He maybe was a prostitute and he maybe sucked cocks and did other things, but he still had one thing no one could take away from him yet. One thing too precious to him that he wouldn't give it away to any person, any men.

"Hey, there are two," Charlie nudged Blaine with his elbow and they walked across the street, Blaine to the black car and Charlie to the green one, both bending down to look through the open window. He heard his friends flirty voice, trying to convince the men to take him over the other boys. Blaine did the same, but with a different strategy.

With a forced smile he looked at the man who, considered to the other man he had, looked okay, maybe around thirty.

"How much?" the man asked and Blaine licked his lips, keeping his voice low.

"Depends on what you want. For example sucking your cock fifty bucks. Sucking my cock one hundred."

The man laughed and gave Blaine a disbelieving look, like any other when he said that.

"You are crazy. Why would sucking you cost so much?"

And for some reason he didn't understand men went crazy when he said those words.

"Because I'm still a virgin."

"You are not."

Blaine only smiled, knowing how to convince them and it didn't take much because it was the truth.

"It's true. No one's ever been in this tight hole." He could see it, how the man imagined it, everything Blaine said, how he swallowed because, yes, for some reason they loved to touch virgin boys and dream about to be the one who took this away from them. For some reason being a virgin while being a prostitute was very appealing to them.

For Blaine it was only good because he kept something very precious to him and he got more money for being a virgin.

"Fine," the man said and Blaine looked over to Charlie who nodded and both climbed inside the car they were standing at.


	7. Believe

**Thank u again for reviews and reading! It keeps me motivated and also helps me a lot to figure out where to move with this fic! Keep up the good work! **

* * *

Chapter 7. Believe

Kurt had no idea how he found himself here. Here in his own loft and feeling like he should be running away, far away. It was February the last month he still had enough time for himself and for his friends – while meeting the crew for his movie called 'False Remorse' – and actually wanted to enjoy each minute of it. He even thought about to finally break the wall between him and Blaine and get to know each other through real talking. Because he knew they needed a strong connection now so the Last Bond would work out even better. Also, as soon as the filming began he knew their time would be limited. But this realization came a bit late.

"Hello, Mister Hummel," said the woman with dark red hair sitting in his living room in the armchair. Blaine sat across her on the couch and gave Kurt a warning look while he could feel how conflicted Blaine was.

"Hello, Misses?"

"Miss Shanon, I'm from the Soulmate Department," she said and Kurt took his jacket off, left his bag next to the shoes and joined Blaine on the couch, shooting a confused look at his soulmate.

"And you are here because?" asked Kurt both staring at the woman in the black suit.

"Just a small interview to see how you two are doing together. I'll ask you some questions and you'll just answer it. First you Mister Hummel and then you Mister Anderson."

Kurt didn't know why or what those questions were about but he became nervous, really nervous. Still they both nodded slowly and the women bent over, a small book clipboard on her lab and read whatever was written on the paper.

"So, what's the favorite color of your soulmate?"

Kurt sat there motionless while inside him he felt sick. What kind of question was that? And why was it important to know that? Blinking he thought and thought knowing he should give a quick answer otherwise she would know that he had no idea.

"Pruple," he said and glanced at Blaine, how just slightly moved his head to a nod.

"Blue," was Blaine's answer and the woman smiled at both of them: "Is that true?" Both nodded not even knowing why they knew it. Well, Kurt could tell it because Blaine had a lot of purple things but he wasn't quiet sure it was just coincidence or if he really liked this color. Apparently he was right and also Blaine. Maybe he underestimated them both and how aware they were about the other.

"Your soulmates favorite food?"

"Pizza."

"Cheesecake."

She asked again if they were right and both nodded slowly. Kurt wanted to relax but he couldn't. Those things were obvious because they cooked together and the color thing was easy to figure out. "Favorite movie?"

And there it was, the question Kurt couldn't answer because he and Blaine wouldn't talk about stuff like that, or stuff at all. Their discussions were mainly about how to avoid each other but also work on their connection, or simple fights. But then he thought about how Blaine told him he was smart, how he graduated a year earlier and maybe he would get the hint. Hopefully because he slowly understood what those questions were about. About them and how well they knew each other by now. About him the adult who has to take care of Blaine. He couldn't fail because he wasn't ready for more responsibilities. Not with the filming only a month away.

"Jumanji."

"Moulin Rouge." Kurt almost turned his head to look at Blaine in surprise but knew this would be wrong and the woman would figure it out. So he sat there, calm from the outside.

Again she asked if it was true and both nodded.

"The birthday and age of your soulmate."

Oh fuck.

"The second of April," Kurt guessed and apparently the woman had their dates written down because she said it was correct and Kurt couldn't believe how much luck he had. Like really, there are 365 days and he picked the right one? Luckily he knew that Blaine's birthday because when they met it was January and he said he would turn eighteen in three months. So there was not much math needed but more luck.

"September twenty second," Blaine said and now Kurt had to look at him because that was right. They never talked about that but for some reason Blaine knew and the older wondered how. Maybe he looked into his stuff when Kurt wasn't home? No, he knew Blaine wouldn't do that. But still he was curious.

"Good. Now, Mister Hummel, you are an actor, right?" Kurt nodded. "Are you planning to take your soulmate with you? Because your connection is still new and he won't turn eighteen before April?"

"Yes," he said because it was the only logical answer considering Blaine's age and their connection. He knew that he couldn't say no and leave for days, maybe.

"Good. I'll be checking that. Your manager and the crew already know that, so it's no big deal."

Oh, well, great. It felt like they wanted to rule his life, like they tried to force him to have Blaine around him, all the time until he was eighteen. But then he really couldn't blame Blaine for it because it was not his fault that he had no one. So he swallowed the anger he felt down.

"And you are okay, Mister Anderson? Feeling home here?"

"Getting there," was his answer and the woman smiled, probably being a sane person and knowing it took a little time to get used to a new life.

She wrote some things down, both watching her and then she smiled and closed the clipboard.

"Seems like you two are good. I'll see you two in March then. And good luck with your movie Mister Hummel. And you, Mister Anderson, should think about attending a college. We know you are incredibly smart and it would really be a waste to not study."

They both nodded again, shook hands with Miss Shanon and Kurt opened the door for her, closed it and took a deep breath which he needed right after he saw her but couldn't do it.

"That was close," Blaine sighed and fell back on the couch.

"Too close. I already forgot that they wanted to check on us," Kurt said walking through the living room to the kitchen: "And we should finally work on that so next time I don't have to guess when your birthday is." Kurt started the coffee machine, opened the drawer with the pro and con list and made sure to hide it in the corner while he pulled two blank pages out of it and placed them on the table.

"What's that for?" asked Blaine when he joined him in the kitchen, hands deep in the pockets of his jeans.

"We make a profile about us. You know like in school."

"Seriously?"

"Yup. Now come here and we'll cook something before we start that. I'm starving and you have to work later, right?"

He heard Blaine sigh but he joined him anyway.

"But no pizza today," Kurt said opening the refrigerator and looking for the chicken he bought this morning and something for a salad.

"Okay," the younger boy sighed and took the vegetables from Kurt and reached out for the chopping board under the window and a knife from the knife block. While chopping the tomates and carrots Kurt prepared the chicken.

"You are good with that whole cooking stuff, you know?"

"Um," he started making eye contact with Blaine but then shrugged: "My dad taught me some stuff but mainly I learned it by myself. When I was younger my dad had a heart attack and I had to take care of him. He usually ate all this unhealthy stuff so it was good I knew how to cook."

"Your dad's fine now?"

"Yeah, now. My mom died when I was eight and then came the bullies in school, me coming out but my dad always supported me, and then the heart attack and, yeah, it's been a rough time. But he has a new wife now and is doing much better."

"Sorry about your loss."

Kurt shook his head, chopping the meat into small pieces and the bones into the bin under the counter.

"I still have my dad and we are fine now. More than fine actually."

They were silent for a while, Kurt not sure if he should ask Blaine about his parents because this was a different story than his. Blaine had no one and Kurt still had his dad and a new mom which he really liked. So he didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to live without both, mom and dad.

"You know, my dad was awesome too. Always supportive and doing anything so we were happy. Mom just sucked."

Nodding and humming so Blaine knew he was listening Kurt didn't ask anything, not wanting to say something and Blaine would just shut down about that topic. He figured that the younger boy like to do that or avoid his parents completely.

"I have a brother though. Well, technically he is not my brother but stepbrother. I couldn't find him and we are not blood related. He left us when he turned eighteen. I was only eight then."

For a second Kurt wanted to stop what he was doing and ask him why he never mentioned to have a brother. But then he saw Blaine's look, which was empty. No sadness, no anger just nothing and he wasn't sure what this meant. He also wasn't sure if this was the truth because he felt something coming from Blaine he tried to hide.

"Are you angry I never told you about my brother?"

"No. It's okay. Like you said you two are not blood related so he wouldn't even be considered to take care of you."

Though Kurt wondered about the constellation of this family. So he asked taking the risk that Blaine maybe shut down or freaked out.

"So your dad was your dad?"

"Yup. My real mother died when I was born and then he met a new one and she already had a kid. But then things just didn't work out and my brother left us. And then there was the car accident."

That was it. Blaine said nothing else and Kurt stood there, wondering who took care of him and why he came to New York. However, he was torn if he could trust Blaine or not. Like, he didn't believe that someone would lie about his parents death but then there was something with the way Blaine looked while talking about it.

"Can I say something and you promise me not to feel offended?"

"Go on," Blaine said letting the carrots and tomatoes fall into a plastic bowl.

"I told you that I want us to be honest when we were talking about the boundaries. I just want to remind you about that."

Nothing, silence and Kurt knew Blaine was hiding something from him. Something he wasn't ready to talk about or didn't want to and the younger knew that Kurt knew it. But both said nothing, only exchanging a look and prepared their food in silence.

After lunch they both sat down facing the blank pages Kurt left for them and he gave Blaine a pen to write it down. Crossing his legs Kurt leaned closer and wrote Blaine's name down on the top bottom of the page while Blaine had one leg close to his chest and did the same but with Kurt's name.

"How do you know about my birthday?" asked Kurt after he wrote down the word birthday and the 2nd April next to it.

"You left your ID card on the table. I'm not looking through your stuff."

"I didn't say that," Kurt mumbled and Blaine gave him a look like he tried to say 'yeah, right'.

"Whatever, so favorite color? Blue, right?"

Kurt nodded: "Purple?"

"Yes. And my favorite movie is not Jumanji. It's Star Wars, like all of them."

They both wrote the things down.

"Moulin Rouge was correct but you knew that from the beginning. Okay, cats or dogs?"

"Dogs. Let me guess, you like cats?"

"I'm fine with both."

Blaine hummed, writing everything down and asking: "Favorite music? Band?"

"I'd say musicals. You?"

"Good lyrics. But I like musicals too."

Kurt raised an eyebrow. He liked musicals? Well, that was something he could work with and he couldn't stop the smile on his face.

"Let's see, favorite food and drink is not that hard, we figured that out already. What about hobbies?"

"Music and video games."

"Watching TV shows."

"Oh, that too!" Blaine said with wide eyes.

"Really? What TV shows?" Kurt asked slowly liking where this was going.

"Everything as long as it's good written," Blaine smiled.

Kurt smiled too and this was probably the first time they truly smiled at each other and he liked it. He liked this a lot.

"I have some here on DVD. We could... watch it together? I just bought Hannibal and Downton Abbey."

"What about some fantasy stuff? Like, I don't know. Supernatural? Game of Thrones?"

"We can start with all of them if you want to. I mean, I won't be working until March so, there is enough time."

Blaine smiled happily writing everything down and it felt good to feel his own happiness and also the one from his soulmate. For once his feelings had some balance and weren't a chaos of everything.

"How does it feel for you to be a soulmate?"

Blaine thought about it staring at his pen and then he looked up, meeting Kurt's eyes and said: "Why would you ask that?"

"I just want to know what it feels like for you," Kurt shrugged: "For me it's like one half is me and the other is you but when I don't feel anything from you it's... not really empty just there, waiting."

After some seconds Blaine slowly nodded.

"Do you feel a lot of my feelings?"

"Since you learned to control them it depends, I guess," Kurt spoke, looking up while thinking and then back to Blaine: "When you are working I can feel your discomfort? Or something. I'm not sure what it is but it's not a pleasant feeling."

"Probably because of some customers I don't like. But I get more money for the night shift."

"Yeah, well. We can work on that as soon as we made the Last Bond. Anyway, despite work I usually feel it when you are nervous or angry. Maybe not angry, more like grumpy. But right now I feel it that you are happy and this is good for me, you know?"

Again a small nod: "It's the same for me. I mean feeling like one half is me and the other is you. And, since we are honest here I wonder if this is how it should feel. Like, one half is bitching or something-"

"I'm not bitching, I'm-"

"You have moods, Kurt, don't deny it."

"Fine, maybe I have moods," he sighed because, yeah, Blaine was right. Kurt was never really angry or something he just had his moods: "But I know what you mean. I guess we have to wait until you turn eighteen. I know my friends don't feel that way. They say it's like you are you or two people together and they love it."

It was hard for him to imagine or feel that because, how? They didn't feel like that and maybe it had something to do with Blaine being 17 or because they weren't there. That meant if they ever get _there_.

"Okay, so. Anything else you want to share? Because I don't know what to write down anymore."

"No. I guess the other stuff comes with time," said Blaine and placed the pen down but still looked like he was thinking about something. Kurt waited, taking the two pages and stuck them on the surface of the refrigerator until Blaine asked.  
"Are you really taking me to your work?"

"Of course. I mean, you wanted to take a break until you turn eighteen, right?"

"Yeah. I talked with Lucy and I can do that, my roommate is also fine with that."

"Good. And since Nina, that's my manager, already talked with the producers it won't be a big deal. I mean, you are my soulmate they can't say no because of our connection."

He really hoped it wouldn't be a big deal. For Blaine this all would be new, he was sure. As a model he had to film stuff so he was a bit familiar with all of this. The only worry Kurt had was that Blaine could be bored or maybe that he would be rude to the others. However, he probably was worried over nothing. Blaine was smart, had manners – like he saw it when his friends were there – and maybe this was good for them.

"Help me clean up?" Kurt asked filling the sink with warm water.

"Sure."

Blaine jumped off the chair and stood next to Kurt, already holding the towel. He figured, though everything else wasn't working out yet they worked together when it came to cooking and cleaning in the kitchen.

* * *

On Blaine's free day they both went together to meet Kurt's co-workers. Which Kurt soon regretted.

"He is so cute and handsome. Oh my God, you are so lucky, Kurt," said Linda and Kurt stopped counting how often she had said that. They were on the stage of the theater they used for rehearsal and all were literally blown away by how handsome Blaine looked. Even Kurt had to admit that he looked good with this new look he didn't know Blaine was able to put on.

His curls were smoothly gelled, not to much but enough so they wouldn't stick out – okay this wasn't new – but his outfit definitely was. Not some lazy jeans and a simple t-shirt. Nope. He wore black jeans tighter then his usual jeans, dark blue shirt with long sleeves and a bow tie. Yup, he was really cute and handsome but: "He is seventeen, Linda."

"He is your soulmate. And seventeen is not that young, Kurt. You are only twenty five."

He gave up talking about that after Elliot hammered it inside his head that age didn't matter. Maybe it didn't but society cared way too much and he was worried what would happen if this movie became a success. Something he shouldn't be worried about now.

"I'll bake him some cookies, or muffins the next time you'll bring him with you."

She said sitting next to Kurt on a chair and watching the others talking to Blaine. Clara – a brown haired girl, small, maybe around Blaine's age who would play his sister - was also smitten, even Robert – his long dark hair knotted to a silly pigtail or something – couldn't stop smirking at Blaine.

"You'll see him almost everyday in March. Then you can bake him whatever you want."

Kurt watched them laughing about something and the happiness coming from Blaine made him happy. He couldn't remember seeing him so carefree, like ever. Or maybe he was just imagining stuff because he wasn't happy about this situation for a long time. But he really liked his smile, when Blaine smiled.

"How are things going between you two?" Linda asked, sipping her tea the script laying on her lab.

"Better, I think. We talk a bit more, less fights. But it still feels like he is just some roommate."

"Don't worry about that. It's normal. My friend from Chicago and her soulmate literally screamed at each other for three months. She always moved out but the connection brought them back together. Even when they tried to date someone else or go further it wouldn't work out."

"Because of the connection, huh? Elliot told me we can't fool around when we have a soulmate."

"Basically. I mean some stuff is possible but still."

"Stuff?"

"I'm talking about sex, Kurt," she smirked and Kurt's eyes widened. Sex? Like how did they come from cookies to sex? He looked over to Blaine who looked back probably feeling how troubled Kurt was and the older wasn't even able to hide it from Blaine. Before the younger boy could see him blushing Kurt turned back to Linda who still smiled.

"I can't even be with him in a room for a whole day without fighting and weekly hand holding is also, unfamiliar and he is seventeen."

"Jesus, Kurt. Calm down."

He didn't want to think about it or even worse imagine it. Not because he found Blaine unattractive but because it was... he wasn't feeling that way for him and he was young. He didn't even know if Blaine ever had a boyfriend or sex. He groaned, hiding his face in his hands while Linda ran a hand down his arm to calm him down.

"I just... I don't see it working out."

"Of course not," she gave him a warm smile when he looked back at her: "But it will. Just wait and let it happen. And you said your connection is pretty deep so I'm sure it will be awesome. I'm almost jealous."

Kurt only made a face like, who would be jealous about two people trying to get out of this but couldn't? Maybe they were all right and he was just thinking too much? It wasn't like he didn't believe in this soulmate stuff, because he did. But nothing was like he imagined it to be.

"You are right. I should stop thinking too much because we can't change it."

"Exactly. But it will be great, believe me."

when Kurt thought about his friends, how happy they were with their soulmates and how on earth they were, sure about everything and especially about each other. Yes, he wanted that and maybe he should really start to focus on the positive things laying somewhere in the future?

"But-"

"Kurt, no."

"Just listen. What if we aren't meant to be? What if we are those special soulmates who shouldn't be?"

Linda gave him that look she could do so well. The 'are you serious right now' look.

"Nonsense. Kurt, you know that is nonsense. This is not the definition of soulmate."

He gave up and nodded only. Honestly, he really didn't hear anything close to that, soulmates found each other but weren't the perfect match. It sounded silly, it was silly and he felt silly thinking this.

"Have you asked him what happened? You that time when you were in the hospital."

"He said some homophobic idiots attacked him," the older explained while rubbing the back of his hand were once was a wound but now nothing but clean skin: "He works in a Diner in a part of New York which isn't really safe."

"Poor boy."

"Yeah. Well, he wants to work there and I won't stop him. He has an apartment with a friend and pays half of the rent, so that's why he is working there and probably he saves some of the money he got from me. I guess he does that for college."

Linda blinked quizzically: "But you could pay for his college. Actually you should."

"I told him that but he doesn't want to. He also knows we have to live together anyway because of the connection. So I don't really understand why he bothers himself with working there and paying rent for an apartment he doesn't even live in. But I won't force him to stop that as long as we keep our connection safe."

"Maybe he has a boyfriend?"

"What?" Kurt stared at her, really shocked about her words.

"What, what? You don't know?"

"No? I mean, he is my soulmate?"

Linda shook her head: "He is your soulmate since you two met. He was not your soulmate before that moment. Maybe he has someone. You had boyfriends too."

Kurt looked over to Blaine who was singing with his co-workers something from Sweeney Todd and tried deal with this idea. What if Blaine's roommate was really his boyfriend? Or what if he had a boyfriend in general and that's why he kept the money to make them both a good time? But then Kurt thought about how Blaine was all day in his loft and only going to work at night? Also, if he had a boyfriend wouldn't he feel it? Some kind of pleasure or happiness coming from Blaine?

"I don't think he has one. I'd felt that. I guess it has something to do with his pride or something. Anyway, he wants to work there and I can't stop him only tell him what his options are. But he will stop working there until he turns eighteen so we can break the connection when needed."

"Why would you do that? Breaking the connections?"

Kurt sighed: "He is always so... I don't know uneasy? Uncomfortable at work? I asked him why but he said it's because of some idiots or because he is tired but nothing happened again after that one time."

Linda smacked Kurt on the back of his head and he hissed, rubbing it with one eye closed and with the other looking at her.

"What if something happens and he needs you, Kurt? Your soulmate is always priority one."

"He has a phone he can call me or just open the connection."

"Seriously? You know what it does to soulmates when they break their connection, right?"

"I know."

"And you also know the place he is working at."

"Okay, fine. I talk to him."

Well, in his head this all sounded perfect but seeing Linda this upset and well knowing how fragile his and Blaine's connection is he knew it for a while, that, this wouldn't be so easy. But he wanted to try it because who knew what happened when Blaine turned eighteen and who knew what happened with them during this months. Many things could happen. He even had fun with Blaine creating that profile while he thought he would only fight with him.

"Kurt?" suddenly Blaine's voice was right next to him. Looking up he saw the worry in Blaine's face and could also feel a bit of it. Then the golden eyes went to Linda, quizzically.

"You okay?" Blaine asked, looking at the back of Kurt's head and touched his hand to take it away so he could have a better look.

"I'm fine. Linda and I were just being silly," he said, taking Blaine's hand and feeling how the warmth came back, putting everything in order and making them both calm. Okay, this was new but he really liked the way it felt. Like his soul was no longer in two parts but one part, mixed with something else, something good. Then Blaine's hand was gone and the old feeling came back, the one Kurt didn't like. Still, one look at Blaine was enough to see that he had felt the same.

* * *

Exhausted and a bit hungry Kurt opened the door to his loft and stumbled inside followed by Blaine who locked the door while Kurt took his jacket and shoes off, like Blaine did.

"Still up for Downton Abbey?" Kurt asked wanting nothing more than to just relax and not move.

"Yes. I can warm up what is left in the oven and you take a shower?"

"Sounds great. Thanks."

Blaine warmed up the lasagne they made that day and Kurt took a shower then Blaine and together they ate dinner, talking about Kurt's co-workers and Blaine told him that he had real fun with them Of course, the older thought to himself, Blaine was singing with them Sweeney Todd songs and he really enjoyed singing, form what Kurt saw. But sadly he couldn't hear his voice. Maybe, if they were more comfortable he would ask him to sing a song.

After their dinner they cleaned up together and while Blaine climbed on the pile of pillows and blankets he created in the last month Kurt started the TV and put the DVD inside the player. He still had Linda's words echoing in his head about this boyfriend stuff and though he didn't want to ask he couldn't help himself. This silence made him nervous that maybe someone could hear his thoughts so he said it instead: "Do you have a boyfriend, Blaine?"

"What?" Blaine asked while he adjusted the pillows and his blanket, giving Kurt a confused look over his shoulder. Shrugging he said down on the shorter part of the couch Blaine next to him while taking after he was done adjusting his stuff on the longer part of the couch along the wall.

"Why would you ask that?"

"I'm just wondering what you are doing with they money. I mean you can do with it whatever you want but I... I'm also worried."

"I save the money for just in case, Kurt. And no I don't have a boyfriend."

Relief flooded his body and he did everything to hide it from Blaine and asked something else to distract himself and Blaine.

"You know I'll take care of you. Not only because of this connection also because I want to."

"You say that now but I'm not naïve. If it won't work out I'll be on my own again."

Kurt blinked, watched Blaine grabbing the blanket and covering his legs with it, the pillow to his left side. Why would Blaine do that or even think that? They were soulmates and though both couldn't see it it was meant to work out. Unless...

"Do you really think that?"

"I'm just realistic. That's all."

The music from the menu of the DVD began and Blaine stared at the TV waiting for Kurt to start the show but he couldn't keep his eyes away from Blaine, wondering and trying to figure out what he was feeling. It was only that Blaine became better and better by hiding his feelings with each passing day. Not for long though but he could do it wen needed.

"You don't believe in this soulmate stuff, aren't you?"

Slowly the younger boy turned his head to look at Kurt, expression unreadable.

"I don't know. Do you?"

"I do."

"Good. Now can we start?"

"Sure."

Kurt pressed play but couldn't really focus on the first episode, which was okay he knew it anyway. What bothered him was that Blaine didn't believe in all of this and he wondered why. There were so many people around the world, so much about this soulmate stuff and he saw it happening to his friends, saw that it was true so of course he believed in it. But he had a different life compared to Blaine's and maybe it was easier for him to believe in something like this.

Something greater, something that could be beautiful when the time was right. He wanted to ask more, what Blaine truly thought, what made him have all this doubts. However, Kurt didn't ask and only looked down at his hand, then to Blaine's and remembered what it felt like when they touched in the theater. How his soul suddenly felt different, better and not cut into half. Slowly turning his head he tried to get Blaine's attention and this was easy through their connection. The younger boy raised his eyebrows and Kurt looked back down to their hands, Blaine doing the same and got the hint.

Yes, he definitely felt the same when they touched and maybe this was it what they all were talking about. The things they would do anyway because they were curious, because Kurt felt how his hand ached for Blaine's. Right now it didn't matter what his mind told him or what his idea of his soulmate was. Right now it was his soul wanting the missing piece, knowing it needed this piece while his mind didn't understand. And maybe Blaine felt the same or thought the same because he turned his hand so that the back of it was resting on the couch.

Kurt slowly placed his hand on Blaine's feeling the warmth as soon as their skin touched, feeling his soul becoming one and building a different connection. One where he had his soul, his own feelings but still connected to Blaine's. It was warm, it felt good just like it always did – the familiar flowing warmth – but sorting everything out. Everything that made no sense, that made it so hard to feel what the other felt. This simple touch stopped the mess Kurt didn't even know he was feeling and all that was left was sense. Everything made sense but he couldn't really say what made sense.

Maybe them, maybe this connection. But he wasn't sure.


	8. Mature

Chapter 8. Mature

**A month later**

Filming a movie didn't mean that you started with the first scene to the last one. The first month they filmed everything that happened outside and it was still cold and sometimes so late that Kurt had no idea how he should get back to his old sleep schedule. He only auditioned for this role because he liked the idea of two best friends, knowing each other since the day they were born and both working for the FBI. But one – Robert's character – would kill Kurt's characters sister and fool his best friend but, eventually, Kurt's character would find it out.

He really liked this idea and how much emotion he could bring in this role. Friendship was something very familiar to him, very precious. That's why it was easier for him to work with Robert than with Linda.

But Linda was not the one he was worried about. More over he was worried about Blaine who had to spent the cold nights with them. Though Blaine did a great job.

His worries never became true that Blaine would turn into a burden or get bored or something. In fact they all were blown away by him because he was cute, handsome and had manners. Not to forget that he was smart and learned a lot from the camera people and listened closely to what the director was saying.

Of course Kurt didn't focus all the time on Blaine, just between takes and in the end he was happy about him being there. They worked on their connection and on their relationship and he could say that they were at least friends. The weekly hand holding and watching something wasn't awkward anymore and sometimes they just held hands when they could.

It wasn't because he felt something special for Blaine it was more that it helped them both. They were calmer, their feelings sorted out and found better control over them too. Still, Kurt could feel when something happened in Blaine. May it be because he was happy or sad or something else. Only that he could really tell it came from Blaine was the thing he figured out.

Why it happened was still a secret for him. Perhaps because of their regular hand holding or because Blaine was almost eighteen were Kurt's theories but that he would figure out in a week.

"Cut!" the director yelled and they all walked away from the old house and went to the people who gave them something warm to drink. Usually it would have been someone else but since Blaine was there he made it his mission to take care of Kurt. He handed him everything he needed, something to drink or eat or his phone. Whatever it was Blaine gave it to Kurt. When he started doing this the older tried to tell he that was not necessary but gave up when Blaine did it anyway.

To be honest, it was a nice feeling to take something from Blaine and not only give him things. Also it was fun for him, Kurt could tell.

Linda went to her assistant and Kurt took the cup with hot tea from Blaine and mouthed a thank you.

"You were good," said Blaine.

"I do my best. But I'm slowly getting tired and it's super cold. What time is it anyway?"

"Almost one in the morning."

Kurt groaned and turned around, seeing Robert standing at the front door of the old building. Linda laughed about something not far from them and the rest of the crew was busy with the script. He saw the director, Noah, standing on the pavement and moving his arms explaining something to the camera man and then walking to Robert showing him the same.

"I guess we'll be here for another hour," Kurt said to Blaine and turned back to his soulmate: "If you want to you can go back to the loft."

"I'm fine here. I want to see you killing Robert though."

"Kurt! Linda!" Noah called for them and they walked back to him, listening to his instructions and took their positions. Kurt stood together with Linda on the pavement, staring at Robert and both slipped back into their characters. It was the final scene of the movie they were filming when Kurt's character finally found out that his best friend – Robert's character – was the one who killed his sister. They yelled at each other for a while and then Kurt pulled a fake gun and a fake shoot came out of it and Robert fell down on a mattress.

"Cut!" the director yelled and the people for the make up ran to Robert and painted blood on his clothes.

He had a second chance to do the same, shoot again and yell again. A deep breath and he saw the make up people running back behind the camera and Robert was standing again, looking really like he was bleeding.

"Action!"

Kurt warned him again, pulled his gun like Robert would have done it and shoot. He watched his friend stand, then fall and again the director yelled cut after some seconds which Robert motionless spent on the mattress. They did this over and over again, filming, pause, make up, filming pause make up and after two hours they were done.

"Good job guys," Noah said and slapped them on their shoulders one after the other a bit too strong. But that was Noah, doing his job with passion and always giving 100%. Kurt didn't mind because it was good to hear he did a good job and gave the director what he wanted from him.

"I can't way for our day off," Linda said as they walked back to Blaine who sat next to Nina, Kurt's dark haired manager who always looked good. She was a natural beauty and a sweetheart.

"Yeah, it has it's benefits to be a soulmate."

While Kurt worked everyday around 8 to 12 hours he was happy when they had their day off on Sunday. And it was Friday so only tomorrow and he could finally sleep for as long as he wanted to. And not to forget Blaine's birthday was close. He talked with Nina and the crew if it was possible for him to get another day free because Blaine's birthday was a Saturday and he had no idea what this Last Bond would do to them so he wanted to be safe and stay at home.

"See you guys tomorrow," Linda said and walked to her assistant while Kurt turned back to Blaine and Nina.

"You were so amazing, Kurt!"

"Thanks, Nina. So what's up for tomorrow?" he asked while taking his bag searching for the keys for his car.

"We have some interviews with three magazines in the morning and then we'll go to the studios for more filming. Noah said the outside stuff is done for now. They'll check the stuff they'd filmed so far and then, if needed, you'll be shooting again. But I doubt that. You guys were amazing."

"When in the morning?"

"I'll pick you two up at eight."

Kurt groaned and finally found his keys: "I should hurry so I can at least sleep for three hours."

"Don't worry. The interviews won't take long so you'll find enough time to sleep before you start filming again. Drive safe!"

Kurt and Blaine waved at her and climbed into Kurt's car. 30 minutes later they were back in the loft and while Kurt went to the bathroom to shower now Blaine changed his clothes in the living room. He showered quickly, brushed his teeth and left the bathroom to find Blaine already laying on the couch.

"Feeling okay?"

"I'm not sure. It's exhausting to feel all this stuff while you are filming though."

Kurt walked over to him, knowing too well what he meant. Their Sundays off weren't enough to maintain their connection and that was all they did. Only holding hands, well, touching at all on Sundays. Sighing he sat down next to him and concern in his eyes.

"If it gets too much you have to tell me Blaine. I'm sure this will change when you turn eighteen and your body or soul gets... used to it. But if you feel sick or weird, tell me."

"And then?"

"Well," Kurt said keeping eye contact and shrugged slowly: "We can take care of our connection between takes."

"They'll think we are boyfriends or something."

"They know you are my soulmate, they know we need to do this. Also, let them think what they want. We know the truth, isn't that more important?"

Blaine only stared at him and Kurt waited for his answer, slowly taking Blaine's hand into his and feeling it all over again, growing stronger with each passing day. He had his soul and Blaine his own but there was an obvious, strong connection between them and when he closed his eyes he was almost sure he could see it, a shining thread connected to Blaine.

"Right," was all Blaine said and breathed in.

"Feeling better now?"

The younger nodded slowly and Kurt took his hand away, knowing this was probably not enough but he really needed to sleep. And taking Blaine to his bed? No, this... no. They were just friends.

* * *

"You are lucky to have him, Kurt. Really," Nina said as she drove through the city and Kurt still groaned because he was still tired but at least looking presentable. He almost overslept and if it weren't for Blaine waking him up he would still be in his bed.

"Thank you, Blaine," Nina said looking at him through the driving mirror.

"It's no big deal, really."

They arrived at the building and soon Kurt was sitting in a room with a guy answering questions about the movie at first and later some personal stuff. And like from the start he promised himself to be honest with each answer or giving no answer at all when Nina said it. Blaine waited outside and Kurt could feel that for some reason he was super nervous, which was distracting but also worried him because he couldn't see his soulmate.

"So you are a soulmate?" the man asked who looked like one of those hipster people. Not that Kurt had something against them. Actually he would have been more calm if it wasn't for Blaine.

"Yes."

"And you are also gay."

Nina gave him a look and Kurt understood it.

"Does this have something to do with my skills?"

"Oh no," the man said: "We are supportive, no worries."

He waited for Nina to nod or give him a look. She nodded and smiled and he trusted her because it was her job to be familiar with the magazines.

"I prefer men, that's true."

He waited for questions about his soulmate but they didn't come and after an hour he was done with the first interview, two still to go. The guy left the room and Kurt looked outside, seeing Blaine sitting on the chair where he had left him looking back at Kurt. He seemed to be okay but still the older felt something was not okay but before he could go to him and ask his soulmate the next person walked inside, closing the door.

Kurt tried to focus on the questions and for the first 30 minutes he succeeded but then he suddenly felt sick and he just knew it wasn't him. It was Blaine.

"You okay, Mister Hummel?" the woman across from him asked and he nodded. His hand was resting on his belly trying to ignore the unpleasant feeling and focusing on the questions. But inside he was conflicted like never before in his life. There was Blaine obviously something was wrong and then there was his job which was also his dream and he sat there not sure what to do. Blaine was his soulmate, his 'friend' but he wouldn't get from Blaine what he got from his job.

But also Kurt was not heartless. He gave Nina a look and she stopped the interview, saying they were running out of time. Kurt shook hands with the woman from whatever magazine and left the room quickly. Blaine wasn't there only the uneasy feeling he had.

"Where is Blaine?" Nina asked while they both looked to the left and right if he was somewhere in the corridor. Nothing.

"I go there and you there, okay?" Nina pointed to the right and Kurt nodded walking down the corridor and looking for the washrooms. If Blaine felt sick maybe he was there, throwing up or something judging by what Kurt felt. But then the feeling changed into something else. It was no sadness but it was close, pretty close because he could tell Blaine was crying.

"What are you doing here?" a familiar voice spoke. One he didn't expect or wanted to hear.

"Jesse?" Kurt turned around and saw his ex co-worker.

"Aren't you supposed to film a movie?"

Kurt only huffed not having any of this jealousy or whatever Jesse's problem was. Wordlessly he walked further down the corridor and finally found the sign for the washrooms. Without hesitation he opened the door and listened, hearing silent sobs.

"Blaine?" he asked and walked to the two cabinets, seeing that one was locked.

"Blaine? Are you in there?"

Before Blaine answered Kurt could feel how he closed their connection so he wasn't feeling anything from Blaine. Obviously, he didn't want Kurt to know what he was feeling which worried him even more, it almost made him angry.

Unlocking the door Blaine opened it and it was written all over his face that he had been crying. Eyes red, still shiny from the tears and hair a mess from running his fingers through it. Yelling was a bad idea but asking also, he knew Blaine so far that he didn't like to open up about his feelings and he had every right to that. It was just a huge problem for their connection and for them when Blaine did that. And then it hit him. Jesse. The first time he saw Blaine was with Jesse and how Jesse yelled at him and humiliated him by throwing money over his head.

Why this happened, or what their connection was was a secret for Kurt but asking this now would be so wrong, he could smell it.

That's why he smiled because a smile was always the best way to deal with something. Blaine looked at him and as soon as he saw Kurt's smile he relaxed and wordlessly went to the sink to wash his face. Despite the questions he had Kurt was glad that his soulmate was fine, or as fine as he could be. Obviously the younger boy needed Kurt right now for some reason and Kurt needed to be the adult here. Needed and wanted to help Blaine to calm down because arguing didn't take them anywhere also pushing his soulmate.

Waiting he watched Blaine cleaning his face, trying to get the red off his face but well knowing this wouldn't work out so he dried his face and turned back to Kurt who still smiled and took Blaine's hand into his. Maybe he needed this, not only now but any moment and it made sense judging by the time they spent to maintain their connection and how much it suffered with Kurt shutting it down at times or making Blaine feel what he felt and vice versa.

Kurt squeezed his hand gently and their eyes met again. When this happened Kurt had no idea but apparently Blaine was able to understand him without words because all he did was nodding and holding on Kurt's hand like his life depended on it.

They left the washroom together and soon Kurt found Nina giving her a warning look so she wouldn't ask or say something that might upset Blaine. He couldn't feel what Blaine was feeling, but he felt how it was good for them both to keep this contact. It calmed Kurt down but also Blaine and he could ask him later, or tomorrow or maybe Blaine would open up and tell him what happened.

Together they left the building and climbed into Nina's car. This time Kurt joined Blaine on the backseat not wanting to let go of his hand and Blaine was probably thinking the same. Sitting close to Blaine who closed his eyes, clearly exhausted Nina started the car and asked: "Should I call them and tell them you can't today?"

Kurt thought about that but saw Blaine shaking his head and he decided to trust him with this decision.

"It's okay. We won't start filming before one and it's ten now. We'll take a nap in my trailer."

"Okay."

* * *

He let Blaine sleep on the small bed in his trailer and sat right next to him, holding his hand while his soulmate slept. 2 hours later they went to the studio, make up, costume and then filming. Luckily Blaine was calm during their scenes and whenever they yelled cut Kurt rushed over to Blaine, holding his hand and keeping them both calm. And Kurt didn't mind at all doing this. Maybe Blaine was smart and also able to take care of himself if he wasn't a soulmate. This still didn't mean that he had the maturity a person only got with time. With moving out, with dating, with working, things a 17 year old simply couldn't know but a 25 year old could. Kurt understood that now and also what they meant about Blaine needing someone to keep him grounded. While Kurt's soul and his part of the connection was becoming more and more calm and controllable, Blaine's had its struggles when – like on that day – things happened like meeting Jesse out of nowhere. Then he was anxious, maybe even confused just like any other 17 year old. And being his soulmate Kurt could feel that. He figured that out during the hours of filming but also knew, this would change soon.

Nina drove them back home around 1 in the morning. They both were silent most of the day and if they talked it was mainly about what happened on set. Inside he let go off Blaine's hand who said he needed a shower and while his soulmate left Kurt looked around, staring at the spot on the couch on which Blaine had been sleeping for over two months now. Never did Blaine complain about that, never asked for a bed or anything and some nights he cried himself into sleep. It took Kurt a long time to find an answer for this and now, when he thought about today and about how hard it must be for Blaine to deal with this connection which was like a hurricane because he wasn't eighteen he figured that maybe it was this.

Elliot told him, Blaine must be overextended with everything. Just like Kurt. But it was different for Blaine. Looking at his life Kurt knew he had everything he wanted – almost – and finding a partner would just be a plus. Blaine, though, he lost his parents, came to New York and started to work. Not enough money for college and maybe didn't even get the chance to really live his life. Kurt did it. He graduated, came here and studied, went into clubs, had fights, got drunk, all of the things a young person did and needs to do.

So of course Blaine was overextended. His life was bond with Kurt's from now on and he couldn't do what he wanted. He couldn't simply have a boyfriend or fool around, like Elliot told him. Their connection wouldn't allow it. People always talked about the benefits of being a soulmate, the beautiful parts but no one talked about this. The part when you had to give up your life at some point and make room for a person you don't know but are meant to be together?

The only thing that didn't make Kurt a complete pessimist was, that he truly believed in all this soulmate stuff and he even accepted Blaine. Blaming Blaine for being so young was stupid also blaming him for not working with Kurt together when it was about their connection. Because he believed and Blaine couldn't change his age nor believe in the same things Kurt did.

He walked through the living room to the stairs and up to his bedroom, changing into his pajamas and taking a pillow and his own blanket with him, going back down.

No, he wasn't ready or even feeling like he wanted to do... other things with Blaine. But he decided he could be his friend, a soulmate friend and help him. Maybe then Blaine could change his mind because he wanted to and saw the same thing Kurt dreamed of. Perhaps Blaine already began to change his view on this soulmate stuff because he felt himself what a simple touch of fingertips did to him. This though was only speculation because all Kurt could do was feeling those strong emotions Blaine felt. Only them and when he got physically hurt. Their minds belonged to them alone.

He placed his pillow next to Blaine's and eyed the shorter part of the couch. One night wouldn't hurt to sleep here instead in his bed. Sitting down he took his phone checking if he got any new mails or texts. Exactly five, two from Elliot, one from Linda and the other two from Nina.

"What are you doing there?" Blaine asked and Kurt was too distracted reading the messages that he didn't hear him leaving the bathroom.

"I'm going to sleep here," Kurt said like it wasn't obvious and turned is phone off. Tomorrow was their day off so he kept his phone also off.

"Why? I'm okay if you do this because of me."

Blaine walked over to the couch, eyes never leaving Kurt's face.

"We, Blaine, are not okay. Our connection is not stable so we need to fix this before you turn eighteen." Kurt knew it was his fault because he was the adult here and didn't do what he should had been doing. "It's my fault and I don't want you to get mentally ill."

"Because you'll get hurt too," Blaine said and climbed on the couch, crawling under the covers.

"This is not just about me. It's about you. About us."

Blaine almost rolled his eyes, huffing a laugh while he got comfortable: "Us. Yeah."

He tried, he understood and he tried to change it, to fix everything but Blaine wasn't cooperating and this made everything just harder. Maybe Blaine really didn't like him? But they were meant to be, they were soulmates for fucks sake. Feeling sad, maybe even helpless he kept staring at Blaine until their eyes met, letting the younger feel how he felt and observed the change in Blaine's eyes. Annoyance turned into guilt and then Blaine looked down before he found his words and said: "I'm sorry, okay? I just... I don't believe in this whole soulmate stuff."

"Is it because of me?"

"No," Blaine said, almost too fast, too eager: "It's not because of you. I just don't believe in it."

"But you feel everything, Blaine."

"I do. But this doesn't mean that I believe in it like the way you do. And... can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm really... tired."

Kurt nodded weighting that Blaine was right. Pushing him was a bad idea and it was indeed a very long day. Especially for his soulmate.

"But I'll stay here."

Adjusting his pillow he lay down, covering his body with the blanket and looking over to Blaine who was on his back, eyes closed but his arm outstretched so Kurt could hold his hand. He sighed, reached out for the familiar hand and closed his eyes not wanting to think about anything for a while but just be happy that Blaine at least understood how important this was.


	9. Unsure

**Heeeey there! So this is from Blaine's POV again. Thank u for the reviews and support! I read them all and I always try to answer your question via the next chapter. Some answers will be found here some in chapter 10 and 11 (which are almost done :))**

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Chapter 9. Unsure

**1 month ago**

When Blaine began to work as a prostitute he only had one thought. Make fast money and get as soon as possible out of your debts. Only that, nothing else. He had his own rules and followed them. No kissing, no real sex because he never had kissed someone and was still a virgin. Luckily most of the men he met weren't interested in those kind of things, like kissing. And luckily, many of them were so turned on by the idea that Blaine was a virgin that they never asked for sex.

They all wanted an untouched boy and touch him. Blaine never understood that logic because he was anything but untouched. Countless hands had been on his body, mouths on his skin, around his cock. He himself had done the same and most of the people he couldn't even remember and they probably couldn't remember him. But how could they think he was untouched when Blaine himself showered longer than usually to get everything off of his skin but still, at bad days, could feel it after that.

One day he stopped thinking about that, stopped asking question but just followed his own rules and did his job. What mattered was that he earned more money for the fact that he was a virgin. It happened, just like that. His job became his job and Charlie and Lucy became his friends. Especially Charlie because they knew the stories about young boys found dead in a corner and they didn't want to be one of those boys.

Then he met Kurt and he couldn't do his job like he used to. His body wouldn't let it happen and it took Blaine weeks until he figured out how to deal with all of this. At that time he didn't know he was a soulmate but he only felt how his body worked against him. Which was detrimental for his situation.

He needed the money and when he couldn't pay Paul sent his guys over and hit Blaine, punched him, kicked him and the wound on his hand was an accident. When those grown up guys came over and began to hurt him Charlie jumped between them not giving much thought into it just reacting. And the knife he had in his hand found its way to Blaine's.

Lucy took care of Blaine, forced him to rest for a while but Blaine couldn't just lay around and walked downtown. There was no real place he had to go because he knew no one in New York, not really and he didn't have much money to do something special. All he needed was just some space and time, time alone to think what was wrong with him. That was also the day when he met Kurt and understood it was because of him.

Still, even after having the proof that he was a soulmate he didn't believe in it. He simply didn't believe that someone could like him, love him because of what he was doing. No one could do that who didn't understand this job. Still, he couldn't help himself but feel exactly this for Kurt.

* * *

Blaine wiped his mouth clean, feeling how the hands from the guy he didn't even know his name left his hair. He heard how the breathing slowed down and watched him pulling up his pants, throwing money on his bed and left. This was his fourth customer that night, the last one and he was glad that he only had to suck a cock. The customers before wanted more. Touching, kissing his skin, sucking him which was fine because Blaine earned more money not only for the service but also for the time. Only the feeling he had to deal with was hard to handle. His body didn't want that and it made Blaine uncomfortable but he got used to it. He was able to ignore the rebellion from his soul but after that, each time after he finished his job he felt dirty, used and couldn't even like himself for a while. Standing up he put his clothes on leaving his room and walking to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Charlie was already sitting in the kitchen, two mugs of tea with him from Lucy.

"Hey," he smiled at Blaine who gave him an exhausted smile in return.

"Tonight was good, huh? Excited for your break?"

Blaine shrugged taking his mug and sitting down next to his friend. It was indeed his last night and then he would be living with Kurt, follow Kurt around and watch him doing his job. He was excited but also scared something might go wrong.

"I'm more worried about to meet someone I shouldn't meet."

"You didn't tell him?"

"No. And I won't and probably will never need to. Like you said, it was a good night and spring comes which means more customers. If it goes on like now we'll be out of our debts in June."

Charlie only nodded slowly looking out of the window and watching the sun slowly rising.

"You'll be okay without me?" said Blaine and broke the silence.

"Yeah, don't worry. Enjoy your month off and don't worry too much. You know it's possible to meet them again but you also know most of them wouldn't even dare to talk to you."

Blaine huffed a laugh: "I know. They are all in the closet or just having some kinks."

"And it's not like someone remembers a prostitute. We fuck in the dark and they don't even want to see our faces, well some of them."

"And it would ruin them if someone knew they were with a prostitute."

Both began to laugh about that because they found the humor in their job. Being bitter, hurt and hopeless wasn't helping them and they both figured it out over the months of working as a prostitute.

"I left some more money, for you. Just in case something happens."

He earned enough money to pay the rent and Paul, enough to not be worried over a whole month. He had even packed his stuff and was ready to leave for the next four weeks. Still, Charlie was his friend, almost like a brother and he couldn't just go and leave him here with nothing.

"The money from Kurt?"

"Yeah, I don't need it there. Just use it when you need it, okay? No matter what."

He remembered how Charlie had this terrible, cruel customer and he never found out if Charlie got raped or not because he didn't want to talk about it. But when they went to the hospital and wanted to get tested, they didn't have enough money. It was the second time in Blaine's life when he felt completely hopeless and cursed the world for being so heartless and cruel. Later they were able to get tested because they had enough money.

"Don't worry about me."

"But I do. I know how dangerous it can be all alone with someone."

Charlie gave him a look and Blaine huffed. This was his friend sometimes acting like he didn't care about himself but then again being this boy who dreamed so much and even believed in this whole soulmate thing.

"You don't even need to work. There is enough for this month and even enough so we can get out of here in June."

"And then, Blaine?" his smile was gone, all the easiness was gone and Blaine sat still, staring at his friend.

"You know, don't get me wrong. I'm usually not like this, but the closer we get out of this the more it scares me, to be honest."

Blaine blinked, not knowing where this was going. His friend sighed, smile back on his lips and said.

"You have Kurt, Blaine. You have a soulmate and you'll be happy and safe. I don't have that. I'll be judged for what I did."

It was pointless to say that Blaine didn't believe in this soulmate thing because Charlie knew that. Right now, seeing his friend like this hurt and he wished he wouldn't be a soulmate so they were equal. Which they were in his head but not for Charlie who believed in all this stuff.

"I won't just walk away, Charlie. I'll help you and I'll take care of you. Just like we always do."

Charlie smiled into his mug and Blaine groaned, knowing this expression too well.

"You should go, Blaine."

"Promise me, you'll call me when something happens."

"Promise me the same?"

Blaine nodded and felt a bit better. Charlie never broke his promises so he was sure, if something happened he would know it.

* * *

His first day with Kurt on set was exhausting. Blaine felt like he was about to explode any minute or see someone he didn't want to see. He was nervous, his nerves were burning and he cursed himself for agreeing on this. So he made sure he didn't look like when he was working. He made sure to look like someone who was equal with Kurt but having his own style. Curls smoothed down with gel, a bow tie attached to his shirts – just like his father used to. Clean, mannered and quiet, that was what he did. This wasn't hard for him because his dad wasn't poor or anything. He taught Blaine manners, how to dress and how to speak until he died. But inside he was a mess and made sure Kurt wouldn't feel it.

Kurt... he was living with Kurt for two months now and it was okay. No, it was amazing because he got to see him everyday. And then again it was painful to see what he wanted but couldn't have. Maybe when June came, when he stopped being a prostitute. Maybe then. But those thoughts were so far in the future and the present was exhausting enough.

First there was this change with their connection. He still could take Kurt's hand and hide most of the stuff he felt and he himself found out how to hide his feelings when needed. It was still exhausting but he felt, the closer his birthday came the more everything changed. Holding Kurt's hand each Sunday showed him how calm Kurt's soul was. It had its place and a straight line to his soul, while his soul was still a mess but he was still able to sort them out and hide what he didn't want to show. Yet there was a change and he was sure it had something to do with him turning 18. There were days when everything was such a mess, then days when he felt empty and days all he wanted was to sleep. It got better when Kurt touched him, his soul literally sucking all the calm from Kurt's. But once a week felt not enough very often.

Nevertheless, watching Kurt working, seeing over and over again how talented he was and amazing was a good distraction. Sure he could feel some stuff coming from Kurt, intense emotions but they were easy to handle. Only at the end of the week he felt literally worn out and ached for Kurt's hand. Sometimes he just wanted to lean against him, breathing him in and make give his soul what it needed. Sometimes it was such a horrible feeling. Yet he didn't do it. Sure, he knew he had every right to ask for more but this was no good for his heart which fell in love with Kurt more and more.

He could cook, he knew all this stuff Blaine didn't. Not stuff you learn in school, stuff about life. When Kurt's friends called him or came over they were talking about the time when they were living together, or about work or about the people they knew.

All this stuff Blaine never did, never could. But he listened and learned from them. He heard which club was Kurt's favorite. Which bar, which coffee, some gossip about a woman named Rachel. She was their friend but she sounded like a person that could be exhausting. There was so much stuff they talked about and it reminded Blaine how young he truly was. He was smart, yes, and he had been through a lot of things but nothing compared to this. There were no friends but Charlie and Lucy or work he could freely talk about. He never went to a club or danced around like Kurt and his friends.

The age gap never really bothered Blaine only when he heard those things and felt the need to catch up but knew it was impossible. So he didn't try. Also, those were things he could learn, he could change and Kurt could still like him. His job though, that was something he couldn't change or undo.

On set he easily found people he could talk to. There was Nina who was a bit crazy but did a great job being Kurt's manager. Then there was Linda who brought cookies or muffins or something else on set for him. She literally spoiled him and Blaine became shy around her. He wasn't used to this. The only people who were truly nice to him were Lucy and Charlie, and Kurt, but this was a different story. Beside Linda there were Robert and Clara which were fun to have around. Between filming and breaks they would laugh about musicals and sing songs together and Blaine needed some time to open up. But when he did he was really enjoying it.

This was a life he dreamed of. Not the actor part or doing stuff like that but just not being worried about what people might think. It was fun to sing with them and be silly people. He really enjoyed this and when he looked at Kurt, just to make sure he knew who he was he saw him smiling. It wasn't huge or utterly happy. It was just this small smile like he was glad that Blaine had fun.

Yet, Blaine wanted to have fun with Kurt. He wanted to sing with him too, dance, be silly. Which meant to create a relationship, friendship, maybe even more. Now was not the time.

After a week Blaine stopped being rude, or at least a bit. They worked together on their connection and their relationship and the weekly hand holding changed into whenever needed. Though, Blaine made sure it didn't happen that often. They watched series together, talked about it on their free Sundays and held hands to maintain their connection. Sundays were usually enough for Blaine to deal with the mess inside him, but after two days – sometimes three – of no contact at all he couldn't bear it anymore. Luckily it was never him who had to initiate this, Kurt felt it. He let Kurt feel it and he reacted.

But he began to be nice, to tell Kurt how amazing he was and good. Blaine began to help Kurt because he couldn't handle this growing feeling inside his body. This mess, this pure chaos was so strong and exhausting that he needed to change his behavior, even for a little bit. No, he wasn't ready to open up to Kurt, not entirely but he understood how much strength it took to deal with this connection. Kurt didn't though. Kurt was fine and he was sure it had something to do with his age. It was a good idea to stop working because he was sure he wouldn't been able to suck any cock.

"I won't move out," said Blaine on their second free Sunday. They were watching Downton Abbey, hands holding each other. No fingers were entwined, nothing couple like, just resting together. The older was sitting next to him, Blaine could feel his sky blue eyes on him and then he heard the beautiful voice speaking.

"Are you sure?"

Blaine nodded not looking at Kurt.

"I am, for now that is. But I still want to work."

"Okay."

Moving out was pointless, he felt that. Mercedes was right about this whole connection thing. Being apart would hurt him more and make it impossible to work. It already hurt, kind of, when they didn't touch for days. So he didn't want to know what it would feel like to be really apart and his other life? He was able to hide it in the past two months and he was sure he could hide it for the next months.

But then Nina talked about interviews and how they had to go places Blaine was not sure if this was smart. Only the conversation between him and Charlie made him a bit more positive. No one of their customers would speak to them or even recognize them. Being connected with a prostitute was nothing good and would ruin far too much. Besides prostitutes weren't even worth it, right?

Still Blaine was nervous when he sat on a chair in the hallway and waited for Kurt to be done with his interview. His soul was a mess, more than usually and his eyes always looking to the left or right when someone came.

Blaine never went to those crowded places of New York and he for sure never visited places like this. Places with potential customers. This place was close to it and it made him so nervous he wasn't sure on what to focus on. Hiding his nervousness or make sure no one he knew was around. Blaine chose second and wished his nervousness was not too strong so Kurt wouldn't feel it.

He heard the door going open and made immediately eye contact with Kurt and knew that he felt how Blaine was feeling. Shit, he thought but then the door was closed again and he thought about an explanation if Kurt would ask what was wrong with him.

There were plenty. Like he had never been inside such a building or never in this part of New York. Or that he imagined to see some famous people. Something like that would work and he was glad that he could tell what he was feeling right now. Sometimes he couldn't tell. Well, how? Love, yes he was sure he loved Kurt and he also knew what grief felt like for him, sadness. But there were so many things he wasn't sure if he truly had felt them. At least he knew what it felt like to be nervous and then, when he looked to his left he knew what it felt like to be sick. To want to puke. To want to run away, far away.

There was Jesse talking to someone and Blaine jumped off his seat and down the hallway away from Jesse, far away. But where should he go? There was no place where he could easily go and he had no idea in which part of New York he even was. Not to forget how sick he felt, so sick that Kurt could see him and Blaine together. That Jesse would do the things again he did. He wasn't ready for this. This shouldn't even be happening. What if this was the moment when Kurt figured it out? Knew what Blaine was doing when he went to his work. What if this was it before he turned eighteen? Blaine would break into a million pieces, his soul becoming something unable to fix and he didn't want that. The small sparkle of hope of a better life fought against it.

Finding the washroom he rushed inside, opened the the door to the first cabin and emptied his stomach. There wasn't much but it still burned and hurt. Grabbing the toilet paper he cleaned his mouth, his nose threw it into the water and flushed the toilet. Closing the surface he sat down breathing in and out not able to stop his tears.

He cried over more things than the fact that he almost met Jesse again and his secret would be out. He also cried about what Jesse did to him.

They met when Blaine slowly got used to his job and Jesse was the first customer people had warned him about. The one who weren't nice. At that time Blaine was no soulmate and so everything was possible. Sobbing he shook his head trying not to think about it, not to remember and tried to focus on how he didn't meet him again, that Kurt had no idea and move on. The door went open and he heard steps and then Kurt's voice. Oh fuck, Blaine thought and took all his strength to hide what he was feeling.

"Blaine? Are you in there?"

Kurt was right before the cabin and Blaine wiped the tears away, trying to calm down and unlocked the door. Eyes focused on the floor he wasn't ready to look at him show him his red, watery eyes, show him this fragile side. Instead he tried to figure out what Kurt was feeling but nothing was coming from him. No intense emotion so he decided to look at him and saw a smile. A simple smile and Blaine relaxed. This meant Kurt wouldn't ask, wouldn't say anything. This meant he understood that Blaine had things he didn't want to talk about or couldn't.

Feeling how his soul calmed down he went to the sink, washed his face in hoped of the red would just go away. In hopes of that his cheeks weren't that puffy anymore like his eyes. Though it didn't really help. Taking the paper he wiped his face dry, took a deep breath and then looked back at Kurt who took Blaine's hand into his which... surprised Blaine. As soon as he felt Kurt's skin his soul calmed down, the chaos stopped running through him and the calm from Kurt ran through the connection they had. Slowly looking up he saw the smile, it was still there and this look he saw Kurt doing sometimes. The look that said it's okay, I won't push you and Blaine nodded.

* * *

During that day Blaine was in a different place inside his mind. The nap in Kurt's trailer was necessary, yes but Kurt was acting weird? Maybe it wasn't weird at all but for Blaine it was something new. Whenever Kurt could he was next to him, holding his hand and took care of their connection. Really, each moment he could do that he did it and Blaine was just sitting there or standing and accepting it, wondering what this meant. Wondering what Kurt was doing, what this meant.

Back in Kurt's loft he took a quick shower, the one when he imagined to wash everything off and searching for answers what was going on with Kurt. It was just that Blaine was so tired he couldn't even think straight. Clean and in his pajamas he left the bathroom and walked to the couch but stopped, his heart almost stopping with his tracks and saw Kurt sitting on the other end. Kurt, with a pillow and a blanket and in his pajamas and doing something with his phone.

"What are you doing there?" Blaine asked though he wanted to be happy he couldn't.

"I'm going to sleep here," Kurt said.

"Why? I'm okay if you do this because of me."

Blaine walked over to the couch, eyes never leaving Kurt's face. What was happening to Kurt? He usually wouldn't do that and Blaine was still, no one to him.

"We, Blaine, are not okay. Our connection is not stable so we need to fix this before you turn eighteen. It's my fault and I don't want you to get mentally ill."

"Because you'll get hurt too," Blaine said and climbed on the couch, crawling under the covers. He had enough of this. Enough of this fake concern and sympathy. If it weren't for the connection Kurt wouldn't even look at him, right?

"This is not just about me. It's about you. About us."

Blaine almost rolled his eyes, huffing a laugh while he got comfortable: "Us. Yeah."

He wondered when the us had happened. It was only him or Kurt but never them. Yes, they got along and yes things worked in their way but he was not sure about this whole friendship stuff, if this was even happening. Well, maybe it was and he only pushed everything aside that was real? He looked back to Kurt and saw it, sadness, helplessness and it hurt him deep down. This was not what he wanted to make Kurt feel. The person he loved shouldn't make such a face because of him. Sighing he swallowed down the pain and felt sorry, really sorry for saying what he said: "I'm sorry, okay? I just... I don't believe in this whole soulmate stuff."

"Is it because of me?"

"No," Blaine said, almost too fast, too eager: "It's not because of you. I just don't believe in it."

How could Kurt even think that? How could he think that Blaine didn't believe in it because of him? Hell if someone could make him believe in it then it was Kurt and only Kurt. He wanted Kurt, he really wanted him but this connection would never make him change his mind. The mind each soulmate owned alone. So Blaine was more than sure his mind would never be able to accept what Blaine did.

"But you feel everything, Blaine."

"I do. But this doesn't mean that I believe in it like the way you do. And... can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm really... tired."

He couldn't say it. Not now, maybe not ever. Because saying that he didn't believe in this connection meant to explain why. Meant to tell Kurt what he was doing and he just couldn't bear the idea that Kurt would hate him or be disgusted. Only till June, when he was lucky and he would be out of it. Away from his old life, away from Paul. And he was not able to think right now. So he lay down, listening to Kurt's voice once more.

"But I'll stay here."

He heard Kurt fumbling with his pillow and blanket, felt how he lay down but kept his own eyes closed, arm outstretched so Kurt could hold his hand. This connection, that he understood. This hand holding? He knew it helped them and that they both needed it. But everything else? Blaine wasn't so sure about what that meant and he was too tired to think about it.


	10. Eighteen

**Hey guys :) here is a little fluff for you the next chapter will have some jealous Kurt! I hope u are all excited! Let me know what u think! Like I said before, I'll try to answer questions via chapters!**

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Chapter 10. Eighteen

The second he opened his eyes and consciousness replaced the sleepy feeling Kurt felt fingers around his own. He felt his soul, his entire soul filled with life and strength and also the connection to Blaine. It wasn't simple or stable it was still confused, still a place of chaos probably like Blaine felt inside but it was okay. He could feel his feelings, nothing coming from Blaine but only knowing he was there without seeing him.

Turning around so he was lying on his stomach he looked over to Blaine, seeing the young boy on his side, face to Kurt and arm outstretched so their fingers never lost contact. Fingers still connected with Blaine he reached out for his phone to see what time it was and blinked in surprise. It was almost 11 and he couldn't remember the last time he slept for so long. He couldn't even remember the last time he felt so calm, good. Was it because he slept here and held Blaine's hand through the night? Maybe his soul really needed that. Then again he remembered that he was older than Blaine and it could mean nothing. Yawning he squeezed the younger boy hand and then stood up to start the coffee machine. In the bathroom he washed his face, brushed his teeth and took care of his hair but not even considering to change into something else. It was their day off and wearing pajamas all day long became a rule.

Back in his kitchen he filled his cup with coffee and walked back to the couch, sitting down and pulling the blanket over his cold legs. Six days were left and Blaine would turn eighteen. Six days in which Kurt had to take care of their connection. Six days were left and they could create the Last Bond. Leaning over he opened the drawer under the coffee table and picked the small book out with the laws of a soulmate. He turned the pages until he found an explanation about the Last Bond in detail and read it once again.

"The Last Bond is only possible between two soulmates who were 18 or older. If both are over 18 and meet each other they have two years to create this bond. If it doesn't happen within those two years mental aberration or death can happen.

Soulmates can't hurt each other. They can do this only once to create the Last Bond and complete their connection. To create this connection the soulmates need to hurt each other so that a scar is left."

A scar, Kurt thought and closed the book. They never talked about this only that they wanted to do this as soon as Blaine turned eighteen. So he ended up thinking where he wanted that scar and who should do it. It would hurt them both he knew that but still, doing this was kind of intimate? Doing this meant trusting the other at some point and Kurt was not sure if they trusted each other that much or at all.

He knew he could leave Blaine alone here and he wouldn't steal anything or destroy anything. He also knew that Blaine tried to behave and he did really good in the past weeks – especially when the woman from the Soulmate Department visited them. His soulmate was smart, no doubt, but was he trusting Blaine? Was Blaine trusting him?

At some point they had to trust each other, right? All the hand holding and all the things they shared. Mainly small things but still. He reached out for his cup deciding his mind wasn't working yet to think about that and took a sip, humming because this coffee was just incredible.

"Morning," Blaine mumbled and Kurt almost winced because he didn't notice how Blaine woke up.

"Morning," yet he smiled: "How are you feeling?"

Blaine hummed, turning around so he was on his stomach.

"Better. I feel like I've slept for days."

"Maybe because of the hand holding while we slept."

"Maybe," Blaine mumbled and looked down, yawning and then back up to Kurt who took another sip and stood up, leaving the mug on the table.

"Coffee?"

"Yeah, thanks."

He heard Blaine sitting up while he filled another mug added some cream, the one Blaine always used and went back, finding the younger boy looking at him, eye brows raised and curls a mess. He was too adorable, Kurt thought and wanted to smack himself for thinking this.

"You aren't asking anything?" Blaine said as he took the mug, knees close to his chest and arms resting on them.

"Ask what?" asked Kurt and sat down. Sure, he had some questions but he decided it was too early but Blaine didn't.

"You felt it, Kurt. I know you did."

"Do you want to talk about it? I know pushing you won't help so I thought I wait."

Blaine looked at his mug, took a sip and shrugged.

"You can ask."

Kurt waited for a while, sorting his thought out and wasn't really sure where to begin. He wanted to say he met Jesse, he wanted to say how he felt but it all seemed so wrong to start with.

"I remember the day when we first met."

"You do?" Blaine sounded surprised and Kurt could tell he was when the exchanged a look.

"I remember what Jesse did to you."

And just so he noticed how Blaine became stiff though he tried to hide it by acting cool. He could see it by the way his shoulders moved forward like he felt uncomfortable.

"So you know him?"

"We were working together. We never were friends because he is a total jerk."

"That he is."

Again silence and then Kurt asked what both knew would come anyway.

"I also saw him yesterday. I guess it was because of him that you felt that way?"

Blaine nodded slowly taking another sip and Kurt tried to feel what he felt but Blaine didn't let it happen. His memory was alive, seeing how Jesse let the money fall down on Blaine's head and how bad Blaine felt. He remembered this feeling and it made him sick.

"He owed you money, I guess?"

Blaine nodded again and before Kurt could ask why he said: "It doesn't matter. It's in the past."

"It does matter. You were crying and-"

"It doesn't matter, Kurt," he said it in a way so there was no room for an argument. Kurt understood that and accepted it. Jesse was known to fool people, to go ways he shouldn't so he found his own answer. Maybe Jesse went to the Diner and didn't pay because that was totally something Jesse would do. Or maybe he stole it from Blaine who – before he and Kurt met – usually looked a bit lost and homeless. There were many ways why Jesse had owed Blaine money and Kurt understood if Blaine didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay. But if you ever feel like you want to talk about it, I'll listen, okay?"

Blaine shrugged again, making himself smaller and Kurt almost groaned in frustration. Okay, he wasn't sure about this whole trust thing between them but he knew they had to work on that. Honesty was the best policy, right?

"Listen, Blaine. I just want you to know that you can trust me. I do not hate you or something and I'm not judging you for your age. I think you are smart and you can be really nice if you want to. And I prefer you smiling then being so, I don't know, down sometimes. I like it when you are just, you."

Okay, he had no idea where this came from but it was out and Blaine's huge eyes told him that they had reached him. Well, at least a bit Kurt hoped.

They had emptied their mugs they both fixed something to eat and ate in silence. After that Blaine took a shower and Kurt cleaned the dishes still thinking about this whole Jesse thing. Someone who made Blaine cry but just being around, someone who scared him so much must done something bad, really bad. Jesse was an idiot, Kurt knew that and his friends knew that too.

Once they went to a party all together and Jesse drank so much that he started a fight with anyone. If it weren't for Kurt and Elliot to drag him out of the club he for sure wouldn't be a model anymore. Once they even saw him doing drugs but Kurt was sure Blaine had nothing to do with drugs. Blaine said that himself and he trusted, or tried to trust him. Also, Blaine never looked like he did those things and he was always with Kurt, for almost a month now. If he was really addicted or something he would have noticed that.

Maybe there were things Blaine wasn't ready to share with Kurt and that was okay. He had also things he couldn't share with Blaine but after what he had said to him he felt like there was an open door. A new one with something good behind it.

Done with the dishes he shoved those thoughts away, knowing it was pointless to worry about this now.

"Kurt," he heard Blaine saying and before he saw him he felt his warm hand, still a bit damp from the shower around his. The younger boys voice was small, almost begging and when Kurt turned around he noticed how Blaine looked just small, exhausted and almost a bit lost.

Taking a deep look into his eyes he saw that they were clear, that Blaine knew what he was doing but still, something was wrong.

"What is it? You feeling sick?"

"I... I don't know. It feels like... like I'm empty?"

Empty? Kurt looked down to their holding hands, trying to feel something but he couldn't. And he didn't like it. It wasn't supposed to feel like this, right? Whenever Blaine felt something intense Kurt would feel it too, right?

"Does this help?" he asked, breathing a bit faster voice only a bit higher. What if their weekly hand holding had not been enough and now Blaine had to pay for it? What if he failed a young boy because he was too stubborn to accept it and believe in the thing he sometimes wished to have? Usually he wasn't one of those people who easily panicked. This, though, was not only about him it was also about a boy who didn't choose this life but needed someone to guide him.

"Yes," Blaine answered and Kurt almost missed it and nodded but not feeling better or even convinced that this was over by a simple touch. Holding Blaine's hand tightly he walked back into the living room and pulled the book with their laws written in it out of the drawer. Flipping the pages he found the number for the 24/7 service and reached for his phone dialing the number.

They sat down while Kurt waited and watched Blaine pressing his hand against his face like he tried to prevent a head ache. And his hand was shaking and getting cold. No he didn't like it.

Finally a woman spoke and asked what she could do for them.

"My soulmate is sick or I think he is – he is seventeen – Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel," he answered the question how old Blaine was and what their names were and waited while trying to stay calm.

"_Mister Hummel?"_

"Yes?"

"_No need to be worried. Your soulmate will turn eighteen in six days, right?"_

"Yes."

"_His soul is just adjusting to the new connection that will happen in six days. Also his body needs to get used to this. It takes a lot of strength."_

"How long?"

"_Two to three days. But your soulmate needs as much contact as possible."_

"But he'll be okay, right?"

"_Of course,"_ he could hear the smile in the voice and said his thanks and hung up, letting out the breath he was holding for a while now. The guilt he felt slowly faded away and he was glad, happy even that this was not his fault or Blaine's. That this was just something happening because of Blaine's age. No need to be worried but to take care of him. Which he didn't really do in the past weeks.

"What did they say?" the voice was so small it almost hurt Kurt to hear Blaine like this.

"You are okay. You feel like this because the connection is changing. You'll be okay in two or three days."

Kurt stood up and took his hand away only getting a whimpering no from Blaine.

"Don't worry," he turned around smiling down at Blaine. With fast steps he walked to his TV changed the DVD and walked back to his soulmate who looked even more lost than before. His eyes were unfocused and his hands holding his arms like he was cold.

"Come on."

Holding Blaine's hand again he saw the change in his body language, noticed how he was focused again and obviously he needed this. Their souls were reaching out for each other like hands Kurt couldn't see. Blaine stood up watching Kurt taking his blanket and placing the pillows away so there was space for his body to lay down.

"I'll hold you, okay?"

Like the small boy he could be at times Blaine nodded and climbed on the couch, never letting go of Kurt. Sitting and legs outstretched Kurt bend over taking the blanket so it was covering half of Blaine's body and then sat down feeling suddenly a bit nervous. Cuddling was nothing new or holding someone, he had done that many times before. Just, never with Blaine.

"You can... rest your head on my lab, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Blaine whispered and did just that head landing on Kurt's lap like it was too heavy for Blaine to hold it up.

"It's... it's not your fault. Don't worry."

Why would he be sorry? Maybe for being such a burden? Maybe he really didn't want to be here because he thought he was a burden? This never really crossed Kurt's mind. All he thought was that Blaine enjoyed this. Living in a loft, having money for everything, food, clothes and being a smart teenager and taking this chance. Never did he think his soulmate thought about this situation in such a way. But this small sorry and his eyes avoiding Kurt's.

"It's not your fault, okay?" he said and Blaine nodded, holding Kurt's arm which was wrapped around his chest, keeping him close. The older reached for the remote, turned the TV on and started the DVD while looking down at Blaine and seeing his small smile as he noticed what movie Kurt put in the DVD player. The intro of Star Wars filled silently the room and the small smile on this beautiful face made also Kurt smile. Taking his phone he texted Nina and explained the situation as a soulmate emergency and that he needed two days off. He knew it was not a good idea to ask for this because he already had free on Saturday and Sunday because of Blaine's birthday but he needed to be there for him.

One benefit to be a soulmate, they couldn't say no.

She texted him back two hours later and said that it was fine. Sighing in relief he turned his phone off for the day and looked down seeing Blaine was sleeping but still holding his arms tightly.

When he stretched out his hand, right over Blaine's chest he could feel it. The connection was there but it was reaching out for small pieces or nothing, like a rope hanging and swinging. This was the worst feeling he ever had. It didn't hurt, it didn't burn or anything. He just felt those dark marks on their connection, crawling to his soul but not succeeding. And if he only felt this what did Blaine feel? A boy without family and a soulmate who simply sucked because he refused to be responsible.

Yes, they both were stubborn and not okay with this, but Blaine was also polite and maybe even too polite to ask for something like this.

Kurt told himself he would change this from now on. Work on it, really work on it. Holding Blaine closer and placing the other hand on his curls, feeling how soft and thick they were he ran his fingers through them.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the sleeping boy.

* * *

Blaine was doing way better on the second day. They were doing way much better after two days of just cuddling and melting the ice which was always between them. This perhaps showed Blaine that he could trust Kurt and that he really mattered to Kurt in a way both maybe still didn't understand. But they were slowly getting comfortable. The younger still a bit reserved and Kurt trying to show him there was no reason to. On Tuesday Kurt put his jacket and shoes on while Blaine lay on the couch and watched another Star Wars movie.

He looked better was able to sit on his own without whimpering when Kurt couldn't hold him because he needed to pee or prepare something to eat.

"You'll be doing okay without me? I'll only be gone for an hour or two."

"Yeah, don't worry."

Kurt only smiled and walked over to Blaine, who was surrounded by pillows and wrapped tightly around a blanket. Only his head and one arm were looking out. And just like this was something natural – although Kurt did that in the past two days – he placed his hand on Blaine's head their eyes meeting.

"But I worry. If you need me just call, I'll come right back."

"Okay," mumbled Blaine and Kurt's eyes moved down staring at Blaine's lips. They were pink and full and kissable like – wow! He pulled back and left the loft. Yeah, okay, this shouldn't even wander through his mind. Not at all.

* * *

"Why do you want a guitar though? It's not like you are going back to music," said Elliot as they walked into the music shop he was working in. This was not only his workplace it was also the place were Kurt spent a lot of his college time together with his two best friends.

"It's not for me. It's for Blaine," Kurt said and felt his cheeks beginning to burn not sure if it was because he had to admit this or because of something else. And he also wasn't sure if he should feel annoyed or not.

"Ah, right! Blainey's birthday," Elliot grinned like always when they were talking about Blaine because he was totally blown away by the boy and his guitar skills. Not to mention his voice which was silk, deep but also too mature for a seventeen year old. Yet it did things to Kurt he wasn't ready to accept and today was also not the day.

"I can bake a cake for him? I guess you'll be busy until Friday?" said Mercedes walking next to Kurt through the shop while Elliot observed the guitars, hanging on the wall.

"I totally forgot about a cake. I was too worried about Blaine and how this connection is taking all his strength."

"But he is doing better, right?"

"Yeah. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. But we spent the last days basically cuddling," Kurt spoke checking the guitars and not really paying attention to what he was saying: "Well not really cuddling, just, you know keeping contact."

Mercedes slow hum, the one she always used when Kurt met some guy reached through his ears to his consciousness and he realized what he said. Great, he knew his friends and he almost groaned when he heard Mercede's next words.

"Sounds like you two are getting closer."

Now there was no way to stop the blush creeping over his cheeks and then he heard Elliot making this sound like a little girl when he noticed it. Double great.

"He is blushing! Oh my God, looks like the age is no longer a problem."

They both exchanged a look, this one look telling they knew it and couldn't wait for it to happen. Kurt only groaned, not trying to hide the blush on his cheeks because he knew this would only give them more reasons to mock him.

"He is my soulmate. Like it's not a big thing?"

"Nah, Kurt don't say that. You blushing is a big thing. And this connection has nothing to do with you falling in love with him-"

"I'm not falling in love with him," he protested before Elliot could say more. His friend held his hands up in defense and Mercedes pressed her hand against her mouth to hide the smile.

"Whatever. I'm just saying this has nothing to do with the connection. You fall in love with him because your heart wants to. This connection makes it just tens time better."

"You mean ten times more pain?"

Elliot rolled his eyes groaned and turned away from Kurt.

"Kurt, we already told you how this works. You have found your person, you share a deep connection and soon you'll get there and you'll understand what this soulmate stuff truly means."

"Why can't you tell me what it means?"

"He is a hopeless case, Cedes." Elliot said without turning around but taking a dark brown guitar from the wall. Kurt gave Elliot his best bitch glare waiting for him to see it and when he saw it he just smiled innocently.

"It feels different for all of us. You two get there."

Well, there was nothing Kurt could say against it. It was probably just like any other thing. Like he liked strawberries and Mercedes just didn't. And so he felt love or hate or anger in a different way than his friends.

"What do you think about this one? I remember he was staring at it when we were here."

Elliot showed him the guitar and Kurt took it from him, eying it for a while and deciding, yes, it would totally fit Blaine. The dark wood, polished reminded him of the dark curls and he was sure when Blaine played on it his eyes would shine even more. Two pools of gold in the middle of dark brown wood and – okay this was getting creepy and Kurt blushed again.

"Okay, this one," he said and handed his friend the instrument back.

"Don't fight it, Kurt. It's okay," Mercedes said, rubbing his arm to calm him down. Of course it was okay, of fucking course it was okay. Blaine was his soulmate and he was handsome and smart and everything. But he hated that something like this was unpredictable. Falling for someone was always unpredictable and he just didn't want it to happen now. There was too much to figure out, to work out with his soulmate and he needed a clear mind and not some emotions flooding his heart.

"I just... I don't know. I actually don't know what is happening."

"You are worried and you like him."

"I am and do. But... I just don't want that now. Maybe it's not even that."

"By _that_ you mean falling in love?"

Kurt shrugged because he honestly had no idea what it was. Why he was blushing, why he was thinking that Blaine was beautiful and handsome and that his eyes would look incredible with this guitar. He had no idea why he stared at his lips and why he didn't care anymore how old Blaine was. It didn't feel like falling in love for him. Well, actually, he had no idea how it felt at all.

He paid for the guitar and Elliot took it into the backroom.

"When will you be home on Friday? And what cake should I bake?"

"You don't have to bake one you-"

"No, Kurt. We'll bake one for Blaine it's our gift for him," said Mercedes and waved her finger.

"Fine. And we'll be back before midnight. I want to surprise him when his birthday starts."

Elliot came back and shoved his hand into his pockets, looking at his friends.

"Okay. I have the key to your apartment so don't worry about that everything will be there," Mercedes said her smile far more excited than Kurt's who felt like he was going to be sick. He always wanted things to be perfect and Blaine's birthday was one of those things. More over, he wanted to convince Blaine that he really liked him and that Kurt wasn't doing this because he believed and Blaine not.

* * *

"Cut! That's it guys!" Noah yelled and Kurt literally jumped away from his co-workers. Linda knew what day it was and that he was late so she only waved and held the others away from Kurt who changed his clothes and walked to Blaine, waiting next to the exit door.

"Why are you in such a hurry and nervous?" his soulmate asked as they hurried over the set to Kurt's car.

"You'll see it when we get home." There was no explanation in his head. At least not now because he didn't think they would be late. Kurt cursed the huge parking lot, cursed that he needed to drive through the security. All of this was just eating his time. There were twenty minutes left till midnight and he was not sure if he would make it. It was also freaking Friday and many people would use the traffic to go to clubs and bars. He climbed into his car, Blaine too and both closed the door and he started the engine, not really paying attention if someone was around. Driving off the parking lot he drove through the security and showed them his card and then on the main street. He could make it, with enough luck he knew he would be home just in time.

"Seriously, what is it that you need to hurry?"

"A TV show."

It was the best he could come up with.

"A TV show? You know you can watch it tomorrow? Internet?"

"I know but live watching is different. It's better."

He wasn't sure if Blaine believed him or not but he couldn't care about that. In just some minutes Blaine would see it for himself but of fucking course there were cars blocking his way. Some people obviously not from New York. Kurt groaned, pressed the car horn. People jumped away and cars drove to the side and a mumbling Kurt could finally get out of this mess.

"Tourists, seriously," he mumbled and drove faster while taking a look at Blaine who was silent. The actor expected giggles or some comment but there was nothing, only smiling boy looking out of the window hands resting in his lap.

When they arrived it was exactly two minutes before midnight. Kurt jumped out of the car and took Blaine's hand running inside and unlocking the door into his apartment. He was excited, nervous and Blaine could feel that. So Kurt wasn't really surprised to see the questioning look on Blaine's face.

"I need you to close your eyes."

"Why?" asked Blaine.

"Just do it, okay?"

"Because of a TV show? Kurt, I'm almost eighteen."

Was he really that oblivious? Or just not thinking Kurt would do something for him? The last thought literally tighten his heart in a way that made it hard to breath.

"Just do it okay?"

The younger boy gave in with a sigh and pressed his hands on his eyes. Opening the door Kurt walked inside and turned the light on. There was the cake with a huge purple 18 on it and the guitar in a black guitar case with a purple ribbon around it just like he asked them to do. Closing the door: "Wait here and keep your eyes closed," he went to the kitchen for the lighter to lit up the 18 candles on the cake.

"Kurt, seriously, you aren't watching anything, are you?"

He couldn't stop the smirk on his face because he really liked what he was seeing. Going back to Blaine he dimmed the light, took his hands, reminding him to keep his eyes closed and leaded him closer to the coffee table. Seriously, he needed to buy Mercedes some flowers for this.

"Okay," he checked the time waited and then it was midnight: "Open."

He watched Blaine over the whole time. First he opened his eyes, blinked because of the light coming from the candles. Then when his eyes got used to it Blaine just stared for a long time down at the cake, seeing the purple 18 in the middle, the 'Happy Birthday Blaine' above it and the eighteen little candles stuck into the cake. His soulmates mouth dropped open but when he noticed the guitar case Kurt thought his mouth would fall off. While he watched Blaine, his eyes shining, his mouth moving but making no sound he couldn't help himself but just let his thoughts happen.

This boy there was really beautiful and so sweet when he stopped building his walls up. This boy could look so much older but sometimes his youth was just obvious. Which wasn't bad, it was good. It was a good reminder about who Kurt once was and what he shouldn't forget.

"Kurt," Blaine breathed and dragged the older back to reality.

"Happy Birthday," he smiled at him and when the honey eyes met his he could see how watery they were. Blaine kept on staring at Kurt, fighting against the tears and succeeded but his voice was something he couldn't control.

"Can... can I hug you?"

"Of course you can," Kurt almost laughed and opened his arms while Blaine slowly walked to him, closing the distance and breathing in deeply when his arms wrapped around Kurt's body, his face pressed against Kurt's shoulder. Blaine was shaking, for some reason he was shaking and it was not because of their connection. He couldn't tell what their connection felt like right now because Blaine felt too much to really describe it.

"Is it too much?" Kurt asked, worried that he maybe did something wrong.

"No," Blaine pulled back, finally smiling: "It's just... it's been a while. That someone did this for me."

Of course, this boy had no one to celebrate his Birthday with him. No father, no mother and apparently no friends. Kurt knew he had one friend but Blaine didn't even ask if he could be with them on his birthday. Not even Lucy and he didn't even want to look for Cooper though he could through Kurt.

"Thank you. This is really amazing," said Blaine before Kurt could think further and saw the honest, widest smile from his soulmate since the day they met. It was huge, happy, like he had all the sunshine inside his body waiting to burst out and make other people smile too. And it touched Kurt in a place that hadn't been touched for a while.

"You should make a wish," he suggested needing some distraction from this strange feeling. Perhaps it was just the connection changing or something. Blaine nodded slowly, kneeling down and just staring at the candles, eyes sucking the light in and Kurt was too distracted with those big eyes and long lashes. Seriously, who had such long lashes? Who thought eyelashes could be beautiful? Blaine blew the candles out, all at once and Kurt grinned at him like it was his own birthday.

"Thank you, really. I didn't expect that."

"Why, though?"

Blaine stood up, giving Kurt an insecure look and then shrugged: "I just thought you didn't like me."

"You didn't believe me, hm?"

His soulmate made no move, said no word but that was okay. Blaine had his reasons why he couldn't believe him that easily. Considering how hard he reacted when he saw Jesse, that his parents weren't alive, his brother somewhere doing something. It wasn't surprising for Kurt when he thought about all of that.

"I care about you and I like you, okay? I'm not just saying this and it has nothing to do with the connection. It's real."

Kurt looked hopeful, trying to make Blaine feel what he felt but the boy just didn't answer not with his mouth nor his body. There was nothing the older felt from Blaine. No happiness, no sadness, nothing and maybe he was really feeling nothing or not sure how to feel.

"Can we... sit here for a while and eat the cake?"

"Of course we can," Kurt said and finally they shared a smile and finally he was feeling the happiness he hoped his soulmate would feel through this. Walking to the kitchen he picked two forks, a knife and two plates out of the drawers and walked back to Blaine who took his jacket and shoes off, only sitting there in his shirt, pants and cute bow tie. Kurt placed the things down and also got out of his shoes and jacket sitting down next to Blaine who already cut two the cake and placed one slice on each plate. Then Kurt watched him taking the lighter and lit two candles up again.

"Um... for mom and dad so... so it feels like they are here, you know?"

His parents, right. His mother who died when he was born and his father who died in an accident. But nothing for the other mother, thought Kurt wouldn't ask. Maybe Blaine never considered her as a mother or who knew what happened between them. If something happened between them. All he could do was smile, squeezing Blaine's hand in sympathy and get a small smile in return.

"Oh my God, this cheesecake is amazing," Blaine said before he even swallowed.

"Mercedes baked it."

"Oh my God, I thought it's from Linda."

Kurt laughed, like really laughed for the first time since he was living with Blaine and his soulmate laughed with him while their hands didn't let go from each other.


	11. Jealousy

**Hello guys! Here is some jealous Kurt for u guys! So chapter 12 is already written and around 10.000+words long. Yeah don't know what happened there but I'm really excited for u guys to read it and read what u think! I maybe upload it tomorrow or on Saturday :) For now I hope u enjoy this chapter! The song used in this chapter: Civil Twilight - Quiet In My Town.**

* * *

Chapter 11. Jealousy

There was a song playing Kurt could hear it but he wasn't sure where he was or where the music came from. Everything felt strange like he wasn't really awake and maybe he was even sleeping? Forcing himself to wake up he forgot what he dreamed about but found himself on his bed. He blinked, yawned and stretched his arms and legs while taking a look at the clock on his nightstand. 9 in the morning he could sleep some more because it was his day off. Actually today was an important day.

Holding himself up he listened and heard the sound of a guitar. A quiet song and a beautiful voice singing.

_Today I heard that someone left this earth  
That someone disappeared, left no mark here _

First Kurt smiled but when he went closer and leaned against the handrail to look down into his living room he noticed the song was not happy, not sad. Melancholic maybe. And Blaine was sitting there on a chair and looking out of the window, playing and singing.

_Today I heard that someone just got up and left himself  
Lying on the ground _

_Today is, today is  
Today is quiet in my town  
Today is, today is  
Today is quiet in my town _

Kurt walked down the spiral stairs, quietly not wanting to disturb Blaine but hear a little bit more of his voice. The voice that was so deep but could also go so high. That voice that sounded so much older that it couldn't be from an 18 years old boy. It had been a while since he enjoyed a voice so much and he really wondered why Blaine didn't want to go to college and study music. He knew how to sing, he could sing and he gave this song so much more meaning.

_Today two boys disappeared without noise  
And I wish that I was them flying somewhere overhead_

Reaching the last step Kurt stood still and leaned against the handrail, watching Blaine who looked so young but sounded so tired and old. There was no feeling coming from him, perhaps he wasn't feeling something intense or just hiding it. But this Kurt doubted.

_And tonight in silence, two lovers hate and find  
One is bored, one is angry  
But neither one of them is right, oh _

His blue eyes looked out of the window, seeing the gray blue sky and rain drops falling down. They had no plans for today so it was actually okay that the weather was not all sunshine and blue sky. In fact this sky was kind of refreshing Kurt thought when he looked back to his soulmate who wore a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. He somehow fitted beautifully into this picture.

_Today is, today is  
Today is quiet in my town  
Today is, today is  
Today is quiet in my town _

He stood up walking to the kitchen and seeing that the coffee machine was already on and two mugs next to it. Sighing all he thought was that it was Blaine's birthday and Kurt should serve him something and not the other way around. Especially after last night. They were just sitting there and eating cake, laughing about their friends and the filming. And when they said nothing Blaine was watching the two candles burning and smiling softly like he truly saw his parents there.

Kurt wondered then if Blaine blamed himself for his mothers death but then reminded himself that Blaine was not like that. He knew better than Kurt that this was nothing he could be blamed for. Only one thing was for sure, he missed his parents, a lot. Blaine maybe never met his real mom but he knew his dad and he died what? Two years ago? Who knew if this was enough time for Blaine to just accept this and move on. His soulmate left this impression so Kurt decided to trust him.

Taking the two mugs he poured some coffee into them, cream and turned around to see Blaine wasn't playing anymore but just staring out of the window.

"You sounded good," said Kurt walking over to Blaine.

Slowly his soulmate turned around giving Kurt a slightly surprised look and then a small smile.

"Thanks. I hope I didn't wake you?"

"No, don't worry," he said and handed Blaine his mug who slowly stood up and they both walked over to the couch.

"How are you feeling?"

Blaine shrugged, looked down like he always did when he was thinking and searching for words.

"I guess, calmer? I'm not sure but the chaos is gone and I don't feel like I'm having just one half of a soul. More like... there is my soul and the connection to yours."

"I feel the same."

Reaching out his hand he waited for Blaine to take it and wanted to figure out what or if something changed. His soulmate took his hand and both gasped at the same time. There was the connection, clearer, more intense but the warmth that followed was no longer slow and quiet. It ran from their fingertips through their body, touching parts deep inside Kurt didn't even know he had. It was no bad feeling or something he was scared of. It was just new and strong but good, really good.

Blaine pulled back, staring at his hand with wide eyes and then back to Kurt as if to make sure he wasn't the only one who felt that.

"What was that?"

"I don't know... maybe this has something to do with our connection being pretty deep?"

"Maybe," Blaine mumbled.

"Have you thought about the Last Bond?"

There was no perfect moment to ask this and it wasn't like Blaine was against it. He was also for the Last Bond so they both could break the connection when they were working.

"Yeah, I want you to do it. On my shoulder. I just wonder how we have to do this?"

Before Kurt could even think about it the door bell rang and he stood up being sure his friends are behind the door but there was only the mailman.

"Package for Mister Hummel and Mister Anderson?"

"I'm Mister Hummel."

He handed Kurt a clipboard where he had to sign something and he checked the address. Soulmate Department. Surprised he signed it anyway and took the small package from the mailman, both wishing each other a good day and closed the door.

"From the Soulmate Department," he said and sat down next to Blaine, opening the package and inside was a letter and a thing in a plastic bag, he couldn't tell what it was. One end was small and probably iron or something and triangular shape and the other end was a black plastic grip. Blaine took the letter and read what this thing was about and explained to Kurt when he was done.

"This is for the Last Bond. We have to hold the metallic part over a fire and then burn something into my skin."

Kurt jaw was tight imagining that he had to hurt Blaine in this way. It would hurt like so bad and he wasn't sure if he could do it.

"It will hurt but it will heal within minutes and only a scar will be left. I guess this has something to do with the fact that you are my soulmate. And this," he handed Kurt a card with their names on it and picture with Kurt and one with Blaine: "Is our soulmate ID."

"I guess. Are you sure you want this? You can also do this to me, Blaine."

The younger boy only shook his head and put the letter back into the box and taking his mug back into his hands.

"I want you to do it. You are older and who knows what will happen. I trust you more in this case than myself."

"You trust me?"

"I do... at some point."

Well, this was good Kurt thought and smiled finally. Maybe from now on things would be better? Now when Blaine's soul was no longer young and a mess and trusting Kurt? It felt good to know that he trusted him at some point and this was definitely something they both could work on. Building the trust, showing that he could trust Kurt completely and vise versa.

"When do you want to do it?"

"Do we have any plans for today?"

"It's your birthday, we do whatever you want to do."

"Okay," Blaine said slowly and then smirked at Kurt: "I want to go to a club and dance. I've never been in a club since I came here."

"Alright. Someone you want to have with you?"

His soulmate nodded again: "Your friends and my friend Charlie. I promised him that we would see each other on my birthday."

Charlie, huh? Kurt never heard Blaine saying his name but he knew that Blaine was living with someone together and he was curious to see him. Also to make sure it was someone good for Blaine and not some of those 'friends'.

* * *

They walked into the club Kurt used to visit many times with his friends when they were still studying. And now they went there at least once a month or in their favorite bar. Both bars for people like them, gay, straight or whatever. It didn't matter because all the people where there to have fun. He showed his ID at the door together with the soulmate ID so that Blaine could walk inside though he was only eighteen.

"You know that he is your responsibility?" the tall man said and it was hard to hear him with all the voices and music around them.

"Of course."

Kurt took Blaine's hand and they walked inside. There were already some people dancing and they weren't even truly inside.

"Your friend is already here?" Kurt asked and turning around, eyes wandering down and damn Blaine for wearing those pants, also for wearing this sweatshirt with a v neck and his hair just a little bit product in it. But the fact that he noticed all this things was even more annoying because it just happened and didn't want it now.

"He'll be here in thirty minutes."

The music grew louder together with the voices and soon they were in the main room. A huge room with a bar on the right side and everything else was just a huge dance floor. Tables, stairs, lights on the floor and along the wall and ceiling. Kurt remembered how he and Elliot always danced on those tables and sang with the crowd. Good times, really good times.

"Birthday boy!" they heard the unmistakable voice of Elliot calling through the crowd and soon they did not only see Elliot and Martin also Mercedes, Sam and Santana with Brittany. Kurt was glad that it wasn't Rachel because she still was in one of her bad moods and he needed no one to ruin Blaine birthday.

"Happy Birthday Blainey!" Elliot smiled always the happiest between them but also the one who had a lot of wisdom. He hugged Blaine and Kurt let go of his hand, rolling his eyes when he saw the looks from Santana and Mercedes. Of course they thought that, his friends were idiots.

"Happy Birthday Blaine," Mercedes grinned and hugged him.

"Thank you for the cake," said Blaine and hugged the others.

"You aren't allowed to drink, but I guess your soulmate is fine with you drinking on your birthday?" said Santana after she hugged him and smiled at Kurt in a way that gave him no real choice. Blaine only waited for Kurt to say something probably okay with both.

"It's his birthday. I said we do what he wants and if he wants to drink that's fine."

"Great. Elliot, come here!" smiled Santana and the three of them stood eagerly at the bar.

They drank three shoots together all cheering 'to Blaine' and after some laughs and everyone with their own drink Blaine went on the dance floor with Santana and Brittany while the others stood together and talked about Kurt's filming and what happened while they hadn't seen each other. Sam told them some funny stories about his football team and they all ended up laughing, Mercedes – who was a vocal coach – talked about this little girl she met and has an incredible talent. Martin groaned over his case and Elliot talked about that he was writing with other artists a song, who were a bit exhausting.

An hour later Santana and Brittany came back, both giggling and holding hands and Kurt caught her strange look, while wondering where Blaine was. He felt that his soulmate had obviously fun.

"Your boy is having fun with someone else, you know."

"He is not my boy," Kurt said because it was true, Blaine was not his boyfriend but he couldn't stop the strange feeling after hearing her words.

"Come on. He is your soulmate you end up together no matter what," Elliot said with a little whine.

Kurt looked through the crowd, searching for Blaine while sipping his drink and telling himself it was fine for Blaine to dance with other guys. They weren't together or anything and as his soulmate he wouldn't even be able to fool around with someone else but Kurt. Right? But then Linda's words echoed in his head that there were things he could do. What things, though, Kurt had no idea.

His eyes went from left to right and then on the tables where he saw him. The boy with the sweaty hair, curls already breaking the gel and arms around another boys body. A blond haired boy who made Blaine grin and laugh and had his arms wrapped around Blaine's shoulders.

He was groaning, not even noticing that he actually did that.

"Someone's jealous," Elliot and Mercedes singsonged and Santana wiggled her eyebrows.

Kurt ignored them and watched the blond guy smile, blissful, almost pleased with himself and Blaine just didn't even flinch. Okay, Blaine should have fun, Kurt wanted him to have fun but... what but? He sipped his drink and the song was over, both boys laughing and then hugging while the blond guy fucking kissed Blaine's cheek? Could he even do that? Well, he did but Blaine was his soulmate right? Kurt mumbled something and watched them both jump down from the table and walking over to them.

Everyone smiled at them. Kurt was just glaring at the other boy and pissed but tried to hide it. Elliot gave him a warning look but he ignored it.

"Guys! This is Charlie, my roommate," said Blaine with a huge smile on his face and Charlie shook hands with everyone and Kurt watched him. Okay, this was his roommate and they knew each other so there was no reason to be... jealous? Fine, maybe he was jealous and maybe he really didn't like other people touching Blaine but he also had no right to stop Blaine being who he wanted to be. His soulmate was still his own person.

"And you must be Kurt," said Charlie as he turned to Kurt and gave him an honest happy smile.

"Guilty. And you are Blaine's roommate," Kurt shook his hand.

"Yup, but I miss him a lot." Charlie pouted and wrapped his arms around Blaine who only giggled and shoved him away. Could he just stop touching him? Kurt thought.

"So what are you doing, Charlie?"

"Working in a tattoo shop," he said proudly and Elliot grinned like it was Christmas. Martin only rolled his eyes and then they ended up talking about tattoos and Kurt took the chance to turn around ordering another drink and needed to look somewhere else. He listened to his friends talking, laughing and at some point Mercedes grabbed his hand and went with him to the dance floor.

While he smiled at her and danced with her he still needed to look over to the bar, watching Blaine laugh with the others and Charlie still touching him like, was that really necessary?

"Kurt, stop it," Mercedes laughed.

"What?"

"Being jealous. It's your own fault how things are," she said and kept on dancing just like he did.

"I'm not-" and she gave him a look: "Okay, maybe I am. But it's not like... that. I don't even know."

"Just be his friend. Everything else will come."

She was right though, but he still didn't want Charlie to be so clingy when he exactly knew who Kurt was. Rolling his eyes and deciding he was acting like a child he turned completely to her and smiled, dancing until the song was over.

Around midnight Kurt felt slowly tired and they still wanted to do the Last Bond but he didn't want to stop Blaine and drag him home while he had fun. And he had fun. They were all dancing and laughing and though Kurt wanted to dance with Blaine he didn't. First he wasn't really sober and still touched by the jealousy and Blaine wasn't sober either.

After three songs they left the club and hugged good bye, Kurt even hugged Charlie and then took Blaine's hand, maybe a bit too possessive and took a cab back home.

The next morning he was more than happy to have no hangover. He stopped drinking soon enough so that he had a clear head when they decided to do the Last Bond. Standing up and walking down the stairs Blaine was already up, pouring coffee into their mugs and wore just his sweatpants. It wasn't like Kurt had never seen a half naked man. It was just that he never had seen Blaine half naked. Trying not to blush and not to stare he couldn't help himself but exactly do that. Blaine's adorable belly and small nipples. Back and arms muscular, not too much but enough making the small body look strong and not so fragile like Kurt sometimes saw Blaine. Not to ignore the tan skin that made everything just more... hot. Ugh, he licked his lips but also warning himself to stop thinking all of this.

"Hangover?" Kurt asked to finally stopped staring.

"No. I'm fine. I already took a shower so that I'm clean for the burn."

"Oh." Kurt saw the candle burning on the coffee table in the living room and the thing they got from the Soulmate Department next to it, still in its plastic bag. There was also a bowl with water so Kurt could place it inside there to cool down.

Both mugs in his hands he gave Kurt his and they walked over to the couch, sitting down and Kurt took a long sip before he spoke again.

"I'll have the same scar though and it will hurt me probably just as much as it will hurt you."

"Probably," Blaine said and drank his coffee: "I'm fine with everything."

"Okay. Good. Then I'll just... hold it into the flame and press it against your shoulder."

"Alright," his soulmate said and turned his back to Kurt, watching him taking the triangular thing and holding the metal into the flame.

"Which shoulder?"

"Left please."

Kurt hummed his yes and moved closer, reaching out for Blaine's left hand with his left and held it. Maybe this would help and the pain wouldn't be so bad and stop even faster. Blaine reached out for a pillow, holding it close just in case. He waited, eyes fixed on the thing and no matter how much he disliked this he knew it was necessary. Without this there would be no Last Bond and no possibility to break their connection when needed. Only that he had to hurt Blaine was something he couldn't really accept. So it was more than fair that he would feel it too and he hoped it would hurt him just as much.

"Ready?"

"Yes," breathed Blaine and clutched Kurt's hand, breathing in and out and Kurt moved closer. His chest was almost touching Blaine's back but he knew he needed to keep some space between them and act fast. This was the only time they could do this, hurt each other physically and not ever again. So he became a bit nervous as in what this would do to them. Would hit hurt badly? Would it do nothing? Change everything?

"Okay. Three... two... one," and then he pressed the hot metal against Blaine's shoulder and heard him gasping, felt him clutching his hand stronger and soon Kurt took it away, letting it fall into the bowl with water and watched the burn on Blaine's skin becoming darker.

"Oh!" he breathed and felt it on his own shoulder, burning, digging into his skin but then fading, getting colder and as he opened his eyes that was all what was left. A scar looking like an arrowhead but not smooth. With cracks and old. He held Blaine closer, waiting for their breathing to calm down and felt how something changed. It was like there was a switch next to the connection, waiting to be used to break it for a while but then there was also his soul and their connection, trembling and adjusting to what had happened.

"You alright?"

"Getting there," Blaine said and after some minutes of keeping some contact Kurt felt how his soul became silent and the connection stopped being out of control. It was an even shining thread keeping them connected with this new thing to break the connection.

"Can you take a look?" Kurt asked when he pulled back and took his shirt off.

"It's there, looking like the thing you pressed on my shoulder," said his soulmate.  
"Good. How are you feeling?" he asked putting his shirt back on.

Blaine thought pressing his hand against his chest and slowly said: "It's calm... calm and there is something to stop the connection?"

Blaine unwrapped himself from Kurt's arm and turned around giving him a questioning look.

"Yeah, I feel the same. So I guess it worked."

He wasn't sure if he should smile or not so he made himself busy with putting the stuff from the coffee table away.

"You don't have to work today, right?"

"No," his soulmate answered and put his t-shirt back on: "But I'm visiting Charlie later."

Kurt bit the inside of is cheek to not groan or say anything at all. Charlie, his roommate, his friend made him feel all this stupid jealousy for no real reason. Okay, there was a reason. The fact that he could simply touch Blaine and no one would think something was up. His friends could do that too but those were his friends, all in a relationship and knew who Blaine was. Charlie knew that too and also who Kurt was and what connection they had. Still he acted around him a little bit too affectionate and he really didn't like that.

Maybe Blaine was too oblivious too notice that Charlie wanted more? Or maybe this was just how Charlie treated his friends? But Blaine being oblivious was close to the truth in Kurt's mind. Yet, what did he know about Blaine's friend? Nothing and asking? Well, maybe he could ask without being suspicious?

"You met him when you came to New York?"

"Yup," Blaine said his voice normal: "It's hard to pay the rent alone even in that part of New York. And he is fun to have around and helped me a lot when I came here."

"How old is he?" asked Kurt while opening the refrigerator to make some breakfast but also to keep himself busy and not turn around.

"Twenty one."

"Is he gay?"

"He doesn't really care about gender."

Kurt was silent and thinking about what he just had heard. So Charlie didn't care which meant they could have been more than friends, right? The way he touched Blaine and how comfortable they were around each other said a lot. Though Kurt knew this was nothing to really go by because it could really just be Charlie's nature to do that. Be all feely touchy around people he knew and liked.

"Why do you ask?"

Kurt almost jumped when Blaine's voice was suddenly next to him. Trying to act calm and not like something was bothering him he only shrugged, focusing on the eggs and bacon.

"I just want to know who he is. He could also be your ex from what I know."

Blaine hummed, leaning against the counter and still stared at Kurt like he was trying to read his mind. Well, fuck, he didn't like that.

"We are just friends. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried," his voice became a bit strained: "I'm just... curious but it's none of my business who you are with or were."

"Well, I can't be with anyone since we met. Our connection won't allow it."

"Well, me too."

He needed to stop this feelings he felt for Blaine which just suddenly happened. He just made it clear, right? That he didn't want this but something else, right? And this hurt. It hurt to be rejected although it wasn't intended. Blaine told him that he didn't believe in this soulmate thing but Kurt wasn't sure what part he didn't believe in. Obviously, Blaine felt the connection so that was not what he didn't believe in. Eyes moving back to Blaine he saw the boy looking down, not smiling, nothing really showing. Kurt was sure he had the same look. He didn't like that.


	12. Secrets

**Hello guys! Here is chapter 12 and I'm so so excited for you guys to read it! Like really! It wasn't easy to write this because I wanted it to be perfect but I'm quiet happy about it. This chapter is pretty long and I wanted to make it into two parts but it doesn't fit with the stuff that is happening in the following chapters. **

**Also I wanted to share with you why the title for this fic is 'Two Coins'. It's a song by City and Colour so you can check it out. I listen to it almost everytime I plan the plot and Ingrid Michaelson is also a huge inspiration for me while I write. But your reviews and questions and support are the greates motivation for me and also inspirtation. **

**Okay so this is a lot notes for a huge chapter :D hope you guys enjoy it! The next chapter will be Blaine's POV ;)**

* * *

Chapter 12. Secrets

It was the middle of April and both found a regularity in their life. They saw each other every morning around 6. Blaine would start the coffee machine and take a shower and Kurt would come down to him drink a coffee while holding Blaine's hand to maintain their connection. He did it for as long as he could before he himself had to take a shower and drive to the set. Blaine already asleep.

On a good day Kurt met Blaine before he went to work, talking about the day and then he would go to the Diner.

And whenever one was working they broke the connection when necessary to not disturb the other. It worked for the first two weeks but then it became harder and harder.

For the first hours Kurt felt absolutely fine but with the passing hours it changed. First he was tired and took a nap and opened their connection again. This little break gave him strength to work for another two hours before he felt like he wasn't himself. It was a strange feeling and close to the emptiness he felt from time to time. It didn't hurt but it was scary and he felt like he was leaving his body. It felt like his soul wanted to escape and go somewhere. Probably to Blaine because that was the part that made him feel alive, good, not like someone who had nothing inside himself. Like his soul was covered in black empty marks.

The only moment he really felt good was with Blaine around him and holding his hand.

They were okay, really okay and they laughed more than before. On Saturdays they cooked together with their friends or just enjoyed their company with some drinks or coffee. Sundays were meant for them alone, sharing the couch hand holding and watching Hannibal, while making disgusted noises when something terrible happened. But all this was not enough and Kurt felt it after a week. The hand holding was not enough, the two days off Blaine had and Kurt didn't have to break their connection was not enough. Last Sunday he asked Blaine if he could rest his head on Kurt's lab just to find out if it helped more than the hand holding. Yes, it did for a while but he still couldn't stop the emptiness crawling over his soul and the screaming connection, searching, reaching out for Blaine.

After they were done shooting Linda drove Kurt home because he felt like he would pass out any minute. Falling into the seat he groaned and rubbed his eyes wanting nothing more but just to be home and sleep.

"You work too hard, Kurt," she said with concern and closed her door.

"It's not that. It's this... soulmate stuff."

"What about that? You are having trouble?"

The car started and she drove off the set while Kurt texted Nina.

"No. We are okay it's just... like hand holding isn't enough to fix the times when we break our connection because of work and I don't know what to do."

Linda sighed and Kurt could see the worry in her face. They both knew if they didn't fix this it could lead to more than just being tired and feeling empty. It could turn into Kurt going crazy, losing his mind or whatever mental aberration could happen. He was fine with wounds, fine with sharing pain, happiness or sadness with Blaine. But he really didn't want to lose his mind over this.

"You like him, right?"

"I know what you want to say, Linda. But he doesn't like me."

"Did he say that to you?"

Kurt took a deep breath and ran his fingers over his forehead.

"No. But I have a feeling like he regrets it. Being a soulmate, you know."

He really had this feeling after Blaine told him that he couldn't fool around because of their connection. Kurt couldn't too but he didn't mind because he accepted Blaine, he liked Blaine. He got jealous for God's sake and he never got jealous over nothing. Not anymore. He left Lima, came to New York went to NYADA and became a model just to earn money and waiting for a leading role to play. He had boyfriends, got drunk, did everything a young man usually did. Blaine couldn't. He just finished school, came here and began to work. Maybe he had a boyfriend and maybe he made some experiences but he could never experience what Kurt had. No one-nightstand, no break-ups and tears, no endless crushes, nothing like that. He was bond to Kurt for life.

"He is eighteen and he probably didn't imagine his life to turn out like this. You know what we've been doing when we were younger and he can't. He won't be able to make experiences, share kisses with guys, nothing of the things you do when you are living alone and living your youth."

Linda sighed knowing this was true but then she smiled slowly.

"But he will get something else, Kurt. When I think about all the things I did before Ronald came into my life, yes, they were experiences and taught me a lot. But I've got something better now. Something that I can't even describe with words only feel. And you two will get that too."

If he wouldn't believe in all of this he would just deny everything. But Kurt believed. Two of his friends happened to be soulmates and now there was also Linda in his life, showing him how amazing it is to have a soulmate. And he liked Blaine, he really did. Not in a way a friend would do it. He was watching him, seeing things he didn't notice before because it felt so wrong to look at a boy younger than him in this way. Not to forget how jealous he was over Blaine's friend. Was he already in love? No, not yet. There were still things he didn't know and wanted to know but so far, yes, he was sure this way would lead to this point. Him, falling for this boy. However, this didn't change what he just said.

"I really like him. Really. But I can't force him to anything or to make him believe in this soulmate stuff."

"He still doesn't?"

"No. I don't know what part of this though. He feels the connection but he says he doesn't believe."

They stopped at a red light and then it began to rain. Kurt sighed and rubbed his eyes again trying to ignore this feeling inside and wishing he could just be home and that Blaine would be there too so they could make it go away.

"You know. Many people think being a soulmate means you fall in love as soon as you meet your soulmate. Which is not true. Maybe he thinks the same and it didn't happen so he doesn't believe."

Kurt turned his head and just stared at her for a while. He never thought about this and suddenly it seemed like this could be it. When he heard about soulmates he thought the same but saw that it wasn't true and maybe Blaine didn't know that?

They said nothing more until they arrived at Kurt's home.

"Thank you, Linda. I just get some rest and we'll see each other tomorrow," he leaned over hugging her while she squeezed him tight.

"And work on that hand holding, okay?"

"I try. But I don't want to push him."

Then she smiled, a knowing smile and he raised both eyebrows before he opened the door.

"He likes you, don't worry."

"Oh? Did he tell you?" Kurt joked but figured she wasn't.

"No. He doesn't need to. Good night, Kurt."

Still confused he nodded and climbed out of the car and walked to the front door. What did she mean by Blaine doesn't have to? It was not like she spent more time with him than Kurt and also not like they were super close or anything. Also, Blaine didn't seem to be the kind of guy talking about his feelings. Well, not to Kurt so he wasn't sure if he liked him or not. But then, again, Kurt wasn't objective. He couldn't be when his life was so deeply connected to Blaine's.

Unlocking his door he walked inside and right into an empty, silent loft. The rain was still falling and the spot on the couch was empty. Of course, Blaine went to work and he wouldn't be back until at least 5 in the morning. This feeling he had before Blaine stepped into his life came back, crushing over him whenever he wasn't here. The feeling of being alone inside those walls. This place was nice, really and he liked living here. Only the part of living alone was something he couldn't accept that easily.

All his friends had someone to live with and he went through jealousy, loneliness and feeling like a child when he moved here. Not able to accept that his friends were soulmates, always having someone around. This part of himself was never ever something he liked and tried to hide really hard. Then there was Blaine and though he was stubborn and reaching for each excuse and reason why he couldn't be his soulmate and why he couldn't live with him, in the end, he was happy about the company. Now it was different, more and he really wished Blaine would just be here and hold his hand so that the black marks on his soul would just fade away and make it whole again, warm, alive just like each time when they touched.

Exhausted and feeling alone he took his shoes off, hung his jacket and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change into his pajamas. But he wasn't going to his bed when he was done. He walked over to the couch, lifting up the blanket and lay down into the pillows which smelled like Blaine. Maybe it was the connection, his soul aching for Blaine or something else, Kurt didn't even care. All that he wanted was his soulmate to be here.

* * *

He felt warm, so warm and also how he slowly woke up. But he didn't want to. This warmth was familiar and what he needed.

"Kurt, come on. Wake up."

His eyes were heavy, too heavy and it hurt to open them. If it weren't for the voice of Blaine he would sleep some more but, there was Blaine. Everything was a blurry for some seconds only after blinking the sleep away Kurt noticed that he wasn't in his bed. Those weren't his pillows but it was his couch.

"You have to wake up, it's almost six."

Turning around and looking up he saw Blaine, hair still damp and eyes tired from work.

"Hey," he mumbled and reached out for his arm, needed to feel the contact, the warmth so his soul would come back to life. It was a good feeling when Blaine squeezed his hand and sat down, holding Kurt's hand in both of his.

"Why are you sleeping here? Didn't make it to your bed?"

"Kind of," he said not wanting to lie but also not to tell the truth. Closing his eyes again he just let it all in, all the warmth, all the things coming through their connection from Blaine to him.

"It's your soul, right?"

Of course, Blaine felt it too, who was he fooling here anyway. Still, it was not just his soul which needed Blaine. It was far more that wanted Blaine but he couldn't say it because he wasn't sure yet. Or maybe he was just afraid to hear the answer, to hear Blaine's thoughts.

"Yeah. This breaking the connection is far more exhausting than I thought."

"Yeah. I feel it too."

Kurt turned to his side, eyes focused on their hands.

"We need to work on that. I really don't want us to lose our minds."

"How? You have to work and I have to work."

His blues eyes moved up, finding Blaine's and he promised himself to not ask Blaine to stop working and he wouldn't start with that now. This soulmate stuff already took so much away from this boy that he just couldn't ask him to stop working.

"We'll figure something out, okay? Now," he said and stood slowly up to give Blaine his space back so he could sleep: "It's your turn to sleep."

He sat next to Blaine who immediately fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillows and held the younger boys hand for another hour. He left around 8 and felt a bit better but was more than convinced that this wouldn't be enough. During work he took the breaks to figure something out and how Linda told him about that breaking the connection was bad and how Elliot always said hand holding was not enough. What else should he do? Cuddling? Yeah, he totally saw Blaine freaking out about that and not wanting that. But what else could help? Telling Blaine how he felt and scare him away but then admitting it wasn't like something serious because he wasn't sure? Because Kurt really wasn't. Which didn't matter if Blaine didn't like him.

Groaning he took his phone and texted Elliot.

**Kurt 01:34pm:**

_Does cuddling really help the connection?_

**Elliot 01:38pm:**

_I promise, it does. Are you together yet? ;)_

**Kurt 01:40pm:**

_No. _

**Elliot 01:43pm:**

_But?_

He took a deep breath and cursed himself already for asking this. God, he felt like he was back in High School.

**Kurt 01:46pm:**

_Do you think he likes me?_

**Elliot 01:49pm:**

_I'm pretty sure. ;) What, did Linda talk some sense into you? I'm hurt, I thought we were friends._

**Kurt 01:52pm:**

_You are impossible. Have to work_.

* * *

Sleep was impossible. Really like whenever he closed his eyes he felt like he was falling into emptiness and it scared him. When he slept it was probably for just some minutes and then he woke up, turning to the left and right his bed feeling too big, too cold and he wasn't sure if he should stand up – if he even could stand up – and go down to the couch to have just a little bit of his soulmate. Hissing he turned to the left checking the time and it was not even 4 in the morning. Blaine wouldn't be back until – huh?

He heard the door or maybe he just imagined hearing the door. Maybe this was just his mind playing tricks on him while his soul tried not to turn into complete emptiness. But then he heard steps and felt the connection reaching out for its other half. Though it was too soon for Blaine to be back and maybe it was just Elliot or Mercedes. Listening he heard the shower or thought he heard it but wasn't sure. Then he just watched the stairs, waiting that someone would show up and he noticed someone but his sight was just blurry and his whole being just such a mess. Rolling the edge of the bed he blinked and then he realized that it was indeed Blaine standing there in a black t-shirt and pajama pants. There was the same feeling coming from Blaine who just stood there, looking lost and insecure and this was just too much, for the both of them.

"Kurt-"

"Come here," he said voice weak but Blaine heard him. Without hesitation Blaine hurried to him and Kurt opened his arms and Blaine lay right into them. Like on instinct Kurt wrapped his arms tightly around Blaine, around his broad shoulders and felt Blaine's arm around his body. Rolling over so Blaine was on the right side they just held each other, clutching, shaking and letting their connection suck everything in. The warmth, the light, everything so that the dark, empty marks on their souls would vanish.

One hand found its way into Blaine's damp hair, his face pressed against Kurt's chest, his hands on Kurt's back, fingers digging into his shirt, trying reach the skin, like he tried to suck everything in through them. All Kurt could do was snuggling closer, as close as possible and drifted off to sleep, finally.

It felt like someone held him together but not just his body. It was like something held his whole being, his soul, his heart and mind together and everything made sense. Just sense and no words could describe what made sense. But being here and feeling those arms around him was everything he needed and he had no idea that he needed this. Almost like a natural thing. Also, holding Blaine, feeling his body and more, places inside his body. No it was deeper. Those places a person couldn't really see but name. Maybe they were seen on a persons face but they would never describe what happened inside. Kurt could feel it but not even tried to reach out and explore more.

Was it that what their friends talked about? How it felt to be with their soulmate? Explore places without a face, without a form but feel them and know the person? It scared Kurt and made him uncomfortable that he could reach those private places. His soul though, his soul and the connection were seeking for it. Not understanding, not at all, just reaching for it and combining it with Kurt's deepest places. The result was just sense, warmth and like their nature.

It was scary, so scary to have this power and to be able to reach out and understand. And it scared him that Blaine could do the same. They weren't there, not yet so he held himself back and trusted Blaine to do the same.

Slowly he opened his eyes, no longer able to dig deeper into Blaine's being. This surprised him to be honest. One second he was able to almost touch those places and now it was like always. Them, their souls and the connection humming inside him because it got what it needed. His other half. He felt healed, alive and rested. The younger boy still had his arms tightly around Kurt and breathed evenly and calm. Not wanting to wake him up he turned his head to see what time it was. 8 he should stand up and get ready otherwise he would be late. But god he didn't want to. All he wanted was to just sleep and hold Blaine. Just for that day.

However, he had to work and he loved his work so he slowly but gently untangled himself from Blaine's grip but not without waking the boy.

"Sleep," he whispered squeezing Blaine's shoulder and meeting the big golden eyes. There were questions, followed by confusion and then Kurt felt how Blaine slowly began to panic. He could feel it right through their connection and took Blaine's hand into his getting all of his attention.

"Hey, it's okay." He pressed their hands against Blaine's chest: "I know. I felt it too."

The panic grew smaller and smaller and it was visible how Blaine relaxed sinking into the pillows and eyes constantly focused on Kurt's. This boy probably thought it was wrong to come to him and crawl into his bed. But Kurt asked to. He opened his arms and wanted him there and it was good that they both decided to do this.

"It was... scary. So scary. I thought I'd lose my mind," Blaine whispered and squeezed Kurt's hand back still resting on the younger boys chest.

"I know. I felt the same."

They were just looking at each other, giving Kurt enough time to recognize Blaine's face and just fall into this moment. The moment when he could figure the colors out in Blaine's eyes, the long eyelashes, the young lines on his face and those lips.

"You," he began to stop staring finally: "You just lie here and sleep, okay? It will help you while I'm working."

"In your bed?"

Nodding Kurt took his hand back and the second they weren't touching anymore it didn't feel as bad as before but he felt how he wanted to go back. How his whole being just wanted to keep this connection alive until they were fine again. At least that's what he kept on telling himself.

The next three days were awkward. Really awkward. It wasn't like they had sex or something but apparently cuddling could make a life with someone else awkward. Holding hands was awkward because Kurt would stare on the joined hands, wishing he could slip his fingers between Blaine's and didn't even heard when Blaine said something. Then he would caught Blaine staring and sometimes they were even blushing or so be so tense before touching that it drove Kurt crazy. They were literally dancing around each other to avoid something. And it wasn't helping. They both felt better, yes, but it was not enough to go back to how things were.

On the fourth day Kurt felt just as miserable as before he and Blaine slept together for some hours. Again he couldn't sleep and just stared at the stairs, waiting to hear the door going open but it was just 3 in the morning. He woke up an hour later to hear the shower running and waited until Blaine came out of the bathroom. He listened, waited some more and hoped Blaine would come here, into his bed and not to that stupid couch. He wanted to ask him, he wanted to suggest this in the past days. But he wasn't sure if this was okay, if Blaine wanted this or if it would scare him away.

He really didn't want that or ruin everything.

Turning on his right side he gave up waiting and hoping and tried to tell himself that they just weren't there and Blaine still needed time. Closing his eyes he tried to fall asleep ignoring all the sounds, his soul and the connection just to open his eyes again when he felt someone climbing on his bed.

He opened his eyes to find an exhausted Blaine again with this lost and helpless look, almost like he was sorry for doing this, for asking to sleep here. But like some days ago Kurt only opened his eyes and as soon as he felt his soulmate against his body he fell into this zone they both ached for. The place were everything made sense, was right and where he belonged. And it was not only the connection, not at all. It was also his heart, his mind that wanted this and he gave up denying, gave up being stubborn and just accepting what his friends were telling him for weeks.

He was falling, falling pretty hard for this boy.

His arms pressed Blaine's back closet to his chest, his curls were soft and smelling after the shampoo Blaine always used when they found Kurt's nose. They just lay there, Blaine's hands on Kurt's arms and Kurt holding him. Like it should be.

"Will you stay here from now on?" asked Kurt into Blaine's hair trying to not fall asleep because he needed to know.

"I guess... I have to?"

His words hurt Kurt. They really did because it was like telling him that Blaine didn't like touching him but otherwise they both would lose their minds.

"You don't... have to. But I'd be okay with it."

"You are?"

"I am."

The smaller body relaxed under his arms, squeezing them like he tried to tell Kurt something without words and it made also Kurt calmer. Maybe, just maybe Blaine was okay with this at some point.

"Okay then."

* * *

They slept together in Kurt's bed from that day on which changed their behavior from being tense to relaxed and comfortable. Not like Kurt wanted it to be because Blaine still kept his walls up. He never slept so that he was facing Kurt. It was either Kurt being the big spoon or Blaine but never face to face. It kind of worried him because he wasn't sure what this meant or if Blaine only liked to sleep this way. The more he fell for this boy the more he wanted to make things right. And more important he didn't want to make him uncomfortable. It was just hard to tell what Blaine felt because he was either hiding it or felt nothing at all while he slept with Kurt.

Kurt couldn't blame him because he was hiding his feelings too. All the emotions which screamed how he wanted this boy, how he felt for him just to not scare him away.

But it was hard. So hard to have him so close and literally do nothing. Not that he wanted to do something at all like having sex but it was just so hard for him to resist. He wanted those small things. Like touching Blaine's cheek, run his hand through his hair, tickle him, all those small things which would show the affection he had for Blaine. He didn't.

The time passed by and it was May. Kurt just got the news that they'll be done filming a week earlier then planned and looked forward to this day. He would sleep whenever and how long he wanted to and he would talk with Blaine about his thoughts, about his feelings. There was more time for them when Kurt was done with work and he really didn't want to start a conversation about something like this and leave Blaine alone or be alone with it himself.

Well, Kurt believed in this soulmate stuff and in all this 'meant to be together' and just like his friends he was sure Blaine would fall in love with him. The question was only when.

But then he found himself doubting. Like, they had this deep connection, really deep. Not like Elliot's and Martin's or Mercedes and Sam. They had a different connection and even when he told his friends about the things that happened to him and his soul, they were more than surprised.

So he ended up there, having doubts about their connection and what it meant. Maybe they were soulmates but just not... those love soulmates? Maybe just friends? In his desperation he even called the Soulmate Department who only told him: _It needs time. _

Kurt hated waiting, really. Still he couldn't change or force Blaine to like him or open up to him. It was wrong and made him feel like a bad person.

Only one thing happened he wasn't counting with. Blaine was happier and hugged Kurt without a special reason or because they needed to do it. He even talked with Kurt about things that were private. It wasn't much though, but already this little bit gave Kurt hope that Blaine wasn't completely disgusted with the idea of being bond with him for life. Eager to hear and share it all.

And one night – one of Blaine's days off – they went together to Kurt's bed, Blaine being the little spoon and heard the words he ached to hear from his soulmate.

"I don't hate you or anything, Kurt."

He tried to play cool but Blaine probably felt it in the past days. Even though they could hide things and break the connection it was hard to control every emotion. They weren't meant to be controlled and they sometimes came out of nowhere. That's why they were beautiful, unique but in their case also dangerous to show because they didn't know each other like they did now.

"And you don't force me to anything if you think that."

"I did, though."

"I wouldn't be here if I really didn't want to. Literally."

And that was all Blaine said before they both fell asleep. Kurt with a smile on his face.

* * *

"You look happy. Oh my God! You guys-"

"No. We are not," Kurt stopped Elliot before he even finished his sentence. They met in the morning in the music shop, sitting together in the backroom and drinking coffee before Kurt had to work again. But yes, he was happy and he couldn't stop his lips to curl into a stupid smile. He was sharing a bed with Blaine for almost a month now, could talk with him, laugh with him and things got easier, better. It was also a blessing for their connection.

"Tell me everything, come on."

"There isn't much to tell," Kurt began as Elliot sat down next to him on the old dark green couch, bouncing because he was excited. God, how could his friend who was even older than him still be such a child at times.

"You wouldn't smile like that if there was nothing."

"We just... we are doing fine. We.. we kind of share a bed now because of the connection."

"Yeah, of course," Elliot smirked and gave him a knowing look. Kurt ignored it.

"But he is finally talking to me and doesn't act and look like he doesn't want to live with me, you know."

"You really thought he hated you?"

"Not that. Just... you know. I had everything and he can't because of our connection. Linda already told me how he'll get something _better_ but I still was sure Blaine felt sad about that."

"I think he is smart enough to realize it's not your fault or his. And yes, he will get something better."

Reaching out for his cup he nodded slowly, trying to convince himself, but still keeping in mind that he needed to talk about this with Blaine just to be sure.

"And he told me he doesn't hate me so... I don't know. Things are fine, really but-"

"You want more, huh?"

There was this part of him he already confessed to himself. Not with words, not entirely but he knew it was there, trying to break out. It was hard with Blaine so close to him and still sleeping with his back to Kurt so he did anything to hide it, keep it down. Otherwise he was sure he would do something stupid or go crazy. Blaine was still younger, experienced or not. Well, whatever that experience was because Kurt had no idea. Was he still a virgin? Did he ever have a boyfriend? Kurt wanted to know but didn't want to push Blaine and sent signals to him that could scare him away.

"I just... don't want to scare him. Things are so good and maybe he needs more time before we eventually get there."

"I think you should tell him, Kurt," suggested his friend and took a sip from his coffee.

"And then make a fool of myself?"

Elliot rolled his eyes and tried not to groan, Kurt could see it by the way he took another sip.

"I know you are scared too. God I've been scared too when I knew I liked Martin and he gave me still those stupid looks like I was insane."

"You kind of are, you know."

"Ha! Don't try to change the subject, Hummel."

Kurt smirked at him and felt pleased with himself that he still could do that.

"What I want to say is, that he really likes you. Really. Whenever you are not looking at him he just stares at you with so much affection. I swear, if I could I would vomit bow ties."

"Really?"

"Really. And you said he doesn't believe in this soulmate stuff. Well, thinking about what he went through and where he is working, seriously. Kurt, he is probably just scared about this. That it's all fake and that someone like you, former model, actor, leading role in a movie would ever fall for him."

"You think he doesn't believe that we are meant to be?"

"Stop thinking about this connection for a second, okay? And now imagine he likes you and just sees your life."

Kurt tried that, imagining a life in which they were not connected but met either way and like each other. Yeah, he was sure that Blaine would be pretty pessimistic about his chances to be recognized or even loved by him. Blaine was not one of those crazy people who clung to someone who had money and would give them a good life. He was still working, taking care of himself as much as he could and though he used Kurt it was, perhaps, just a test? Maybe he'd been testing Kurt for a while just to see if this was true? It made sense but it was not the truth. Not yet, only a possibility.

"We don't know that, though."

"No, we don't. But I know you are crazy about him and he about you. And I think you should just show him this. He can still say no, right?"

"Did you do that to Martin so you finally got together?"

Elliot laughed and a light blush crawled over his cheeks.

"I might have done something that I shouldn't have done. But in the end it worked out."

"I don't even want to know."

They laughed and emptied their cups talking about their summer plans and then Kurt had to go to work. But he felt better after talking with Elliot about that.

* * *

He was nervous when he drove back home that night because it was not like he had some time to himself. Blaine was home, it was his day off and he probably sat on the couch and watched something or played on his guitar. Kurt would join him for a while and then they would go to sleep, together. And this made him really nervous because he could try as hard as he wanted to. Emotions weren't that easy to control. The only thing holding him back and keeping him sane was that Blaine still didn't face Kurt when they slept together. Not once in the past weeks.

Walking inside he found Blaine on the couch but he was already sleeping and the Star Wars movie still playing on the TV. With a small smile he locked the door and changed into his pajamas and then he woke Blaine up. This was not the first time it happened. Whenever he woke up but still being in his sleepy state he just blinked disorientated and nodded to everything Kurt was saying. Turning off the TV he took Blaine by the hand and walked up the stairs. This sleepy state was yet nothing that kept Blaine from turning his back to Kurt or press himself against Kurt's back when they climbed on the bed. With a happy sigh he didn't mind that and wrapped his arms around Blaine's familiar body, feeling his hands on his arms and pressing his nose into the curls and falling asleep.

The annoying beeping sound of his clock woke him up and with a groan he slapped his clock and thought about calling in sick or something. Yet, there was only one week left and he could sleep whenever he wanted. Rubbing his eyes he felt Blaine moving next to him and hoped it didn't wake him up. Wrong, because when he turned his head to his right side he met the beautiful eyes with the slightly darker golden color they always had when he woke up. Blaine was facing him for the first time and they just looked into the others eyes for a while. One hand rested between them and the other was under Blaine's head, calm, not moving just looking without saying a word.

There he was doing the thing Kurt wondered why he didn't and slowly he rolled on his side, facing Blaine in the same way and resting his left hand on the one Blaine had between their bodies. There was not much space between them like it hadn't been in the last weeks but this was different. This here meant something and Kurt tried to figure out what. Should he say something? Do something? Was this the chance he should grab and use like Elliot said?

Shooting was almost done, soon he would have enough time to talk with Blaine about things. If only Blaine didn't have to work then he maybe had said something. Kurt was silent and still looking at Blaine, gold meeting blue and then his soulmate looked down to their hands and took Kurt's into his, letting them rest between them. Warm, soft skin that made his blood boil. Fingers which gave him so much with a simple touch and his fingers who gave Blaine the same in return. Not only because of the connection and because of their souls. It was more, so much more that still needed to be said in words. But now, with Blaine finally looking at him and allowing Kurt to see him from this angle, with bed hair, soft eyes and features he had to look down to those lips which made him curious. What would it feel like to kiss him? Were they warm and soft? Or maybe cold and waiting for him to kiss them warm? What would it feel like to kiss his soulmate? Would it give him something else, not only warmth and strength and heal their connection?

He wanted to know and he wanted to kiss him because his heart screamed to do so. Not this connection, his heart did so. Was it unfair if he let Blaine feel that? No, probably not. Because this feeling he tried to hide was good, honest and maybe this would help them? Maybe Blaine needed this honesty to understand? Squeezing Blaine's hand gently he let it out and watched Blaine's face. The softness broke just a little, eyes fixed on Kurt's and searching, reading and then Blaine closed his eyes, the long eyelashes more visible now as they rested on Blaine's cheeks and squeezed his hand back, keeping the tight grip but not hurting him. Fool, Kurt thought. He had been a fool that he thought this would never happen. He was a fool, believing that he would not fall for this boy. He was a fool, believing he could resist the longings coming right from his heart.

But he was no fool to ignore it now. This boy who probably thought he didn't deserve any of this. Who thought that this was nothing real. He wanted to show him that he deserved it and that this was real.

There were still things, so many he needed to know about Blaine. So many answers he needed to get before he let his heart fall into this entirely. But Kurt ignored this for now and decided he could deal with this later. Right now he needed permission from his soulmate. Wetting his lips he closed his eyes moving closer and feeling how his heart pounding faster and faster. No, he wouldn't just take what he wanted, that was not what he did or would ever do. All he did is leaning his forehead against Blaine's and listening, feeling. Not only was it his heart which pounded like crazy inside his chest, he could feel the same coming from Blaine. Feel how this connection gave him little signals Blaine couldn't hide. Yet he ignored the connection, not wanting to figure out what Blaine felt or how he felt through this right now. He wanted to feel in a way he used to before he was a soulmate, figure out if there was anything Blaine felt for him that was close to what he wanted.

And then the younger boy squeezed his hand again, nuzzling just a tiny bit against Kurt's cheek and Kurt smiled for a second, feeling dizzy from this little gesture and gave it in return just to feel Blaine's shaking breath falling on his lips, his skin and Kurt slowly closed the gap between their mouths. They both took a sharp breath through their noses as their lips touched, feeling so much Kurt was sure when he opened his eyes he would see freaking stars. His whole body was buzzing, emotions running through his body, veins, blood, like electricity. It was just a press of lips but it was like heaven so he wasn't even ashamed when a small whimper escaped from his throat.

And Blaine just did the same. A small whimper, body going still because of too much that was happening inside him. Then their hands let go from each other and when Kurt was sure this was okay he held Blaine's face in his hands, pulled back to take a breath, give his soulmate a moment to breath and then both went back to what they were doing. Tilting his head to get better access, he kept their lips together, then nipped at Blaine's bottom lip and sucked gently on it for a second before they found a rhythm together.

It was just lips, warm, soft, meeting each other, sliding gently over each other and trying to keep them attached, not wanting to stop and not ready to stop. He felt Blaine's hand on his arm, searching for something to hold on to but still kissing Kurt back. Gentle, not asking for too much or expecting something else. Just sweet gentle kisses but doing things to them that were too much but not enough. He knew he should stand up and get ready, he knew all of that but he was literally drunk from those kisses. Those simple kisses which were better than any kiss he had ever shared. Yet Kurt pulled back, breathing in and out and kissed the corner of Blaine's mouth, moved closer and kissed his cheek, eyebrow and forehead while wrapping his arms around Blaine's shoulders holding him close and feeling how his soulmate did the same. His arms slung around him, clutching Kurt's back and breathing against his neck. They stayed just like that, feeling, breathing and waiting.

Then the beeping sound of his clock happened again and Kurt tried to ignore it but he knew now he really had to stand up and get ready. Huffing he turned to the left side, slapping the clock again but still focused on Blaine's hands which one was under his back and the other not touching him.

Oh fuck, he forgot that he had to talk about this. He couldn't just kiss him and go and Kurt became nervous thinking about that. Talking seemed like an impossible task at this moment.

Yet he came so far, showed Blaine how he felt and running away now was not just stupid but also not Kurt. Closing his eyes he breathed in and out and then moved his head to the right side to look at Blaine who just lay there, face calm, soft, lips red from kissing and Kurt wanted to lean over and kiss him again.

"You have to go," Blaine whispered with the softest voice Kurt heard for the first time.

"I... I do." Sitting up he felt Blaine's hand on his right arm, just running his fingers up and down the skin and saying nothing. Okay, maybe Blaine wasn't ready to talk about that and Kurt would give him the space. Though it made him feel bad. What if Blaine didn't want that to happen? But he kissed him back? Oh, now Kurt felt like he was about to panic. Was this too soon? Wrong? Did he push Blaine too far away? Again? Though everything felt so good, though their connection was smiling and burning in a good way, but, he couldn't be happy about that. But he wanted to, he wanted to have more of this.

Only then when he wanted to stand up and go Blaine moved, holding himself up on his elbows and still ran his hand up and down Kurt's arm, touching gently his wrist where his blood ran like crazy.

Still afraid too see something he couldn't handle Kurt turned his head back to Blaine and saw a soft smile on his face and eyes shining, gold swimming there in its purest state.

This smile said everything and when Kurt leaned down and Blaine up, smiling into the next kiss all his worries just melted away and the new space was filled with this thrilling feeling their kiss made him feel.

"I see you later, okay?" whispered the older, forehead leaning against Blaine's.

Blaine only nodded with this adorable shy look on his face.

* * *

During the next week Kurt had the most stupid grin on his face and it surprised everyone. Not that he was a grumpy person, not at all. But he was someone who didn't show everything he was feeling. He was always controlled, always careful with what he wanted people to see and what not. But after this kiss he couldn't help himself and show it. He didn't even break the connection so Blaine could feel it, not everything but a little bit of course hoping this would show him that everything was real and that there was no reason to doubt this soulmate thing.

Linda smirked at him, not saying anything either waiting for Kurt to tell her about it but he made it clear that there was nothing to talk about. He had not talked with Blaine yet and he wasn't sure what this meant. Maybe it meant nothing but was just something to keep their connection stable or for Blaine to explore the things he couldn't do with others. But alone the fact that his soulmate kissed him back, smiled when they kissed again was enough to make those doubts go away. Underestimating would be stupid and naïve because he knew his soulmate could feel things coming from him and also that he understood that what they felt was real. At least Kurt hoped that.

When he arrived home he was buzzing with excitement and also feeling nervous again. Unlocking the door and walking inside he found Blaine in the kitchen and typing on his phone. Unsure if he should just walk over and kiss him hello he decided to take it slow.

"I'm back!"

"Hey," said Blaine and his voice was happier, clearer and not the mumble he used to give Kurt.

"How was work?"

"Good. Just this week and I'll be able to sleep for hours."

Walking to the kitchen he saw Blaine was still smiling and shoving his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. Also it wasn't unnoticed how the younger still kept his walls up. Maybe he himself trying to figure out what all of this meant. If it mean something.

Because for Kurt it did but he wouldn't push his soulmate.

"You already ate something?"

"Um, no. I was waiting for you."

In any other situation Kurt would have thought that this was normal, like the times when Elliot and Mercedes waited for him. Blaine was a different story because he never waited for Kurt. They cooked together or not and when they couldn't eat together they weren't waiting. Perhaps this was a good sign?

They decided to order something and ate their Chinese food together on the couch while starting with Game of Thrones. It was not awkward or strange. Not really. It was more like Kurt wanted to cuddle and kiss some more but Blaine would try to act normal but then tensing up again because he was conflicted? There was no reason to though. At least in the morning he made it clear that he enjoyed kissing him. So Kurt ended up thinking that it didn't mean the same for Blaine as for him. Until Blaine finally, finally asked and stopped Kurt's rising panic.

"You, gave me my first real kiss this morning."

Oh... oh great. He didn't even fall all over Blaine he also took something from him that he wasn't maybe ready for? Great.

"Calm down," said Blaine and laughed just a little laugh and took Kurt's hand into his. He was shaking, like really shaking and Kurt forgot who was the teenager here. He kissed a lot of people, sweet, rough or dirty. But he had been kissing other people and Blaine maybe did not.

"I kissed before but this was... different. So, thank you."

"I won't do it again if you are not okay with it."

Again a small nervous laugh and Blaine squeezed his hand, looking down – Kurt could see it from the corner of his eye.

"I kissed you back, didn't I?"

"You did."

Like reminding himself that he did so Blaine nodded again and then spoke quietly.

"I'm... I'm not there yet. I don't believe in this, yet. But I... I also don't want to stop what we did."

"It's good for our connection, though," and Kurt wanted to slap himself for saying this. It was like this kiss meant nothing but only that. Something they needed to do so their souls and the connection were fine and not breaking and giving them some mental aberration.

"I mean... I... I didn't do it because of that."

"I know. I felt it and it helped our connection, no doubt. I just... I don't want to label this. I'm not there yet."

"That's fine. I won't push you."

But he wished he could label it. Label it with something significant. Though, when Blaine didn't want to he wouldn't force him to. He couldn't his heart would break and he would hate himself for this.

"I just want you to know that... it's real. Okay? It's not just the connection."

Blaine said nothing which was answer enough for Kurt to truly understand what he didn't believe in. By the way Blaine was holding himself back, saying nothing, closing up Kurt thought that was just Blaine. But in the past days, weeks even, he showed Kurt that this was not really him. He opened up, smiled more, talked more – nothing that was really deep or touching – about simple things. And then, after the kiss how his soulmate just opened a little bit more and let Kurt know he was not completely against what happened. He understood it now.

Blaine didn't believe that this was real, that only some crazy connection made them feel like that. It was even more. Blaine knew how it felt to lose someone close, to have people close and because of their connection, because they were meant to be together he wasn't sure if he could let that happen again. No, Blaine never said if this was it and he had no real evidence if his thoughts were true. It was only his own experience with people, by what he saw and heard that he came up with this.

"That's it, right? You aren't sure if any of this is real?"

"I... I don't know. I just... I need more time."

The conflict Blaine felt crushed over Kurt, ran through his body and he felt sorry for pushing Blaine. He didn't want to make him feel like that, not ever. This chaos inside him nothing clear only a scary mixture of everything. It made it hard to breath even for Kurt.

"Take your time. I understand."

Finally Blaine looked at him, thankful and just the tiniest of smiles on his lips. As long as he could make him smile he was doing the right thing, right? He leaned closer just pressing his lips only brushing against Blaine's temple and then his soulmate rested his head on his shoulder. But the conflict inside him didn't stop.

Ignoring the kiss was impossible for them and Kurt didn't want to ignore it nor push Blaine anymore. They slept together in Kurt's bed from that day on and whenever Blaine faced him and squeezed his hand Kurt knew it was okay to share a kiss. Many of them were just sweet and gentle, some just a press of lips like a good morning kiss, yet, they all were a blessing for their connection which vibrated with happiness. The dark marks on his soul came back when they broke their connection for too long, but it was not as exhausting or scary as before. It was easier and this also had a huge impact on their moods. Things weren't perfect and not how Kurt wished they would be but they were good and he gave Blaine the time and space he needed. And as a reward he got a happy Blaine, a more carefree Blaine, the one Blaine, Kurt thought, he could never be. So he tried to give him all of this instead. Different kisses. Some not on his lips but on his fingers, forehead, shoulder, neck. But never trying to want more or kiss him in a way to seduce him.

Soon there were two weeks left to June and Kurt was done with shooting. They went to celebrate together but without Blaine who had to work. On one side he really wanted him to be there but they didn't show the kind of affection when their friends were around. They weren't boyfriends, so much was clear but they also weren't friends and they both decided to not let anyone put a label on them. It was nothing they talked about. It happened to be clear by the smiles and looks they gave each other when their friends were around.

On his first free day Kurt was okay. Really, he woke up to Blaine and they spent the day together. Then he went to work and Kurt was sleeping alone. Which was fine, this always happened when they both had to work. He would wake up with Blaine next to him and lie there for a while just feeling him close and then standing up. Breakfast, planning with Nina, watching something, visiting his friends, he had stuff to do instead of staying in bed – but he wished he could sometimes. Then when he came back home Blaine was already awake or they met in the city and did grocery together.

Then Blaine told him how he had to work everyday for a while and Kurt supported him. This work was important for Blaine and maybe the only thing he was really proud about so he wouldn't feel like he was just a small person with no real job, with nothing like Kurt had or his friends. He tried to tell Blaine it was okay, he didn't mind but Blaine minded and he let him. It wasn't like he could force him to stop working. Everything would just find its place, sooner or later.

But the nights alone were awful and the broken connection hard to handle. He wanted to feel how Blaine felt, wanted to know if he was okay. Sleep was okay but it still was different without Blaine.

Then, five days later for some reason Blaine didn't break the connection and Kurt felt how uneasy he was. Waiting for it to stop it didn't and sleep was impossible. Something was wrong and he had no idea what it was. Obviously Blaine didn't get physically hurt because Kurt would feel that. But something else was happening to him and he was sick with worry.

When Blaine came back home he stood up and rushed the stairs down, seeing that Blaine seemed to be okay. He didn't look different just like each time when he came back from work. So Kurt didn't ask but was just happy that he was there. The younger would take his usual shower and crawl into Kurt's bed, letting Kurt hold him and squeezing his arms. Stronger, closer and Kurt felt the conflict inside Blaine. It changed, something was different and it had to do with Blaine's work. The next two days he felt the same things coming from Blaine and he wasn't sure if he should cry or not because he hated to feel what Blaine was feeling. He hated that Blaine felt that way and wished it would just stop or that he would talk to him about that. Maybe it was no big deal, maybe Blaine felt like this whenever he was working and Kurt, of course had no idea with their broken connection.

So one night he decided to visit Blaine and make sure he was okay. The worries and the silence drove him insane and he could only do so much with holding him. It was around two in the morning when he felt it again, wondering if Blaine did this on purpose or if something was just wrong. Or maybe this was the result of their cuddling and kissing? What if he unconsciously reached those parts of Blaine he didn't want to touch and could feel things though his soulmate broke the connection? Or maybe Blaine was too exhausted to break it? Whatever it was, he wouldn't ask and wouldn't complain but was just glad that he could feel that and do something.

He arrived at the Diner and crossed the street, seeing the lights on and some people sitting there. They weren't suspicious, not all of them but still, Kurt wished Blaine wouldn't work there. Not a boy only eighteen years old who could have everything from Kurt. College, clothes, food until the day he could do the job he wanted to. Hell, if Blaine wanted Kurt would let him pay everything back to him. He opened the door and felt some eyes on him – obviously he was something else compared to the other people. Ignoring them he walked over to the bar, looking over the counter to his left and right side and then there was a guy, tall, skinny and fitted perfectly to the guests. No, he wasn't judging but it was just how things were.

He wore the same apron Lucy wore the first time he met her and so it was easy to tell that he was working here. So Blaine wasn't working alone at night? Or maybe this guy was the reason why he felt uneasy? God he could already feel anger bubbling inside him but pleaded to his sanity to not turn him into a fool.

"What can I do for you?" the skinny guy asked and ran his hand through his brown hair giving Kurt a tired look.

"I'm here to see Blaine," he said and still looked around hoping Blaine would come out of one of those doors behind the bar.

"Blaine?" the guy said with a frown.

"Yeah, Blaine. Tan skin, curly hair sometimes smoothed down with gel and a little smaller than I am."

"I don't know someone with the name Blaine or someone that looks like you've described it."

Kurt blinked, stared and then shook his head.  
"But he is working here."

"Listen, dude, I don't know a guy named Blaine. Go look somewhere else if you don't want anything to eat or drink."

He didn't move though, he waited looked around but the guy made no sign of lying to Kurt. Well, maybe he really didn't know Blaine? But he was working there so he had to know him. And Blaine was working, he could feel it. But, where was he? Was this the wrong Diner? No, this was the Diner, there was a picture with Lucy hanging next to the shelves with glasses.

No idea how to feel or what to think about this he went back to his car and tried to find an explanation. He waited, thirty minutes looking through the windows and waited for Blaine to appear but he wasn't there. It was only the guy taking the orders and serving them.

For some reason he was even more worried. For some reason he had a really bad feeling and he tried everything to hide it and Kurt also tried to stop this terrible idea crawling closer and closer to his mind.

What if Blaine was lying? What if he never worked here? But why would he lie? It made no sense and Kurt really didn't want to call him a liar or anything. He was just worried sick about his soulmate, feeling cold and alone and just wanted to know what made him feel so uneasy, so terrible while he was the happiest around Kurt. Yes, still reserved and keeping some distance but he was happier, alive and it was just such a contrast to everything he felt right now.

Something was wrong, really wrong and he tried not to cry because he felt so helpless and ached for Blaine the be around him. Safe, warm and away from whatever made him feel like this.


	13. Hope

**This is Blaine's POV and writing this was really bittersweet for me bc the next chapters will be tough. Let me know what u think and even when u have some wishes or ideas let me know! Thanks for the support and ur time! Love u guys!**

* * *

Chapter 13. Hope

**April**

Blaine couldn't believe what he saw. There was a cake, candles burning and shining on the purple 18 and letters. This cake alone made his heart swell but he couldn't feel the happiness coming. He was literally overwhelmed with all of this and when he saw the guitar he thought he would wake up from a beautiful dream or pass out. This couldn't be real. Not that he got anything for his birthday, no, that was not important. The fact that all of this came from Kurt, was planned by Kurt and done for him, that was what really hit him.

He remembered how he laughed with Charlie about that Kurt would give him something for his birthday and how convinced Charlie was that Kurt would do such a thing.

Blaine only laughed it away and went to work.

Yet, he was standing there seeing the reality and hearing the happy birthday from Kurt. He wanted to thank him, really thank him and show him what was happening inside him. He would have done it but he forced himself not to. It was too soon, he was still not out of his job and also, who knew if this was just Kurt being nice or something else.

So he asked to hug him and Kurt said of course and he did so, hugging Kurt and just holding what he wanted for so long now. It wasn't long because he didn't want to be suspicious or anything. Still, those seconds of just holding Kurt close, feeling his body and arms was enough for Blaine to want more. Just not at that moment.

They sat on the floor together eating the cake and laughed about silly things. No big laughs or loud laughs. Just some small one which still had the same effect on Blaine. They made him happy and Kurt's hand resting on his was just a plus for his soul.

He already thought that the beginning of his birthday was amazing but then deciding what they would do together on his birthday was even more amazing. Blaine always wanted to go into the clubs and just dance and have fun. Away from his work away from this part of New York. Being eighteen though made this hard and with the money he couldn't spend for something like this it was impossible. So when they got their soulmate ID and went to the club Kurt and their friends liked – with gay people, straight, bi, with all of them – he really enjoyed this night.

Really, not only because he could forget about everything for some hours but also because Kurt's friend were his friends now too. Charlie's appearance made everything just better and Blaine really, really enjoyed this night.

It was not only him celebrating his birthday it was also him starting to hope. But Blaine Anderson stopped to hope a long time ago. And he didn't let Kurt see that he hoped so he still kept some distance and still acted like he wasn't happy to be here. Not as much as before because he knew, soon, his job would end.

* * *

The Last Bond and turning 18 made Blaine feel better. He felt the change inside him how his soul became calmer and the connection steady. It was like growing up but only his soul and it made things easier but at the same time more intense. It was easier to hide things when needed, especially when he broke they broke their connection. But whenever they connected again Blaine felt how exhausting it was and how much more physical closeness they both needed to keep their souls and connection alive and stable.

Breaking the connection felt like being alone. Like before he became a soulmate and he was surprised how much it scared him to just feel himself. Well, not entirely because there was always a part of his soul reaching out but touching nothing. This was scary but he got used to it. He needed to because it helped him when he was working. Without the connection he could focus on his job. Of course he couldn't kiss someone else – he didn't even want to – or have actual sex – which was also against his own rules. But he didn't need to focus on keeping his emotions hidden and on sucking a cock or whatever his customers wanted to do at the same time.

The first weeks in April were okay. They saw each other in the morning and sometimes in the evening and had their free day together to watch something and hold hands.

But soon he felt just how much energy this all took and how much it hurt his own soul. He could feel the black, empty marks covering his soul and it was even more scary then breaking the connection. So whenever he came home he ached for some connection but never asked. Not because Kurt wouldn't do it, he would, Blaine knew this because his soulmate felt the same. He didn't ask for it because he wasn't trusting himself and he didn't want to hope more and more.

It was just that one day that made him feel like on his birthday.

He came back from a long night – he had five customers and of course there were more since the weather became warmer – and only wanted to shower and go to sleep. Opening the door as silent as possible and closing it behind him he left his bag next to the couch and froze when his eyes fell on the spot he was sleeping on for three months now.

There was Kurt, between the pillows and holding the blanket tight around him. He wasn't sure what this meant or if it even meant something and he wasn't sure if this was a good sign or a bad one. Walking closer he made sure Kurt was okay and he was. Just sleeping but looking so peaceful and beautiful that Blaine wished he could just crawl under the blanket and cuddle with him.

But not without a shower and get the touches and marks off or ever. They were just friends, just soulmates. Kurt was just here because he was too exhausted to take the stairs, Blaine was sure about that and it was not like the couch was not comfortable. Turning around he walked to the bathroom and washed himself, the sex toys, cleaned his clothes and all the while doing this he fought against the idea that Kurt, maybe, slept there because he missed him. If he began to believe in this he knew he would hope even more and it was already hard not to. Running his hands through his curls he breathed in, deeply, then out and left the bathroom just to find Kurt still sleeping.

Gently he woke him up and needed to ask why he was sleeping there aware of the fact that his fragile hope might break. Yet, why should Kurt tell him the truth? So he said what was less hurtful but also nothing he liked.

"It's your soul, right?"

"Yeah. This breaking the connection is far more exhausting than I thought."

Of course it was because of the connection, what else? Kurt would never come down here and sleep here because he missed Blaine.

* * *

"He said no!" Charlie yelled at Blaine's customer and dragged him out of his room, through the corridor and out of their apartment. He didn't see it he just heard it and wished he wouldn't even hear it. Sitting on his bed he pulled his pants back on and then just sat there, half naked and face buried into his palms. As if it was not enough to deal with those black marks on his soul and the suffering connection his body was also rebelling. The guy he took with him only wanted to touch him, just feel him for a while, basically worship his virgin body and then go. It was simple, really but he just couldn't.

Blaine soon began to whine, jerk away and the guy got upset, really upset and tried to force Blaine. He fought against him, tried to shove him away, kick him, anything while his voice became louder and louder and then Charlie came and dragged the guy away.

"Blaine? You okay?" his friend was back and hurried over to him, kneeling down and locking up trying to see his face. Breathing through his nose and rubbing his eyes he nodded.

"Yeah, he... he didn't do anything wrong."

"You were screaming, Blaine," said Charlie with concern in his voice.

"I know. But it's... it's the connection. God... it's eating my mind and soul."

Charlie stood up and grabbed Blaine's sweater: "Come, put this on and we'll drink something and you'll talk, okay?"

Nodding he put the sweater on and followed his friend into the small kitchen, rubbing his chest and hoped this would stop his soul from feeling so empty, well knowing it was pointless.

"You've been like this for a while now. You and Kurt are okay?"

"Yes... yes we are," Blaine sighed and sat down on a chair, still rubbing his chest: "I guess it's just the Last Bond and the deep connection we have."

"Are you guys touching?" Charlie asked while he took the soda and filled two glasses and gave Blaine one sitting down across from him.

"We hold hands whenever we can, which is not enough of course. I felt it the day we created the Last Bond how strong and deep this connection is. But this is not the problem. The problem is the time we touch and the time we break our connection. There is no balance."

"Or maybe it's not enough to just hold hands," Charlie said and Blaine shook his head before he even said anything and before Charlie could say more. His friend rolled his eyes and the younger only sipped his soda just to have time to think.

"I won't ask for more. Not as long as I do this here. It would be unfair and wrong to ask for more while he has no idea what I really do."

"Tell him? Seriously, you two end up together anyway. It's not just the connection I'm talking about. I swear to God, and I told you this on your birthday, he was so jealous when we danced and, I mean, you know who I am. I like to hug people. But if looks could kill, Blaine, I wouldn't be here."

Blaine didn't believe this but he smiled anyway, knowing that Charlie was really this kind of a person. He liked to hug his friends, liked to show it when he liked someone and for his job it was good that he wasn't afraid to touch people. But Kurt being jealous? Blaine wasn't so sure about that. Yes, Kurt asked him out about Charlie but he didn't think that it was because of jealousy, although it made sense. A lot of sense which leaded to hope and Blaine was not ready to hope.

"You don't have many options here, you know that, right?"

"I know. I know that I should ask for more so I can focus on work and get out of here. But I can't, Charlie. The worst thing that could happen right now is for me to hope. I don't want to hope."

"What is so wrong about that? Hope is actually very important, Blaine. I know you love him, I can see that and I know he likes you too. It will work out because it's real. No, don't even start."

Charlie interrupted Blaine as soon as he opened his mouth to protest and, yes, it was pointless to bring this up again.

"Fact is, you need to work to earn money and if you can't do that you won't get out of here. Not to mention that it's dangerous for the both of you to live with such a unstable connection."

"I know," Blaine groaned and hung his head, forehead resting in his hands: "This guy only wanted to touch me and nothing else and I... I couldn't."

He needed to fix this but he had no idea how. Opening the connection was not right because Kurt had to work and since Blaine always felt uneasy doing his job and their connection was rebelling Kurt could feel it. And Kurt broke it so Blaine could sleep which he needed or he couldn't work either.

"Blaine, you have to do something. We are almost out of here but if you can't work you'll be here for another month, or even two and it will get harder and harder."

He looked up again, seeing the worried expression on Charlie's face.

"I understand and accept your decision that you don't want to tell him what you are doing or that he ever knows about that. If you think this is the right thing for you, do it. But you need to fix this. Fuck that job for a second, fuck Paul. Think about you and what will happen to you or Kurt when you don't fix this. Do you want to lose your mind?"

Blaine shook his head. Of course he didn't want that. He wanted to be out of here and work things out with Kurt, be who he truly was and hope that Kurt would like that. No, not like, love that in a way so he wanted them to be together. Without his job, without his debts.

"I promised myself I wouldn't try anything or show him anything as long as I work here. Thinking that, maybe, we end up as more than friends now while I have to lie and do this... I can't. I feel like... whenever we hold hands it feels like those people who touch me also touch him. It is not right and it's... disgusting."

"But it won't change what you did, Blaine."

"But he wouldn't know. I wouldn't have to lie anymore. I know it's unrealistic to think he'll never find out and maybe I'll tell him about it one day. But not now, it would ruin everything."

They were silent for a while, Charlie giving Blaine this look that told Blaine his friend was right and Blaine wrong in so many ways. This was okay, he had no problem with being wrong.

"If you would just believe, Blaine. Everything would be easier."

"Believe that no matter what I do or who I am that he'll fall for me? That's silly. Really. This connection means nothing. It's only a burden."

"Yes, Blaine, it is a burden if you don't take care of it. But it's special. Really special. Being a soulmate is special and I know many people who wished they could be a soulmate. To have someone who shares everything with us and knows and loves us without condition. But this has nothing to do with the connection that someone loves you. We still have our minds and heart."

"That's it. Exactly this. What if we are those people, Charlie? What if we are those soulmates who aren't meant to be together? You said it yourself. It's not about the connection it's about his heart and mind and I doubt he will accept what I did."

Charlie pressed his lips together just like Blaine because both felt the tension growing and they didn't want to fight over this again. Blaine didn't believe Charlie did. Easy as that.

"It doesn't change that you have to figure this out."

"I know," Blaine groaned again and rubbed his eyes. He was tired and those dark marks on his soul were no help at all.

"Go to Kurt and sleep, okay?" said Charlie and stood up, leaving his glass in the sink: "And stop being so pessimistic and better start to hope. I'd rather hope than hurt myself."

"I want to hope but I can't see that it will work out, Charlie. All I know is that people label us and why shouldn't he? He has this glorious life, just like his friends."

"We are no bad people, Blaine. Seriously."

"Do you believe I can hide this forever?"

"No," his friend answered without hesitation.

A deep sigh fell from his friends lips and he turned around, leaning against the counter and shrugged.

"I don't know how it will work out, Blaine. I can't tell you that but I'm pretty sure it will. You are soulmates, I believe in that and I have a good feeling about you two. I understand your motives why you don't want to open up to him or ask for something. But he likes you, you love him and you need to be close or you lose your mind."

Blaine knew Charlie was right. Losing his mind was not an option because it wouldn't just happen to him. Kurt would feel it too or worse, lose his mind with him. It would be his fault, his own fault that the person he really cared about, loved in his own way would lose everything. Instead of feeling hope Blaine felt hopeless with each passing day and his soul, the connection suffered so much he couldn't even sleep. Work was torture, sleeping was, just everything but he tried to stay strong, tried to get everything from their hand holding.

Then it was just too much and Blaine left to Kurt earlier by himself, leaving Charlie alone with a worried look. His friend looked just as miserable as Blaine did and this hurt him just more. He hurt himself, his friend and Kurt. His work sucked, Kurt's work sucked. Everything just sucked. Still he made it into the bathroom, followed his routine and then stood there in the living room eyes focused on the couch. Everything inside him screamed not to go there, everything was reaching out to the bed above him. He was scared, really scared and felt so alone in this moment that he wished he could just pass out and wake up to a new reality. One where he wasn't a prostitute and met Kurt in a way he dreamed about.

They way he dreamed about meeting your soulmate was. It was simple, silly romantic but one of the best things he had before his life became what it was. He dreamed about meeting his soulmate, fall in love at first sight and be one of those silly couples, deep in love that people got sick of it. This didn't happen to Kurt but it happened to Blaine. Though he couldn't show it. However, he needed Kurt right now. This feeling scared him, his mind was going somewhere it shouldn't and when he reached Kurt's bedroom and saw him lying at the edge of the bed eyes open he felt even more insecure, helpless and it was written all over his face.

"Kurt," he said not really realizing that he was speaking but he caught Kurt's words and stopped thinking, hurried over to those open arms which were his salvation. Falling into them he wrapped his arms tightly around Kurt's body, pressing his face against his chest and held him, letting Kurt roll them over and hold him in return. His body was shaking, his hands and arms probably hurting Kurt because he held him so strong but he couldn't care less right now.

This warmth, the healing process, Kurt's hand in his hair and sucking everything in that Kurt gave him through their connection mattered. Then, finally and slowly he found the sleep he was aching after for days.

He woke up before Kurt. But his eyes were too heavy to move and what he felt, everything that was running through his whole being made it impossible to move.

It felt like someone held him together but not just his body. It was like something held his whole being, his soul, his heart and mind together and everything made sense. Just sense and no words could describe what made sense. But being here and feeling those arms around him was everything he needed, like he knew it. It was like a natural thing. Also, holding Kurt, feeling his body so close to his was what he dreamed about since the day he met him. He wished so many times to exactly do this and believe that things would turn out to be fine from now on. But Blaine also felt more. Not just Kurt's body their connection reached places deep and hidden for any other humand being. Those places a person couldn't really see but name. Maybe they were seen on a persons face but they would never describe what happened inside. Blaine felt it, a place that Charlie was talking about.

A place inside Kurt that was only for him. And it scared Blaine. Explore places without a face, without a form but feel them and know the person? It scared Blaine that he even tried to reach those places and made him uncomfortable that he could reach those private places. His soul though, his soul and the connection were seeking for it. Not understanding, not at all, just reaching for it and combining it with his own. The result was just sense, warmth and like their nature.

It was scary, so scary to have this power and to be able to reach out and understand. And it scared him that Kurt probably could do the same. So he hid it, everything and didn't reach out again or let Kurt dig deeper.

But he held Kurt just as strong as before he fell asleep, pretended to sleep and feeling Kurt waking up and moving. Yes, he felt better, so much better but he couldn't care less about their souls or the connection. Blaine just wanted to be here and hold Kurt a while longer and understand that this was real, that he was allowed to spent a night in his arms. This was the happiest Blaine felt after his birthday.

Eventually Kurt moved and Blaine opened his eyes, pretending that he just woke up and had no idea where he was. Gold met blue and he saw something there, the something he felt when he touched those places of Kurt's being and found this one place. The place he knew was for him and holding so much inside, something similar to what Blaine felt when he thought about Kurt.

Was it true? Did Kurt really like him in a way close to Blaine's? Far away from their connection? It took him a second to notice what grew inside his heart and thank to Kurt's voice and his hand on his shoulder Blaine found his way back to consciousness. No, he couldn't hope. He didn't want to hope because it would break him. Blaine Anderson stopped hoping years ago and he wasn't ready to start with it now. So he felt panic bubbling inside of him. It was stupid to crawl into his bed and do this and giving his hope even more reason to grow.

"Hey, it's okay," Kurt said and only then Blaine felt Kurt's hands holding his, pressed against his chest: "I know. I felt it too."

Oh? Blaine blinked and the panic grew smaller and smaller, reminding himself to blame everything on the connection and said that he was scared, that this all was scary. And it was, in many ways.

His heart, his mind and his soul were fighting against each other. His mind was the sane part telling him to ask for more physical connection so he was able to work, earn more money and finally get ot of this shithole. His soul screamed for his other part, for the connection, for Kurt's soul because only together his soul felt good, stable and was white and pure and not covered in dark empty marks.

His heart, though, it yearned for everything. Not only for Kurt's body and the connection, for everything Kurt was. The way he smelt, the way he held Blaine, the way he looked at him when he opened his eyes or how sleepy his voice sounded so close to Blaine's ear. It yearned to pound alongside Kurt's heart in a steady rhythm and lull them together into sleep.

And how awkward it was to be around Kurt was just another thing that didn't help. He couldn't stop his hope, couldn't stop wanting more and couldn't even stop blushing whenever Kurt was around him. So after for days he felt as miserable as before and joined Kurt in his bed again. Feeling insecure and helpless like the last time but he couldn't handle it. Not again.

And his soulmate saying he was okay with Blaine being here, sleeping with him made him happy and from that day on he never left Kurt's bed.

* * *

He dared to be happy, to let his walls just fall a little bit because, being honest, it felt so good to finally be close to him. It was still a fantasy calling Kurt his, but it was closer to reality than three months ago. But he made sure to never sleep face to face with Kurt. He forced his heart to stay calm, placed all the feelings he had for Kurt behind a wall he knew Kurt wouldn't reach – because he didn't feel him reaching out to those deep places. He did all of this because he wasn't trusting himself.

What if all the things he felt for Kurt would burst and leading only to something stupid Blaine would do? Like kiss him? God, he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss it all, the tiny smiles, the warm smiles, the pouts, the sleepy lips. Soon, though, he stopped being worried about his thoughts or what he felt because something knew happened.

Kurt was conflicted like all the time. He was worried over things Blaine couldn't tell but he felt them. Maybe he was insecure if what he and Blaine were doing was okay for Blaine? He watched Kurt, tried to understand what he felt and then, when he was sure it was that he couldn't help but be happy. Kurt really liked him and Blaine wanted to show him he was so okay with everything.

Blaine began to hope.

He hugged Kurt whenever he could, always using the connection as an excuse when Kurt asked. It helped, a bit and then he told Kurt that he didn't hate him or anything. He felt the happiness coming from his soulmate and it made him happy too.

Work was easier from that moment on. It made him still feel uneasy but the hope grew day by day and he worked harder and harder and the result was that he really almost had enough money to get out of his job. Charlie noticed how Blaine changed but said nothing. His smile for Blaine said everything and Blaine only blushed, finally feeling better, alive after so many months.

He was floating, he was literally on cloud nine and he couldn't help himself but let it happen. Only a fool tried to control his feelings, like it was impossible to always hide them and with Kurt always around him and always sleeping in his arms or holding him Blaine couldn't feel any other way.

It was the middle of May when he sat on the couch he used to sleep in, thinking about how he almost was out of his job, thinking about how Kurt would be back soon and they would go to bed together. He smiled happily and fell asleep while watching Star Wars and only woke up when Kurt shook him gently awake.

His sleepy mind only disappeared when the beeping sound of Kurt's clock started and Blaine was still feeling the same things he felt before he fell asleep. Now, though, Kurt was next to him, to his back and the thought, the realization that Kurt liked him in a way beyond friendship was all he could think of. Maybe he was wrong, maybe not but he needed to know. He just needed to know and turned around, letting hope fill his soul letting all the doubts, all the reasons why he never faced Kurt not control him. Not now.

Slowly he rolled over, lying on his left side and watching Kurt not entirely awake. There they found him the blue eyes and he just looked into them, calm, not moving and waiting. They were so clear like the sky but sometimes they weren't just blue. Sometimes they were green or gray and driving Blaine crazy because he wanted to know each color. Wanted to know when they were green or gray or blue and why. Right now he wanted something else. Well he wasn't really sure what he wanted but he needed to know what it felt like to lay here with Kurt, face to face.

Kurt's hand was in his, just resting there and creating the connection. How he wished he could just lean over and get a little taste from those pink lips. He would kiss them red, or try to because he never really kissed someone in a way that he meant it. But he would try, try to make Kurt gasp when he would kiss him, try to make him shiver and want more. Or, if kissing was not okay he wondered what it would feel like to touch Kurt's face, his hair and ears and find those spots which made him melt, whine or moan. He just wanted to show him how he felt and hoped it would reach his heart. Then Kurt squeezed his hand and let something out, emotions, so many that Blaine froze and stared at him but then needed to close his eyes, hold his hand a bit tighter and let it all wash over him.

There was so much, all of the things he once touched, once felt but was never sure if they were really for him. Now he felt it, pure, clear and couldn't think straight. And then Kurt moved closer, so close Blaine was sure he could feel his crazy heartbeat and he could feel Kurt's just as fast, just as loud. Oh God, oh God, he thought and their foreheads touched.

_I love you, I love you so much._

Blaine thought nothing just felt, squeezed Kurt's hand back and nuzzled just a little bit closer to his face, telling him he was fine with that, that he wanted more and let out a shaking breath, touching Kurt's lips and he could tell Kurt was smiling, felt him nuzzling back and then there were lips on his. Before he even realized what happened he took a deep, sharp breath through his nose, reminding himself to breath, to keep on breathing and then they both whimpered.

His body was shaking, then going still trying desperately to deal with all the things he felt, trying to stay alive, and feel, just feel. There were hands, Kurt's hands holding his face, keeping him close.

Then Kurt gave them a moment to breath but soon they kissed again. Not deep, not special just lips exploring gently and finding a rhythm. This was so much, too much and yet he wanted more.

Blaine held his wrists just to have something to hold otherwise he was sure he would leave his body. The kiss broke but he felt Kurt's lips again, on the corner of his mouth, on his cheek and forehead all while Kurt moved closer and Blaine tried to get as much air as possible back into his lungs.

And then they just held each other, breathing feeling and waiting until he heard Kurt's clock.

* * *

This kiss was not the last. Other kisses followed and it didn't happen because of the connection. It happened because they wanted to. Because Kurt wanted it as much as Blaine and who could blame him for beginning to hope? No one. Blaine began to hope because while his old life was almost over and his new one just developing. Yet he still tried to keep some distance, just in case but made it clear to Kurt that he was fine with what they were doing. God, he was more than fine but he couldn't let himself fall into this, not yet. So he hoped with all his heart and when he went to work to meet Charlie he wasn't even trying to hide his happiness.

"Oh my Gooood!" Charlie grinned so hard that his cheeks hurt, Blaine was sure: "You are shining like the sun! You are together?!"

"No," Blaine laughed and left his bag next to the door: "But we kissed."

"Shut up! When!?"

An excited Charlie pushed him down on a chair and sat down on the other, staring at Blaine with wide shining eyes, blond hair a mess.

"Some days ago."

"And you didn't tell me!? Oh my God! How was it."

Blaine just blushed and couldn't stop the smile.

"Oh my God! That is good! Perfect! I'm so happy for you! But, wait, you didn't tell him, right?"

Blaine shook his head no.

"No. Actually I thought about working everyday from now on. We only need a little bit more and then we are out. Two weeks and we are out."

He had everything planned. Everything. He would leave this apartment just like Charlie, leave everything and find a different job, a better one. And then he would work and apply for College and no one would ever know. No one would recognize him because he would wear different clothes, meet different people, be someone he wanted to be before his father died and all of this with Kurt at his side.

This was his dream, his hope and he was positive about that. There was hope, everywhere was hope for him for the first time since his father died.


	14. Reality

**Here is chapter 14! And I guess it has an evil cliffhanger. Let me know what you think! And thank u so, so much for all the reviews and support. It means so much to me and makes me so happy to hear from u guys! You are amazing and I love u so much for doing this! The following chapters won't be that happy, that's for sure. So enjoy this because here is some extra fluff before we go to the rocky road.**

* * *

Chapter 14. Reality

Kurt waited for Blaine. He couldn't sleep and the uneasy feeling only stopped around 5 in the morning. He wanted to tell him that he drove to the Diner and he wasn't there. He wanted to tell him where he was and what made him feel so uneasy. But when he heard Blaine coming back and taking his shower and then go up the stairs he couldn't. He was just happy that Blaine was here and saw that he was fine. Exhausted but fine.

"Kurt? Why aren't you sleeping?" he asked climbing on the bed. The older wasn't trusting his voice nor his words and only smiled at his soulmate feeling himself pretty exhausted. All his worries were still there, scratching at his heart and sanity to say something but he fought against it.

"You don't look good," Blaine's voice changed into a worried sound and he took Kurt's hand into his, probably thinking it was because of their connection and wanted to help. No, their connection was perfectly fine.

"Kiss me?" Kurt asked only for this and he did it for so many reasons. One was to feel Blaine, really feel him because kissing your soulmate was totally different, better than kissing someone who was not your soulmate. He wanted to feel the tingling feeling, the stream of life through his body. Another reason was that Blaine never initiated a kiss. Maybe once, but usually it was always Kurt starting the kisses. The final reason was because he wanted to. He wanted to tell Blaine everything through kisses because combining the right words was too difficult for him right now.

Blaine, of course, hesitated and studied Kurt's face, his eyes looking for something, but found nothing. Sitting he saw Blaine swallowing and then smiling, leaning closer and pressing his lips against Kurt's gently. The feeling came back, filling his whole being and making him addicted to it. It was so different, everytime, when he kissed Blaine, when he touched Blaine. This thrilling feeling, this sense that came with it, he never wanted to lose this feeling because whenever he came closer to Blaine, closer to his heart, he felt like the place, each person was looking for came closer and closer. A place no job, no success could give him.

He remembered about telling Elliot how worried he was about not knowing what love feels like and that he feared not being able to show this on camera. Maybe this was it.

He felt how Blaine wanted to pull back but he stopped him, placing his hand on the back of Blaine's head and keeping him close, sucking gently on his bottom lip and the moan coming from Blaine was such an arousing sound, he had to moan too. Not loud, almost too silent, but feeling it through the vibration of Blaine's lips. His soulmate moved a bit closer, pressing their lips back together and Kurt dared to nip against Blaine's lips with his tongue and let it slide inside the other mouth when Blaine gave him the permission to do so. Tongues met and then their moans were louder, they were not even ashamed to let them out and Blaine held Kurt's shoulders, his face and then stopped the kiss, leaning his forehead against Kurt, breathing in and out.

Yes, Kurt felt dizzy too and wanted more of it, but didn't ask for another kiss after Blaine whispered.

"I... I've never kissed like this."

He was too adorable for this world. Far too adorable.

"It's okay. Don't worry," whispered Kurt and opened his eyes just to see the same face Blaine gave him sometimes. A face like he regretted kissing him by not meeting his eyes and not smiling, like he didn't want to or made him uncomfortable. It made no sense for Kurt because Blaine always kissed him back with as much want as Kurt did.

"You okay?"

Blaine nodded slowly, hands leaving Kurt's face and saying: "Can we sleep now? I'm exhausted."

"Of course."

And whenever he made this face Blaine held Kurt a bit tighter, closer and buried his face into Kurt's chest. All Kurt could do was hold him and try to figure out what was wrong. Now he had a small hint, just one, and it could mean nothing or at least not what he thought it meant.

Kurt only slept for a few hours before he decided to visit Mercedes. She was in her studio coaching children and Kurt smiled at how good she looked with kids. Drinking his first coffee he sat in the corner of the room and watched her singing with a little asian girl, who always giggled when Mercedes praised her for hitting a note. An hour later she joined Kurt at the small table and sat down, drinking her water.

"You are either bored or something happened. I thought you wanted to spend the free time with Blaine whenever you two can? You said your connection is pretty deep and needs more contact?"

"We... actually sleep together so-"

"Wait!" she almost chocked on her water and glanced at him with wide eyes: "You sleep together? Like-"

"No. Not like that. We just cuddle-"

"Alright," she said and relaxed wanting to take another sip until Kurt admitted.

"And kiss."

Her wide eyes came back and she gave up drinking, placing the bottle down on the table and was unsure if she should smile or not because, crap, he totally forgot to tell her about this. They hadn't seen each for two weeks but Kurt was sure Elliot would tell her about it like usually. Not that Elliot couldn't keep things to himself, he did and Kurt trust him. But it was a common thing between the three of them to share almost everything between each other. Because they had told it each other anyway.

"I thought Elliot told you about it."

"No. I haven't heard from Elliot for a while. Busy with work and everything. Anyway, tell me about this cuddling and kissing. You two are finally together? Now I know why it felt so strange between you two when we came over."

Her eyes were shining, her smile stretching on her lips and they all were so hopeful, so sure about it and Kurt was too, but not as strong. Which was nothing to be blamed for because his friends already had a soulmate and already went through the first months with them. They already reached the point where everything made sense, if this was even the point Kurt and Blaine had to reach yet.

"We are not. We don't want to label this for now. But I would like to."

She gave him a smug smile and nodded slowly, a knowing look in her eyes.

"Got the taste of your soulmate, hm?"

Kurt sighed and nodded, not able to stop the smile on his face. Oh yes, kissing was amazing, really amazing and cuddling too, falling into a space where he could fall and fall forever.

"But that's not why I'm here," he said before he would swoon over this: "I'm actually worried about him."

"Aren't you always?"

"It's different this time. You know, whenever he is working he feels so uneasy. I felt it before, but after he figured out how to hide how he feels and when we finally were able to break our connection I haven't felt it again. But in the past days I could and I don't know if he did that in purpose or if he can't hide it anymore."

"That is nothing to be worried about. Your souls need time to get used to the other. But you are close, so it won't take too long anymore."

Kurt nodded slowly. Okay, that was something he hadn't known yet so maybe this was good but right now he was glad that he could feel what Blaine felt though he wanted to hide it. Otherwise he would have never found out that he still felt so uneasy at work.

"I just... I know this part of New York, where he works ain't a beautiful or safe part. He told me about the homophobes who have beaten him up. So I'm worried that this might happen again and yesterday I was so worried that I needed to make sure he was okay. And the guy who worked in the Diner told me he didn't know a Blaine."

Mercedes raised an eyebrow in suspicion, waiting for Kurt to say more but he had nothing to add. That was it and he didn't want to tell her his thoughts because he was not objective when it was about Blaine. He couldn't because he liked him, was falling for him and it was his soulmate. He couldn't look at it like his friends probably did.

"You are sure it was the right place?"

"More than sure."

"So," she said slowly, eyes looking down while she sorted her thoughts out and then looked back at him: "You think he isn't working there?"

"I don't know. All I know is that he wasn't there but somewhere else and it made him feel uneasy."

"Did you ask him?"

"No. I want to, but I think this will push him away again and if he doesn't want to share this with me I have to accept that. Actually I shouldn't know this. And maybe there are more Diners which belong to Lucy."

"Possible. But... I think if you tell him that you are worried he'll understand. I know you, Kurt. You won't just let it go."

She was right. He would always ask himself what happened and ask Blaine anyway. Only because he didn't like what he felt coming from Blaine when he was working. It could be anything and imagining that he could get hurt again was, now, a scary thought. Not because he would feel it too and get hurt too, but because his soulmate had to deal with this.

"I don't want him to work there. He doesn't have to. I can take care of him and me," Kurt sighed: "But I know he would feel terrible about that. We all have our life, our jobs and do something and Blaine is not like... he just takes, you know? He did that in the beginning, but he stopped. I guess it was him being stubborn because he doesn't believe in this soulmate thing and thought I would never like him. Like me, you know? Not the connection."

"Many people think it's because of the connection, but it's not," Mercedes said: "Of course, this connection bonds us to a person but that doesn't mean we accept everything our soulmate does. We still have to figure things out, go through hard times, but it works out. Really. Our soulmates are the people who are meant for us even if it sometimes doesn't seem like it."

"I believe in that. I saw it between you and Sam and Elliot and Martin. So, I'm not worried about that. And Blaine and I have known each other for only five months, almost six so there is still a lot to find out and learn."

She smiled at him and checked the time on her phone.

"I have to work, though. But whatever happens call me, okay?"

Both stood up and Kurt nodded, hugging his friend tightly, saying a thank you and left. Before he went home he visited Nina and talked about what was planned for June. They were still cutting the movie and editing stuff and Kurt needed to go to the studio to do some dubbing because his voice wasn't clear enough in some scenes. He panicked a little over this, but Nina assured him that it had nothing to do with him but more with the noise around them. Then the crazy stuff would begin. Interviews, visiting events and promoting the movie. But not before July.

"Oh," Nina said while she was chewing on her sandwich and Kurt tried not to laugh about how cute she looked. He really liked Nina. She did an awesome job, but she also was such a sweetheart and easy to have around. "Noah is throwing a party. Well, kind of party. You know, some popular and important people will be there so make sure you go there. June the thirtieth."

"Can I take Blaine with me?" he asked from the armchair he was sitting in.

"Of course. He is your soulmate, you are free to take him wherever you want to. They can't say no. Just make sure to wear a suit, or maybe matching suits? You two would look so handsome together in a suit. Especially Blaine. He is too cute for his own good."

"Nina," Kurt warned her and she grinned.

"You know how much I like him."

Indeed, Kurt knew how much she liked him. Sometimes he wondered – because she had no kids herself – if she considered him as her lost son. Whenever he was around them she would just gush over his bow ties, or his huge eyes and call him all kind of sweet things. It was okay, that was Nina, but she was also the one seeing how jealous he got over this. At that time he didn't even know he liked Blaine in such a way or that he felt jealous at all.

"You guys are okay, though? I haven't seen Blaine for weeks, but you seem alright?"

"Yeah, we are okay, better even," and again he couldn't stop the smile on his face and Nina made this high noise when she saw something she liked.

"You are glowing. What happened? Oh, you know what, don't say it. It's none of my business. But it's good to see you this happy."

He was happy. The happiest right now, but if he and Blaine would turn this into something else, something more official with labels he knew he would be even happier. A day ago he had said yes, but with the new knowledge he wanted to wait. Yes, it made him unsure after he found this out, but he also had to keep his work in mind. Soon he would turn into a public person, people would interview him, maybe stalk him, take photos while he was shopping and some would even want to know more about his private life. Blaine was his private life and whatever he kept from him could be bad for Kurt's image. This promise he made to himself months ago was still on. He still wanted to be honest about everything or paraphrase stuff or say nothing at all.

Though, even Kurt knew some things would come out sooner or later if he didn't keep a close look at everything.

"What about the soulmate thing? Are we going public?" Kurt asked eventually.

"You want to?" Nina was not just his manager she also took care of his PR stuff because she was the only one he trusted and the people who worked for her.

"I'm not sure. Blaine and I aren't together, but he is still my soulmate and if this movie becomes a success-"

"Nah, Kurt. It will become a success."

He smiled, always loved her optimism and she was usually right: "Well, like I said we aren't together and I haven't talked to Blaine about that because there was no need to. But what do you think?"

Nina finished her sandwich, cleaned her mouth and hands with a napkin and looked at the ceiling, thinking before she said: "Fans can be crazy and find things out because everything is on the internet. But if you want to and Blaine too, we can pretend like he is part of your team. I know you didn't want to lie, but you wouldn't lie if he stays in the background. All you have to do is avoid any physical contact in public. Behind doors you both are safe."

Slowly nodding he was okay with that to be honest. It was way better then letting the world run over Blaine who was no author and probably not ready for something like that. Maybe it would even make him feel worse because Kurt was successful and he still was just a boy, working in a Diner and not to forget the age gap between them. Yes, they were soulmates, so no one would mind, but gossip was always something people liked. He knew that way too well since he was friends with Rachel Berry. They loved this juicy stuff and running their mouths over things that weren't their business.

"What about college? Have you talked about this?"

Kurt shook his head and frankly, they didn't talk much about those things. They usually cuddled, sometimes kissed and watched something together and talked about that or about grocery shopping, domestic stuff which he really liked, but it was still not complete. Not like it should feel, or how he thought it should feel. This was fine, though.

"He still keeps his walls up. Not as much as he used to, but he is probably still figuring things out. But I'll talk to him about that because he needs to apply soon if he decides to do that."

"Alright. You do that and we'll see each other tomorrow," she smiled and they hugged goodbye.

* * *

When he came back home a sweet scent filled the whole loft and curiosity hit him right away. Taking his shoes off he glanced directly into the kitchen and found Blaine there, standing in front of the counter and facing a chaos of flour, eggs, bowls, and spoons. The whole kitchen counter was covered in white and even some dough.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked with an amused tone in his voice.

Blaine turned around, little surprise on his face along with some flour on his skin, dark red t-shit and black sweatpants. It was just cute to see him trying to cook something or even bake. He was cute with those marks of flour and dough on him.

"I'm baking cookies," he said but sounded like he wasn't sure himself: "Well, at least that's what I'm trying to do."

His soulmate turned back to the counter sighing when he saw the mess and Kurt chuckled, not to mock him, but only because this was way too adorable. Looking to his right he saw a plate with cookies and that there were more inside the oven.

"I'll just change into something more comfortable and help you, okay?"

"Uh... okay."

Soon Kurt was back in the kitchen wearing his own dark green sweatpants and black V-neck sweater. Blaine was already stirring and holding the bowl close to his chest. His face focused on the dough and his hand which held the whisk.

"Sorry for the mess," Blaine said when Kurt began to clean the counter.

"Don't worry about it. Though I wonder what made you bake cookies. Someones birthday?"

"Um.. no. Not really," he said a bit flustered.

He watched Blaine struggling with the whisk and smiled. He very soon found out that Blaine could cook simple things, like putting a pizza in the oven, but everything else was new for him.

"Let me show you, okay?"

Nodding he handed Kurt the bowl and watched him stirring the dough with the whisk like it was nothing special. Well, Kurt cooked a lot and had a lot of practice so this wasn't really surprising.

But Blaine's eyes were still huge and watching, learning and then he frowned.

"I want to try."

Kurt gave him the bowl back and also this was something he figured out very soon. Blaine was a quick learner which was maybe the reason why this boy was so smart. Soon the counter was clean and only the flour, chocolate and other utensils were neatly left under the window. Placing the bowl down, Blaine opened the oven and Kurt just stood there and watched him taking the cookies out, which were looking delicious by the way, and gathered them on another plate. He wanted to help him, really. It was only that Blaine wouldn't let that happen. He wanted to learn and do it himself so Kurt let him and only helped him when he asked. Soon the last bowl was empty and Blaine sighed, taking the plate with the first cooled down cookies.

"I don't know if they are any good but I tried."

He jumped on the counter, landing on his butt and sat there, dough and flour still on his face and Kurt giggled.

"What? Do you think they look funny?"

"No," Kurt said and pulled his phone out to take a picture of Blaine: "You look funny."

He gave him his phone and Blaine raised both eyebrows when he saw his face. Kurt laughed about his face and took a cookie and bit into it, humming when the sweet taste filled his mouth. He saved the picture making a mental note to maybe use it as his background.

"Good?"

"Yeah, really good."

Not convinced Blaine took a cookie himself and tasted it chewing for a while and then nodded slowly.

"They are. I'm surprised though Linda told me I couldn't do anything wrong."

Kurt saw him relax and then a small, warm, smile appeared on his lips. He ate the rest of his cookie, eyes still on Blaine and then asked: "Are they for Charlie?"

Blaine's eyes found his and he saw the light blush on his soulmates cheeks. Okay, maybe they were for someone special and he didn't want to tell him? It must be someone really special when Blaine was determined to bake something although he knew he wasn't a good cook.

"They are not... for Charlie. They... they are for you."

"For me?" Kurt tried to remember what day it was and it was not his birthday. Then he thought about other things but he couldn't find a reason why Blaine would do this. There was none and maybe there was no reason needed to do this? Eyes still focused on Blaine, who avoided to look back but blushed even harder, while Kurt waited for an answer. It came, after a while of just silence.

"I wanted to say 'thank you' through the cookies. And I... I just wanted to do something for you."

His heart swelled with so much warmth, so much he thought his chest would blow up. So much sweetness coming from Blaine was new, yes, but he loved it. Furthermore it told him so much about what Blaine thought about them, about what they were doing and what this, maybe, meant to him. There was a chance that it meant just as much to Blaine as to him.

"You are too cute," whispered Kurt and finally their eyes met for a moment before Blaine ducked his head. He forgot about the Diner, about what he wanted to tell Blaine and moved closer, standing between his soulmates legs and slowly leaning closer, taking the younger boys hands into his and holding them, forehead leaning against the other.

"Thank you," he said before closing his eyes and feeling Blaine's breath against his lips, knowing he smiled more. This boy could be so rude and childish and the other second he turned into this adorable boy, or this smart guy when they were watching something or talking about general things. It was confusing and there was no clear picture of who Blaine Anderson actually was. But smart, talented and cute were definitely a part of his personality.

"It's nothing, really. I made a mess and those cookies will never give back what you gave me."

Kurt tried to listen, to think and not just close the gap and kiss Blaine until they both were breathless. If only his heart would be a little calmer and their connection too, it would be easier to listen and focus on Blaine's words. Though he wondered how Blaine made it because he was obviously feeling the same. He could feel it through their connection.

"You gave me the chance for a better life and a place to sleep which is not cold or old. You also showed me what kind of life I could have if I attend college. That's why... why I'll quit my job."

Kurt said nothing, he couldn't. There was a conflict inside of him but then he thought that if Blaine wanted to quit anyway and go away from this place that made him feel so uneasy, he wouldn't say anything about what he found out. It wouldn't matter anymore when Blaine decided it for himself that this place was bad for him. This made him even happier that Blaine figured this out for himself and not because Kurt told him so.

"You want to go to college?"

"If you still want to support me, yes."

"Of course," he pulled back and opened his eyes, meeting the shining gold: "But I need to know something."

Blaine squeezed his hands and nodded slowly, honey meeting blue again.

"You don't feel bad around me or my friends, right? Because we are already out of college, working."

"No. I understand that you guys are older than me. That is not bothering me. I'm more concerned about if I bother you guys."

Kurt let go of Blaine's hands and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him closer and got a surprised expression in return from Blaine who placed his hands on Kurt's arms, almost unsure.

"You don't. Sometimes I feel your age but most of the time I forget about it. And my... our friends are the same."

There was a deep exhale coming from Blaine and more tension leaving his body, more worries leaving his mind and Kurt really liked this. It felt really like they were moving forward, not too fast and not to slow. There was still one thing he needed to know and he already talked with Linda about this, also with his other friends. Something about them, about Blaine and it was also crossing lines he wasn't sure he was allowed to cross yet.

"What about us? Are you okay with this?"

"What do you mean?" asked Blaine and let his fingers run up and down Kurt's arm, skin hidden by the fabric.

"You said you made experiences and I don't question that. I'm sure you made some, but I know what I did through college and living alone. I went through clubs and kisses and everything. I just want to know if you are okay with the fact that you can't, well, fool around. That you are bonded to me."

All of him was focused on Blaine, on his eyes, face, body, everything, but Blaine made it pretty hard to read his expression and he didn't let Kurt feel what he felt. He closed this door inside his soul or maybe he didn't feel anything. So he was left there waiting for words and had to believe them, no matter what Blaine would say. If he would say anything at all.

"What do you think?"

"You made it clear for me that you regret being a soulmate. Not my soulmate but one in general."

"I... don't regret it. Not really. I just don't believe in it. I don't believe that everything will work out just because we are soulmates, you know?"

The question why was screaming inside his head, over and over again because Kurt believed. Not because this was some wonderful dream, some fantasy he enjoyed. He believed, because he saw it happening and maybe Blaine did that too. See, that sometimes people are meant to be, even if it took time, even if there were hard times. And they would come, they were still just humans and no superheroes. But knowing that things would work out was scary because anything could happen and they would eventually figure it out? But then it was also a relieve for him. Whatever would happen, whatever fight they would have, in the end they would figure it out and grow stronger together. Right? Because he wanted this. No, he couldn't imagine a forever with Blaine yet, but he wanted him in his life, as a friend and he was ready to be boyfriends.

"But you are okay with this? With me?"

His soulmate only looked up and said nothing while his eyes were telling everything. So much Kurt couldn't read. Then, slowly Blaine leaned closer and pressed his lips against Kurt's, kissing him with something new. Not sweet, not careful, it was almost desperate. Kurt kissed him back, trying to turn the kiss into a sweet one, still deep but not desperate, not like Blaine was afraid Kurt would think he hated him. No, Kurt stopped thinking that a while ago. It was clear for him that Blaine felt something and maybe, this whole kissing and sleeping together was just too new for him.

He sighed into the kiss when Blaine relaxed and slung his arms around Kurt's neck to keep him there and opened his mouth and let their tongues touch. They kissed for a while just like that, slow but deep, tasting the chocolate and kept each other close while their hearts were racing, while their connection was burning and let Kurt fall into this place again. The place where everything just made sense, where his soul and heart wanted to go.

Blaine pulled slowly back, breathing a bit faster just like Kurt and leaned his forehead against Kurt's. If this kiss should tell Kurt anything then it was probably what he hoped for. Blaine was okay with him but still not ready to be more. More than whatever they were.

"I need to get ready for work."

"When will you stop working?" Kurt was surprised that he could even say anything coherent.

"June. So in a week."

Opening his eyes he expected to see a smile on Blaine's lips. There was none and his worries came back though he was sure they were gone. He wished they were gone. So he gave Blaine a smile instead and wiped his face clean, making the boy smile over this.

* * *

Blaine still slept with his back to Kurt. Yes he was more comfortable around Kurt and they cuddled more, but kisses were still something that made Blaine look so... hurt? His expression didn't match with the way he responded to the kisses, to the noises he made and how he melted into each kiss. Kurt didn't want to worry about that, he really didn't want to. If it weren't for the uneasy feeling he still had to deal with each time Blaine was working he, maybe, had stopped worrying.

There were only two days left and Blaine would finally stop working, which didn't mean Kurt felt better. A lot could happen in two days, a lot could happen in one day and he wished Blaine would just stop now and never go back there. He was already awake when Blaine came back home but pretended to sleep and let Blaine take his arm when he lay down next to Kurt and placed the arm around his body. The younger always did that when Kurt was still sleeping, taking his arm and holding it around his body. Their connection was fine, their souls were fine. Only the uneasy feeling coming from Blaine and Kurt being worried sick bothered him so much he sometimes just pressed the smaller body close to his, kissing his hair and shoulder just to feel him close, to understand that he was next to him, real and unharmed.

He could handle two more days and then all of this would stop and they could focus on each other. It was safe to say that it was not Kurt who made Blaine feel like this after each kiss or made Blaine keep his walls up. It was something else and maybe when he stopped working there things would change. Kurt was always hopeful but expected nothing and he was also a dreamer and convinced about this soulmate stuff.

But even Kurt had to learn over and over again that life sometimes just sucked. Although he knew that. Standing up he called Nina confirming the interviews he had to give next week and fixed some breakfast. Then he called Linda because she invited him and Blaine over to her place for the weekend to also confirm this, went grocery shopping and came back totally wet and annoyed. They said the day would be full of sunshine but it wasn't. Unpacking the bags Kurt went to the bathroom and took a long hot shower. Feeling better he put his laundry into the machine and found Blaine's bag right next to it. Kurt never rummaged in other peoples stuff. The meaning of privacy was something he clearly understood. What he saw there made him forget all about this, made him stop thinking because he knew exactly what those things there were. Bowing down he put the bag down on the wash machine and saw cuffs, rings, obviously cockrings – god he had some himself he knew this stuff – and condoms. Why the fuck did Blaine have condoms? It wasn't like he could actually have sex with someone, that was impossible. But the other... toys? Obviously sex toys and Kurt felt anger, then confusion and maybe – it was a desperate thought – this stuff didn't belong to his soulmate?

But it was the bag he always took with him to work. Always, every evening. And he always made sure to keep the bag closed and away from Kurt. It never crossed his mind that Blaine wanted to hide something and he was never interested in what was inside his bag. But now, thinking... what was going on?

Two hours later which he spent sitting in the kitchen, trying to forget what he saw and drinking one tea after the other Blaine finally stood up and a cold feeling ran down Kurt's spine. He was angry, but he was also confused and maybe even jealous while figuring out why he had those things. Blaine was not able to fool around or have sex, he couldn't. Just, what if this was the answer to why he felt so uneasy? What if he actually tried that? Then why would he kiss Kurt? Why would he sleep with him in the same bed and act the way he acted?

It made no sense and Kurt wasn't sure how to start and tell Blaine about it. Because he had to, he needed to. Something was fucked up and he needed to know.

"Hey," Blaine mumbled and Kurt mumbled a hey back. Not the happy one, no smile and he noticed how Blaine noticed this. His soulmate said nothing, fixed himself some coffee and changed his clothes. Back in the kitchen it was Blaine who asked.

"Something happened? You seem... upset?"

Collecting himself, breathing in and than out he didn't want to just snap at Blaine or worse. Maybe there was a good explanation, reason, whatever. But Kurt was not convinced about that.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Blaine?"

"What? No, I don't. I can't have one you know that."

Finally turning around on his chair he looked at Blaine and decided it was better to just come out with the truth. It was just fair, for him and for Blaine and the reason couldn't be so bad, right? They were soulmates, they would work this out whatever it was, right?

"Then, can you explain to me why you have all this stuff in your bag?"

"My... bag?"

"I wasn't going through your stuff if you think that. It was just... there and open and I.. why do you have all of this, Blaine?"

He was quiet and only stared at Kurt which didn't help. It made him just more confused and he felt jealousy mixed with anger. Not that he wanted to do those things with Blaine yet, not at all. But it felt like Blaine was lying. Lying when he said he never kissed the way they did. Lying when he acted so shy and insecure. Lies, lies, lies. Kurt was no friend of lies. Sure, Blaine didn't have to be honest with him or tell him everything, of fucking course not. But then he shouldn't have acted the way he did.

"You know, I've wondered what was wrong with you. I feel how uneasy you are when you are working. And maybe it's this?"

"I don't have a boyfriend," Blaine said voice strain like he tried to hold something back. For second Kurt saw something that made even less sense. Sadness. Something breaking slowly and Blaine tried to hold it together. It was clear, flying through their connection and he wanted to feel sorry but he couldn't.

"Then what is it? What are you doing that you feel this way?"

Kurt gripped the chair, keeping himself from standing up because he wasn't trusting his body.

Again Blaine said nothing just stared at Kurt. Well, truth time.

"I was worried. Worried sick, you know? I had no idea what was going on so I went to the Diner to make sure you are okay. Guess what they guy told me there. He doesn't know a Blaine working there."

Silence from Blaine.

"And I thought maybe he is new and doesn't know you and maybe I was just too worried and saw things. So, tell me, are you working there?"

Blaine looked down. He didn't work there. Kurt could tell it because Blaine always looked down when he was not ready to answer something, or, lying.

"Okay. So, you don't have a boyfriend, you can't fool around because of our connection and you are not working in the Diner. What are you doing, Blaine?"

No answer, no move, eyes still looking down. He wasn't working in a Diner, he couldn't fool around but Linda said there were things he could do. Blaine had all these sex toys which he took with him, each damn evening. He had no boyfriend but he was working, right?

"You have a job, right?"

Blaine looked up for a second. Truth. But what job included... no. Kurt's eyes grew wide and his head already had an answer before he truly understood what this answer was. This couldn't be true. It fucking couldn't. Then, what else could it be that Blaine was doing? Kurt heard stories, knew about this, saw this, he did his damn research and talked with people. But it couldn't be. Not Blaine, not a seventeen year old, now eighteen.

Not only would this mean that he was lying he was also fooling Kurt. All the damn time. Blaine was giving him hope, signals, everything and Kurt thought, he was sure this distance Blaine kept was just because he didn't believe. Because he didn't know those things.

But if he was working as what Kurt thought... it hurt. It hurt so much that when he said those words he wanted to vomit.

"Are you earning money through... are you a prostitute?"

Blaine winced, his hands turning into fist and looking away.

Truth.


	15. Silence

Chapter 15. Silence

_It's a motherfucker  
How much i understand  
The feeling that you need someone  
To take you by the hand  
And you won't ever be the same  
You won't ever be the same _

_Eels – It's a motherfucker_

He just stared and stared. Maybe for second, maybe for minutes Kurt wasn't sure about that. But he couldn't stop staring and realizing what he just found out. And it changed everything. It just changed within seconds his whole idea about who Blaine Anderson was. It took him months to see Blaine as cute, shy, smart, adorable and handsome. It took him months to accept Blaine, his age, that he would be a part of him until the day he died. It took him months to believe that they were soulmates, that he could fall for this boy. That he could love this boy.

Within seconds all of this seemed like a dream, an illusion he created for himself, a lie he began to live. He stood up, both hands holding his head like he was afraid it would fall off his shoulders. He walked through the kitchen just up and down and waited for the moment to wake up. Wake up to Blaine in his arms and be the boy he was ready to love. Be the boy who could smile like sun, who had those incredible big golden eyes. The boy who missed his parents and was happy about simple things. The boy Kurt thought he were. This boy was gone and this was no dream.

He was facing reality and he had no idea how to deal with it.

He needed to get out. Just out of this apartment, away somewhere where he could breath and think. Somewhere without memories of kisses and hugs, of smiles and laughter because it all seemed fake. Everything just seemed like a lie. A terrible lie.

He walked out, past Blaine, not even looking at him and slipped into his shoes, took his jacket as he reached the front door. It was not like Blaine said anything, he stopped talking when Kurt came closer to the truth and even if he wanted to say something what would it change? Nothing. Not really, and Kurt wasn't ready to listen. Taking his keys he slammed the door shut as he left and hurried away from his home heading nowhere but right into the rain.

He just walked and walked, walked with the people of New York, through the crowds without paying attention, without thinking. All the faces, bodies, voices and sound of the city were a blurry picture for him. Moving like a fog around him. He just needed to walk and feel nothing, think nothing. His clothes were soaked but he didn't care. Everything was better than going back there and face his soulmate.

Soulmate.

Kurt stopped walking and looked around, not sure where he was but the river was close and so he walked over there and sat down on a bench, hands finding their way back around his head. He inhaled, exhaled and slowly let his mind speak to him. He was a soulmate, he had a soulmate and this soulmate was a prostitute and a liar. He was bond to a person who sold his body for sex. And Kurt believed him when Blaine said he never kissed someone for real or with tongue. He almost was sure that Blaine was still a virgin. He was so sure that behind this rude and cold side was someone who only wanted someone to love him and help. A smart person who could have got a scholarship. But no, he decided to do something for whatever reason.

Maybe this was Blaine's experience? While Kurt walked the 'normal' road through college, bars, clubs and one-night-stands Blaine decided this to be his big city experience? And meanwhile fooling Kurt?

Kurt gasped when another thought crossed his mind. That interview, that one when he said he was a soulmate it was out and people knew it. Not many, no, but they would find it out and what if they found out that his soulmate was a prostitute? Which was impossible alone by the fact that they were soulmates. Blaine couldn't fuck someone or kiss someone not after they met. And yet he kept on working and doing it and giving Kurt these worries, these lies. Maybe even the story about that some people punched him was untrue. Maybe he spent the night with some kinky bastard and enjoyed it? What if people found out about that? Kurt would be ruined even before his career began. Everyone would ask him about that and judge him. Those people who didn't care if Blaine was his soulmate or not and it terrified him.

He didn't sign up for this. This was not what he wanted and Blaine should have known that. Blaine who was smart, he fucking was, kept on doing this well knowing what Kurt's job was. So he really didn't care? And Kurt kissed him, not once, not twice he kissed him and with it all the people Blaine kissed and touched and whatever he did with them. Yes, Kurt kissed people before, fucked guys, let guys fuck him and everything but he never got money for that. He did it because he wanted to or because it felt right or because he was simply horny.

Suddenly he felt sick, his stomach twisting in an unpleasant way and he tried not to vomit, not to scream. So he ended up crying, letting his connection open and let Blaine feel everything he felt. He should know that, feel it all and understand what he did to him.

He only came back home when he was sure Blaine wouldn't be there anymore. Or at least hoped Blaine wouldn't be there because he wasn't ready to see him. He was sure he would yell at him, fight with him, anything he didn't have the strength for. Walking to the bathroom he took a long hot shower, cleaning each part longer than necessary and brushed his teeth longer than necessary and changed into his pajamas. Done that he walked to his bedroom and changed the sheets, not trying to cry because his eyes still hurt from the crying he did hours ago. He even closed their connection because he thought Blaine didn't deserve to feel anything coming from him.

He took the old sheets with him and went back to the bathroom to wash them and get rid off Blaine's scent. He just did all of that without thinking about it. He wanted to feel better but it seemed like this wouldn't happen anytime soon. He wasn't even sure if Blaine would come back and also if he wanted that. However, if he wanted that or not didn't really matter because Blaine had to come back sooner or later. They had to touch, to care about their connection and it made Kurt sick. Not that he cared about those people or judged them, well, he didn't have to because no one in his life did such a thing. But Blaine was his soulmate, the person he was supposed to live with, forever and now he just wanted to break this connection. He even wished he had never met Blaine because he could ruin everything. Rubbing his eyes he tried not to cry again and made himself something to eat and then went to sleep.

He was no adult right now, no sane person and before he did something really stupid he decided it was better to sleep and figure all this out tomorrow. Just, as soon as he lay in his bed, the scent of Blaine gone and Blaine not beside him he began to cry again. Not sure if it was his sadness or his soulmates tugging so terribly at his heart.

* * *

When he woke up he reached out for Blaine, on instinct and when there was no one he sat quickly up and blinked the sleep away. The other side of the bed, Blaine's side, was not just empty it was also cold and unfamiliar. Sleeping alone was unfamiliar and he had no idea when he got used to sleep with someone next to him. Just slowly the memories came back and Kurt buried his face into his hands, just breathing. Blaine, cute, handsome, smart Blaine was a prostitute. He didn't say it himself but Kurt knew him and could tell when he was lying and when not. And the way he looked down, clenched his fist was answer enough. No protest, no words and people said, silence was sometimes the truth.

Leaving his bed he stared at his clock, 7 am and Blaine was either back or not but he wasn't working anymore. Turning around he faced the stairs, the handrail and couldn't move. What if Blaine was really back and sleeping on the couch? What if he was not back? What would Kurt do if he was not back? Obviously, his soulmate was alive and broke the connection because he knew if something had happened he had felt it. Everything.

Telling himself that he was no kid anymore, that he had to face this situation and deal with it he walked to the handrail and looked down, finding Blaine sleeping there. He felt relieve but also anger and then this cold emptiness. Seeing Blaine there in a fetal position, like he tried to hold himself together hurt but Kurt tried to ignore that because it was Blaine's fault. He decided to work as a prostitute. Right? Of course, it had to be like this because Blaine was not stupid, young, but not stupid and he wouldn't let anyone force him to do that.

Pressing his lips together he walked down, not even mad that Blaine came back but not sure how to treat him from now on and how to handle this. He forced himself to eat something and then left into his office, closing the door to not wake Blaine up and called Nina.

If Blaine could do something that could ruin Kurt than he had the right to fix things or put them so that it wouldn't hurt his career.

"Hey, sweetie!" her happy voice was a real blessing for his ears and mood.

"Hey. I just wanted to tell you that Blaine can be part of the team. We want to keep him in the background for now."

"Alright," she said and he heard her typing something down: "Don't forget the suit and be in the studio for the dubbing!"

"I won't," he laughed, a fake laugh and ended the call.

The rest of the day Kurt spent in his office and waiting until he heard the door going shut when it almost dark outside. He was really not ready to face Blaine yet. And either Blaine knew that or he didn't want to talk. Kurt was fine with that.

The next day he went to the studio for dubbing and was pleased with the scenes he saw so far. The only thing that made him really smile. Four hours later he and Linda took a break and went out together for lunch.

"You and Blaine still come over on Saturday?"

Oh fuck, he totally forgot about that. Biting his lip he wished their lunch would come right now so he had more time to think but it didn't happen.

"I guess not, sorry."

Her smile disappeared and instead she looked at him with raised eyebrows, leaning her head slightly to the left side.

"Something happened? You seem a bit off today."

Handling this alone was already too much but telling his friends? No matter how hurt and angry he was it would be unfair to share something that was Blaine's business. Okay, their business but he really didn't want to talk about it because he himself had no idea what this really meant for them or if he could ever accept that. So sharing was no option.

"We had a fight, a bad one. But we figure it out," though he didn't believe in that: "Another time maybe."

Giving her a forced smile he saw that Linda was worried but didn't ask. Instead she said what anyone else said and what Kurt believed in before the truth came out.

"Of course you'll figure it out."

Their lunch came and both ate in silence and Kurt was grateful for that so he had time to think. Whenever he thought about the fights his friends talked about or the hard times that would come he didn't think about something like that. His thoughts were more about domestic things, college stuff, normal things but not this. Soulmates were meant to be and whatever happens they would handle it and be more happy. Yes, he believed in that but something like prostitution never crossed his mind as a problem that needed to be solved. Not to forget all the lies.

Sure, maybe he was totally wrong and maybe everything had an explanation, a reason why all of this even became an option for Blaine. Kurt was just not ready to hear it and get hurt even more. This, knowing this hurt so bad he was sure he couldn't take more right now.

"About Noah's party, are you two coming?" Linda asked after their lunch and Kurt nodded slowly. He promised himself to take Blaine with him and he had been excited about that. Excited to present them all his adorable boyfriend who now turned out to be a prostitute. Well, ex prostitute because his last day of work was already over. It would be smarter to not take Blaine with him but he wanted Blaine to see this world, to understand what it meant for him and what those people thought and who they were. He needed him to understand that no one of those people could know what he did. Because no matter how hard he wished to not be a soulmate, no matter how hard he wished that they'd never met each other, he couldn't change the way he felt for him.

And that was the reason why it hurt so bad.

He wanted to show Blaine all those things only couples did. The kisses, the cuddles, the sex. He wanted to explore this together with Blaine on a level that was so unique, so rare, because they were soulmates. And if they would love each other he was sure all the things he felt now would be so much more intense, so much bigger and more beautiful and better than before.

This idea was replaced by a new one, a picture Kurt saw whenever he thought of Blaine or saw him. He saw hands touching Blaine, lips kissing him, many hands and lips and some bodies hidden in the shadow while Blaine let it happen. It made him sick that he saw that and it made him even more sick that the uneasy feeling he always had was not because Blaine had been in trouble. No. It was Blaine who wanted to do more but couldn't. He was sure of it.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she said while they walked back into the studio.

"You said we can't be together with other people but we are able to do certain things with them, right? I mean sexually?"

"Does Blaine have a boyfriend?"

"No. It's just... a part of our fight," He really couldn't tell the truth.

"Well... we can't have sex with someone else or kiss someone else. Our body won't let that happen. But everything else is possible it's just not good for the connection. But it's possible. You know, like touching and certain things."

He was always amazed how sweet, nice Linda never blushed about those things. And he really liked this about her because it was so easy to talk with someone about that. There were Elliot and Mercedes but they both knew him too well and would ask him what was wrong until Kurt spilled the truth.

Linda only smiled and he was thankful for that.

Back home he met eye contact for the first time with Blaine since he found it out. It was just a breath moment, Kurt walking inside and Blaine sitting on the couch. Turning back he took off his jacket and shoes and breathed in and out. No, talking was no option but he needed to set some rules for his own sanity. There was still too much burning inside of him. Too much anger, too much sadness and he needed more time while still maintaining their connection.

"Kurt-" Blaine began voice small and almost pleading but Kurt only held his hand up and Blaine closed his lips.

"No, Blaine," said Kurt and turned around, eyes meeting Blaine's and tried to show an unreadable face: "I'm not talking to you. Not now and not tomorrow."

His soulmate looked down, fingers tangled together and looking so small and lost and Kurt almost felt sorry. Almost.

"I want to set some rules and you'll follow them. I'm not ready to talk to you about anything and we still need to take care of this connection." And he really, really disliked this fact. The younger nodded slowly still looking down and it made Kurt almost furious but he swallowed it down. Do not yell, do not yell.

"We'll hold hands everyday, pretend like nothing changed. You won't sleep in my bed again and you won't tell anyone about the Diner or your real job. If someone asks you you'll say that you moved in with me and that you start college in summer. Which you will do."

He nodded and Kurt became a little bit calmer.

"Since you aren't working anymore I want you to be here around nine. You can go wherever you want but don't you dare talk about what you've been doing and ruin my career. No one can know, do you understand?"

Again a nod.

"And Noah throws a party at the end of June. Outside Nina will make sure people will believe that you work for her. Inside the house people will want to know who my soulmate is and that's what you'll be telling them. You are my soulmate and attending college in September."

Then there was silence and their eyes met for a longer moment. Kurt's mixed with anger, with disgust and pain, Blaine's with sadness and also a bit anger but Kurt wasn't sure if it was meant for him or for Blaine himself.

"Can I say something?"

Kurt nodded. This was only fair.

"I'm sorry. I really am but I-"

"No, Blaine. I honestly don't care right now. I believe that you are sorry but I'm not sure for what. Also, I'm not ready to talk. I need time to think and when I want to talk I'll make sure you know."

Then he walked through the living room and walked into the kitchen. He needed something to drink, something strong to handle this, to go through this.

"Put on a movie." Was all he said before he sat down while Game of Thrones began and reached out for Blaine's hand. This was not easy, no, it was almost like torture holding this hand. His skin used to be so warm and soft, so calming and giving him what he needed. Now he couldn't stop imagining what this hand touched. How many bodies, what part of the bodies and he fought against the urge to snap his hand away. He couldn't he knew that. Their connection was too deep, needed more contact than other connections and he was bond to this for life. He fucking hated it at that moment.

* * *

The next weeks were exactly spent like that. Kurt went to work and Blaine with him whenever their connection asked for it. It changed, the feeling when they touched. Usually Kurt felt a warm flow, a warm shining thread and this sense, this live running through him and healing his soul, making his soul happy. It was always like a nature thing. Like breathing. Now it changed. The thread connecting them was cold and dark, at least it felt like that. His soul was not aching it was just calm and accepting how things were. Maybe this was the phase when hard times came to prevent some damage? Maybe, but Kurt was sure it would change sooner or later and the connection, their souls would seek for more. For the good feelings. He really didn't like this feeling, he didn't like holding Blaine's hand and he wasn't sure what he wanted more. Not being his soulmate or not knowing what Blaine did. No, he wanted it to know but he wasn't ready to accept that Blaine actually did such a thing. Throwing himself around for money.

His father's words were echoing in his mind how Kurt mattered, how sex should be a way to connect and okay, his first time was beautiful, yes, but this boy was no part of his life anymore. And any other time? Some where his boyfriends some not but he did it not for money. There was a difference. Was this also Blaine's first time? Just someone from the street? It hurt Kurt to think that this was maybe true and there was also disgust he felt.

Two days before Noah's party they went out to buy suits for the party. Like any other time when he was outside with Blaine he waited for someone to talk to them, to remind him that his soulmate was a prostitute or someone who would ask Blaine to give him his service because this person knew Blaine. Of course this never happened but didn't change how Kurt felt. He picked three suits for Blaine and told him to try those on.

It was torture, pure torture. No matter how much he wanted to hate Blaine or not care about Blaine or just feel something that was stronger than the affection he felt for him, it didn't happen. And it hurt so bad he couldn't even look at Blaine for more than five seconds because he looked so good in those suits, so lost with his eyes which were reaching out for Kurt but he blocked it all out.

Was this how it felt when a heart was broken? Even before they were a couple? Maybe, he wasn't sure.

* * *

While he getting ready for the party Kurt stared at his reflection, standing in his bedroom. It's been a month since he figured out what his soulmate was doing and it's been a month since he began to lie.

Lies.

Kurt remembered how he exactly never wanted this to happen. Right when Nina called him and told him he got the role he promised himself he would never lie. Not about his sexuality or about anything. Everything he didn't want to answer he wouldn't answer or simply paraphrase. He disliked lies, yes, but he also understood why people lied but he didn't want to do it. Rachel lied a lot during her career and everytime people figured that out it was backlash for her. Of course her PR and managers tried to fix things and most of the things got fixed but it was nerve-wracking. Many nights were filled with fights, many nights ended with tears and as soon as the camera was on she needed to smile nevertheless.

It was easy for Kurt to imagine he didn't have to this because there was nothing he had to hide. Literally nothing. And now everything changed and he there was nothing he could do against it. He couldn't change who is soulmate was or change to be a soulmate at all. Sighing he fixed his tie, checked his hair and walked down the stairs. Blaine stood up from the couch and stared at Kurt just like Kurt stared at Blaine because, damn, he looked too good in this black suit, curls just slightly gelled and this black bow tie was his weakness. He looked like a prince. Yeah, looked like a prince but underneath there was no prince. Still his heart yelled at him to smile, to tell Blaine how good he looked but Kurt ignored it and wished it would just shut up until he... until his thoughts were more clear. Now he needed to focus on this party and make himself a name.

They arrived together with Nina who kept Blaine close to her just like Kurt wanted it too. There were cameras, a wave of voices and he felt slightly nervous though this was nothing new. Only that there were more people because Noah was pretty famous. Linda waved at Kurt from where she was standing and people took photos and he felt better seeing her happy smile. One flash light after the other and they both made sure to smile, just kept on smiling.

Nina walked told Kurt to say nothing, just to pose a bit and then join Linda and walk straight to the building. Luckily it was not only Nina with Blaine, Linda's manager was also there with three other people so it looked like they were a team. All of them wearing suits or dresses and Linda wore a beautiful cream colored dress.

"Hey sweetie," she smiled, hugged Kurt and went together straight to the building. At the front door they met Robert between many other people, all dressed in beautiful suits and dresses and as soon as he saw his co-workers he excused himself from the lady he was talking to and hugged them hello.

"Blainers!" he laughed and gave him a brother like hug. It was the first time in a month that Kurt saw Blaine smiling, like at all. And soon it was just Robert and Blaine talking and Kurt was glad for that moment. He really needed some to take this place and the people in and time to sort his thoughts out, which were mainly about Blaine.

Nina came closer to Kurt, waving to some people he didn't know and then whispered with a smile like she was telling him a joke: "You can talk here about anything. Whatever happens inside this house stays there, okay?"

"Thank you," he smiled back.

They walked inside the huge hall, bright hall. There was a band playing on a small stage, tables filled with food and drinks and men holding trays with food and drinks. It really looked like in those movies when people from the higher class threw a party. Kurt would never want such party but he enjoyed being here and see all of this with his own eyes.

"Where is Ronald?" Kurt asked and took two glasses with champagne from the tray and handed one to Linda.

"He is busy with work. He has this new group of people he teaches to cook and gives three of them some private lessons and he had to fire one of his employees because he was stealing stuff from them. So he is casting new people tonight."

"Ugh, sounds bad," said Kurt before taking a sip from the champagne.

"It was, though. Ronald is a good guy, he really trusts his employees and hopes they feel as comfortable and home as possible. This was a real shock for him because the employe seemed to be fine, really."

Linda was lucky, Kurt thought. Her soulmate was not doing things that could ruin her. She could focus on her career and Ronald on his. But he got easily distracted by Noah, who walked up to them with a huge smile on his lips. He was also wearing a black suit and his gray hair was smoothed down. He also had a small beard and both smiled back at him and hugged him hello.

"You look good," Linda said.

"Thank you, you look gorgeous and you like you jumped out of a fashion magazine."  
Kurt laughed and Linda giggled.

"Over there are some of my friends, they are also directors or writers. I suggest you two go over there and chat a little bit. They are so excited to see you guys."

Kurt looked over to a group with more men than women and found Robert and also Blaine, talking to a lady with black hair. His soulmate smiled, acting like the dapper guy he could be but Kurt couldn't stop this feeling inside him. He was alarmed and walked to the group just to make sure Blaine wouldn't slip anything that was not meant for strangers ears.

Linda joined him and they greeted several people, talked about the movie and about what they did before the movie. It was easy talk and very interesting to hear their ideas, about their projects and he wanted to pay more attention to what was said but one of part of his ears and mind always went back to Blaine, listening. It was mainly about music and college, just like Kurt told him. After an hour he became a bit calmer and decided to leave Blaine alone because, for once, he wouldn't do something stupid and ruin this for Kurt.

"Kurt, sweetie, Linda told me he is your soulmate?" said a woman he talked to 30 minutes ago – Hilary was her name – who wore a red dress and had brown long hair and amazing green eyes. She was probably around 40 years old but her face had wrinkles but only around her eyes and the corners of her mouth probably from laughing. She was really stunning and he enjoyed talking to her and about the movie she was writing.

"Um, yes. Yes he is," said Kurt and looked at Blaine. They usually didn't make eye contact only when necessary so it made him feel all these things at once which was exhausting. First the eyes taking everything in and saw this handsome boy, being so dapper through the evening. Then his mind which remembered the kisses and cuddles, the laughs and little noises they made when they kissed. And then the truth about what Blaine was doing running over all these good things and hiding them and left was his heart crying, yelling but also reaching out, just like their connection and his soul.

However, he needed to act like things were okay, act like nothing was wrong so he took Blaine's hand and though he still felt the urge to pull it back and wipe it clean it got easier with each passing day.

"But we are still getting to know each other."

Hilary nodded, her eyes running them up and down, sighed and pouted: "You look so good together, though. You really have a handsome soulmate, Kurt. And he is so smart and has manners."

_And is a prostitute_, Kurt thought.

It was not only Hilary who said all those good things about Blaine, Linda and Robert did the same, how talented he was, how he could play several instruments, how he always said thank you and please. They described him like a saint, like the perfect boyfriend, like the perfect eighteen year old kid because any other 18 year old Kurt was still a child but not Blaine. And Kurt only nodded to whatever they said. Because it was true, yes, but there was also another truth which was so much stronger, so much darker that he couldn't focus on anything else that was Blaine Anderson.

And it made him angry, really angry. He was suppressing the bubble inside of him for a month now and now it was just growing and growing and about to explode. Blaine could feel it, the anger which was so deep inside him, hidden for so many ways and when their eyes met Kurt saw something new. No sorry, no hurt, he saw anger but not as strong as his own and also that Blaine was challenging him.

They left the party around one in the morning. Not talking, no hand holding. They drove in complete tense silence fighting with the thoughts inside their heads. There were so many Kurt tried to sort them out. The sane voices which told him to talk to Blaine and figure this out, the insane voices which said to kick him out and only meet when necessary. Voices that screamed he needed this boy in more than a soulmate boy. Voices that screamed he could ruin his whole life. Kurt got sick of those voices, of his thoughts running like crazy through his mind and turned the radio on until they arrived home. And when he closed the front door and faced Blaine he began to raise his voice.

"You're a liar!"

"Am I? Because I kept something from you? Which is none of your business?"

Kurt took his shoes off and loosened his tie eyes still locked at Blaine and trying to burn into his head.

"It is my business. Your whole fucking life is my business. You should have told me about your job so I could react. But you didn't! And now all I can do is hoping that people won't find it out."

Blaine huffed a laugh: "So what? If I had told you about what I was doing you would have done what, Kurt? Lied? Lied about the fact that you are a soulmate? I guess this makes us both liars, right?"

"No, Blaine. It's not the same."

"A lie is a lie."

Blaine crossed his arms before his chest, giving Kurt this challenging look and this made him even more angry. What was that? Why was Blaine suddenly acting that way? In the past weeks he was acting like a kicked puppy, looking miserable, not saying anything not asking for anything and now this?

"You've been lying, Blaine. Over and over again. You've been lying about things and hurt me in a way no one ever did. You've been lying about kisses, about experiences, about where you are what you are doing and I was here, waiting, worried sick and believing each damn word coming out of your mouth."

"Who said I've been lying about everything?"

Was he serious? Was he really serious? Kurt pressed his hand against his forehead and shook his head, trying to calm himself down.

"Are you serious? You want to tell me you haven't been lying about certain things while working as a prostitute? Seriously, Blaine? As far as I know this is what a prostitute does, right? Fucking around for money, right?"

Blaine's smile was gone for a second and he gave Kurt a warning look. Oh? That hurt? Good. He wanted Blaine to feel the same pain Kurt was feeling for weeks.

"No matter who as long as you get money, right? And no matter what and too bad you became a soulmate and needed to stop doing certain things."

Blaine shook his head slowly, shrugging and said, the smile back on his face: "Well, I give awesome blowjobs now, that's for sure. And know how to please someone with just my hands."

Kurt felt sick again.

"And you know what else I've learned? That you are just like anyone else. Judging me without knowing anything." Blaine walked towards the front door: "You are just like anyone else. Not better not worse. Or maybe worse because instead of being a soulmate you are being an idiot and thinking you know who I am because of what I did. Guess what, you know shit Kurt. And I'm sick of sitting here and seeing your eyes like I've destroyed your whole world."

"But you did. You did it with lying to me and acting all innocent and sweet and making me believe that this was you. How can a prostitute be sweet and innocent? Huh? Don't lie to me, I know what people like you do."

"You must know it! You know everything! I would say, go, find someone else you can be with who isn't disgusting you! But you can't and neither can I!"

And Blaine slammed the door shut and left and Kurt grabbed the pillow and muffled his scream with it.


	16. Chance

**Hey guys! Here is chapter 16, Blaine's POV. If you have any wishes, ideas, whatever tell me about it :) I might use it in the following chapters. For now, I hope you enjoy this because the sun is slowly coming out. Very slowly. And once again, thank u for ur words and support!**

* * *

Chapter 16. Chance

**7 days before the truth**

Deciding to work everyday was a hard decision. It didn't only mean he couldn't have two days of sleep it also meant that he had to keep up with the number of customers or keep them as long as possible. Because they did not only pay for his service they also paid for the time they wanted to spent with Blaine.

A blow job given by Blaine cost 50 bucks. Letting others blow him 100. Each hour cost 100 and extra service like getting touched, being touched, using toys etc. cost 60 bucks extra. Only because he was a virgin and they went nuts because he was a virgin. Sometimes he even had two guys and sometimes he got some extra money just because of his look or because they felt pity for him. He didn't care as long as he got his money. He cared at the beginning, then got used to it and needed to get used to it again when he became a soulmate.

But with his hope and with Kurt being all lovely to him and giving him many of the things he wished he could do with Kurt – like kissing and cuddling – he closed his eyes and let everything just happen, well knowing they couldn't fuck him or kiss him because of the connection.

It was easy with all the hope. It was even easy to deal with his soul and the connection protesting at what he was doing.

There were only seven days left and Blaine would never have to do this again. Never ever. He would attend college, live with Kurt and work on their relationship. Then he could kiss and hold him without feeling guilty, kiss him without thinking what he was doing to him. Blaine could deal with his job and what it meant but this didn't mean Kurt could. But this was nothing he had to be worried about because only seven days and he would be out of here, forever.

With this hope and distracting himself he didn't even listen what the guy was whispering into his ear before he started to kiss and lick Blaine's chest again. Moans were the usual answer Blaine gave, faking his pleasure and though he wanted this guy to finish off his business he knew, the longer he would stay the more money it meant for him. Yet he needed to come and this cockring wasn't helping. 30 minutes later he finally was allowed to come, moaned deep and long and felt the hot liquid falling on his stomach, followed by the guys grunting and moaning when he came on Blaine.

He watched the guy getting dressed and placing the money on Blaine's nightstand. Sitting up he reached out for it and began to count. Perfect, it was more than necessary and he only smiled at the guy before he left. Taking the tissues he cleaned himself and put his clothes back on. Gathering all the money he closed the door silently as he left his room and listened into the corridor.

Charlie was still doing his thing so Blaine went into the kitchen and drank some water.

He waited for his friend then, heard their voices and soon Charlie joined him hair and clothes a mess.

"Did you have sex with your clothes on?" asked Blaine.

"Yeah. I always get the kinky one and I don't know why," sighed his friend, poured some water into a glass and sat slowly down on a chair.

"So, only seven days left, huh? Excited for your new life?"

"I guess. I'm not really thinking about it yet because of work. But I'm looking forward though."

Only the thought of this life, no more nights with strangers, no more hiding and no more debts felt pretty amazing. Like he could breath for the first time in years. Beside all of this he has Kurt in it. His soulmate, the one he loves and who likes him back. Maybe not as much but he did still.

"You should. You have everything."

"Come on, you'll have a good future too. I'm sure of it. And I'll be also at your side, Charlie. We are friends."

Charlie only smiled and said nothing. Blaine's never been worried about his friend because he was always the positive guy. He always said things will be good in the end, that the world is changing, that not all people will judge them and their job. Charlie used to be such a strong person but in the past days he looked sad, hopeless and Blaine wanted this to stop. There was really no reason to because Charlie accepted his job in a different way than Blaine did. Or maybe he was just all this optimistic because Blaine was a soulmate? Yeah, this was a part of Charlie's optimism but not everything. It was his nature to stay positive.

"I don't know, Blaine. Of course I'll try but the closer we get out of here the more it scares me. I'm just so used to this life and this job and, yeah, it's nothing I wanted to do but it's okay, you know?"

Blaine shook his head slowly: "It's not, Charlie. You know that. This life won't make us happy. We'll be only a shadow for people and nothing else. No love, no hope, nothing. But there is so much more. Sharing your life with a person who loves you and go out with people who are your real friends, talk about usual stuff. I really want that, entirely. A normal life, college, love and not this."

A month ago Blaine didn't even dare to think this. There was no hope in his heart and soul to even let this thought cross his mind. Kurt gave him this hope. So much that Blaine couldn't stop hoping, smiling and dreaming all along with a smile on his face.

"All those kisses and cuddles changed you."

Blaine blushed.

"And I'm really happy to see you happy."

* * *

Blaine woke up to an empty bed and like every morning he rolled over to Kurt's side and hugged his pillow for a while, breathing in the familiar scent. He lay there a while longer and then stood up when he heard no noise. Usually Kurt was doing something but not today. Standing up he went down, changed his clothes and walked to the kitchen with an idea he had for a while now. Smiling he pulled his phone out and read the recipe Linda gave him. A recipe for cookies.

Blaine never really cooked, well never alone. When he was younger and his father still alive they used to cook together but Blaine was a hopeless case. But his father never yelled or told Blaine how bad he was at cooking. No, his father would smile, laugh and explain everything all over again. Once he was able to bake a cake without getting confused with sugar and salt and Blaine would smile and see the proud look in his father's eyes. Then he learned to cook simple things so he didn't live from fast food only. He smiled over those memories. His father was such a good person, a lovely dad and even when Blaine came out he accepted it, didn't treat him differently.

Sometimes he really missed his father. The man who would guide him and who would have guided him even now. Of course Blaine wondered what his father would say about his job and yes, he wouldn't be okay with it. But he would be so fine with Kurt, he would love Kurt because he was not only successful, no, because he was an awesome person. Witty, smart and had a big heart with enough space for all the people he loved. Blaine was sure even he had a special place there beyond the connection, beyond the fact that they were soulmates.

Did Kurt know that too? That he had a special place in Blaine's heart? Well, more like his whole heart but it was too soon to share this with him. Also, it was about time that Blaine needed to give something in return. He didn't have much money and frankly, Kurt had everything here so this would do it too, right? This was something made by him and for Kurt and nothing someone could buy. Blaine nodded slowly, feeling nervous because he never did such a thing. Not the cooking part but cooking for someone he loved. He had a boyfriend once, yes, but he didn't love him. What he felt for Kurt he never felt for anyone else and he wanted to show him this in little pieces.

Of course he kept his walls up but he let Kurt slowly inside because there were only 7 days left and then everything would be over. His job would be done and it was only okay to open up now and let him see slowly.

But cooking wasn't that easy as he thought. He made a mess and when Kurt came back he almost blushed over the chaos he left. But Kurt was the amazing person he was and helped Blaine. They baked together and tried the cookies which were really good, Blaine thought. And when he heard Kurt's laugh and how he thought he looked funny Blaine only blinked and stared at the photo Kurt took. There was dough and flour on his face and he wanted to hide his face in his hands. He didn't and listened to Kurt as he spoke.

"Are they for Charlie?"

Truth time, was what Blaine thought – as he sat down on the counter - and this time he couldn't stop the blush on his cheeks. There was something special about this. Baking something for someone and send them a clear message.

This was a clear message, right? They kissed and cuddled and shared a bed together and though Blaine wanted to enjoy it he still felt guilt for not telling Kurt and taking those sweet little things. But this was a message about how he felt for Kurt right?

"They are not... for Charlie. They... they are for you."

And it surprised him that Kurt was surprised. Okay, he probably really thought Blaine didn't like – sometimes – what they were doing.

"I wanted to say 'thank you' through the cookies. And I... I just wanted to do something for you."

And it was not a lie. He was really thankful that Kurt did so many things for him. But he couldn't look at him because his heart was going crazy and his blush turning into a deeper red. It got even worse when Kurt whispered he was too cute and came closer, taking Blaine's hands into his and leaned his forehead against Blaine's. So close, he was so close. Closer when they cuddled because it always felt more intimate, so much closer and he tried to listen, said something but it was so hard to focus on anything but his soulmate being this close to him. He just wanted to breath all of this in and stay like this for as long as possible. He wanted more of those hands, more of this voice and more of those lips but it was not the right time. Not yet. But he could do something else. So he told Kurt that he would quit his job soon and attend college. Only if Kurt would support him.

"Of course," said Kurt and pulled back, eyes meeting and Blaine almost whined because he wanted him to stay so close: "But I need to know something."

Huh? Okay, Blaine thought and squeezed Kurt's hands as a sign to go on.

"You don't feel bad around me or my friends, right? Because we are already out of college, working."

Was that the impression Kurt got from him? That he had troubles with their age and their life they lived? This was not true. In fact this was the thing that motivated him, gave him more hope that he could live such a life with Kurt.

"No. I understand that you guys are older than me. That is not bothering me. I'm more concerned about if I bother you guys." This was not a lie.

Then Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist, pulling him closer and Blaine was really surprised about that. It was good, of course but sometimes it was still surprising how this man changed his behavior around Blaine. How he wanted them to be close and how he enjoyed it to be close to Blaine. He wished, with each passing day, that he could show him this in return, hug him in return and kiss him in a way without feeling this terrible guilt.

"You don't. Sometimes I feel your age but most of the time I forget about it. And my... our friends are the same."

Relaxing he let his hands rest on Kurt's arms, feeling a bit better knowing that he was not a burden and that he was really welcomed. He could tell himself that he wasn't worried about this or other things over and over again. Yet, hearing there was no need to be worried was calming and a blessing for him. One less worry. But he wondered how baking cookies turned out into this. Kurt's arms around his waist and standing between his legs with this adorable look. Eyes blue and green, lips curled into a small smile and months ago he was sure this would never happen. That this man would feel anything for him but some kind of responsibility because they were soulmates.

"What about us? Are you okay with this?" asked Kurt and his smile was gone.

"What do you mean?" asked Blaine and let his fingers run up and down Kurt's arm, skin hidden by the fabric.

"You said you made experiences and I don't question that. I'm sure you made some, but I know what I did through college and living alone. I went through clubs and kisses and everything. I just want to know if you are okay with the fact that you can't, well, fool around. That you are bonded to me."

He closed their connection and tried to show no feeling on his face but the guilt was so strong, burning from his heart through his whole body. If Kurt only knew he wouldn't even ask that. If Kurt only knew what his experience was he would be disgusted, he was sure of it. The countless guys he sucked and let him suck. The guys who touched him, asked for more but never would get that. Yes, Blaine made one loving experience but that was it. Anything else was just his job. Sure he could use this to please someone else, someone he loved but he didn't want Kurt to know that and he didn't want Kurt to believe he felt this way. In no way did he want to have someone else but Kurt.

He gave Blaine his first real kiss, first real cuddles and hugs. He gave him all these things Blaine never got and no customer could ever give him. Only Kurt. Only the man who had his heart since the day they met.

"What do you think?"

"You made it clear for me that you regret being a soulmate. Not my soulmate but one in general."

"I... don't regret it. Not really. I just don't believe in it. I don't believe that everything will work out just because we are soulmates, you know?"

"But you are okay with this? With me?"

He looked back into Kurt's eyes so fast he almost hurt his neck. How could he think that? Just, how? Blaine was more than okay with Kurt, so much more than okay. Here in his arms was all he wanted and needed and wished he could call his forever. Yes, maybe it was to soon to think that but what could he do? He was so in love with him that he was unable to think something else, feel something else. His life was such a sad thing after his father died and it got even worse when he came to New York and only Kurt became the light, the thing that made him smile after such a long, sad time.

How he wished he could just say all of this and take everything. Take his hand and heart, his soul and body and keep and it safe and let Kurt do the same. Only seven days, he thought, only seven days and the guilt would stop, this bad feeling like he was covering Kurt with the dirty hands that touched him each night. But he couldn't say it because than he could never take it back and he was still in this mess. It would be unfair to say something, promise something while still hiding this from him because he had to.

One day, maybe one day when they were stronger, trusted each other more he would tell him everything. But not now, not today or tomorrow. So he only leaned closer and kissed him, deep, slow, and hoped this was answer enough. Yet, after the kiss he looked down and swallowed the guilt bubbling inside him.

* * *

Blaine's hope grew more and more and two days before he was free he was more than sure that Kurt would never find out. He was so sure that when Kurt did find out he couldn't even deny it or say something. He was just standing there and hearing Kurt's voice, hearing how he put one and one together because of his stupid bag. How did he forget his bag? He never forgot his bag. Whenever he came back from work he cleaned himself, his stuff and kept it far away from Kurt to not see it. It was only one small mistake, one he never really thought about could turn out to be the thing that broke him. And it did. So bad that when Kurt left the apartment he needed to remind himself to breath while his heart, his hope and everything he dreamed of shattered into a million pieces.

There was a reason why he never wanted to hope and never wanted to dream about a future with Kurt. And what he felt was the reason, his job was the reason and he needed to sit down because it was too much to handle and his knees were too weak to hold his body. Exactly what he thought would happen happened. Kurt stared at him like he was something disgusting. Like he was a criminal, like the worst human being on earth. Of course. Blaine sold his body for something that should be a special thing between two people. A pleasure shared by lovers or 'friends' and not something like work. It was dirty, it was wrong, it was 'throwing himself away'. This was what people said about his job and why would Kurt think differently about it?

Why would he want to be with someone who did such a thing? Kurt who had such a beautiful life, amazing friends and so much sunshine in it. How could Blaine think this would never come out and that Kurt would think different? It was stupid, so stupid that he was not sure what he hated more. The broken heart he needed to carry with him from now on or the fact that he would never get what he wanted. No one wanted a prostitute, no one. They were used, not worth it and Kurt knew this now. He felt what Kurt felt and this was the answer Blaine feared. Kurt was not only disgusted, he was also hurt as deep as Blaine was. And like a masochist he let the feelings coming from Kurt crush on his heart and soul. He deserved it, all of it.

He thought about not quitting his job for a while but then he shook his head no. This was not what he wanted to do and also something he didn't want to end for Kurt but for himself. He could do it now. His debts were paid, the money which was left was supposed to be for college. Something he still wanted to do but couldn't really think about right now. There was no real thought in his mind because he used all his energy to think about Kurt and how to fix this. There was no way to fix this or change it. And he realized that when he went back to his old apartment and saw Charlie.

"What happened to you?" his friend ask when Blaine entered the kitchen and just now he felt how cold he was, how truly broken he was inside and the sobs just began. The tears ran down his cheek and his whole body was shaking. Charlie hurried over to him, wrapped his arms tightly around Blaine's shaking body while he sobbed: "He knows it. He knows."

He cried for a while without talking and Charlie didn't ask. He just held Blaine and was there for him which was really what he needed right now before going back to work. Charlie suggested to not work that night but Blaine shook his head, using the argument that he needed the money because he wasn't sure what Kurt would do. If he even wanted to see him or talk to him. During the night and letting one guy after the other into his room Blaine felt numb. Really numb. He let everything just happen, did what they ask for and said no to things he knew he couldn't do. It was the longest night in his life and his eyes hurt from all the crying.

When he was done he felt so exhausted and completely disgusted with himself while his minds tried desperately to find a solution for all of this. All he got in return was not just a broken heart also a pounding head. Inside the kitchen he drank some water which felt good, the only thing that felt good that night and soon Charlie joined him and gave Blaine this look like he was sorry, worried and desperate to find a way to figure this out. But there was none. Exactly what they both feared would happen happened. First it was Blaine who was so pessimistic and then it was Charlie and now they both stood there, facing the truth. His friend, though, he wouldn't give up so easily. Giving up was nothing Charlie ever did.

"How did he find out?"

"He found my bag and figured it out himself."

"Fuck," Charlie whispered and leaned against the counter eyes resting on Blaine who only looked down.

"You should explain it, Blaine. I guess he gave you no chance to explain it, right?"

Blaine shook his head no: "He just stared at me and left and didn't come back until I had to go."

"He was probably shocked."

Yes, and so much more. Kurt let him feel everything, the pain, the sadness and the disgust. He opened their connection and let everything flow right to Blaine and he was not sure what hurt more. His own broken heart or what Kurt had to go through because of him. But this was something he wouldn't share with Charlie. Not because he didn't trust him but because it was something that was Kurt should share and not him.

"I don't know if it will change anything. The way he stared at me was just... I never wanted that to happen."

Charlie wrapped his arm around Blaine's shoulder and kissed his head and this small gesture turned Blaine into a sobbing mess again. Of course Charlie could do that, he wasn't disgusted with what Blaine did and he understood why they worked here. Charlie would never be scared or feeling sick when he touched Blaine. But he wanted those touches from Kurt, the kisses and hugs which made his heart beat so pleasantly fast and made his soul so alive. He wanted this all back but was more than sure he would never get this back.

"Try it. Try it until he will listen. You are soulmates, you'll work this out no matter how long it takes"

Charlie still believed and never stopped. Blaine never even began and wouldn't. Not now not ever.

* * *

Blaine went back to Kurt's place not sure why. It would hurt him more and more, he knew that, but since he began to hope he couldn't stop doing it. There were signs coming from Kurt and telling him that he liked him and that he wanted, maybe, just the same. And because he was a prostitute didn't mean he was a different person as the person he showed Kurt. At least the parts when they cuddled and kissed. He was not lying to Kurt, not when it was about them, not anymore. He only kept his job hidden and certain things in his life because he wasn't ready to talk about it while lying about his job.

He slept on the couch and when he woke up Kurt was gone. So he waited, made himself something to eat and watched TV until Kurt came back and they made eye contact for the first time since the truth came out. There, in those blue/green eyes was everything he felt before. Pain, sadness and anger. Breathing in he needed to say something, explain and as soon as he spoke Kurt's name – which hurt in his mouth – Kurt stopped him and Blaine froze. Looking down he listened to the rules, that Kurt was not ready to talk and waited, nodding and being fine with everything as long as he could still stay here. It was a miracle for Blaine that Kurt didn't throw him out, really. Maybe, if he could stay here he would be able to show him he was nothing like that. Maybe he could talk with him one day. But not now, that was for sure.

And when Kurt sat down next to him, holding his hand it was different. It was painful, it was sad and he could feel how disgusting it was for Kurt, how much he hated to do this. He just wondered if Kurt hated him or only what he found out. Though... was there a difference?

* * *

They didn't talk for a whole month. No smiles, no easy conversation, nothing but living together because they had to. It was just as much torture for Blaine as it was for Kurt because he didn't want to live like this. He constantly saw the disgust in Kurt's eyes and it made him feel naked, dirty. Like he was no human but just something that shouldn't be in this apartment. Someone, something Kurt wished he wouldn't know.

And this hurt in so many ways that Blaine soon stopped feeling sorry or sad. He felt angry. Angry about himself and angry about Kurt and the way he treated him. Wasn't Kurt supposed to be the adult here? The one who should force Blaine to talk about this and figure it out because Kurt believed in it? Well, maybe this truth crushed his believe and he was questioning this soulmate thing just as much as Blaine? If this was true he saw really no hope. But this didn't mean he could let Kurt treat him like this. He was no monster nor a bad guy. He did this because he had to because it was the only fast solution he found to get out of his debts. Yes, it was naïve from Blaine to believe a stranger but he really saw no catch in all of this. And if Kurt would listen, let him explain he would understand, right?

Yet Blaine never found the right moment to talk to him. Not while Kurt still gave him those looks, not while he could feel the disgust coming from him and how he forced himself to hold Blaine's hand. Their connection didn't suffer much but it didn't feel good either. What worried him was his broken heart and the anger he felt inside himself.

Until it all explode after Noah's party. Oh, he did a good job, he knew how to talk to people, knew what to talk about and it was really a refreshing evening seeing all these smiling people, hearing all these stories. He really had fun but Kurt, maybe, tried to ruin it for him and make him feel guilty. And then it happened, Kurt explode and though it was a fight it was the first real conversation they had.

"You're a liar!" Kurt almost yelled and Blaine tried not to laugh or shake his head.

He was anything but a liar. Yes, he lied about his job but exactly because of this. Because of those eyes burning with so much rage. Blaine was really tired of this. Feeling guilty and like bad person though Kurt knew nothing. He understood that even if he had told Kurt the truth he would lied anyway. Both of them and he knew Kurt never wanted to lie but had to do it now. Well, Blaine didn't decide to be a soulmate and make his life a mess, never and he never let that happen. So Blaine smiled, played it all down and didn't want to show how it hurt, how sad it made him. Now, he wanted to challenge Kurt and let him see that he couldn't just treat him like that.

"You've been lying, Blaine. Over and over again. You've been lying about things and hurt me in a way no one ever did. You've been lying about kisses, about experiences, about where you are what you are doing and I was here, waiting, worried sick and believing each damn word coming out of your mouth."

"Who said I've been lying about everything?" Was he serious, Blaine thought. He never lied about this. Not about the first kiss they shared, not about that he had no idea what it felt like to share this with a person he loved. Yes, he still loved Kurt and he couldn't stop it. But he wondered if this love was good for him.

"Are you serious? You want to tell me you haven't been lying about certain things while working as a prostitute? Seriously, Blaine? As far as I know this is what a prostitute does, right? Fucking around for money, right?"

His smile was gone and his heart was bleeding. This hurt. This hurt even more than the looks and the other things Kurt had said to him, called him. He wasn't fucking around. He never fucked around. No one took this away from him. This, the only thing still precious to Blaine and kept safe for the person he loved.

Kurt said more things, all the things any other person would blame Blaine for, call him. Kurt gave the same look each person gave Blaine when they knew what he was doing but had no idea what it actually meant or why he was doing it. This was not true, none of it and Blaine let his anger out through words and left. Of fucking course Kurt knew it better. Of course, they all knew it better and ignored him because he was a prostitute. Am eyesore for society, a person which would never deserve something better. Was that the way Kurt really looked at him? Really?

Blaine shook his head, over and over again trying not to cry but couldn't stop it. He was more than that. So much more but no one would see it, right? No one ever.

* * *

He went back to his old apartment, slept in his cold bed with so many unpleasant memories but found sleep nevertheless. For the first time in weeks he didn't have nightmares, didn't wake up with a pounding head. He just felt empty but knew he had to figure something out now. With or without Kurt. Leaving his room he went to the kitchen, like each morning and opened the window to welcome the morning sun, looking down on the streets he used to pick up his customers. No one would guess what happened there at night because this place was not rich but it was still nice when the sun came out.

For some reason he thought about his father and the times when he was just a kid and teenager. When he would play with his dad in the garden or on the streets and how they both laughed. How proud his dad was when Blaine came back from Dalton over the weekend. How he talked about college and his future. His father was really bad when it was about music. He couldn't play any instrument and when he sang Blaine made a funny face because he wouldn't hit one tone.

Blaine was talented and his father always told him how his real mother was also very talented. He did not only had her eyes also her talent and so music became an important part for him. A connection to his mother and his father at the same time. But it also became his passion and he really wanted to study music. Maybe become a music teacher or something but he was unsure about this prostitute thing. Would people even want him? If they knew? Well, in five years he wouldn't look like a small boy anymore and people he once met at night would be gone or already forgot about him. No one would remember him and no one would talk about him. It was too wrong, too dirty that they would share such a thing.

"Good morning, sunshine," he heard Charlie's sleepy voice and turned around, seeing a huge grin on his face.

"Good morning," he smiled because Charlie did. And Charlie didn't smile for days. He was looking for a job since they stopped working and with each passing day he got more and more frustrated. Not even a forced smile was on his face but today and Blaine wanted to hope that something good happened but he didn't even dare.

"Have you been sleeping here?"

"Yeah. Kurt and I had a bad fight and I was so angry I just couldn't look at him anymore."

Charlie joined him at the window and nodded slowly: "But you are going back though?"

"I have to. He is still my soulmate."

"What did he say?"

While Charlie fixed them some coffee Blaine told him all the things Kurt said and didn't even become angry again. It was exactly what he expected to happen and nothing he wasn't called before. Many people yelled at them when they were on the street looking for customers and knew way too well what they were doing. They said worse things, yes, but it was still the same message Kurt gave him.

"So, what I get from that you still haven't told him why, right?"

Blaine shook his head and took the cup from Charlie.

"He wouldn't even listen. He always says he doesn't want to talk about that."

"Well, make him listen. He can't treat you like that," Charlie said and took a sip while Blaine looked down and knew his friend was right. But then, no matter how angry or hurt he was, he couldn't force Kurt. He loved him, he really did. If you loved someone you want them to be happy, right? Even if Blaine was not the one who could make him happy. It would be easy if they weren't soulmates. Then they could find someone else, be close to someone else but they couldn't.

"Look. I know Kurt is not a bad person. You told me so much about him and I met him and I know he is not a bad person."

"He is not. He just... he doesn't know people like me and he probably wished we never met."

"But you met, became soulmates and are meant to be. You can't be with anyone but him and you both know that."

This soulmate thing was really a burden. Really. Especially when you did not believe in it.

"I know. I know that. But he obviously doesn't want to anymore. Who would, though?"

Charlie smiled at him, his old smile so carefree and positive and Blaine gave him a curious look. Something happened. Something good?

"What is it? You know something!"

Charlie laughed and shook his head: "I know shit man, seriously. I know nothing about Kurt. But I know not all people are judging us. I went to a tattoo shop and asked for a job, showed them some drawings and talked for a while. So they asked me what I've been doing and I told them I was a prostitute."

Blaine's opened his mouth but said nothing.

"They were giving me this look, you know, and I thought it would be like any other time, a simple no. But then he asked me why and I explained him everything. About Paul, about the debts and that I really had no choice. I also told him I'm not the only one literally falling into this business without wanting to. I even cried."

"What? You never cry."

"I did," Charlie laughed again: "They listened and understood and gave me the job."

"What!? Oh my God!" Blaine smiled, really smiled and hugged his friend, almost spilling his coffee over Charlie.

"Congrats, oh my God! That is so amazing!"

"Thank you."

Blaine was really happy, really. Charlie was his best friend and he was worried about him, a lot. Now he had nothing to be worried about because his friend could do what he wanted to do. This was good, really good.

"You see what I try to tell you with this?"

Pulling back Blaine gave him a confused look.

"If you explain it and tell him why and show him it's not what people think it is he will listen. You have to stand up, Blaine. For yourself. No one can treat you bad for what you did. No one has the right to walk over you because they think they are better and you are not. Don't let people judge you, judge them. Ask them why they are so ignorant and blind. Ask them why they won't help a person who needs help. Ask them why there are so many bad people who force us into this business because we want to survive, have a good life. Why judging us when all we did is trying to get a better life, to get out of a nightmare? This, what we did, is not our fault and we both know that."

Blaine blinked closing his mouth and looked out again. This never crossed his mind, never. All he did is blaming himself and worrying about what people would think. Explaining, fighting, so people would see more in him was never an option he thought about. But his friend was right. Blaine was just not sure if he had the strength to do that. Not after everything.

"I'll help you, if you want to."

"No. No... this is something I have to figure out. You focus on your job."

But it was a chance, right?


	17. Guilt

**Hey guys! Sorry it took a bit longer this time! I wrote this with a half sleeping mind but I needed to write it down as long as I felt it. I'm kind of busy rn so I can't promise when I'll update but I try to do it each second or third day! Like I said this chapter happened with a half sleeping mind and I'll may change some stuff (but I doubt it). I hope u all enjoy this chapter and thank u once again for all the lovely messages and support and suggestions! You guys are so amazing and make my day with each shared thought from you!**

* * *

Chapter 17. Guilt

When Blaine left and Kurt stopped screaming into the pillow he went to the kitchen and needed a glass of water because his throat felt sore from the screaming. And then he felt miserable and hated himself. He didn't mean to be so hard on Blaine and he didn't want to say all those things to him. It was rude, cold, and maybe even unfair because he really didn't know anything.

But did it change the fact that Blaine lied? No. He lied about certain things and this made him angry and hurt him. And why would someone become a prostitute if not for pleasure and money? It was hard to imagine that Blaine did this for exactly those reasons. Not the Blaine he thought he knew, like the same Blaine he couldn't imagine to be a prostitute. But he was and it was too much for Kurt.

The next morning when he woke up and left his bed Blaine was not there. The spot on the couch was empty, untouched and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. When he ignored what Blaine's job was, yes, then he missed him, terribly. But he couldn't ignore it so he ended up feeling unsure about his own feelings. He walked to the kitchen and rubbed his head. He only spoke the truth, right? Sure, Blaine didn't have to tell him anything but this, he should have told him this. His soulmate was not stupid and he knew what people thought about this job. What it could mean for Kurt if people knew. He didn't want to become popular through gossip or that people only talked about that. People should talk about his movie, about his talent and not this and forget what he really wanted to do. It could be hard to get a new job if this ever came out.

Who wanted to have someone in their movie with a prostitute as a boyfriend? No one. He was sure of it. Groaning he took his phone and called Elliot. He couldn't deal with this alone, not anymore. And Elliot wouldn't tell a soul about that. Not when Kurt asked him to keep quiet. First he checked if he had any interviews to give or any work to do. Luckily not.

* * *

Kurt was greeted by a smiling Martin as he opened the door to his and Elliot's apartment. But he was about to leave so that Kurt and Elliot could be alone. Walking inside and Martin out he looked for Elliot through the living room, which was pretty cozy.

"Hey!" Elliot smiled as he left the bedroom and closed the door walking up to Kurt and the closer he came the more his smile faded away. They still hugged hello and then Elliot pointed to the living room.

"Want something to drink? Something strong? You look like you need it."

"Just water, thank you."

Sitting down and waiting for Elliot he took the time to breath for a while and enjoy the moment to be in a room without memories of Blaine. No memories with him cuddling or kissing, nothing. Just other memories. He and his friends eating here, cooking together, drink together. Pleasant memories without Blaine.

"Let me guess. You two are together and have incredible sex so that's why you look like you haven't been sleeping for days, or, which I believe is true, you've been fighting again and you haven't slept because of that."

Kurt took the glass from Elliot and said: "We had a fight, but it's more."

His friend could see that Kurt was not joking and that is was not just a stupid fight. It changed everything, for Kurt. Sitting next to Kurt he just stared at him and waited for Kurt to say something but it was harder than he thought. What would his friend think? What would he think about Blaine? Kurt could imagine that his friends would support him and what he thought about that but he wasn't so sure. They weren't Blaine's soulmate, they didn't have to keep him in their lives. He had to, there was no way out of this.

"Blaine is... was a prostitute."

There, it was out and Kurt saw Elliot blinking, hearing his words but then he looked confused.

"Sorry, what? What do you mean he is a prostitute?"

"He earns money through sex. Well, not since he met me but before."

Elliot's lips weren't sure what to do, smile or not? He wasn't even sure if he could believe in those words or what they meant.

"Are you sure? Did he tell you that?"

"I figured it out and he didn't deny it. And our fight from yesterday was the confirmation."

"And why? I mean, there must be a reason why he did that?"

"What why? Isn't it obvious? It's an easy way to earn money and maybe he even liked it? He is young, right? We do stupid things when we are young."

Elliot almost laughed and this made Kurt almost angry, again.

"Did he say that?"

"No. He didn't. But he was lying about everything that we've shared. Cuddles, kisses. He acted all innocent while doing this. He probably just quit because he knew I would support him anyway."

He wanted Elliot to be shocked, to be disgusted just like he was and call Blaine names but his friend didn't. Instead he shook his head, leaned against the backrest and gave Kurt this look like all of this was no big deal. Well, it was, for Kurt and he wouldn't accept this so easily. Not when his job was the price to pay.

"Why aren't you mad?"

"Because I don't know why he decided to become a prostitute."

"Does it matter?" It didn't, for Kurt it didn't. No one would ask him why his soulmate had been a prostitute. What mattered was that he once was one and everyone else would create their own stories about the two of them. Sure, some would think it was a nice love story, how Kurt saved Blaine from this life. Others would think that Kurt met him because he was looking for a prostitute and this would ruin him. Denying it could be considered as truth but saying nothing also. He didn't need to explain himself to other, of course not, but he also didn't want to live with lies.

"It does, Kurt. If you ask me for my opinion I doubt Blaine did that because he wanted to. I think he had a reason why he became a prostitute."

"Are you serious?"

"I am. And you know why I'm able to see that? Because I'm not in love with him."

Kurt closed his mouth and stared at Elliot. Yes, this was true, he was in love with Blaine but he also wished he wasn't. All this stuff that came out broke his heart and Kurt usually reacted in a cold way, he knew that. But this? Prostitstion? This was nothing he ever had to deal with and he didn't know how to. Still, he thought he was on the right side and not Blaine who also made it very clear that he was proud of himself. About his blowjobs or whatever he was doing since he became a soulmate. Yes, Blaine didn't even deny it, didn't act like he didn't like it. So what should Kurt believe in?

"I know this was a shock for you and it's for me too, but not because he did it. More because I wonder why. You probably don't see it because you are hurt, which I totally understand."

"It could ruin me, Elliot. If this ever comes out it will ruin me."

"What about him? Don't you think it's hard for him too? People won't just look at you but also at Blaine. A young boy who will be judged by most of the people."

"I don't care about that! God, I never asked to become a soulmate or become his soulmate!"

He had no idea where this came from but he was so pissed at Elliot for defending Blaine. Why couldn't he just be on his side and agree that this was not right and disgusting? Who cared about the reason? There are plenty of possibilities to earn money. And what about Blaine? He knew exactly what people would think about that and yet he chose to do it.

"Calm down, Kurt. Do you even hear yourself? Probably not, because you are hurt and don't want that to be true. I know you. Whenever you are hurt you become this insane and cold person and neither of you deserve that. Remember? You believe in this thing so why don't you just do that?"

It was true though. He believed and he knew there was a way out. But where was this way if there was one? Just because it was meant to be good in the end what was this good? Him loosing his job and work for something else? A model again, maybe? He didn't want that.

"Talk to him, okay? If you are angry go running or something but don't yell at me or Blaine or anyone. I understand that this isn't easy for you, it's also not easy for me but I know Blaine would never do something like that just... without a good reason. I'm not in love with him, I don't see him the way you do. You have to understand that."

Kurt said nothing, only listened because he was afraid to say something stupid while his sanity was screaming at him. Of course his friend was right but he was too scared to get hurt more, to find more out he couldn't deal with. Blaine made all of this even more difficult with his silence. Sure, Kurt told him he wasn't ready to talk about that but Blaine would have tried it, right? If Kurt was completely wrong Blaine would have said something, right?

But... what if not? What if he was hurt too? All his friends told him that Blaine liked him and what if that was the reason why he didn't try? Was he afraid to push Kurt and lose him completely? Because the Blaine he knew, or wanted to know always took care of Kurt in this special way. Yes, he noticed that Blaine always cared about him beneath his rude side, behind his walls. He felt it through the kisses, through the cuddles and the way Blaine clutched at Kurt sometimes. Why wasn't he seeing all of this before he called Blaine all these awful things? But Blaine also didn't show any sorry, any regret when they were fighting.

And the worst part of this was really that he loved him, so much, and he had no idea how to stop or how to love him. It just hurt right now, everything was just confusing and he felt his eyes stinging. Felt the hot tears coming, making everything a blurry picture and sobbed.

"Hey," Elliot spoke calmly and shuffled closer, wrapping his arms around Kurt who cried and cried. He had no idea how much he needed to cry.

"Talk, Kurt. Talk about that and you'll figure something out. I'm sure of it."

* * *

Feeling exhausted and like he had been crying for days and not hours he arrived at home a bit later than planned. Today was not the day to talk, his head hurt from all the crying and he only wanted to sleep. Maybe hold hands with Blaine for an hour or two because he felt how their connection began to suffer again. Beside his job and what he feared could happen if this ever came out he was more scared about his mind and also Blaine's. If he was honest and stopped being stubborn for a while he knew this was more important. Healing a mental aberration was harder or impossible than figuring this out. And losing his mind was scary, really scary.

Opening the door he walked inside and there was no Blaine. That was okay, it was just seven and Blaine needed to be back at nine. But he also left yesterday and didn't come back since then. Where he went or what he was doing was a secret for Kurt because their connection was broken since yesterday but he was sure he went to Charlie. His good friend who probably knew what Blaine was doing. Sighing he let himself fall on the couch and pulled his phone out, opening his contacts and staring at Blaine's name.

When he ignored all the things he, probably, made up in his mind and remembered the time before he and Blaine lived together he found some cracks in his own logic. Blaine had been in pain and when he met him Blaine had been beaten up. If it really happened because of some homophobic idiots didn't matter right now. What mattered was that Blaine got himself into a dangerous situation and got hurt. So why would he continue his job if this was a part of it? Blaine was a lot but not a masochist. But it was hard to find the connection between his job and whoever hurt him.

Maybe there was a good reason why Blaine ended up there. Just maybe.

Around nine Kurt got worried. His soulmate was still gone and with this broken connection it was impossible to tell how he felt or if something happened. He walked from the kitchen to his living room and back, eyes waiting for the door to go open but even after twenty minutes it didn't happen. Worried sick he grabbed his umbrella, shoes and jacket on and left his home. Kurt didn't get far. As soon as he was outside he found him leaning against the wall. He was soaked, his hair already broke the gel and his eyes small, tired, focused on the ground. How long was he standing there? Why didn't he come inside?

Of course, Kurt knew why. This was Blaine's way to show that he cared about Kurt and respected his personal space. Though, this was more. This was Blaine not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable, no disgust, not like he was touching something dirty. And Kurt felt sorry for showing Blaine all of this, that he said all those things which may or may not be true. No, he was no cold person. His heart was big, too big for his own good and it could break so easily. Especially when it was something about Blaine. There were boyfriends, some he loved some not. But there was no soulmate and no love like he felt it now.

Love, people said, should feel good, amazing, like flying into paradise with a fast heart and body trembling from all the things he felt. This love though, didn't feel like that and he wished he could stop feeling for just a moment.

Their eyes met and Kurt held the umbrella out, letting Blaine step under it and they walked inside without talking.

The next morning Kurt met Blaine, showered, dressed in jeans and a nice shirt and sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee while reading something on his phone. There was no frown, no sad look, nothing. Blaine was calm, almost determined to do something but Kurt was not awake enough to deal with this now. He poured himself some coffee, ate something and then took a shower. Then he checked his mails, when he had to go back to the studios for some dubbing – which would was later that day – he looked up, finding Blaine standing there and staring at him.

Again, he looked determined and also a bit challenging but Kurt was not up to a fight. Not today. He already was on his way back to be a sane person and maybe even consider to apologize to Blaine so he looked down, back on his phone and hoped Blaine would just get tired and go or something. Well, he did not.

"I want you to hear me out," he said with a serious voice and for a second Kurt looked up but then back down on his phone.

"I told you I don't want to-"

"You will listen. You said yourself no lies, right? Then let me tell you the truth."

Kurt sighed and put his phone back into his pocket, glaring at his soulmate and crossing his arms over his chest. Point taken. Nodding slowly he watched Blaine, really watched him but he still looked at determined and serious as before, arms hanging beside his body and showing him, he had nothing to hide, no defense. He was open and speaking.

"It's true, I was a prostitute. I was one for seven months because I had to. I didn't want to, I had to. I came here with some money and looked or a job, but it wasn't that easy to find something when you are just out of high school. And since I have no one who can support me I met a guy who gave me enough money to live a while longer here. It was stupid, yes, I had no idea who he was but I needed it so I wouldn't end up on the streets. It was a lot, more than I ever had for myself and before I could even use it someone stole it from me. And guess what? The guy didn't care and threatened me if I couldn't give him his money back."

Kurt didn't move, didn't say a word. He was just listening. Blaine spoke on.

"I wanted to get out of those debts as soon as possible and ended up there because I couldn't find a job. And yes, Charlie too and we took care of the other, kept each other safe while doing it because he also had to pay this guy back. And when I met you I obviously couldn't be as free as before. I couldn't work, couldn't pay and got beaten up by the guy and his 'friends'."

"Are you blaming me for all of this?"

Blaine groaned, shaking his head no and now he looked almost angry.  
"Of course not. Are you even listening, Kurt? Are you hearing any word I'm saying? I didn't enjoy what I was doing but I got used to it. I had to do it to get out of my debts, to get out of this business and, guess what, I also did it for you."

"For me?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Don't think I have no idea what this could mean for you. I knew it but I didn't want you to get in touch with my problems, with the people. I wanted to get out without you or anyone knowing. Yes, maybe I will meet someone who was once with but they are too ashamed to admit it or don't even remember me. And, yes, I would have told you about it. Not now, no, later when we were something else. When we would trust each other and know each other."

"So you wanted to keep on lying to me?" Fucking great. Like he would react any other way no matter when Blaine told him about it. And while trying to convince himself about this he also knew he wouldn't. He was ready to take the next step, ready to be more and build something new, something with trust and love but Blaine broke it. Kurt broke it with being stubborn but also hurt. Probably, just like Blaine.

"I don't see it as a lie but I won't fight with you about that again. But I want you to understand something and feel bad for what you said to me. Yes, I made a mistake, I made tons of mistakes but you did too for saying things to me that are not true. I'm not a whore, I am not someone who chose to do that."

Kurt saw how Blaine began to shake and felt their connection opening, feeling what Blaine felt. There was sadness, a lot of sadness mixed with anger and desperation. He felt how Blaine needed Kurt to understand all of this, each word, everything and it was almost too much. So raw, so strong that he needed to breath in because it felt like there was not enough air in his lungs.

"All I wanted to do was to survive while the whole world shoved me around, judged me and saw nothing but a nobody in me. I had to do this because who knows where I would be today. I did this because people are mean, blind and ignorant. If only one of them would have been kind, gave me a job, a 'normal' job I never had to do this. If only people would stop looking for someone with a willing body for whatever reason, this business wouldn't even exist. You can't judge me for fighting to have a better life, Kurt. It's not my fault and I won't let anyone, not even you, judge me and treat me like I'm a criminal. Because I'm not."

Then, there was silence. Long, thick silence between them. Blaine stopped shaking, eyes still focused on Kurt, burning into his own and pleading but also serious. And Kurt just had a bad taste in his mouth. All the things Blaine felt crawled through his own soul and made him feel things he never felt before. Kurt never felt desperate to survive because he never had to. Yes, he was bullied for being gay but all in all his life was always good. He had friends, a loving family and he was always able to dream and later live his dreams. He never had to make such a decision like Blaine did. Standing in front of nothing with no one behind and make a quick decision to what was the best way to get out of a terrible situation. Fast.

Then he felt something beyond exhaustion. Something old, something that Blaine shouldn't feel because he was too young. But when he looked into those eyes he saw how old they were in this moment. How there was so much history like in his father's eyes when he talked about his youth. This what he saw in Blaine's eyes was the story about how rude life can be and how alone a person could be. A story about a young boy who was picking up the coins on his way and hoping he would get enough together to find something to eat for the day. A story about a boy who needed to become an adult without knowing how and maybe not even wanting to. A boy who went places he never wanted to go.

Kurt knew that each word was true, every single word of what Blaine said and this bad taste in his mouth could only mean one thing. Guilt and disgust for himself. Guilt because he was also one of those people Blaine just had described. The one who didn't ask but judge because society needed to label everything. He was one of those people he hoped would never think that way about him no matter how much gossip people would spread about him, or, if this prostitute thing ever came out. Guilt because he assumed before knowing the truth, hell, he didn't even consider anything else to be true but his own idea, his own knowledge about this matter. He felt so much guilt like never before in his life.

And disgust because of the words he said to Blaine. Disgust because he let that happen, thinking he was better than Blaine, thinking that he knew everything. Who was the kid here now? Kurt obviously. But he still tried to not show this because there was still one thing he couldn't understand. Something that hurt more than what Blaine had to do. Something that his heart was involved with.

"This doesn't change how you played with me. How you acted all innocent and said I was your first real kiss. I believed you, everything and now I just feel like-"

"But it was true!" Blaine said, voice desperate and eyes glistening: "It was true. Everything was true. You were my first real kiss. You are the first person who gave me my first real cuddle. Everything we have shared was nothing I experienced before."

It hurt again, everything hurt again because this couldn't be true. Before they were soulmates Blaine could do anything and he had to do anything to earn more money, right? Kiss, touche and Kurt didn't want to think further. He didn't want to imagine Blaine, his soulmate, the person he loved or liked or whatever. But he knew he felt so much for this boy that, even if he tried, he couldn't stop it. Couldn't escape.

"And the next thing you'll tell me is that you are still a virgin. Come on," said Kurt and stood up. He needed some time to think about it, about everything and then he would decide. Yes, he would start thinking as soon as his heart stopped bleeding. Before this prostitution thing came out he really wanted to be Blaine's first everything. Now it just felt like he was cleaning some dirty parts of his life with some new, real, emotions and touches. One Blaine didn't get money for. Almost groaning he tried to stop thinking that way.

However, their eyes met as Kurt walked closer and he could see hesitation and then something else. Like he opened a part of Blaine that was laying there, for him to see and he had to take care of it. A part Kurt once opened to someone when he was... no.

"Please, stop. No more lies. You are a pro-"

"I was. But... but this doesn't mean I..." and there it was again. This innocent side of Blaine. So pure and fragile that Kurt was always afraid to break him. Was this real? Was any of the things they shared real? All the shy looks and hesitation when they kissed or cuddled? Was Blaine really a virgin? No... no fucking way.

"Don't, Blaine. Don't lie to me about that."

"I am not lying! I could never lie about that!"

The anger came back and Kurt gave him a cold look. So much about Blaine being honest about what they had shared. Fine, maybe it was true what he told him about why he became a prostitute – because this was something that could happen and some people were just assholes – but any other thing? Kurt could ask, yes, but he didn't want to know or hear the stories about what Blaine did with other guys. Hell, he didn't want those imagines in his head and feel jealous and disgusted at the same time.

"Stop it. Stop hurting me," Kurt almost whispered. Blaine could really do anything, really but not playing with his heart which was the loudest part but also the most painful part in his body. It was screaming for his soulmate but Kurt refused. He couldn't just give in and take him back into his arms because Blaine was right about people judging him, while still lying about what he did and what not.

"Stop not trusting me. I can explain-"

"No!" Kurt almost yelled and Blaine froze, staring right into the blues eyes: "I don't want to heart what you were doing with... with whoever. Stop it, just stop."

Kurt walked back into the living room, turning right and escaping into his office. There were pictures in his minds he didn't want to be there. Voices he didn't want to hear from people Blaine met. He wanted Blaine to stop lying about this and give him hope. Yes, Kurt hoped that this was true but it couldn't. It was impossible and he rather heard the truth - when he was ready - then letting his heart fall into those hands which could break it, easily.

That he made a mistake because he judged Blaine, he could accept that, apologize for that but everything else? No. He knew if he began to believe and it came out as a lie it would break him and he didn't understand how Blaine could not see that.


	18. Ghost

Welcome to chapter 18! The song used in this chapter: Ingrid Michaelson - Ghost. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter because it's kind of... positive? I think it is. Thank you for the reviews, asks, questions, suggestions etc. it's amazing and so helpful to know what you think! :) 3

* * *

Chapter 18. Ghost

It was not like Kurt didn't believe him. He believed the part about why Blaine ended up being a prostitute. With the open connection he could feel that Blaine told the truth about that and he really wanted to focus on only that part. But the other part occupied his whole mind more than he wanted it to. Their connection was still open and both didn't close it again. They had closed for too long and they knew what could happen then. But the part about their kisses and cuddles and how it was something Blaine never experienced didn't sound or felt like the truth.

It was more like desperation, more like he forced this to be true. Actually, everything coming from Blaine was such a mess that Kurt couldn't help himself but believe that it was a lie. How on earth could this be true? That Blaine never experienced what they had shared? That Blaine was still a virgin? Blaine who worked as a prostitute? The last time Kurt checked the definition of a prostitute it was written 'offer sexual activity for payment'. Sexual activity and who wouldn't exactly do that? Kurt knew that sexual activity didn't mean to actually fuck, of course he knew that. But it was too hard to imagine that Blaine was still a virgin. After 7 months of working as a prostitute? And they met in November and Blaine began to work there in October. There was a little more than a month when he was no soulmate and could be with anyone and do whatever he wanted to do. There were almost eighteen years when he could have done anything.

But then Kurt felt guilty again for judging him. It wasn't like Kurt was a virgin anymore and didn't have anyone before Blaine. It was just this terrible feeling that broke. Kurt felt special being Blaine's first real kiss, being all his firsts. He wanted to be the special one for Blaine. He wanted to give him everything he couldn't do anymore as a young man because he was a soulmate. All he wanted to do was love him and make him happy and now it just broke into million pieces and Blaine kept on lying? There was this little voice in his mind that told him Blaine was not lying. He knew exactly that lies wouldn't fix anything. But then there was this other part of his mind, keeping him safe and from more pain and from hope again. The truth was, Kurt was also stubborn. Stubborn, hurt and scared to be hurt again and again.

The next morning they ate breakfast together in silence. Something they didn't do for a while and whenever Blaine was not looking at him Kurt kept his eyes up, not even caring if Blaine noticed it or not. After some hours of sleep he was able to sort out his thoughts. Yes, he believed that Blaine didn't want to do this and also that someone threatened him. This was realistic – though he questioned what was real or logical when someone became a soulmate. He was also ready to apologize for what he had called Blaine and what he assumed was the reason why he became a prostitute.

If apologizing just didn't mean moving on he would have done that. Apologizing meant to work anything else out, talk and hear more about what Blaine did and what not. He really wasn't ready to imagine this and, maybe, he didn't even understand what it meant for Blaine. Sleeping around and sell his own body to survive. No matter who it was. No, Kurt was really not ready to hear all of this and feel sorry for him. He was not ready to open up again and let this boy inside yet.

After breakfast they drove to the studio together where Kurt needed to do some dubbing and met Linda and Robert, both welcoming Blaine in this warm special way he couldn't do but should and wanted. He felt trapped inside his own maze of thoughts.

It hurt to see Blaine laughing with his two friends. Maybe he was even jealous because they could, because they didn't know. But even if they knew, would this change anything? Elliot was probably right. His feelings for Blaine made everything so difficult for him while anybody else was ready to listen and then decide. This made him feel even worse, like he was a criminal now.

Together they went out for lunch and why Linda asked him if he was okay Kurt only used the excuse that he didn't get enough sleep. They sat together and his eyes were glued on Robert and Blaine talking about college.

"You'll get in. Don't worry. You are so talented they have to let you in," said Robert while Blaine ate his hamburger. He chewed, swallowed and wiped his mouth clean with a napkin – always the boy with manners.

"I hope so. But if not I'll have to look for a job."

"I'm sure Kurt will take care of you," was Robert's answer and looked at Kurt who only nodded, not trusting his own mouth to let the right words out.

"Do you want to become a teacher for music or?" asked Linda.

"I'm not sure. I just want to study music and work with that. I guess I decide that when I get in."

They finished lunch and the three of them still talked about college and music and Blaine's future and Kurt just watched his smile, his eyes shining whenever he talked about that. He knew Blaine was talented, he heard him sing and play so there was no doubt about that.

What bothered him was how carefree Blaine seemed to be. How he laughed and talked and everything was authentic, even honest. Like nothing happened. Even their connection told him that this was how Blaine truly felt or maybe he was just too good at hiding everything, like he always was. His mind went back to Blaine's confession and how it affected his mood. After Kurt found out what Blaine was doing his soulmate looked miserable and sad, then he got angry and now, after everything was out all of this was just gone and Kurt wondered how he was able to do that.

Back in the studio it was hard to focus on the dubbing and when they went back to his apartment he almost fell asleep on the ouch while holding Blaine's hand. He wondered when would the moment come when they were okay again. This soulmate thing was something he believed in because it was always such a romantic idea for him. Finding the person which was your perfect match, the only person who understood you in a special way, who would always make you happy and be there for you and he could do all of this in return. He also considered the hard times and was convinced they would make it anyway. But those hard times he dreamed about were never about that his soulmate could be a prostitute or worse.

Yes, Blaine was right that people judged them without asking why. It was true that prostitutes were labeled as something less than anyone else. Someone who was not a criminal or did something wrong or what society thought was wrong. Society even called an age gap as wrong. An adult could not be together with a teenager and this was his biggest worry at the beginning. He felt like a pervert, like a pedophile but he stopped that and understood that he was not a pervert or a pedophile. Blaine was legal, had been legal since the day they met and he was his soulmate. In a couple of years no one would point their finger at them. Because when Blaine turned twenty five Kurt would be thirty two and no one would think it was strange. Just in some weeks he accepted all of this and figured out that Blaine was not that young, especially not in his head. The way he spoke sometimes, the things he knew and how mannered the younger was surprised Kurt but also made it easier for him to just accept it.

Not to forget how adorable he could be and how handsome he could look when he stopped being rude or stubborn. All these things were the reasons why he began to like Blaine, why he began to be happy that he was a part of his life. Also the part about how soon he had to grow up because he lost his family was astonishing. He was sure it was not easy for him and on Blaine's birthday he really realized how much Blaine missed his parents but stood strong and kept on living and smiling. This was also a moment when he liked this boy more and more. He was brave, so brave while being all alone in this world. All alone with no one who worried about him or called him to ask where he was and if he was fine. With no one who talked about his future and helped him to plan his future.

When he forgot about Blaine's job and only looked at those parts of him there was this clear picture of a boy. A brave, smart and beautiful boy who didn't have much luck in his life but never gave up. Never. A boy who only tried to find a new home, a new family maybe but life was just unfair to him. And then they met and maybe Blaine hoped for a second but remembered how unfair his life was and didn't even begin to believe in this?

Kurt wondered, while his eyelids were too heavy to keep them open and sleep crawling closer and closer, if this was the reason why Blaine didn't believe in this soulmate thing. Maybe he was just so used to lose everything and never get lucky that he couldn't believe. It wouldn't be surprising, really not.

"Kurt?"

He felt something tugging at his hand and when he opened his eyes he saw Khaleesi walking through a sandy place. He looked down at his hand, still resting in Blaine's and then their eyes met.

"You should go to sleep. We can watch this episode again tomorrow."

With a nod he stood up and left the living room, walking up the stairs and climbing under the covers of his bed. He waited until it was silent but like every night he had troubles falling asleep since Blaine was no longer sleeping with him. Not only their connection was reaching out for the contact it was also Kurt himself who missed Blaine's small body right next to him. He missed holding him, being held and the warmth coming from his body. Missed his curls tickling his skin, missed his breathing sound, his heartbeat and smell. He missed everything that out of desperation he took the pillow into his arms and held it close. Only at night, when his mind was too exhausted from his other thoughts and from the day he let those feelings happen. Even if he tried to choke those feelings down he couldn't. It would only be like he tried to hold his breath while he needed to breath to stay alive.

* * *

A week later Blaine got his letter and didn't get in and with this message he stopped smiling. Not even Robert or Linda could cheer him up though they met him everyday at the studio. Again, life was unfair to Blaine, throwing more stones on his way and make him trip and stumble with each step. Kurt didn't want to see him fall but he wondered how much Blaine could handle. First his mother, then his brother running away, his father dead and his step mom and then he came to New York hoping for a better life. Kurt wanted him to smile but this meant to open up again and let him in and he was not sure if he could do that. He was not sure if holding him would be a good feeling without thinking who else touched him. Kissing him without imagining who kissed those lips before him. He was not sure if he could deal with this yet.

When they drove back home everything was just awkward and Kurt felt the guilt and disgust towards himself all over again. Blaine sat there and hung his head and Kurt pretended to ignore him while knowing he should be a grown up person and support his soulmate, tell him things would be fine. He just sat down, started Game Of Thrones again and held Blaine's hand before he went to sleep. The next day they went to the studio for the last dubbing and Linda brought a cake for Blaine to cheer him up. He gave her a tiny smile and together they ate the cake before going back to work. It was hard to focus on work while knowing Blaine sat somewhere and was, probably, doubting and questioning his life. And it was not only this it was also their connection which of course ached for the usual contact they shared.

Both already knew that their deep connection needed more than some hours of hand holding and slowly those black marks on his soul came back. This took so much strength from Kurt and from Blaine too that he wondered how his soulmate could still be so calm and not just freak out and yell at Kurt for being a child. Because he was. The younger boy was more mature than Kurt and this bothered him even more. Instead of accepting what Blaine did – because he couldn't change it anyway – and working things out he acted like a stubborn child, trying to not get hurt again. But he got hurt anyway, just like Blaine.

"You okay, Kurt?" asked Nina through the speaker when he didn't say anything into the microphone but the scene was already playing. Looking up he saw himself on the display. His eyes were brighter and his skin healthier. He looked far more alive than he did now and he remembered this scene. It was one of the last scenes they had shot and it was also at the time when he and Blaine were more than okay.

"I think... I need a break. It's... it's a soulmate thing."

He had never used this excuse but Nina knew him and that this was serious.

"It's okay, sweetie. Take all the time you need." Nodding he left the small room and knew Nina would explain anything to the people working there and they would understand. It was not like they could force him to work more if it had something to do with his soulmate. Walking out he expected to meet Blaine there, sitting on one of the chairs of the room. He was nowhere to be seen so Kurt got worried because he couldn't feel anything coming from him. He left the room and walked through the hallway looking for his soulmate but only meeting people he had no idea what their names were until he found Linda, looking through a window into another room.

"Linda, have you seen Blaine?"

He stood next to her and looked into a room with a piano where Blaine was talking to an older man. The first thought was that this guy was one of Blaine's customers but when he saw how Blaine smiled he had a feeling like this was not the case. Also the stranger didn't look like one of those people, but this was also nothing to go by because he wouldn't know if he did something bad or not.

"What is he doing there?"

"They were playing the music for our movie and Blaine listened to them and somehow he began to talk to the composer. His name is Jack Wendil. But what are you doing here?"

She turned to him while Kurt watched the two of them talking for some more seconds before he made eye contact with his friend.

"Taking a break. I don't feel good. Guess it's the connection because we are still fighting."

Linda pouted at him and touched his shoulder in sympathy before she left, saying she needed to go back to work. He gave her a small smile and looked back through the glass, watching how Blaine nodded while Jack smiled – he looked more like a nice grandpa which calmed Kurt down – and they left the room together, using a different door. Kurt followed them quickly but silently and opened the first door into the room they just talked and then into a hall with several instruments. There was really no one but empty seats with instruments. Further down the hall he saw a piano and watched Blaine sitting at it and Jack sitting down on one of the empty seats in the first row. Kurt didn't move but just leaned against the wall and waited for something to happen until Blaine began to play. The sound of the piano filled the whole hall and somehow it ran through Kurt's veins and got even stronger when Blaine began to sing.

_Do you remember when the walls fell  
Do you remember the sound that the door made when you closed it on me  
Do you know that I went down to the ground  
Landed on both my broken-hearted knees _

_I didn't even cry  
'Cause pieces of me had already died_

I'm a ghost  
Haunting these halls  
Climbing up walls that I never knew were there  
And I'm lost  
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart  
I'm broken down the middle of my heart, heart, heart

You know you make me a ghost

The way Blaine sang, so raw and open and his voice letting out the words he couldn't tell Kurt, they cut right through Kurt's walls. Crack after crack with Blaine's voice, with his performance, eyes showing how true those words were. And Kurt didn't even try to fight against it. He let it all in overwhelmed by all of that.  
_  
I'm an invisible disaster  
I keep trying to walk but my feet don't find the solid ground  
It's like living in a bad dream  
I keep trying to scream but my tongue has finally lost its sound_

I've got to say goodbye  
To the pieces of me that have already died

I'm a ghost  
Haunting these halls  
Climbing these walls that I never knew were there  
And I'm lost  
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart  
I'm broken down the middle of my heart, heart, heart

You know you make me a ghost  
Oh, you make me a ghost  
You take the breath all away from me, you take it away  
You make me a ghost

I don't cry  
I don't try anymore

I'm a ghost  
I'm a ghost  
And I'm lost  
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart  
I'm broken down the middle

I'm a ghost  
Haunting these halls  
Climbing up walls that I never knew were there  
And I'm lost  
Broken down the middle of my heart, heart  
I'm broken down the middle of my heart, heart, heart

You know you make me a ghost  
You make me a ghost 

The song found its end and Kurt needed to breath in and rubbed his arms because he felt cold. It was not cold but those words told him how cold he had been towards Blaine. There was not one single doubt in his mind that those words were meant for him or about him and it was a terrible feeling that he made Blaine feel this way. A broken heart hurt so bad that it made a person do strange things, sometimes horrible things just like Kurt did. But how must his soulmate feel with his broken heart and like he was a ghost? A ghost was something people couldn't see, a creature trying to reach out to the people they love but couldn't. Just a fog, just nothing but screaming, reaching out into nothing. This, together with a broken heart? How could Blaine still stay on his own feet and still smile while Kurt couldn't even handle his broken hard.

Yes, he was still mad and he was still not sure how to handle all of this or how what it would do to him when they went back to were they where. Back to cuddles and kissing and sleeping in the same bed. Back to become more than friends. Elliot said it. This was not only about him and his broken heart it was also about Blaine's heart. Kurt understood that now.

It felt like all the dark clouds slowly left his mind and made him understand this in a way he wished he did it a month ago.

Jack clapped and Blaine smiled at him, eyes shining with unshed tears and Kurt left the hall before someone saw him or his own tears. He worked for two more hours and was finally done with the dubbing and met Blaine back in the hallway with smile on his face. He looked much better and this could only mean something good.

"I'm meeting Charlie. He wants to show me his new workplace," said Blaine as they took the elevator and Kurt nodded slowly. Maybe it was a good idea to get some space so he could calm down from the things he felt while Blaine sang and then, later, they could talk about it. Outside they met Charlie who greeted them with a wide grin and hugged Blaine like he always did. Tight, close – a bit too close – and gave Kurt a meaningful look. Of course, Charlie worked with Blaine and was his best friend. He knew what happened between them and Kurt was not even mad about that he knew it. Probably even what he said to Blaine. That was okay, Kurt did just the same by meeting Elliot.

Back home he decided to cook pizza for Blaine, his favorite food, which he hadn't done in weeks. In his mind this sounded like good idea and a good start to work things out. No, he was not ready to talk about Blaine's work or what he did. This would take a while for him but now he needed to be okay again. Okay with himself, with Blaine and hoped he would forgive him for what he had said. Forgive him that he judged Blaine and treated him so bad. It felt good to be a sane and mature person again. Something Blaine had been while he couldn't.

Everything that happened was so hard to handle for Kurt and for Blaine too, only that he did it in a better way than Kurt. Just, there was this one thing too clear and honest to be ignored. This one thing which told him he would fall for this boy anyway. Fall for all his flaws and love them. Fall for all his mistakes and help him. Fall for his whole being and just accept it. Or maybe he was completely wrong what love was about. Maybe Blaine wouldn't forgive him so easily and maybe he wanted to take a longer break from all of this. Or maybe he didn't even want to go back to this time they both enjoyed together. Because Blaine did enjoy the kisses and cuddles, Kurt felt it but maybe broke all of it. Slow down, small steps, this will work out, he told himself and began to make the pizza.

* * *

He texted Blaine and asked him when he would be back so Kurt would be done with everything right on time. Usually they ate at the kitchen table but he wanted to apologize and show Blaine that he understood. Not everything because there were still things he didn't understand. But he believed and he wanted to trust Blaine. Each word, each look, he wanted to trust all of this and he wanted Blaine to trust him. Moreover, they said they wanted to be honest with each other and the truth was, he couldn't do this anymore.

Love hurt, yes, and Kurt thought he knew how much it could hurt. He was so wrong. This hurt he went through and still would was worse than any he felt before. All the broken hearts and all the fights with his exboyfriends, all the people he thought he liked but didn't get the same in return. He really thought he was through this. This love he felt was maybe not as strong, not yet, but he believed in this soulmate thing and was sure it would grow. And this hurt so bad, so deep it could only be something special, something worth fighting for. Like John Green wrote, _'Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters.' _

Two plates and glasses, a bottle with soda and the pizza were on the coffee table, the episode of Game Of Thrones he had missed was almost over and then the door went open and Blaine stepped inside. It felt almost like a déjà vu. The way Blaine looked surprised and didn't know if he should smile or not and Kurt being a little bit nervous about what his soulmate would think about that. It was like the one time when Blaine made cookies for him.

"Someone's coming over?" he asked while taking his shoes off and staring at the pizza.

"No..." Kurt said, inhaled and breathed out to calm down: "It's for you."

"For me?"

They just stared at each other, the first real eye contact in a while and Kurt just nodded and Blaine smiled. In the past weeks he never smiled and if he yes then it was always forced. Not this time. Sure, it was still not the same smile he used to give Kurt, this warm and soft smile only for him but it was close. This gave Kurt hope that Blaine would maybe forgive him and understand too. After all, he was the one not turning into some insane person but tried to be mature and handle this in a, probably, better way than Kurt did.

"Thank you," said the younger and sat down on his part on the couch, between pillows and his blanket. They ate in silence but it was not the awkward silence or forced atmosphere they both never got used to. It was relaxed and nice to just sit there, eat and not think about each move or word they could do or say. Around eleven, when the dishes were clean and after two more episodes of Game of Thrones both became tired and Blaine had troubles keeping his eyes open. And Kurt had troubles to focus on the episode because he liked to look at Blaine. A sated and happy boy – he was still wondering what happened that he wasn't so downcast anymore – with his curls framing his face.

It was always scary to get a new picture of a person. Even when Kurt thought he knew someone he got surprised in the end and sometimes the things he found out changed his opinion and view at a person completely. Sometimes it was a good thing and sometimes not. But he always tried to accept things, to tolerate things people did or parts of who they were. Usually he succeeded because he wanted the same in return, respect and sympathy, tolerance and acceptance. As a gay man this was something important to him.

Blaine deserved the same after everything. No, he deserved it from the start but Kurt was still not sure if this was the right time now. His soulmate was almost sleeping and maybe he should wait until tomorrow. Then he would find the right words to say, at least he hoped that.

"I'll turn it off, okay? You are almost sleeping."

"'kay," mumbled Blaine and rolled on his left side his back turned to Kurt. Turning everything off Kurt went to his bed and the closer he came to it the more he felt this cold feeling coming back. His bed was too big for him, too cold, and made him fall back into those sweet memories. The kisses and cuddles and the feeling of having Blaine close to him. Sleeping alone was like his own personal torture and for a while he let it happen. That night though it was too much to handle with his mind being back on track. Even as he climbed under the covers and reached out for Blaine's pillow it got harder and harder. The soft fabric didn't smell like Blaine anymore and couldn't satisfy his heart and soul which both screamed for his soulmate. Rolling on his left side and back to his right he hoped to fall asleep just out of exhaustion. Of course it didn't happen.

It was enough, everything was enough. The fights and silence. All his walls and excuses, all the pretending like he could stop feeling this way for Blaine. Standing up he walked down, into the living room and heard Blaine breathing, sleeping, and felt how their souls reached out for each other through the connection. But it was not just the connection, it was more than that screaming for Blaine. The thing each person felt when they wanted someone, liked, loved, someone. Someone who made them feel good in a way no friend or family member could.

Slowly he walked closer to the couch and sat down, eyes still resting on Blaine. There was enough space for the two of them, not as much as in his bed but enough if he would just hold him close. He wanted that and needed that and maybe, just maybe his soulmate too. His soulmate who never complained that he had to sleep on the couch or didn't have his own room. The boy who was thankful for everything.

Moving closer he rested his hand on Blaine's shoulder and all the warmth came back, running through his body and its deepest places. It was not just the connection, not only, it was also the part that had nothing to do with them being soulmates. Blaine moved, his breathing stopped being even and then turned slowly to his right side, eyes half open and meeting Kurt's. A déjà vu, again. It was like the one time when Blaine came into his bedroom, standing there unsure and helpless while Kurt opened his arms. Blaine didn't open his arms, he shuffled to the left side of the couch making room for Kurt who lifted the blanket up and crawled under it, arms finding their way around the missed body. More warmth flooded his body, everything he had missed so terribly came back. No disgust, no hate, no sadness, no difference in what Blaine made him feel. He still smelled like the boy he began to love, still was as warm and still so gentle and shy in his response.

He nuzzled against the soft curls, arms tight around his body, Blaine's back pressed against his chest and then he whispered: "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said."

There was no prompt reply but he felt how air left Blaine's body and he began to tremble, just slightly and his shaking hands found their way on Kurt's arms.

"You should be," was the answer and it didn't make Kurt mad. No, Blaine was right, he really should.

"I'm not ready to... hear more. But I'm sorry for all the things I said, the things I made you feel, so terribly sorry and I understand if you won't forgive me."

Blaine shook his hand and squeezed Kurt's arms.

"Of course I forgive you. I understand that my job isn't easy to accept."

It was not easy, it was hard. But the reason why it was so hard changed. Not that Blaine did that and not that Blaine did it to survive. No one could blame him for trying to survive. The only thing that was hard to accept was how many people he touched and let him touched and what he did with them beyond touching and what he thought about it. Kurt was not ready to imagine that. But alone knowing that Blaine forgave him and, again, was the mature one

"I want us to be okay again and honest. If we can't talk about something we'll say that and take our time until we can. No more lies, no more secrets, okay?"

Blaine nodded slowly and heard him taking a shaking breath like he was about to cry. Yes, Kurt felt the same way. He wanted to cry because all the stress, all the tension between them was finally gone. Sure, there was still some left but that he could hold him again, lay here with him was so much more important than anything.

"Okay," answered Blaine and tried to keep his voice steady but failed. And this was okay, so okay because Kurt didn't hold back anymore too. He held Blaine closer, as close as he could and leaned his head against Blaine's shoulder.


	19. Music

Hello you lovely people! I'm sorry that it took bit longer but like I said before I'm pretty busy. I promise I'll upload at least twice a week! So this is Blaine's POV and after that I can say they have more happy times but also hard times. But, let's hope they go through the hard times together :) thanks for the supporting and keep up the good work! Leave me thoughts, love, ideas, anything!

* * *

Chapter 19. Music

He stayed in his old apartment over the night, thinking about Charlie's words which gave him hope again. Not much but at least there was a chance and one he really wanted to take. It couldn't get worse as it was now, with Kurt ignoring him or showing how much disgust he felt. Still, Charlie was right that Kurt was not a bad person and that it was just too much to handle for him. It was not like his friends ever had done that or that he was familiar with people like Blaine in general. But Blaine was not what people thought he was and he needed to tell Kurt this. He needed to make him understand and see the truth. Fighting for this was worth it. Not only because he loved Kurt but also because Kurt, clearly, was interested in him at some point.

Why would he kiss Blaine or cuddle with him if not? It was not the connection alone that made him do this, Blaine knew this.

It was just that the closer he came to Kurt's loft the more courage left him and when it began to rain he just stood in front of the building not ready to go inside. He had not seen Kurt for 24 hours which was weird for him. He got so used to this life, so used to live together with him but it never really felt like home. It almost did. Then Kurt found out the truth. Now it was just a place he wished could be his home and wished he could walk inside and get the kisses and cuddles back. But this wouldn't happen and those thoughts made him stay still and just stare at the building.

It began to rain and he leaned against the wall, trying to find a spot safe from the rain but he had no luck. Pulling his phone out there was no missed call from Kurt, not even a text, nothing. This was not really surprising because he knew it was too much to handle for Kurt. Too much to understand. Something new and also something he never thought he had to deal with. Yes, he thought about going away and leave him alone. He would have done that if they weren't soulmates but they were bond for life and both knew, there was no way Blaine or Kurt could avoid each other. Otherwise they would lose their minds or die. And he almost felt sorry that he pulled Kurt into this but he had no power over that.

Eyes focused on the ground he was too lost in his thoughts and didn't notice how soaked he was or how Kurt left the building and stood there. Only when he moved a second time Blaine noticed him and their eyes met. The small sign of Kurt being worried let his hope burn anew and he watched his soulmate holding the umbrella over his head. Was this a step forward? Was this maybe the sign he needed so he could finally tell him the truth. But not today. He was too exhausted today.

* * *

The next morning he felt better, hopeful and determined to do it today. He took a long shower, dressed in jeans and a nice shirt and fixed himself some coffee and something to eat. He texted Charlie that he would do it today, read some news and then Kurt was awake. Waiting until Kurt was done with breakfast and coffee and showering he stood between the kitchen and living room and told Kurt to hear him out. Determined, Blaine was so determined and found courage inside himself. This was important to him, this had hope and he would do anything to fix it. This could be fixed, he was sure of it because Kurt was not stupid, not a child. He was smart, kind and after a time he would understand that. He had to otherwise Blaine was sure his heart would break completely.

Of course this was not easy with Kurt being still hurt, still stubborn but the words fell out of his mouth, one after another and he was sure he reached him.

It was in Kurt's eyes, it came through the connection that told Blaine he understood why he became a prostitute, why he had to do this. It did not only something to Kurt, also to Blaine. He never told someone this, Charlie already knew it, he went with Blaine there. But now talking about it and reminding himself about this long journey made him feel old and tired. He remembered how his father died, how he struggled through high school and came here with the money his father left for him. And then it got less and less and he met Paul who promised him help, who promised him a future and Blaine said yes. Back then he already knew it was a stupid idea but the fastest solution he could find. No one wanted to give him a job, because he was too young, because he had no experience, because they didn't like him. He tried so hard and then took this chance which changed his life and made him walk a way he never even dreamed of, never thought this would be part of his life. Prostitution, selling his body to please someone. He had a boyfriend in high school but it was really nothing. Kisses, handjobs, yes, but he never felt the same things Kurt's kisses made him feel. He never had felt for a person the same way he felt for Kurt. Of course it scared him to share all of this, to show Kurt all of this because he was used to lose those people he loved and stay there, all alone. When he thought about his and Kurt's life there was this image inside his head.

Them being coins, Kurt shining in silver or gold, seen by people, loved by people and everyone wants to own this coin in one way or another. And he was the dirty one, lying in the shadows of the world or the dirt of the streets and only a handful of people would notice him, see that he was a coin two and special, important, shining. And his eyes showed all of this. His eyes were old, like an old coin touched by so many hands, thrown by so many hands and sometimes lost. So old, that he felt like he needed to sleep for years. But then Kurt said something Blaine was not expecting.

"This doesn't change how you played with me. How you acted all innocent and said I was your first real kiss. I believed you, everything and now I just feel like-"

"But it was true!" Blaine said, voice desperate and eyes glistening: "It was true. Everything was true. You were my first real kiss. You are the first person who gave me my first real cuddle. Everything we have shared was nothing I experienced before."

He never lied about that, never. Blaine never wanted to lie at all so he tried to hide things if possible. But he never lied about the kisses, the cuddles or what this meant to him and he wanted to explain it, wanted to explain everything but that meant to say that he loved Kurt. Yes, he loved him, but it was not the right time to say it and open himself more and more. It already hurt way too much and with his heart open, laying in front of Kurt with all its scars, vulnerable, Blaine knew he couldn't take more of it.

"And the next thing you'll tell me is that you are still a virgin. Come on," said Kurt and Blaine froze. It was not surprising that Kurt thought that, that was not why he literally froze. The fact that he still had this, still was a virgin and could share this, something precious to him that he protected not only once. All the time he was protecting this part of him and even protecting from Kurt. But he felt so open, so vulnerable that Kurt knew this now. Well, of course he didn't believe.

"Please, stop. No more lies. You are a pro-"

"I was. But... but this doesn't mean I..." he stuttered, not wanting to share this, not yet. There were not much things precious to Blaine. But his virginity, his heart, himself, that was important to him but also the most fragile part of him. Himself, that was the only thing really left for him after everything and he couldn't let himself break.

"Don't, Blaine. Don't lie to me about that."

"I am not lying! I could never lie about that!"

Why would he? Why would he keep on lying at all? Blaine understood that this would ruin everything even more, hurt him and Kurt even more. He didn't tell him the truth about everything and why he ended up working as a prostitute to hurt them more. Blaine wanted to fix things, fix them but Kurt wouldn't believe him and Blaine felt desperate. Did he really need to share this? The one thing important and keeping him sane? The one thing he wanted to share with someone he loved and finally find some love in his life?

"Stop it. Stop hurting me," Kurt almost whispered. Maybe it was time to share this, to tell Kurt what his virginity meant to him and why he never shared this with some random guy. Maybe it was important to open up completely. Maybe then Kurt would finally trust him and feel, see, that he was not lying.

"Stop not trusting me. I can explain-" Blaine tried.

"No!" Kurt almost yelled and Blaine froze, staring right into the blues eyes: "I don't want to hear what you were doing with... with whoever. Stop it, just stop."

Kurt escaped into his office and Blaine stood still, staring at the spot his soulmate just had left. The words echoed in his head;_ I don't want to hear what you were doing with whoever._ Blaine didn't want the same, imagining how Kurt had other boyfriends and one of them took Kurt's viginity away. Of course he didn't want to imagine that but it was a fact and he could live with that. Kurt was 25, older, made more experiences and that was fine. Yet, knowing that Kurt didn't want to imagine what Blaine were doing gave him hope, again, but he also felt sorry. Hope because Kurt cared at some point. He did, right?

* * *

After he told Kurt the reason why and how he became a prostitute Blaine felt much better. Lighter, a bit happier but not like he wanted to feel. Still, the pressure was gone and his heart could pound without hurting too much. He could breath without being afraid to swallow cold air and hurt his lungs. Cold air which was a common thing between him and Kurt. But more importantly, Blaine was able to think and to focus on other things. After he told Kurt the reason why this happened he knew that now was the time to step back and give Kurt the time and space to think.

The stuff he shared with Kurt was a lot to swallow, he knew that. He was a lot to handle with everything his life had gave him. While it was something 'normal' for Blaine it was not the same for Kurt and so he decided to focus on other things. College, for example. He wanted to study music, one thing that he really enjoyed and loved. In what way was not important to him. If he ended up as a teacher – which would most likely never happen – or a composer or just song writer, he really didn't care. All Blaine wanted was to work with it and share this with people. Fame was not important to him, not at all. Only music and how he could make money through it.

Luckily he had some guitar and piano lessons and practice at home whenever he could. But he was also able to play the violin and drums, so this was a good start for his college application, Blaine was convinced.

He didn't tell Kurt that, didn't want to bother him with that but knew Kurt would keep his word anyway. And it felt good to focus on something 'normal' that was about his future. It felt good to fill out the papers and talk about that with Robert and Linda. This normal life, so close, he could almost taste it in his mouth. A life without random guys crawling on his bed and touch him. A life without feeling like a no one. He really wanted this life and since he stopped working this here, laughing with Robert and Linda and Kurt knowing the truth was a good thing. A really good thing.

Of course he couldn't ignore Kurt. This was not possible even if he wanted to. Everything he was was focused on Kurt and trying to figure out if he finally figured things out, for himself. But he gave him the space and time like he promised himself he would. Yet, the looks Kurt gave him, the times he just watched Blaine – he noticed almost all of them – were a good sign for Blaine but he kept his hope down. Though, at night, when Kurt slept in his bed and Blaine on the couch he couldn't stop his thoughts and his heart and soul from aching. Aching after the arms of his soulmate which held him so safe and warm. Aching for the lips which could kiss him and make him forget everything around him. Every single thing around but the person the lips belonged to.

He missed their soft movements, missed the little noises Kurt made and missed melting into all of this. Wanted, he missed to be wanted and loved at some point. The last time someone held him in such a way felt like ages ago. Charlie always hugged him, always gave him little encouraging touches and or just joked around with Blaine. But this love was not the one as deep like the one of a parent or from a person who needed you, loved you in this special way. He missed the smell, the body that fit to his own. He missed falling asleep and waking up to him. Only at night it really hurt to still live with Kurt but be so far away from him. And their connection suffered too, at least his suffered a lot and Blaine knew, soon, the hand holding wouldn't be enough anymore.

_Just a little more_, he told himself, _just a little more at least he doesn't feel disgusted by holding your hand. _

A week later things didn't change between them but the letter, telling him he didn't got into college hit him pretty deep and he wondered when his life would stop throwing stones on his way. He was tired of stumbling and falling and picking himself up over and over again. What had he done to deserve this? Was it too much to ask for just a little bit luck? A little bit happiness? To ask for something he truly wanted? Blaine really wanted and needed Kurt at this moment. The only person who was responsible for him at some point and the only person that could make him feel good again. But he was still figuring things out for himself and still not talking about anything that Blaine had told him. What if it would never change? What if the truth didn't matter?

What if his job and what he had to do there was just something unacceptable? This wouldn't even surprise him, not really. His life sucked for years now why should it stop? What was a broken heart anyway, Blaine would go through it and over it. Like he did when his father died. It was hope, a stubborn hope that began to live inside him some weeks ago and never left. This hope kept him calm though he wanted to freak out so many times. Unless if there was any sense in freaking out, if it would help him in any way he maybe had done that.

But he was too exhausted to do that and their connection reached this critical point again. The black marks came back and left these empty places all over his soul. The result of not talking, no touching, acting like strangers around them. He could ask Kurt for more, he had the right to do it but Blaine promised himself to give Kurt space and time. He needed Kurt to make the first step now.

Standing up from the chair he walked through the hallway while Kurt was still dubbing the scenes. There was no real goal he just needed to move and be distracted for a while. Until he heard music coming from an empty room – he could see it through the window in the wall. There was an orchestra playing, a big one and getting curious he opened the door, walking through the room to the next one and opened it.

Blaine found himself in a huge hall, looking like a lecture hall from a college and people sitting row after row with one instrument. Trumpets, violins, cellos, everything and in the middle of the hall there was a piano and an older man playing it. He had never seen something like this, a real orchestra playing songs he didn't know but it was mind-blowing. The sound so raw and loud, so close and real. All the people playing their own part but together with others. But something was off, strange almost. There was a part in the melody he didn't like, a part that was too deep and too fast, a violin part. He was not the only one noticing it.

The pianist stopped and so did everyone else, eyes focused on him.

"Emily, we need to change your part. It doesn't fit with the rest of the melody," said the older man: "Try it a little bit deeper and slower."

The girl with the blond hair and the name Emily nodded and played the part. It still didn't fit. Blaine looked back to the older guy, humming the melody for everyone to hear and shook his head.

"No, that's not what we need. We need something-"

"Maybe higher and slower? Two notes higher?" said Blaine without even thinking about it and pressed his hands against his mouth before someone could hear him gasp. Everyone turned around, staring at Blaine who just hoped he didn't do anything wrong and put Kurt into any kind of trouble. This was not what he wanted.

"Emily?" the older man said as his eyes moved back from Blaine to her and she nodded, playing exactly that what Blaine suggested and some people gasped.

"Let's play it together," said the man, walked back to the piano and they began to play again. It truly fitted better, sounded better, but Blaine still felt uncomfortable and almost like he would panic any minute.

"Okay!" the older guy stood up again, clapping his hands with a pleased smile: "Let's take a break for an hour!" There were noises, people moving and leaving the hall through the door Blaine used or the other two, leading to whatever part of the building. Blaine wanted to join them, disappear between all the people like he always used to but noticed how the other man was still staring at him. For a second he was worried that this guy once had been his customer, that it was one of those people he feared to meet with Kurt together. His eyes told a different story, nothing what Blaine feared would be. That's why he waited, knowing the man wanted him to wait.

After everyone had left the older man walked up to him, stair after stair and smiled at Blaine, not the way Blaine used to see but a warm, kind and interested way. Interest that was not about his body and what he could give and do with it.

"What is you name, boy, and how old are you?"

"Blaine Anderson, and I'm eighteen," he said and shook the other man's hand when he held it out.

"I'm Jack Wendil, the composer for the movie False Remorse."

"Oh," was the first thing he could get out before panic raised again. Well, that was Kurt's movie and he probably just ruined something?

"Your feeling for music is really good. Are you studying music?"

"No. I didn't got in," said Blaine and followed the guy into the other room with the window.

"Really? What went wrong?"

"I'm not sure what it was but I guess it had something to do with the leak of instruments I have at the place I live in."

"How many instruments do you play?"

"Five, but I prefer the piano, guitar and violin."

He could see a sparkle in the mans eyes and how his lips curled up into an honest smile. This guy didn't look like one of the creepy old guys Blaine sometimes met at night. This guy was more like a nice grandpa and it was really a nice change for Blaine.

"I'm not just a composer. I'm also a teacher, a music teacher at college."

"Really?" Blaine didn't understand what this meant for him but it was good to know someone like him, right? It could be helpful in the future.

"Yes. And I think you are pretty talented, Blaine Anderson. Hearing what was wrong with the melody like it is something natural for you. That is really something special."

"Uh... thanks?"

"I want you to sing something for me, okay? I want to hear you playing and singing, I guess you sing?"

Blaine nodded, still confused about what this meant for him.

"Perfect. So I want you to sing something for me and play it. I want to see what it means to you."

Blaine only nodded, wanting each distraction he could get and if this guys liked what he could do, well, it wouldn't hurt to have him around, right?

They left the room and walked down to the piano. It had been a while since the last time he sat in front of one and touched the white and black keys, let his fingers fly over them, press down on them when he was feeling each note, each sound. Music had always been his way to express what he felt, what he couldn't say but sing because it was so much easier for him. Because it was not just his voice alone. It was his voice supported by the sound of a piano or a guitar. It was his voice sucking the strength out of the instruments and singing with them. Because music could never hurt him, never disappoint him.

So he sang and played. Sang what his soul and heart were going through, playing the sound supporting his words and wishing Kurt could hear it. All of this was about him, about them and what all of this truly did to Blaine. He felt like a ghost lost in the shadows, unseen by the people around him and like he was haunting for things he would never get. And he was hurt by the words Kurt said to him, the way he judged him and thought he knew what was the truth. Knew what everyone thought was the truth and it hurt to hear all the things said by someone who Blaine loved. By someone he wished could love him. Truly, without some stupid connection making him to – though he already knew the connection had nothing to do with it.

Taking his fingers off the keys he heard Jack clapping and smiled at him, wiping his eyes dry.

"That was really, really amazing and moving. I guess it was about someone who hurt you?"

Blaine blinked, nodded, not sure if it was such a good thing that this song was obviously showing everything.

"Your voice was raw and clear and singing it all out. Something I don't see everyday. Anyway, I think you need to study music. They need someone like you."

Jack came closer, leaning against the piano and giving Blaine this warm smile, a smile his father used to give him.

"Thank you," he said and Jack shook his head.

"No, thank you. I'll make sure you get in, don't worry. But in the meantime what do you think about helping me out here?"

"Here?" Blaine asked still trying to understand what those words meant. Trying to understand that someone noticed his talent, just his talent and didn't care what he was doing or who he was. Was this the chance? The turning point in his life?

"Yes," nodded Jack: "Helping me to create an amazing soundtrack for this movie?"

"Really? I could do that?"

"Of course. I think you are talented and I'm curious what else you can do. Believe me, I've seen a lot of students, young people having a talent. But your talent? That is something new."

Blaine almost blushed murmured a thank you again.

"You are working here or?"

"Uhm, no. My soulmate works here. I'm here too because we still need to figure things out."

"Ah, troubles with the connection I guess?"

It was far more than just simple troubles, so much more but Jack didn't need to know that.

"Aright. I'll give you my number and you are free tomorrow?"

Blaine nodded slowly. It was not like he had a job or something else to do but be ignored by Kurt and wait for a change in his mind.

* * *

The result of meeting Jack Wendil was, that he promised Blaine, he would do anything to get Blaine into college. Something that he never thought would happen to him and also something that made him really happy. For the first time in his life someone noticed his talent and wanted to support him, his talent and the thing he loved to do. Someone beside his father.

He didn't tell Kurt about that yet because he still wanted to give him the time and space he needed but when he met Charlie and told him about it he, like always, was going crazy. They went to the tattoo shop Charlie was working at and Blaine met his co-workers, which were all kind of crazy but nice and welcoming. They also talked about their old jobs and encouraged Blaine to not let people treat him less when they knew.

All in all the day which started so bad – like each day since he didn't get into college – was a pleasant surprise for him. He stood at the door, sighed and didn't want to feel sad again. It needed time, he thought, just time and while he waited he could focus on the new prospect of his life Jack gave him. Unlocking the door he walked inside and... stood still. There was pizza on the coffee table, soda, plates and a Kurt on the couch.

"Someone's coming over?" Blaine asked while taking his shoes off and staring at the pizza. Not sure if he should smile or not.

"No..." Kurt said, sounding a bit nervous: "It's for you."

"For me?"

For him? Blaine just stared at Kurt, trying to read his look, his expression what this meant or if it meant something at all. And then he noticed how familiar this situation was. Like the one time when he baked cookies for Kurt to tell him all the things he couldn't through words. For the first time in a while he gave Kurt an honest smile, not the one he used to give him but it was a beginning. This, Kurt cooking for him, doing something for Blaine and spending his free time for Blaine. This was the first step, right?

"Thank you," was what he said and sat down on his part of the couch. They ate in silence but it was not the awkward silence or forced atmosphere they both never got used to. It was relaxed and nice to just sit there, eat and not think about each move or word they could do or say. Around eleven, when the dishes were clean and after two more episodes of Game of Thrones both became tired and Blaine had troubles keeping his eyes open. It was a long day, a good long day and his belly was full with a good pizza and a happy smile on his lips. At least his personal future seemed to turn out to be good. If Jack kept his word – of course Blaine doubted after the Paul story but he had hope – he could study music and work with that in the future. He was also pretty curious about what a composer did. Maybe this would be the thing he wanted to do with music.

Kurt noticed how tired he was and Blaine only mumbled an okay when he suggested to turn the TV off and go to sleep.

Soon he drifted off to a sleepy state not thinking about how he missed Kurt next to him and all the other things they shared in his bed. He almost fell asleep but felt a familiar hand on his shoulder and turned to his right side, his eyes meeting Kurt's. Forgotten was the sleep, forgotten that he had been tired after he finished the last piece of pizza and waited for Kurt to say something. Was something wrong? Did he forget something? No, it was nothing like that. There was something else, something coming from their connection – which suffered a lot in the past days – and something coming just from Kurt. A longing look, a desperation to be close? Was it really that?

Slowly Blaine shuffled closer to the left side of the couch, making space for Kurt and when he crawled under the covers, wrapped his arms around Blaine and nuzzled against his curls like he used to Blaine stopped breathing. The warmth came back, washing away all the pain he kept inside him but never really felt. He got used to this pain and accepted it for what it was. Accepted it because thinking about this would hurt him more. Kurt's arms made the pain go away, their connection made his soul shine again. He felt alive, so alive and relieved that Kurt was no longer afraid to touch him, no longer showing the disgust, no longer treating Blaine like he was some kind of illness.

Arms tight around his body, Blaine's back pressed against his chest and then he heard Kurt whisper: "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said."

His body was trembling, feeling like he was falling and eyes began to burn from too much. He was sorry, he was sorry for what he said. Kurt understood that this was never something Blaine wanted to do. He wanted to shout, he wanted to jump, he wanted to turn around and kiss him and say that it was okay. But all he could do was holding Kurt's arms with his shaking hands and say something else instead. Something that should tell Kurt that he was no one who let people treat him like this again. Not even Kurt.

"You should be," and he felt it how Kurt understood his words. He felt it through their connection.

"I'm not ready to... hear more. But I'm sorry for all the things I said, the things I made you feel, so terribly sorry and I understand if you won't forgive me."

The words Kurt once said to him, how he didn't want to hear about what Blaine did came back. Telling him that this probably hurt Kurt for some reason. Something he needed to find out but not tonight. Slow down, he thought, step after step. Important was that Kurt was sorry, for what he said for what he made him feel and this, Kurt pleading Blaine to forgive him, it was everything he wanted, everything he was waiting for. Being allowed to lay in this arms and feel safe, feel loved at some point. He only wanted this, to be accepted and not treated like nothing.

He wanted this back in a way when he wouldn't feel guilty, when he wouldn't be sorry for each touch and kiss he asked for. He just wanted to be a person, the person, Kurt would love and share everything with.

"Of course I forgive you. I understand that my job isn't easy to accept."

"I want us to be okay again and honest. If we can't talk about something we'll say that and take our time until we can. No more lies, no more secrets, okay?"

Blaine nodded slowly and took a shaking breath before the tears fell. He cried because all the stress, all the tension between them was finally gone. Sure, there was still some left but Kurt held him, came to him and gave him all of this back he wanted for so long. Gave him back the only thing precious to Blaine beside himself. This was important, this was the beginning and he wouldn't screw this up again. Not ever.

"Okay," answered Blaine and tried to keep his voice steady but failed. And this was okay, so okay because Kurt didn't hold back anymore too. He held Blaine closer, as close as he could and leaned his head against Blaine's shoulder. Telling him without words that he was ready to go back and forward. Maybe his life, fate or whatever finally realized that he deserved to be happy.


	20. Boyfriend

Sorry for the late update. I have a small writers block and was way too busy to finish anything. But I try to update at least two times a week but can't promise it will work out. So here is the new chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it and I hope my writers block will be gone soon.

* * *

Chapter 20. Boyfriend

Sleeping was a blessing for Kurt and for many other people. When Kurt slept his mind stopped working and gave him the rest he needed, no worries, no questions, no endless thoughts about who had been touching Blaine and who not. Sleeping here, with Blaine in his arms and breathing together with him was the perfect way to sleep and he shamelessly nuzzled closer into the curls, arms holding the smaller body a bit closer and then he woke up to the annoying sound of his phone.

Blaine rolled on his stomach and Kurt too, letting one arm around Blaine's back while the other reached out for his phone to stop its alarm.

Groaning when he saw that it was 6 am he buried his face into the pillow and then remembered where he was and with him he was and his heart became warmer and warmer, especially when he met the golden eyes met by a soft smile at their corners, with curls framing his face so adorably.

"Hey," whispered Blaine and closed his eyes for a second when Kurt let his hand gently run up and down Blaine's back. Their connection was humming, happily and shining and so were their souls and faces. Nothing felt really different, not worse not better. Touching him was still as calming and needed as before but with some responsibility connected. And it had nothing to do with them being soulmates. Telling what this responsibility was? Kurt had no idea yet but he didn't want to fight against it.

"Hey," replied Kurt and his hand moved up, into Blaine's curls and his fingers began to play with them, lazily. His soulmate closed his eyes and rested his head completely into the pillow, melting into the gentle touch. Kurt smiled over that, watching how each frown, all the tension vanished from Blaine's face. That he was the one making him so comfortable and happy again felt really good.

"I'm really sorry. For everything."

"I know," mumbled Blaine and opened his heavy eyes slowly which were filled with utter bliss and forgiveness.

"I won't say it's okay because it's not," Blaine explained slowly: "But I said I forgive you, like you forgave me."

It was true, he forgave Blaine though there was nothing to forgive when he thought about it. There were things Kurt knew he wouldn't share with anyone, not even Blaine. Every person had secrets and that was okay.

"We still need to talk though," mumbled Kurt and took his hand from Blaine's curls and took his soulmates hand instead.

"But we are okay, for now?"

Nodding Kurt smiled and said: "We are and will be. I just need some time."

For a while they just looked into the others eyes, reading what was behind those colors and then Blaine shuffled closer, arms slinging around Kurt's body and pressing his face against his chest. Something Blaine did very rarely, taking the initiative. Kurt smiled wider, accepting the hug and heard him whisper: "Thank you."

Elliot was right, so right. Blaine suffered as much as Kurt did. They held each other until Kurt felt how his sleep came back and pulled slowly back.

"I have to get ready. I couldn't finish the dubbing yesterday."

Nodding Blaine let him go and Kurt jumped first into the shower and then Blaine. They ate breakfast together and Kurt asked Blaine about what he had seen yesterday.

"I saw you yesterday with the composer."

"You mean Jack Wendil?" asked Blaine as he sipped his coffee.

"Yeah and... I heard you sing which... helped me to understand what I did to you."

The golden eyes looked down, head nodding slowly and Kurt reached out for his hand, squeezing it gently.

"It was really beautiful, it hurt but it was beautiful. I don't understand how they didn't let you in."

The smile Blaine gave him made him happy. This shy smile and his cheeks turning into a light pink color. It was like the many blushes he gave Kurt when they kissed but with a smile Blaine looked even more adorable.

"Well, maybe I get in."

"Really? Did they call you?"

Blaine shook his head and took his hand away from Kurt to hold his mug with both hands.

"Mister Wendil is not just the composer for you movie. He is also teaching at a college her in New York. He thinks I'm talented and asked me to help him composing the music for the movie. And, beyond that, he said he'll make sure that I get into college."

"What?" Kurt smiled, Blaine nodded and he couldn't stop the grin, couldn't stop his body as he sat up and leaned over to hug him.

"That's amazing!" he said as Blaine shook his head in a cute way probably not believing in his own luck.

"I'll wait and see. I don't want to expect too much."

Pulling back Kurt kept a close look to Blaine's expression and though there was doubt in his eyes the happiness was bigger. He needed to meet this Jack Wendil and make sure for himself that this guy was serious about what he told Blaine. Not because he didn't trust Blaine's words but to make sure this guy was serious and wouldn't crush his hope again.

"The fact that you get to help him composing the music is a big deal. Like, really."

Blaine nodded slowly and after their breakfast they went to the studio by Kurt's car. There Kurt went back to the small room for dubbing his scenes and Blaine went to meet Jack with the other musicians. Nina noticed how he changed and smiled at him, happy that whatever problem he had to deal with was solved. Almost though. After dubbing he went to the music hall but before he could even enter the room he got a call from Elliot.

"Hey!" answered Kurt and rolled his eyes when Elliot spoke.

"_Thank God you and Blaine are okay again. I can hear it in your voice."_ beside his voice Kurt also heard other voices, noise like he was between some a lot of people.

"We are, yes. Everything's alright?"

"_It is but I got a mail from Eric, you too?"_

Kurt didn't check his mails this morning so he shook his head but reminded himself that Elliot couldn't see him: "No. What did he want?"

Eric was one of his co-workers when he was a model. He was a good guy, fun to have around and sometimes joined him, Elliot and Mercedes when they went to their favorite club.

"_We are invited to his birthday in two weeks. I just want to make sure you are free."_

"We are, the weekend usually belongs to Blaine and me because of our connection until things change into better."

"_But you are okay, right? You talked about that?"_

Kurt sighed but smiled: "We are and we did. Not about everything but we are okay."

"_Good,"_ he heard how relieved Elliot was: _"So, I'm calling you because Martin and I are shopping right now and – no honey, not the white one you have like a thousand white shirts – sorry about that. Anyway, what do you think we should buy for Eric? Mercedes told me I should ask you."_

Kurt bit his lip to stop the smirk and thought about what Eric liked or what he needed but it wasn't that easy because since he stopped working as a model he didn't talk with Eric again. Well, his friend was busy with traveling and modeling and Kurt had Blaine.

"I think a gift basket with something to drink and chocolate will do it. He is very humble so I think everything will do it."

"_Alright, should I send you a pic or are you free to come over later?"_

"What about Mercedes?"

"_She is free around seven pm."_

"Alright," Kurt said reached out for the doorhandle: "I'll text you later and thank you. You were right about everything you said."

"_It's okay. I understand you. Text you later."_ he heard Elliot smiling.

He ended the call and opened the door, walked through the first room and then into the hall, greeted by music. Quietly he closed the door and walked along the last row and looked down, seeing Blaine sitting at the piano with Jack and played together with the other people. He smiled when he saw how much Blaine was into it and also how amazed Jack looked with each note Blaine played.

They stopped and he couldn't hear what Jack and Blaine were talking about but he saw how they changed something on the notes for the song and talked with other musicians to tell them what they should change. Or so Kurt thought and he was right when he heard them playing again and the music was even better.

Elliot wasn't lying whenever he talked about Blaine's talent and Kurt could totally see him doing something like this. Composing and sinking into this world of notes, tones and several instruments to create something awesome. If that was what Blaine wanted to become.

After an hour they took a break and Kurt waited until all the musicians were gone so he could take the stairs down to the piano where Blaine was still standing and reading the notes, together with Jack. He heard them talking about violins and cellos and then Jack nodded and said: "I think that's good, I'll change it and give them the new notes. Awesome job, Blaine."

Blaine smiled with pink cheeks and when he noticed Kurt his smile grew even wider.

"Oh, you are Kurt Hummel," said Jack and they shook hands.

"That's true and I want to thank you for helping Blaine, Mister Wendil."

"No need to, he is very talented and it would be plain stupid to not support him."

The older smiled at Blaine who blushed even more and Kurt placed his arm around Blaine's shoulder and held him a bit closer. Since last night, when he overcame his fear of what it would feel to touch his soulmate again he wanted to do this as often as he could for several reasons. One because of their connection, which needed more physical contact because their connection was deeper than any other, second because he missed touching Blaine and third, there was something else beside his feelings for him and the connection. Something that had to do with the prostitute thing. But Kurt was not ready to explore this more.

"So your are his soulmate?"

"Yes, and I need you to know that we have a deep connection. It's different from other connections which means weekends usually belong to us and that whenever needed he has to be with me or I with him."

Jack smiled at them and nodded slowly: "I understand and this won't be a problem. My daughter is a soulmate too so I know what you are talking about."

Not that Jack had any options as to be fine with that. It was written down in the laws of a soulmate, their soulmate always came first, no matter what. When he read those words for the firs time he was anything but happy about this law. Now it was something to be happy about. Something they could use when needed.

"Alright, boys. I'm hungry and there is still a lot to do. It was nice meeting you Mister Hummel and I'll see you later, Blaine."

Jack left the hall and Kurt took Blaine's hand leaving too to find a nice place so they could eat lunch together. They went to a small restaurant Blaine knew and only because he wanted one of those awesome hamburgers, which Kurt ordered too constantly amazed about how much Blaine could eat and still stay in shape. He was blessed with this too but yet he took care of himself because he was an actor. But also Kurt had his lazy days and there was no need to be ashamed of it.

"You are done with dubbing, right?" asked Blaine after he swallowed.

"Yes. I have some interviews left and some shootings but don't worry about that. I'll drive you to the studio and pick you up."

"You don't have to though. I understand that you'll be famous and busy and that I have to take care of myself."

Nothing Blaine didn't do before, Kurt thought. Yet, he was right about everything. Blaine wanted to study and Kurt was done with college. He would be the one going around parties and interviews and shows and Blaine couldn't always do that. He knew how much there was to study and do and it had been eating his soul at times. Again, two different worlds meeting each other and Kurt feared that this could ruin, damage, things between them again. Accepting their age difference was easy, accepting that Blaine was a prostitute harder, but the consequences, the compromises were probably the hardest to deal with.

"Are you okay with this? That I probably become famous, busy, me traveling around?"

Blaine stopped eating, exchanged a short glance with Kurt and placed the half eaten hamburger down on his plate.

"The question should be, are you okay with taking me with you? In case our connection still needs as much contact as it does now."

"Of course I want you with me," said Kurt and reached out with his hand to take Blaine's, squeezing it: "I told you I'm sorry and I understand why you did it. But also that I need time before I...can hear more. And only because I need more time doesn't mean I don't want you with me."

The golden eyes were focused on their hands and his blue eyes watched Blaine's mouth moving, lips curling into a smile and back down before he said: "I really don't want to ruin anything, Kurt. I'm not jealous or anything. I'm pretty proud that my soulmate is someone like you and I'm also grateful."

Before their fight Kurt already saw this side of Blaine. Only a glimpse from what Blaine truly felt and thought, only a small moment when all the walls weren't so strong. The one time when he baked the cookies for Kurt had been such a moment that he saw that there was more. So much more coming from this young soul with no solid ground under his feet until they met. And somehow, hearing this again, hearing how proud Blaine was of him made Kurt really happy. Just like Blaine wanted to be someone Kurt could like, live with, accept he also wanted to be this person for the younger. This broke after he realized what he did to Blaine and how he made him feel through his words.

"Thank you," whispered Kurt when he leaned closer to pull Blaine into a hug, feeling him responding still insecure, still not sure if this was okay. Yes, not only Kurt needed time to get used to things and talk about things.

"Maybe we should go to the Soulmate Department and ask them about what rights we have if I get into college," suggested Blaine when the older pulled back and nodded to the words from his soulmate.

"It won't be easy to be apart for too long. Maybe, if our connection becomes stronger then, maybe. But there is nothing planned until October. The movie comes out in November so we have some time to see how things work out. Now we just focus on each other and on your future, okay?"

There was this adorable small smile on his face again as he nodded, eyes telling Kurt that he couldn't really believe that they were on a way to be okay again. He could see it in the way they were sparkling and how this smile grew bigger and then less again. Kurt wanted to lean closer and just kiss this small smile, make him blush but was a bit insecure about doing that.

What if this would feel different? Not good? What if Blaine would look down again and not smile at all? He was almost convinced this wouldn't happen but just almost because this was something he needed to talk about with Blaine. Maybe next week, maybe not. But he was done with fighting and being someone he wasn't. This was his soulmate and Kurt believed and he wanted Blaine to feel that, show him that he was really understanding and okay with the reason why.

"Elliot called me and told me that our friend Eric invited us to his birthday in two weeks. If you want to we can go," said Kurt before he ate the rest of his hamburger.

"I'm okay with that. Is he one of your model friends? Because you once were a model?"

Kurt nodded, took a sip of his diet coke and cleaned his hands in a napkin: "He is really nice compared to other people in this business. I'm really happy I don't have to work there anymore."

Nodding Blaine ate the last bite of his hamburger before they had to got back to the studio.

After their lunch Blaine went back to the studio while Kurt drove with Nina to his interviews. Around 9 pm they arrived at Kurt's place and while Blaine took a shower Kurt made them something to eat before he himself took a shower and joined Blaine on the couch. They watched one episode of Breaking Bad – because they were done with Game of Thrones – and instead of holding hands Kurt sat closer so his soulmate could lean against him. Kurt didn't mind that Blaine hesitated after everything but definitely something they had to talk about as soon as possible.

When the episode was over Blaine already leaned away and wanted to climb under his covers.

Instead of asking Blaine to go with him he thought that showing his soulmate that he really didn't mind having him close was the better way.

He followed Blaine and when his soulmate turned around and gave Kurt a questioning look he just smiled.

"You don't have to sleep here," said Blaine, eyes wandering down.

"I know," said Kurt and let his hand rest on Blaine's shoulder, stroking it down his back and felt how he tensed up. Not sure why his soulmate reacted that way he said: "I want us to be okay again. That means I want to sleep next to you. I want us to go back to where we were before everything came out. If you don't want that I-"

"I want to," said Blaine before Kurt could say more and sat down on his heels: "I'm just... scared I'll come to close and you will push me back because of what I did. I felt how... disgusting it was for you to hold my hand. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Is that the reason why you looked down when we kissed?" asked Kurt and knelt across him.

"I... I knew it was... wrong to kiss you and hug you because you didn't know what I was doing. And whenever we were close it felt like all the men who touched me and left their marks... it felt like I was... dirty and leaving the dirt on you too. I didn't want that but at the same time I wanted to hold and kiss you. And I felt guilty and sorry. And when you found it out you reacted the way I was scared of would happen I..."

His bottom lip trembled, eyes becoming watery and all the pain and guilt was open on his face, for Kurt to see and everything that went wrong between them. There was Blaine's life, a part he could never erase or undo and Kurt's behavior he couldn't erase or undo either. But there was also this new way, their new beginning to make it better from now on and not forget but forgive all. Actually, everything that Kurt understood was how much Blaine cared about him and even when he didn't know the truth. He cared so much that he felt guilty for kissing him and punished himself with all these worries.

Slowly he shuffled closer, pressing his lips on Blaine's cheek and hearing him inhaling sharply, freezing but not flinching. So Kurt stayed close resting his forehead against Blaine's temple and whispering: "You are not dirty. You are not disgusting. You are a beautiful, brave boy who walk a way he didn't want to but had to so he could survive."

Blaine sniffed but now tears were falling, not yet.

"It's not the connection making me do this, if you think that. It's me wanting this. Me wanting to hug and kiss you because I like you. I said I need time before we talk more but I meant the part what you did with... other men."

"You want to know that?"

"I want to know everything. Remember? I said we'll be honest and no more secrets. I'm just... not ready to hear all of that yet. I probably become jealous or angry hearing all of this now."

He felt Blaine turning his head, felt his forehead against his and the younger boys breath so close to his lips. If he moved forward, just a little bit he could finally kiss him and make sure nothing felt different. But it was not Kurt alone who had to take the first steps Blaine had to take some too otherwise it wouldn't work out.

"What are we, Kurt? Is this us being soulmates and doing what we should do?"

"What do you want us to be?"

Blaine pulled back and both opened their eyes, blue meeting glistening gold mixed with hope. There was also a conflict Blaine had with himself, probably if he should believe his own luck or not.

"I... I want us to be boyfriends. I really like you and I want... that."

"Me too," smiled Kurt and saw Blaine's lips curling into this shy, adorable smile followed by tears. Tears of happiness and relieve, tears that let everything out Blaine was holding back for months and when Kurt held his face and wiped the tears away he felt how soft his soulmate was. His cheeks warm and lose, their connection humming with happiness and changing into something else. Something Kurt always thought would happen the first time someone touched his soulmate. Pure happiness, pure sense and the only person he wanted to touch, the only place he wanted to be. Like his whole being was waiting for this moment, for this person to cross his way and stay. And when Blaine melt into his touch he knew the younger boy felt the same way.

Then Blaine took his hands gently off his face and leaned forward, kissing Kurt gently who smiled into the kiss before their lips broke apart and both went to Kurt's bed.

* * *

The next two weeks were probably the happiest Kurt spent together with Blaine since the day they met. They finally slept together in one bed again, cuddled when they could and kissed without Blaine looking down. Like his personal sun Blaine always smiled back at Kurt after each kiss and was happier in general which made Kurt happy too. He slept peacefully and deep, work was fun and something he could focus on because they were okay and his apartment turned soon into their apartment, their home.

But he knew there were still things to talk about before he could let himself fall into this completely. Before both could open their hearts and let everything happen, everything out. Things like if Blaine was truly a virgin or not because Kurt didn't believe in this and was not ready to hear more. This, what he had and what they shared was enough for though his heart asked for more. Sometimes he tried to kiss longer but it was Blaine who pulled back then.

Like an hour before they would leave for Eric's birthday party. They were both inside the bathroom, brushed their teeth together and somehow Blaine ended up sitting on the wash machine with Kurt's lips on his, just kissing and touching hands staying away from the lower area.

Kissing was awesome, amazing, each kiss. The silly kisses, good morning and good night kisses and those they shared because it just felt amazing were the best. Of course his body was betraying him, asking for more but one of them would stop – usually Blaine - and though Kurt wanted to take things slow a part of his body was frustrated. And so Kurt wondered if it was true what Blaine told him, that he really was a virgin or just still not over how he felt when they were close.

Because when it became too much Blaine pulled back and didn't smile or anything. In fact, he gave Kurt the expression before the truth came out.

"Blaine?" he asked this time, arms around the smaller boy's waist and feeling his hands on his neck.

"Too much," was the answer: "I told you I've never did this before."

"Okay," was all Kurt said, gave him a simple peck on his lips and smiled. To get his answer he had to ask what Blaine did instead with all these men and he was, still, not ready for this. They were boyfriends, they were okay but he was still not ready to hear more and scared to find something that could ruin everything again. It had nothing to do with him being scared to lose Blaine, it was more about what he couldn't give Blaine and what it would do to him when he heard everything. Or so he thought.

Getting ready they took a cab to Eric's place – a huge apartment – and met Elliot and Mercedes with their soulmates at the parking lot. They hugged hello and went together inside with a pretty nervous Blaine. Kurt didn't ask what it was but tried to make him as comfortable as possible with holding his hand and whispering that they could go home whenever they wanted to. The word home made Blaine's eyes shine and the smile he got from his boyfriend – his boyfriend – was totally worth saying it out loud. Elliot made catcalls together with Mercedes and teased Kurt just for fun. He only rolled his eyes when they weren't looking and held Blaine's hand tighter.

Inside he met almost all of his co-workers, some got a hug from him – the one he liked – and others a simple hand shake. Soon he found Eric, a blond guy, as tall as Kurt and looking as good as always.

"Kurt!" he smiled, perfect white teeth showing and hugged him tightly.

"Happy Birthday," he said and then Eric hugged his other friends before his eyes met with Blaine's.

"And you must be Kurt's soulmate."

"Boyfriend. Not just soulmate. He is also my boyfriend."

Their eyes met for a moment in a silent conversation and then Eric smiled at Blaine, shaking his hand.

"Well, I guess I won't have a chance again then."

"A chance?" asked Blaine when Eric took the basket with many little things from Elliot and Kurt nodded.

"He wanted us to be boyfriends but I didn't want to," explained Kurt, while everyone around them was drinking, looking good and laughing. Blaine only squeezed his hand, a short glance towards Eric and then back to Kurt. Was this jealousy in Blaine's eyes? Where they both some jealous fools thought they knew no one could come between them because they were soulmates?

"Luckily he can't do that anymore," said Blaine and Kurt could hear how he was fighting against those words but needed to let them out, to let Kurt know.

They laughed and drunk together with their friends and the people they hadn't seen in a while. It was an easy evening to begin with and it was a change for him to see the people he had been working with for three years. Many of them still were modeling, some were engaged and some changed their jobs. A lot happened in the past 8 months and it was something else to hear all the other stories for Kurt. A nice distraction from his life and what he and Blaine had to go through.

Around midnight and after many laughs, conversations and drinks he was looking for Blaine who easily got along with most of the people. To be honest, it was easy to like Blaine and talk with him. Because of his smile and his manners and no one could resist those eyes, Kurt knew that so he began to look for him and make sure no one would get too close to his boyfriend. This jealousy thing they both apparently had inside them was really hard to ignore.

But between all these people was no Blaine so he walked over to Elliot asking him if he saw him.

"I think he went to the bathroom."

"Okay," said Kurt and looked over to the corridor where the bathroom was. He waited for some minutes, thinking about that as soon as Blaine came out they should drive back home and go to sleep but this thought got pushed away by a terrible feeling. Fear, sheer fear ran through his body, coming from his connection and without much thought he ran to the bathroom and met someone coming out from the bathroom he didn't expect to meet here.

Jesse.


	21. Together

Hello you amazing people! My writers block is still there, but (!), you guys really helped me a lot with your reviews and support. Each review, each comment, everything coming from you helps a writer a lot. Writing is not an easy progress, it's hard and sometimes there is this dark cold hole when you can't form words but have ideas. Sometimes you even sit there and wonder 'is it good?', 'does this make sense?', 'I don't know what I'm doing I don't want to ruin this'. And getting so much support and knowing people care and enjoy a story is really, really the best support a writer can get. So thank you, really. And instead of drama let's have some happy things here (but the drama will come). :)

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Chapter 21. Together

When he felt this cold, sharp fear coming from Blaine everything became unimportant. His friends, the party, the people, everything. All he could think of was where Blaine was, what happened and who or what made him feel so much fear. Only when his eyes met Jesse's and he remembered the last time they met it was clear for him. Jesse had never been his friend just one of the people working with him he had to deal with. Jesse had never been a nice person but a smartass and his good body and good look gave him a lot of jobs.

It was easy to imagine Jesse did something terrible to Blaine but what was the connection between them?

"What are you doing here?" said Kurt not even caring about how rude he sounded.

"What? Already sitting on a throne and picking us simple people out, Hummel?"

Kurt said nothing about that, not giving Jesse this pleasure because that's what he wanted. To make Kurt upset and get a satisfying feeling from pissing people off.

"What have you done to Blaine?"

"Blaine?" asked Jesse and turned back to the bathroom where Kurt could still feel the fear but also how Blaine slowly calmed down: "Oh, is he your little boyfriend? Couldn't find someone more classy?"

"What have you done to him!?" yelled Kurt, grabbed Jesse by the collar and pushed him against the door, hearing how some people gasped, some stopped talking and Jesse stared at him until Kurt let go off his collar. Jesse knew, knew what Blaine was doing and there was only one explanation about the reason why he knew it. He had been his customer, he met Blaine because he was looking for someone to sleep with. Jesse was totally this kind of a person neither ashamed nor caring what people thought about that.

"I've never imagined you would do such a thing, the perfect Kurt Hummel."

"Fuck you, Jesse," he hissed and went inside the bathroom before people would ask or see more, or worse, hear more. The huge bathroom had a smaller room where the toilette was and the door was half open, letting the breathing noises out and when he looked inside he found his soulmate, sitting there with his hands in his hair.

"Blaine? It's me," he said as calm as possible though he was still angry, still wanted to go back and call Jesse out. For what he had no idea but he was sure this fucker did something terrible. Something that scared Blaine so much that Kurt could feel it like it was his own fear. Very slowly, probably taking enough time as possible to collect himself, Blaine took his hands out of his hair, looking up and all the color in his face was gone. Like the last time when he and Jesse met.

"Did he do something to you?" asked Kurt when Blaine stood up, his legs trembling and his head shaking no. Was he lying? Would he lie about this? They said they wanted to be honest and have no more secrets and Kurt almost felt hurt but then realized he should ask him again, with different words, a better wording.

"Did he, _ever_, do something to you?"

When their eyes met Kurt saw the answer and didn't even notice the small nod, followed by so much shame on Blaine's face that it confused him. Why was there so much shame on Blaine's face when it was obvious that Jesse scared him. This kind of shame was new to Kurt and before he could ask more Blaine said slowly.

"It's something you aren't ready to hear, yet."

First he thought that this was a thing Blaine didn't want to talk about, which was understandable considering the fear and shame coming from him. But it didn't fit. Blaine, in comparison to Kurt, was ready to tell everything and fine with telling everything. All the lies and secrets made it clear for Blaine that this was the way of loosing Kurt. So his words could only mean one thing.

Something between him and Jesse happened – which explained why Jesse gave Blaine money – and Kurt was not ready to hear those stories or imagine those stories. Alone knowing that something between Blaine and Jesse had happened made him angry. Not jealous but angry because Jesse was one of the biggest assholes Kurt knew.

There were many stories about Jesse and what he did with other men and how he treated them. Someone like Blaine, who was only seventeen when they had something, someone so nice and who only did this because so he could survive met him, the biggest idiot in this world. Jesse who cared only about himself stepped into Blaine's life and Kurt was sure he did something bad. Really bad that it made Blaine feel scared though Jesse couldn't really do anything here. Not with Kurt and their friends around.

Yet, whatever happened, it had to be bad, really bad. And Kurt wanted to know it so he could help, understand or whatever so that Blaine would stop looking like this. Broken, scared and almost lost in his own thoughts and memories and dealing with them alone.

"You can tell me that," said Kurt, taking two steps closer so he could touch Blaine's arm, let him feel that he was here: "I want to help you."

But Blaine said nothing not ready or able to but he leaned closer, resting his head against Kurt's chest and wrapping his trembling arms around the body. Kurt just held him for as long as Blaine needed and felt how slowly, painfully slow the fear left his soul. It felt like an eternity when they just stood there, holding each other and Kurt let his hand ran up and down Blaine's back with the hope that it would help him, that his presence would help his soulmate because Kurt himself felt pretty helpless. He wanted to know what happened, wanted to know the connection between Blaine and Jesse and do something to make it better.

"Do you want to go home?" asked Kurt and pulled back so he could see Blaine's face. It had some color back which was good, or so he thought.

"We... we can stay here. I don't want to be the reason so you have to leave your friends."

"They aren't my... real friends. Mercedes and Elliot are my real friends and you are too," he explained with a smile and gently ran his fingers through Blaine's gelled hair: "And you are my soulmate and boyfriend and that makes you one of the most important people in my life."

He hoped this would make Blaine smile and if he succeeded the smile was too small to be seen.

"I want to go home," said his soulmate so quiet that Kurt almost missed it. With a nod he had one arm around Blaine's shoulder and left the bathroom to meet Elliot and Mercedes who gave him a questioning look.

"Say Eric I don't feel well and went home, okay?"

"Call us," said Mercedes with a smile for Kurt and Blaine and together they left the apartment, the loud music and many voices and took a cab back home. Without running into Jesse. Home they changed into their pajams and when Kurt left the bathroom he found Blaine sitting on the couch and looking down, watching his hands. His soulmate looked better, he really did but whatever happened rankled Blaine. Something he couldn't talk about and Kurt was conflicted with himself to force Jesse to tell him what happened or to wait for Blaine to say it. Either way he needed to know it so he could help Blaine.

Joining his boyfriend on the couch he was not sure what to do. When held Blaine, held his hand or kissed his forehead he didn't react the same way he used to do in the past days. There was no smile on his face or a soft pink color on his cheeks. There was no respond from his hand or fingers. It was almost like Kurt didn't exist for Blaine but whatever memory occupied his mind. Seeing him like this made Kurt feel helpless and though he was older than Blaine he understood that he was not more experienced than his soulmate. He just had different experiences than Blaine and none of them was helpful. None of them included the life of a former prostitute.

Careful and slow he leaned his forehead against Blaine's reaching out for their connection and trying to feel something, trying to understand what happened inside him but didn't dare to visit those places not meant for him. This only happened once, just for a second but he never would do this again. Still it was hard to tell what Blaine felt and he probably didn't know how to feel either.

"I want you to know, that, whatever happened and whatever will happen I'll protect you. I'll always stand right beside you."

The younger pulled back so their eyes met without a change in his unreadable expression. So Kurt only smiled, softly, and caressed Blaine's cheek while their eyes never broke contact. Smiling was always the best way to deal with a situation one had no words for, or, was afraid to say something wrong. Kurt was afraid to say something wrong because he had no idea what exactly happened. Maybe Blaine was scared to tell the truth and Jesse would do something to him? Maybe he thought that it would make him feel uncomfortable hearing what happened? But Kurt said he wanted to hear this, needed to hear this and find a way to help Blaine. His boyfriend who felt so much fear and shame when he met Jesse.

"I'll do the same for you," were the first words Blaine said since they had left Eric's apartment.

"I know. I know you will. You always focus on the people around you. But you need to know, to understand that there is someone who will do the same for you. And that's me."

Seeing, again, the Blaine Anderson he saw before the truth came out was a really good feeling and a missed one. This was Blaine, lovely and smart, who went through many bad things and Kurt wanted to know them all, understand them all. Sure, whatever happened between Blaine and other man was still a no go for him. But Jesse? No. He needed to know what this asshole did so he could do something. He needed Blaine to know that though he had no family he had Kurt now.

"You are my boyfriend not my dad."

"Luckily I am. Otherwise kissing you would be pretty weird," said Kurt and Blaine smiled about those words.

"Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"I am. But you have to be ready to talk about it. I've felt your fear and your shame. I remember the last time you met him and how you were feeling and I understand if you don't want to talk about it."

Blaine shook his head, moving closer so he could rest his head on Kurt's shoulder and rest his legs on Kurt's lap. The smaller body basically melted in Kurt's arms and that he had such an impact on Blaine was a good sign.

"He was a customer but I only met him once. I thought he was rich or something because he looked like that so I was... happy? A different kind of happy because it meant more money for me. We went to my apartment as soon as Charlie found someone and I told him my rules. No kissing, no real sex."

Resting his cheek on Blaine's head he said nothing letting the words sink for a while and realizing that Blaine probably told the truth. The truth about his kisses and that he was still a virgin. There was this need to believe him just trust his words but there was also his sanity telling him what was the point in being a prostitute if they had no sex with their customers?

"Jesse knew the rules like any other customer and he accepted them but then... he just broke them. And because I was no soulmate when I met him my body wouldn't just fight against him on its own. So when he kissed me I started to push him back, told him to stop but he wouldn't. He just wouldn't and went further, touching places he shouldn't touch and I could do nothing. I was in such a state of shock that I didn't even realize that I was screaming. Luckily Charlie heard it and threw him out."

While Blaine spoke he was calm, strangely calm but maybe this had something to do that he was safe here. Or, and this thought made Kurt angry so angry that he wanted to go to Jesse right now and just punch his stupid face, Blaine was used to those things. Something so wrong and horrible.

"It was the first time this happened and it was just... horrible but I needed the money so I went to his workplace out of desperation and you saw what happened. But he threatened me, said that I should act like a slut because I was one. And when I see him he just... I remember everything and he asks me if I became a real slut yet. I just... I'm not a slut."

"Of course you are not. You are not. He won't touch you ever again," whispered Kurt, kissing Blaine's hair: "Why didn't you go to the police?"

"I was seventeen and a prostitute. It would have put me into more trouble than him and Charlie and I took care of each other."

Charlie, the only friend Blaine had and Kurt promised himself that he needed to thank him for keeping Blaine safe when no one else did.

"I want to get over it. It's really the only thing that just... won't get out of my mind."

"It won't," said Kurt and knew this truth was cruel but real: "It will always be a part of you but you can decide if it's something that will control you or not."

His boyfriend leaned back while Kurt's arm held him, like a someone who sought for comfort from a person they trusted. He sought for comfort but also for Kurt's eyes and the deep blue orbs which held his soul.

"And you are here now, with me. You have Charlie, Elliot and Mercedes who will support you and help you. You are helping a famous composer to create music for a movie and you'll be soon studying music. You have a new life now and you'll make new memories, better memories. I know you can do it because you already stood up for yourself when I was the one judging you."

The gold in Blaine's eyes changed into something Kurt had not seen before. There was a different warmth, a different shine and his eyes in general where softer in a way he had seen but never meant to him. However, he didn't want to label this, to name this and maybe be wrong or just too hopeful.

"This won't be the last time something like this happens. It's possible I'll meet more people who were my customers."

"I know, and we'll go through this together."

He saw the smile on Blaine's face before he nuzzled against Kurt's neck and exhaled, letting all the tension out, everything out and trusted Kurt to hold him together.

* * *

The next day Kurt drove a much more happier Blaine to the studio, kissed him good bye and drove to meet Nina. Yet his mind was still going back to what Blaine had told him. Back to the night he never witnessed but couldn't stop his mind from imagining what happened. How Jesse forced Blaine, who had been just seventeen, to something he never wanted to do. Kurt wanted to ask more about those rules Blaine followed but decided it was better not to.

His boyfriend was too shaken up and too exhausted so Kurt was glad that Blaine fell asleep at all. Not knowing what exactly happened became a problem for Kurt. This missing piece made it hard to figure out how to help his soulmate but more over it was a barrier, a huge one, to understand Blaine and know him even more. Maybe it was better to just get over it and hear everything. There was really no difference if he heard it now or later it wouldn't change what happened.

Only, imagining all of this as soon as he knew what exactly he did... he was not sure if he would get jealous, angry or whatever. Jealousy was the last thing Kurt wanted to feel. Everything Blaine did in his job never happened because he liked someone or wanted to do this. He just had to do it to get money. Maybe the jealousy would be only about that someone took all of this from Blaine, all the firsts Kurt wanted to share with him. But then he reminded himself that he had nothing like that for Blaine. He was no virgin, he already had his first kiss and all the other little firsts. So he tried to push this thought aside. Anger was more realistic and also feeling hurt together with Blaine.

That's what he wanted, feeling what Blaine felt when he told Kurt everything. He wanted their connection to be raw and open so he could feel everything and understand him better.

He arrived at the building and went straight to Nina's office. There was no interview or shooting to be done but he would get his schedule for the next months and hoped that there were enough weeks to just be lazy. But more important was to tell Nina about Blaine and his job. It was necessary that she knew that before the truth became public. If it ever became public, Kurt thought.

"Good morning," said Kurt when he opened the door and got a smile from Nina in return.

"My superstar!" she grinned, hugging him hello and Kurt almost blushed: "How are you? How is Blaine doing?"

"He is good, amazing actually. He really enjoys doing this composing stuff and Jack really supports him."

"And you two?" she asked sitting down behind her desk and Kurt in front of it.

"We are good but I need to tell you something. But you can't tell a soul and I feel pretty unsure to tell you this without Blaine."

"Okay?" said Nina and her smile was gone and gave him her face she always wore when it was about work.

Breathing in he sorted his thoughts, calmed himself down so his sanity wouldn't leave him.

"Blaine was a prostitute," he started and explained why, no details only how it happened and that he wasn't doing this anymore: "I just... I want you to know this. I don't know if it will ever come out but, just in case it will it's fair you know it before it does."

There was surprise in her face, then she was lost in her thoughts and nodded slowly, asking: "And you had no idea?"

"No. Really, I had no clue. I figured it out a month ago but I was... too shocked about that. I'm okay with it now, I understand why it happened so... I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it as I found it out."

"Who else knows about that?"

"Elliot and Mercedes and Blaine's friend and, well, the people he.. you know."

Nina nodded again, her eyes watching the ceiling like each time when she was thinking. Kurt just waited, not feeling nervous but determined. Whatever happened he would stand right beside Blaine, facing everything with him together.

"Do you want to hide it? I know you are against lies but I told you from the beginning that sometimes you have to lie to avoid damage."

"I don't want to lie about it but I also don't think I, or we, need to talk about it. Like you said, avoid. I want to avoid it. Not because I'm ashamed or that I'm worried what people think. When I decided to become an actor I knew what I was getting myself into. But I don't want Blaine to suffer through something he never wanted or agreed to."

"You two talked about that?"

Kurt shook his head no: "Not really. We had a hard time when I found it out and it took a while until I was able to accept and understand why he did that."

"That explains what was wrong with you. I was really worried."

"We are good now. More than good," he said and couldn't stop the smile on his lips.

"Aww, does Kurt Hummel have a boyfriend now?"

A blush, slow but for everyone to see crawled over his cheeks and he just nodded. Yes, he had a boyfriend, not just a soulmate but also a boyfriend and though it was still new, still the beginning he couldn't remember a time when he was more devoted to someone.

"That's why I want him to be safe from all this craziness. I know it won't be easy and sometimes not possible but I want to try everything so he doesn't get hurt."

"What I take from that is that he didn't decide to become a prostitute?"

"No. The circumstances made him do this. I mean, you probably understand this better than I do because you've been through a lot of dirty things."

Groaning Nina nodded and Kurt remembered the story about her client who was anything but an angel. He drank a lot, had many one night stands and even drugs were involved.

"I'll take care of it, don't worry. But I need Blaine to sign a contract for me and it would be good if we could talk with him about it. I just want to make sure he understands everything. And this," she said and handed him a piece of paper with his schedule.

"There is a shooting for Monday and Tuesday and some interviews for August and September. I suggest you take the rest of July off and have fun with Blaine. Maybe go and visit your dad. You are at the beginning of your career so enjoy this time. I promise you, after the movie is out people will literally fight for you to have you in their movie."

Nodding Kurt stood up and hugged her good bye before he left to his old workplace.

It was stupid, he knew it was maybe the stupidest thing he ever did. He left his car and went inside the building he once used to work in. Here he changed his wardrobe, had photoshoots, meetings and a good time but also a bad time. And here was the person he wanted to see and alone the thought of Jesse made his blood boil. Taking the elevator he walked through the corridor with fast steps, was greeted by some people who even worked here on Sundays but ignored them. He came closer and closer to Jesse's room and when he saw him there, sitting at his laptop he pushed the door open, so hard, that it hit the wall.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came here to warn you."

"Me?" Jesse said in a mocking voice and closed his laptop, running his hand through his blond hair and smirking satisfied.

"I know what you did. I know what an asshole you are and if you ever try something like this again or come near Blaine, I promise you, you'll regret it."

Jesse rolled his eyes waving his hand like Kurt was overreacting, like it was nothing bad and this made Kurt even more angry.

"Before you judge me start judging yourself. What are you two, huh? Do you need a sweet little boy for your image? How much does he cost?"

It happened without him wanting it, fast, like he was blinking something away that his fist found Jesse's face and the other gasped, groaned and Kurt yelled.

"Shut the fuck up you piece of shit! He is my boyfriend, my soulmate and instead of judging him and treating him like shit I care about him and help him! You know shit, Jesse. Nothing. All you care about is you and how you get what you want! No matter what it takes!"

While Jesse groaned he felt his body bursting with anger, with so much rage towards this asshole, towards all the people who treated people like Blaine so badly, also towards himself because he thought the same way for while. He grabbed his collar, forced him to look into his eyes and hissed: "I warn you, Jesse. Leave him alone."

* * *

After meeting Elliot and Martin he went back to the studio to pick Blaine up. Walking inside he found him in the music hall, playing the violin this time and listened to the music until they were done. His eyes were only focused on Blaine, his sweaty hair, curls breaking the gel and the satisfied smile on his lips. Then everyone began to clap for him and Kurt felt so much pride for his boyfriend that he thought his heart would just burst from it.

Blaine bowed down with a watery smile clearly moved by the huge gesture from the other musicians. Jack was clapping too his smile wide and filled with pride too. It was such a good view and feeling to see that Blaine found a place far away from the streets, from beds with strangers. A life he probably dreamed about but never believed in. One after another they left the music hall and when Blaine's eyes found Kurt's his whole face changed into his personal sun. Lips curled up into the soft smile only meant for Kurt, eyes shining with the purest gold and body moving to him like it was natural. Kurt opened his arms, wrapped them around the smaller body into a tight hug and felt better.

Yes, it was a mistake to go to Jesse and yell at him, punch him but he had to do it. One needed to tell him what he was and what he did. Even if this meant trouble and bad consequences he didn't care. At least one person who hurt Blaine and made him feel like nothing, made him feel so scared and small needed to learn a lesson.

"You were amazing. I'm so proud of you," whispered Kurt into Blaine's ear. In return he got a happy humming sound from his boyfriend who melted even more into the hug.

"Good work, Blaine," said Jack as he stood behind Blaine and patted his shoulder: "Hello, Kurt."

They created some space between their bodies and Blaine smiled thankfully at Jack who said: "Guess I see you in September then? You two should celebrate."

The only thing Kurt could do was blink and stare at Jack with a confused look. Celebrate? What? His boyfriend nodded and then Jack left them alone and Kurt cocked his head waiting for an explanation.

"I got in," was all Blaine said and Kurt didn't need more words to understand where he got in. The answer was in Blaine's words and even clearer all over his face.

"Oh my God," breathed Kurt and couldn't stop himself but kiss his soulmate before he said: "Indeed a reason to celebrate. We need to call our friends and celebrate. Oh, well not today but next weekend."

He saw the small nod, saw the smile becoming smaller and how the amber eyes became more glassy, filling with the tears that, for once, meant something good. Something really good. The way to a future he stopped dreaming about but now it as here.

"Thank you," were the only words Blaine was able to say before the tears fell and Kurt held him together. No, it was not only Kurt who helped him and opened this future for him. Blaine himself did this and something people liked to call fate.


	22. Family

Hey guys! Sorry for the late update but I'm still suffering through my writers block. I also wanted to tell you that the plot is not over yet :) there are still ideas and things I want to happen. Anyway, if you have some ideas yourself share them with me, anything! It might help me through my writers block. Now I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)

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Chapter 22. Family

There were many times when Kurt felt proud of someone. His dad, his friends, or some people he had never met. However, they way he felt proud for Blaine was different. Not more but in a special way. This was his soul mate, the person he would spent the rest of his life with. His boyfriend who he really liked, probably even loved without knowing it. A boy who never had much luck, in fact, something or someone thought it would be better to let him go through many terrible things. It began when he was born and his mother died. She never saw her kid growing up, never saw her son saying his first words or taking his first steps. Then his father died, his step mom and the brother was long gone, doing something somewhere.

Yes, Blaine never had much luck and even when they met it had been anything but good. For Kurt it was just a burden to have a young boy around him he needed to take care of and for Blaine it was to deal with something he probably never wanted.

Thinking about it now and looking at what he had Kurt never wanted to change this. Never wanted to get to know someone else. He was ready to walk this way and see where it would take him. Back home they drank a beer to, at least, celebrate a bit and went to bed together. Of course he already forgot about Jesse or Nina because Blaine, in such a simple but strong way, was everything he could and, maybe, wanted to see and think when his boyfriend was around him.

"You've been pretty upset today," said Blaine as he climbed on the bed, studying Kurt's face with his beautiful eyes: "I felt how angry you were."

Sitting Kurt waited until Blaine was kneeling next to him, head cocked to the side and waiting for an answer. There was really no need to hide it from Blaine and lying was not even an option.

"I punched Jesse."

"You... what?" asked Blaine and stared at Kurt not able to close his mouth.

"He deserved it," said Kurt and shrugged like it was really no big deal. For him it wasn't so he explained more: "He is an awful person, heartless and selfish and I usually ignored him. But what he did to you is something I can't ignore. This asshole treated you like shit, like any other person would do like I did."

"Kurt... you didn't-"

"I did, Blaine. I treated you like shit. I know you forgave me and I'm not running around and feeling sorry all the time. I just know what I did and what I'll never do again. It was wrong and I won't let something like this ever happen again. He needed to learn a lesson."

He heard a sigh falling from Blaine's lips but also saw the tiniest smile on those.

"Aren't you worried that he might ruin your career?"

"Not really. I've talked with Nina today and I told her about your job. I hope that's okay with you," he said carefully watching Blaine's reaction and saw the understanding.

"It's okay. I understand why."

"I'm not ashamed or anything," Kurt began to explain and reached out for Blaine's hand, wanting to feel what was happening inside his soulmate – if he let him and Blaine did: "We've never talked about what you want or think about if I become famous. I'll be in the public eye and there will be gossip, photos, articles. They will ask me anything, maybe even follow me around and I'm already okay with that but... what about you?"

Silence was the first thing coming from Blaine while he held Kurt's hand and let his fingers caress the back of Kurt's hand. Then he spoke.

"What did Nina say?"

"She is fine with everything we decide to do. But I already told her that I want you to be safe from all of this. You are going to college and you have to focus on that. Studying is stressful enough."

"What about my job?"

"I won't lie about it but I also won't mention it. We want to avoid it. Not lie or hide it but just avoid it."

"Isn't this the same thing?" he asked, his eyes meeting Kurt's.

"I don't think so. It's none of their business. We share what we want to share and if it ever comes out I won't lie."

"It can come out. Jesse could do such a thing or anyone else. They could use it to blackmail you."

He already thought about that. People could be cruel, mean, and desperate to win something out of this – probably money or fame because they know something. But Kurt promised himself he wouldn't lie and he wouldn't let anyone harm Blaine or them. He wouldn't let his soul mate go through this alone and he would never deny who his soul mate is.

"Even if," he said and squeezed Blaine's hand: "We'll go through this together. You are not alone anymore, Blaine. We are boyfriends, soul mates, we are meant to be and I do not only believe in that, I also want this to work out."

"I... I just don't want to be a problem for you. I don't want to be the reason your dream won't come true or get ruined."

"And you, my adorable boyfriend," Kurt began to speak and leaned closer to place a kiss on Blaine's lips: "Need to stop being so selfless. It's not only about me or you. Now, it's about us and I'm sure whatever happens, together, we'll get through it. And I know we can because you've been so brave for standing up for yourself and fight for a better life."

There was this light pink color on his cheeks as his lips curled into a smile before he kissed Kurt again.

"I'm fine with you being famous and I'm okay with avoiding things for now. This is still new for me and I don't know what it will be like when I start to study music. But I think this is the best way to start everything."

"Good. But you need to sign something so Nina can do that. She needs to have your okay so she can do a good job."

"Alright," said Blaine and both lay down on the bed safe under the covers as their arms found their way around the other body in this natural way. Also how calm and strong their connection was, their souls free from all the black marks was truly a blessing and a good feeling. Yes, this was the way how Kurt imagined to be with his soul mate. Each touch closer to home, to the place where his soul belonged and holding the other soul so close that no harm could touch it.

"What would you say if we take some weeks off? We both have nothing to do through July."

"I'd love that," mumbled Blaine into Kurt's shoulder: "Where do you want to go?"

"I'd really like to visit my dad," said the older and all the sleep was gone from the younger's eyes. Kurt tried not to laugh and kissed Blaine's forehead: "Don't worry. He is a good guy and he'll like you."

* * *

Three days later they left New York and took a flight to Lima, Ohio with a very nervous Blaine next to his side when they arrived. There was really no need to be this nervous but Kurt couldn't blame his soul mate for feeling this way. In the past days he had been worried about what his father would think of Blaine if he ever found out what he did, or, if his father would judge the age difference. Kurt explained that his dad would understand and even if not his dad had to accept it because they were soul mates.

But even if they weren't Kurt knew his father and that he would need time but, eventually, understand and accept their relationship. Of course he tried to calm Blaine down and he succeeded for some hours before Blaine turned into a nervous mess all over again. When they landed in Ohio Blaine was just silent and squeezing Kurt's hand through the whole drive to the house in which Burt Hummel was living in.

Kurt didn't call his father because he wanted to surprise him – which was only another reason for Blaine to be nervous as hell – and as soon as he saw the familiar building all the memories warmed his heart up. The Friday evenings with him, his dad, Carole and Finn. The conversations and support he had with his dad. But in the past two years he didn't visit his dad as much as he wanted to. He came home for Christmas and called him from time to time. So it was about freaking time to visit him.

"Don't worry," he said when Blaine just wouldn't stop shaking as they walked closer and closer to the front door.

"Did you tell him anything?"

"No. Nothing. I just found not time to tell him anything."

Kurt felt guilty for not telling his father anything but this was nothing new. It became a thing in the past years when Kurt turned into an adult and was part of the adult life. There was a loud noise coming from the dark clouds above them, signaling thunder and rain.

"Come on, it will be fine."

With a final nod the reached the front door and Kurt knocked against the dark wood, listening and hearing he familiar sound of his father's steps. The door went open and the familiar and missed face of his father showed.

"Kurt!" Burt exclaimed and a wide grin stretched over his lips. Taking a step back he let his son inside and pulled him into a tight hug so that Blaine's and his hand lost contact.

"Ha ha, it's so good to see you."

Kurt smirked at his dad when he pulled back and felt his boyfriend's hand holding his own again, clutching.

"But I'm also mad with you," said Burt and all the happiness was gone from his face but not from his eyes. Those found their way to Blaine who literally froze and held Kurt's hand so tight that it almost hurt. Kurt only cocked his head while the younger man probably thought about the worst things. That Burt Hummel knew what he did, or, how old he was and didn't approve.

"Knowing that my son is a soul mate through a magazine is not a nice way."

Kurt wanted to role his eyes but his dad was right. Being a soul mate was rare and special and since he had been interviewed and some people already knew it he almost felt bad for not telling his dad. But he really had other things in his mind.

"Well, now you meet him," said Kurt and squeezed Blaine's hand: "Dad, this is Blaine Anderson, my boyfriend and soul mate. Blaine, this is my dad, Burt Hummel."

It was Blaine who lifted his right hand first and Burt took it, holding it tight and shaking. Of course this made his boyfriend even more nervous but he tried to keep an even voice.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mister Hummel."

Burt nodded before his eyes went from Blaine's head down to his toes and back to his eyes: "You are younger than my son, huh?"

"Okay, let's take this to the living room," suggested Kurt before his dad would go is usual way. Asking out the guys Kurt took home. But there weren't many. Chandler and Adam were the only people his father ever had met but it was always the same. Of course Burt wanted to scare them but he was also genuinely interested who the person was next to his son.

Giving his father a warning look the older man only smirked and went into the kitchen while Kurt left their suitcase in the hallway and guided Blaine to the living room. His soul mate sat down, still not relaxed or even close to it so Kurt framed his face with his hands gently and gave him an encouraging smile as their eyes met.

"Calm down, okay? He won't judge you or anything. He'll be happy for us."

It was not only the side of Kurt speaking which believed in what a soul mate meant. Also the side that loved Blaine was speaking. A side he still needed to understand and say out loud.

"I just want him to like me."

"Oh, honey," he sighed, not even noticing what he had called Blaine, but his soul mate did. The golden eyes were shining and mouth slightly open. Even if Kurt thought about it, was it such a big deal? No, it wasn't.

"He'll understand. Believe me."

The promise they made, to always be honest to each other, included to be honest to Burt and their friends. To the people they trusted and this for many reasons. One was to keep Blaine safe from people like Jesse, second to be prepared if it comes out through the media or other people. Kurt was not surprised but Blaine was that Burt did understand the reasons why Blaine became a prostitute and also believed him – different from Kurt – that he was a virgin. Maybe it was a thing people could see and his dad was one of those people. For Kurt it was harder and maybe because he didn't want to get hurt again and believe in something that had never been true. Though they promised to tell the truth and he saw no reason for Blaine to lie.

"You have a very brave soul mate," were Burt's final words about that topic and Blaine became calmer, finally.

"I guess it's fate that you met or something. I don't understand what it means to be a soul mate but I see how happy soul mates are and I'm really happy for the both of you."

His soul mate smiled, really smiled and exchanged a glance with Kurt who squeezed his hand. They talked about Kurt's movie, about their plans how to deal with the media if it ever came out and then they ordered pizza which Kurt didn't approve. After dinner they both went to Kurt's old room and Blaine was clearly surprised that Kurt still had his room. He was just standing in the middle of it, looking around and lingering at each furniture, each picture for some seconds. Kurt sat down on his bed, watching Blaine and tried to figure out if this meant something.

Maybe it was just Blaine wanting to know something about Kurt and his past.

"Your dad didn't change anything? Since you moved out?"

"No. I tried to tell him that it's okay but he can be pretty stubborn. All Hummels are stubborn. He decided to keep this place as it is, so, that, whenever I'd come back I have a place for myself and feel home."

When the corners of Blaine's mouth curled up Kurt figured that it was no happy smile. It was the one people wore when they thought about good memories. But it was not radiant, not even close.

"Are you still worried?"

"No," said Blaine and sat down next to Kurt, resting his head on Kurt's shoulder: "I just... it's kind of childish maybe but I don't have something like this anymore. I have no room with memories from my childhood."

Sometimes words weren't necessary and sometimes they were wrong. Kurt knew that sometimes a hug or some closeness was all a person needed. That's why he slung his arm around Blaine's back and let his hand rub over his arm, giving him what he probably needed now. To feel that he was no longer alone and had someone else and a new place to create memories. Also, talking it better wouldn't change the truth.

"Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"Can we visit my dad? In Westerville?"

All Kurt could do was nod. Of course he wouldn't say no if this was Blaine's wish. However, when he understood what this meant and what place they would visit. There was such a deep sadness tugging at his heart mixed with despair. Despair to help his boyfriend, despair to fill this gaping empty place in his heart. Yet Kurt knew this was impossible. He was over the death of his mother, but the place she had in his heart would always be there an aching for something to fill it.

"Of course we can," whispered Kurt and kissed Blaine's forehead. The lump in his throat hurt, signaling the bitter sadness trying to find its way on his face. But he wanted to be strong for his soul mate.

* * *

They stood up pretty early because it was hard for Blaine to find any rest. Though Kurt succeeded to calm him down Blaine still woke up from whatever nightmare. The connection let Kurt feel the mess his boyfriend's soul was, lost in whirlwind of the aching feeling when a person missed someone. Lost in the desperate wish to have this person back. Kurt knew this feeling. Maybe, for him, it was just a blurry memory and as a child he was constantly wandering where his mother was. As a child he was still dreaming she would come back some day.

Blaine lost his father two years ago – almost three – in a time when he fully understood what it meant when someone died.

Kurt asked Blaine if he wanted some breakfast and he was happy to hear that at least his appetite wasn't gone. Honestly, Blaine didn't look bad or very sad more like he was not sure how to feel. Only when he lay in Kurt's arms he could feel what truly happened inside this chaos of his soul. Still, Kurt said nothing and he didn't have to.

The thing with a connection like they had was, that, as soon as they weren't trying to hide things or break it they could feel everything. Things Kurt usually hid from others, things he never talked about. It had nothing to do with him not trusting his friends, not at all. This was probably a soul mate thing and without giving it a thought he let it happen. But he was glad that he couldn't reach those parts of Blaine's soul which he once almost touched. The places even private for soul mates. Or maybe it needed time before they could do that without sleeping. And this made Kurt uncomfortable for some reason. No, not because he was scared or anything. More likely because this was without a doubt a high responsibility to take. Knowing the depths of someone's soul and having no way to deny anything or lie about it. A place that held so many secrets people would never share.

All he hoped was, if the day ever came, he would be ready to do it right.

On their way to Westerville they weren't speaking much, letting Kurt's iPod do the entertain part. This was fine for him if this was what Blaine needed. After two hours of their rainy travel they arrived in Westerville and Kurt listened to the quiet voice, seeing the golden eyes swimming in a fog of memories but said nothing. Soon they reached the graveyard and when he found a place to park both just sat there for a while, staring at the many stones between the trees. The rain was still falling, still showing how they both probably felt inside and then he heard Blaine sigh.

"I haven't been here for such a long time."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

Their eyes met for the first time since they left Lima and it only took some seconds for Blaine to finally nod.

"I want him to meet you too. And... I want you there with me."

Despite all the chaos inside Blaine he didn't notice this what Blaine said through his words. The small flame that guided Blaine through the hard times and never stopped shining. Not for one second since the day they had met. A flame maybe in red or blue like Kurt's eyes only for him. The string which connected them and always, always would lead them right back to the other. Kurt smiled, warm and grateful that he had such a place in Blaine's heart. And this, all of this made him love this boy even more because there was someone, maybe not believing in this soul mate thing but believing in them. Here he found someone who felt something special for him so he could get kisses, give kisses and find the place he never knew he was looking for.

"I'll be right next to you," said Kurt and Blaine leaned over to him to give Kurt a kiss. Climbing out of the car Blaine took the flowers from the backseat and Kurt the umbrella, opening it so both could stand under it. Holding hands the walked through the gate to the graveyard, passing by the gray stones, the angels made of stone, the graves covered in flowers. After five minutes Blaine stopped walking and stood in front of the grave. The names of Patrick Anderson and Elina Anderson carved in the gray surface and showing that they left this life way too soon. A mother who never got the chance to see her son grow up and a father who loved his son but had to leave him.

Blaine was silent since they left the car and didn't move or made a sound when they stared at the two names. Slowly he let go of Kurt's hand and placed the flowers right under the names of his parents.

"Sometimes I really miss them especially dad. He was a good father and taught me so much. But sometimes I wish I wouldn't miss him. It hurts so bad that all I want is to stop existing."

Kurt listened to his quiet voice, noticed the rain somewhere in the back of his head but mainly it was Blaine who was his focus.

"It's this empty place inside of me that I can't fill. I doubt it ever will but sometimes it's just so raw and open. But I know that time will heal it and maybe I need more time than I thought."

"And that's fine. I'm sure they are proud of you and happy that you are fine now."

"I just... wish you could have met my dad," said Blaine and turned back to Kurt coming closer and wrapping his arms around the slim body, pressing himself against it. The older held him with his free arm, pressing a kiss on his damp curls and was sure that Blaine had a lot from his father. The good heart, the radiant smile, and maybe his eyes were a gift from his mother. He didn't say that because he was not sure if this was the truth. It was only a guess from his side when he recalled all the things Blaine told him about his parents.

For now he just held him and let the silence take over. Let his soul mate speak to his parents in a language for no one to hear.

The next two weeks they spent with laughter, with Blaine getting to know Burt and Carole and finding a lot of things in common with Kurt's dad. Stuff like football and food. It not only was he is soul mate and meant to be together with Kurt. Blaine also fit perfectly fine into his family. Which made his boyfriend calm and soon he was comfortable to be around his family. He was scared about this being a bad idea but in on their last day he was happy that they both decided to do this.

Back home Kurt let out a sigh of relieve. Thought he loved his family and really enjoyed being around them he was more than happy to be back in his own place. Blaine felt the same way judging by the smile on his lips. The suitcase was forgotten and the couch was more important, like cuddling. They weren't even hungry, not even Blaine, because Carole cooked enough for a whole football team during the two weeks. Changing into something more comfortable and putting on a movie they snuggled together on the couch.

However, he couldn't really focus on the movie. His mind was circling around the past two weeks, how he with each passing day fell more and more in love with his soul mate and how he wanted to tell him this. In the past weeks Kurt saw Blaine around his dad, one of the most important people in his life. Saw how they came along, how they became friends in a short matter of time.

It was like there had always been a place for Blaine in his family and now it was hard to imagine him not being a part of it. But there was also the part how his soul mate let Kurt through his walls, let him be a part of the things precious to him. There was no doubt that this was painful but also very personal for Blaine and yet he wanted Kurt to be a part of it.

All of this, every moment, every glance and smile touched him, moved him in a way words could not describe. The answer was in everything they shared, in Blaine's arms, in their connection and their hearts. Kurt wanted to share all of this, say all of this.

What he felt, what he thought and that he wanted to show Blaine all this. Not just through kisses and cuddles. He wanted everything. He wanted to know everything and then start all of this. Start the love he saw between other soul mates.

"Blaine?" mumbled Kurt against his temple, arms holding the familiar body closer.

"Yes?"

"I'm ready. I want to know everything."


End file.
